/ck/ hold me
>Be male, 26
>Go to wife's family's house for her birthday
>Her mother is part landwhale (think 400 lbs, easily)
>"Oh anon! We're making steak for Sharon's birthday! We wanna eat healthy!"
>This is a woman who shares those "tasty" videos where the main ingredient is sweetened condensed milk
>On top of that--steak is one of the least healthy meats--but I just smile and say I'm excited for whatever they make
>MIL also regularly get fast food, I'm talking 4-5 times a week
>Wife and FIL are somehow not landwhales
>FIL comes home with New York Strips, not bad
>MIL first pats them off with a paper towel to "remove the blood and make them healthier," then takes them and slathers them in: Oil, butter, salt, pepper, and more oil
>niggauwot.jpg
>And then slaps them in a fucking George Foreman
>BUTTHATSNOTALL!.jpg
>After cooking them two minutes on each side in the George Foreman she slams them in the oven for 15 minutes
>15 minutes
>I offer to help, am declined
>"Oh anon don't you worry I cook all the time!"
>No bitch you DON'T your main fucking diet is Mcdonalds fries
>Thetimehascome.jpg
>Steak is now leather, could be mistaken for a handbag
>I grimace through it while the rest are ooooing and ahhing complimenting her (lack) of cooking skills
>"Healthy" but also no salad or vegetables of any kind
>"Healthy" but sides include (but are not limited to): McDonalds Fries, white rice w/ butter, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes, so many fucking potatoes
>Manage to somehow eat the whole steak, say how great it was, and smile through it all
>My asshole had revenge on me later
I don't get it. Literally the only reason she's overweight is because she eats absolute GARBAGE and sits on her ass all fucking day. She said that she needs "Eight small meals a day!" No bitch, you need one a fucking month with the amount of blubber you've accumulated.
>Pic related is what is looked like
Horror stories when you were a guest somewhere /ck/?
Nice blog
>>7273245
this one time I was a guest in OP's thread; it was awful
>>7273245
>was visiting Memphis where my grandparents live, planning to eat at an amazing local chicken place for lunch (uncle lou's)
>go to grandparents house, love my grandmother dearly but she had very pleb taste
>she takes me out and buys me shoes because she's a grandmother
>insists upon gracing me with further hospitality despite my concerns that she's already done too much
>unable to escape lunch
>half to eat half a cold reheated little Caesars pizza with a side of boiled carrots
>smiling while my dreams of the world's best fried chicken fade from view
>rest her soul that woman was not a good cook
This is truly the worst board on 4chan.
>>7273312
I fucked your grandma
Is that one of those organic xbox controllers
>>7273245
Is this a troll post, or are you just an autist? What else would you eat on your birthday other than steak and potatoes? You sound like the sort of cuck who eats an avocado on gluten-free toast for dinner, than makes themself throw it up
>>7273245
great greentext post
This should be /ck/'s complaining thread
>>7273672
Go home /pol/. What the fuck is this in /ck/? We talk about food.
>>7273751
Okay Redditor.
>>7273751
We arnt going anywhere cuckboi
I have a somehow related question to the discussion, but first a little introduction:
>cooking for my family on a daily basis since almost 20years
>my wife loves my cooking(besides the experimental stuff)
>guests usually go silent for the first few moments when they dig in and say it's very good
how do you tell if they are all just beeing nice or if you are actually a good cook?
Jesus Christ, is /pol/ full or something? At least try to come up with something new to shitpost if you're not going to fuck off.
>>7273779
You forgot to mention your wife's son
>>7273786
>>7273786
>implying half of forch doesn't post to multiple subreddits
i doubt most people on ck only use ceekay
>"i'm a great cook, Anon!! you should come by for dinner some time!"
>go to dinner some time
>there's me and a few other people
>serves crunchy "mexican" rice
>not because the rice was meant to be crunchy, but because the bitch put raw rice covered in sour cream and mixed with "taco seasoning," diced tomatoes and shredded cheese into the oven, expecting it to cook through
>serves "barbecued" chicken drums
>they are boiled in an equal measure of barbecue sauce and water
>inexplicably, they're still raw in the centre
(maybe not inexplicable as I just came to understand that they might have been frozen)
>serves "homemade" caesar salad
>a bag of iceberg lettuce salad mix with a bowl of Ken's "caesar dressing" to which a bit of anchovy paste (from a tube) was added
>serves "i made it myself!!" cake with "but the icening* is from the store, sorry" frosting
*yes: "icening," not "icing" nor "frosting"
>the betty crocker box mix is in plain view in the recycling bin
>the coffee was weak and unpleasant
Despite it truly being the worst dinner I've ever been served, I appreciated the effort, enjoyed the company and was a gracious guest. Especially after we decided "fuck this" and ordered a buffalo chicken pizza instead.
Thin, pretty, WASPy, suburban middle class cumdumpsters, the sorts who might do dressage or play harp, are the worst cooks ever.
Similar experience with another semi-WASPy bitch (she's Catholic, so more WASC) was having people over for homemade tacos but it was just beef cooked with taco seasoning served in a bowl with various bowls of toppings and stuff as well as Ortega taco shells.
Unless you're a dyke or the child of immigrant, non-WASP parents, American white women have no place in a kitchen. And if you're a dyke, just cook brunch because that's all you're good for.
>>7273672
Of course you eat steak and potatoes; usually it's edible though. And the woman claimed we were having vegetables with dinner but it turns out the potatoes are apparently a vegetable.
>>7273878
No. No no no no no no no.
Why. Why in the fuck.
>>7273312
Couldn't you just go there afterwards? Still, I understand how that feels. My grandmother freezes everything and tries to serve it later no matter how long it's been. She's had stuffed peppers sitting in her freezer for about 3 years now.
>>7273245
You know it's going to suck when you see the hambeast. People never get that fat from eating a lot of good food. It's always from eating gross trailer trash foods
>>7273891
Just stop crying about it. People like you are worse than /b/ and /pol/tards because your bitching derails threads.
>>7274805
>waaah stop persecuting me
>>7274813
Mark a post and move on if it bothers you so much, retard.
>>7274813
>>7274805
Enough kvetching, both of you
>>7274826
>not wanting fatty brisket
I grew up eating the fuck out of brisket because it's a common meat eaten in my home country (2007 figures: 99.95% non-Jew population) by all people regardless of religion. When we moved to America, my mother remarked that the brisket sold in supermarkets was too lean, never that it was too fatty.
>>7274518
On further reflection, I think the rice dish may have been meant to be made with Minute Rice and the bitch never knew there was a difference.
Oh, and neither the cake nor salad were bad, just that neither was homemade.
I was soured on the experience because of all the "I'm a good cook!!!" bragging I heard before the get together.
>>7274796
Fucking this.
One time I was on a camping trip with a school group and this obnoxious land whale brought a bunch of chili she made.
She even said
>you know it's good cause I didn't get this fat eating stuff that wasn't good!
Almost wanted to slap that bitch in the face and tell her that's bullshit.
Unsurprisingly it was the worst chili I've ever eaten.
>>7273245
That looks like thick delicious jerky.
>>7274952
The fuck are you talking about? That looks like an xbox controller that's been deepfried for 5 hours.
>>7273245
>visit father, fucking retard
>cooks entire chickens, too much
>chicken is finished
>ready to eat and watch movie
>I find feathers and hair on chicken
>eat anyway, he's a broke shithead
vomiting middle of the night
>krogerwhy?.jpg
>>7275086
My dad behaves like this when he isn't eating frozen nuggets. It's probably his complete incompetence that made me scrutinise my own cooking so I am just thankful
[crying inside]
>>7275058
I worked for a small meat packer. That's what it looks like when a piece of meat that is too big goes in the smoker, it's delicious so shut your ignorant fuckin mouth.
>>7275352
>the fact that i work for a gay midget means that the op pic doesn't look like an xbox controller
wut
>>7275410
You are just making yourself sound dumb.
>>7275444
You're the one who works for Sweet and Low, m8.
>>7273245
Drying a steak before cooking is fine
Salt and pepper is fine too.
The rampant overcooking and the sides are what make it bad
I have a story but it doesn't have much to do wiht the quality of the food. When I was in high school, probably 15 or so, I was eating dinner at my gf's house and meeting her parents for the first time. To this day I don't know why but during dinner my stomach began to betray me and I was forced to excuse myself from the table to go to the bathroom. Gf's parents didn't think anything of it except I ended up staying in there for a solid 45 minutes according to my cheap Timex watch. Once my gf's mom knocked on the door to check on me. After my 45 minute battle I emerged sweaty and red faced, walked into the living room where everyone was now watching television. I was told that there was more spaghetti if I wanted some more. I politely declined and wished everyone a pleasant evening and my gf walked me to my mom's minivan that I'd borrowed and driven to their house.
I used a roll and half of toilet paper. Remember that teenage experience of meeting your gf's parents for the first time and how every word and tone and gesture was carefully caluculated? Remember how your mind was running at 200% trying to be polite and respectful? Well imagine that with a wicked 45 minute Normandy Beach shit thrown in.
>>7275764
Sides in orbit
>>7275805
It's gotten to where I can laugh at it too. But at the time it was disastrous. I knew I probably stunk up the bathroom too but there was no deodorizer or any way for me to fix it.
Once a girl made spaghetti for me and overcooked it so bad that she had to call an ambulance for me because I was in so much pain I was shaking. I thought I was going to die.
>buddy says, come over for bbq
>hes grilling streaks, they look like petit serloins
>while the steak is still on the grill he takes a knife and mfw he starts cutting into them
>"what the fuck are you doing dude?"
>I'm checking if they're done anon
>damage has been done, so I don't say anything else
>steak was like jerky
another time
>be me about 8, sleeping over at friends house
>having cereal for breakfast
>"try it with sugar anon."
>pours a fuck ton of sugar on rice crispies
>so fucking sweet it's hurting my teeth
>couldn't even eat it.
Still remember that bullshit 25 years later
>>7275981
>friend invites you over for food
>it's not perfect
>"what the fuck are you doing dude?"
>damage has been done, so I don't say anything else
that's much better than offering helpful advice for next time
>>7275981
Don't small sirloins cook for like a minute on each side?
>>7275981
He invited you over, bought and prepared food for you, and all you can do is complain after the fact that it wasn't up to your standards?
You didn't even explain why it wasn't right or how it should be done, you just watched.
The way I see it, it's just as much a failure on your part as it is his. You knew how the task should be performed and stayed quiet when someone who obviously didn't know tried to do it. And then later you complain behind his back that he should learn to do it right.
If I were him, I wouldn't invite you over anymore.
>8 meals a day
Jesus Christ. What you've described perfectly OP is a flyover. They don't have the slightest idea what good food is. I have had similar experiences.
>Invited to dinner with dad and wife at his house in the flyover land of upstate New York
>Tells me he got some really good quality steaks
>Oh nice, where from?
>Wal-Mart
>Now this is deep into flyoverland, the kind where the only shopping option in the entire county is one super Wal-Mart
>I'm used to getting my steaks free-range, grass fed from a local butcher shop who raises them right out back
>So tender and flavorful they just melt in your mouth
>Here we go
>Sho nuff, steaks are like shoe leather, zero flavor
>Dad and his wife and my siblings are drowning the steaks in A1, going on and on about how good they are
>Dad's wife mentions how she'll have to get them again
>Dad asks me where I get my steaks, and I say a butcher shop about a half hour south
>Said he tried there and couldn't taste the difference, prefers Wal-Mart, which is, believe it or not, more expensive
>mfw
>>7273672
Pisswater-guzzling flyover fuckboy detected.
>>7276094
Such hipster angst. I wish I was still a head-in-the-clouds teenager like you.
>>7273878
>Letting a white woman cook for you
Oh fuck, not even once.
>>7274796
This. Hambeasts are raised on shit like Kraft Easy Mac and corn syrup by the gallon.
>>7276113
I'm 35 and own my own plumbing business. There is no excuse for not knowing what good food is, faggot.
>marrying a woman whose mother weighs 400 pounds
>even dating a woman whose mother weighs 400 pounds
My dad is a piece of shit, but he taught me the most valuable piece of wisdom I ever had bestowed on me. If you wouldn't fuck the mom, don't fuck the daughter. Because there's a good chance that she'll end up looking her mother at some point in her life.
>>7276161
You can fuck the daughter when she is young and fit, just don't get into a lasting relationship with her.
>>7276094
>blaming flyovers for shitty meat
Yeah, no. Every decently sized town has at least one locally owned, high quality butcher shop or meat market.
>>7276147
LOL A fucking shit scooper advising everyone on good food.
That sounds like the plot of a sit-com episode.
>>7276173
Sure, Minneapolis, Chicago, Cleveland and such places are all big enough to have one.
Once you get down to towns the size of Oshkosh or Canton, enjoy your Wal*Mart """"butcher""""
>>7276173
lol, no, they don't. Maybe 30 years ago, but Wal-Mart has seen to ending that. The problem is that so many residents of flyoverland have never had the real deal and just accept the big box cuckmeat. This can go on for so long that when they get the good stuff they can't tell the difference.
>Lived in flyoverland for 25 years, I know.
>>7276190
>Shit-scooper
Keep laughing, fuckboy. I pulled in 120k last year and only work 3 days a week. Keep stocking those shelves like the unskilled faggot you are.
>>7275764
>Remember that teenage experience of meeting your gf's parents for the first time and how every word and tone and gesture was carefully caluculated?
Her mom drove up next to us in her van and shouted "HEY KIDS, WANT SOME CANDY?"
>>7276239
I bet you are a navy seal sniper too.
Just go away, kid. Stop playing pretend.
>>7273779
Observe them a little...
>do they take a while before taking another bite?
>do they chug it down with their drinks?
>do they leave their plate half eaten with some bullshit excuse?
>They never ask or serve themselves more?
>They haven't come back to eat at your house when invited?
If you answer "Yes" to any of these questions then yes they were just being nice.
Anyways back on topic
>Live in Mexico
>visiting aunt last christmas
>All family gathered
>"Oh, anon,don't you worry for anything! I'll be making tamales for everyone this year"
>I love my aunt but she makes the worst tamales in all Mexico
>runny masa
>oversalted, over spiced and half burnt pork in red sauce
>"I'll add some chile directly into the masa too! it'll give it a nice punch!"
>raw masa looks and smells like puke
>The whole time the tamales are in the steam the putrid smell fills the house.
>Dinner time
>Everyone is just awkwardly trying to eat their tamales without making a scene.
>I made some potato salad for lunch that's still on the fridge, I take it out and it disappears in a few minutes.
>Next day
>"Anon! You potato salad went bad! I took a bit and it made me sick!"
>"....yeah...sorry about that, aunt... the mayonnaise must have been past its date"
>Seriously...fuck my aunt's tamales
>>7276335
>Playing pretend
>Pretending to be a plumber
lul wtf is this even a thing?
>>7273751
How the fuck was that a /pol/ post?
>>7276053
He had already fucked it up. The steaks were fucked at that point. I'm not complaining, I'm just sayin'.
I guess I could have said something so he doesn't fuck his own shit up in the future, but whatever, fuck him. His little brother is a really talented chef, so he will learn some shit sooner or later.
Furthermore, have you ever tried to tell someone some shit while they're cooking. It's like some back seat driver shit. Nobody wants to hear that shit, even if you're trying to help them out. In that specific situation, the best course of action was to shut the fuck up, trust.
>>7276335
Why the fuck would someone pretend to be a plumber? Additionally, what does being a plumber have to do with his taste in food? Shut the fuck up dude. Your feelings are hurt, but it's ok. Time heals all wounds buddy.
>>7273245
Outside of a few things that sounded plume a good way to make a steak.
>>7277106
Your deep thoughts are so shallow they would drown in a bowl of soup. I was referring to his braggadocious and unnecessary salary and position.
I wish you cum stuck Kleenex wads would stop sticking your noses in the middle of things. If you want to see words on a screen that you posted then go back to /b/.
>>7277224
Holy fuck, your so fucking butt-flustered. Plumbers can make that easy, depending on location and quality of work.
>>7277230
Like I already said, the point his soaring over your head and you're simply too half-witted to understand.
Go back to building you Lincoln logs.
>>7273245
Before clicking on this thread I thought OP's pic was a deep-fried Xbox One controller
>>7277256
lol bro, it's 4 chun. Every neckbeard here is so well off it's ridiculous. I don't think I've ever met one person on these boards who pulled in less than 100k a year. It's a site frequented by true winners.
>>7276800
Dude. Mario is pretty fucking swag. Just saying.
>>7273312
should have taken grandma out for some fried chicken, retard
>>7276161
this haunts me desu. my gfs mom is a stupid fat cow. my gf complains how unhealthy she is and shit, so that gives me a little hope
>>7273245
>MIL is landwhale
>Wife somehow not landwhale
Just you wait
>>7277888
Ooh check those beauties
>>7276239
>implying that kid has ever even had a job
>>7275729
Salt and pepper of course are fine; it was the ridiculous amount of oil and the overcooking that killed it for me
>>7273791
>subreddit
>>7273878
>And if you're a dyke, just cook brunch because that's all you're good for.
>>7273312
>uncle Lou's
MY MOTHER FUCKING NIGGA RIGHT HERE
>>7275552
'n*
>>7273878
>not "icing" nor "frosting"
>not ... nor
GTFO and come back when you finish learning English.
>>7279165
Your opinion is not welcome nor necessary.
>>7276161
>scumbags actually fantasize about their girlfriend's moms
Wtf. Are you twelve?
>>7277398
I rest my case.
>Pro-tip: you're a flyover.
>>7273245
>200kg
>part landwhale
>part
I know you're American, but come on OP. Have some standards.
>>7279685
Depends on the state.
>>7279412
Relatively, you piece of shit.
If you couldn't imagine yourself at 65 banging the grandmother, then run.
>>7276161
You misunderstood the advice. Obesity is an outlying factor. People don't get fat unless they eat too much and do not exert themselves adequately.
Even so, it's shitty advice. I've examined enough family photo albums to observe that the chance isn't nearly as good as people make out. It's only a reasonable guide if the mother looked similar to the daughter in her youth.
>>7277362
Fucking kill yourself
>>7280078
Yeah, and women don't get fat after marrying either...
>>7277224
dis da maddest nigga on earf lmao
>>7277224
kek, only came into this thread because of someone who quoted you
please stay here. also kek'd at your fortress wall post the other day...
>>7280197
It's not a genetic requirement to do so.
>>7277888
She works out and has generally been avoiding fast food. On the bright side she doesn't drink soda either. She's tried several times to get her mother back into shape, but her mother complains.
I'm gonna make a long story short--her mom got in a pretty bad accident a few years ago and it fucked up both of her legs, meaning that she has a hard time walking.
Still not excuse in my book though; if she'd jsut gone to physical therapy instead of bitching at my FIL to serve her 24/7 she wouldn't have increased to landwhale capacity.
