Grocery store autism thread? Or any interesting grocery store stories.
>work produce
>sell many fruits and vegetables by weight
>some sweaty fat redneck chick comes in
>wearing a wifebeater, fat rolls, and sweatband
>starts cutting up different apples and vegetables and weighing them
>literally cuts apples in thirds and only takes a piece of it
>does the same for different vegetables
>leaving portions of cut up fruits and veggies all over my department
>confront her and ask her why she's ruining my meticulously cared for department
>she starts screaming about her rights as a customer and how our produce is sold by weight
>brother in law who is a policeman happens to be drinking coffee and eating breakfast in the deli walks over
>hammie McSweatband is wailing and flailing about, blathering about consumer rights and muh prejudice (everyone was white)
>he cuffs her up and arrests her right there in the store
>townies start clapping
>>7208479
So the autism is the fact you couldn't handle a retard without a police officers assistance?
Good luck beating this one, guys.
>>7208479
The bagger at my local grocery store has down syndrome. The other day he kept singing different Christmas songs to me while I waited for the checker to finish. I didn't know what to do.
>>7208483
tbqh I didn't do anything at all other than ask her why she was cutting shit up. She started screaming and making a scene so that everyone in the store could hear.
>>7208486
You acknowledge him by smiling politely at him, then doing your usual routine of getting out your wallet, taking out your cash/card, interacting with the card reader/cashier, etc.
>>7208483
You've never had a crazy scream at you, I can tell.
>>7208491
That's what I did. He would sing and then stop, and I'd smile and he'd wait, then he would start a new song, and just do that over and over again, all while staring into my eyes.
Stay tuned for the next installment of "Stories that Never Happened"
>>7208494
>I can tell
No you can't.
I can just handle them better than you, obviously. What are you scared of, they might injure you with their voice or little pairing knife?
>>7208486
You missed an opportunity for some crazy, fucked up sex anon.
heres some real grocery store feels
>WIC orders and the people who take them out
>6 gallons of 1% milk
>>7208500
You should have sang with him then asked the cashier for her number.
>>7208514
You obviously never had a small child, those fuckers drink so much milk. Also they probably have 5 other welfare checks living with them drinking all the milk.
>>7208479
>walking around ralph's
>older black gentleman is talking to a younger black employee
>apparently engaging in an intellectual of a very dire tone
>"well you know the jews control everything!"
>keep walking
>don't want to get pulled into a /pol/-tier public conversation
>same grocery store on a friday night at midnight of any week of the year
>see a dozen plus fashion students all dressed up for the night looking like Lady Gaga backup dancers
>gripping bottles of cheap booze, spiked hair, 4 inch heels
>same store
>very, very few parking spaces for the amount of customers
>the parking spot autism would get intense
>cars whipping around corners searching for spots
>nearly got paid 10,000 autismbux for a spot once
I miss that Downtown Ralph's sometimes.
>>7208521
Why does the government think 1% will do shit for a kid? They need whole milk!!
>>7208510
he did ask me if I was "dancing with him" when I awkwardly helped him arrange the groceries in the cart. and whenever we see each other around he grins at me weirdly
>>7208504
Stay tuned for the next installment of "No Fun Allowed"
>>7208486
sing with the tard just for the story. strangers might join in.
>>7208504
this
>>7208479
To indulge your hypothetical situation, if someone is destroying merchandise (you cut an apple you bought it) and going off on you tell your manager you think they're strung out and they should probably call the cops anyways.
Or just start recording her.
>>7208534
>fashion students
What?
>>7208479
Next time I see a produce guy wistfully staring into the distance, I will know what he's thinking. Then I will watch his soul get crushed as a dumb child takes out half his meticulously stacked citrus fruit display by pulling one off the bottom.
I have a job bagging groceries at the Foodway. It's hard work. I try to keep up, but my hands hurt most of the time. I don't think the store manager likes me very much.
Sometimes after work I go to the park and feed the birds. I keep thinking Jake might show up and say hello, but he never does. I hope wherever he is, he's doing okay and making new friends.
I have trouble sleeping at night. I wake up scared. Sometimes it takes me a while to remember where I am.
Maybe I should get me a gun and rob the Foodway, so they'd send me home. I could shoot the manager while I was at it, sort of like a bonus. But I guess I'm too old for that sort of nonsense anymore. I don't like it here. I'm tired of being afraid all the time. I've decided not to stay.
I doubt they'll kick up any fuss.
Not for an old crook like me.
>>7208806
David Bowie is not 6 inches, I promise you that, Honey.
>mother and daughter shopping down the aisle
>kid trying to help by pushing the trolley
>suddenly, trolley wheel is stuck
>they can't figure it out
>mother starts absolutely bitching her kid out for "breaking" the trolley
>kid bawling
>mother sends her out to get a "working one"
>dumps all their shit over, leaves trolley in the middle of the aisle, drags crying kid off in a huff
>it was just the trolley brake
I wish I'd had the wherewithal to explain it to her, but she went from 0 to cunt in about two seconds flat.
>>7208776
hipsters
>>7208827
He's gotta be 8"-10" at least..
>or he is in my fantasies anyway
>>7208988
Wrong.
Fatty.
>>7209005
>>7208988
Dude, calm your American ass down and go clap on a plane or something.
>>7209023
No joking here man, you can't criticize the Brits weird language when you guys do weird stuff all the time.
>clapping at the end of movies too? Why?
>>7208479
>thingsthatdidnthappen.png
I flattened a kid at a grocery store one day. Or more precisely, he flattened himself.
I went to the store at about 11 pm because it was less crowded. When I got nearly to the end of an aisle, some kid came running full speed around the corner, ran head on into my cart, and ended up on his back on the floor.
His mother showed up seconds later and picked him up off of the floor. Instead of snapping at me for running over her precious darling, she chewed him out for running in the store. I liked her attitude.
>>7209033
People clap at the end of performances like movies only in the theaters if it was good. I think. I dunno, I've lived in America all my life and have only flown twice, and been to the movies quite a few times.
For the plane one, the only reason they clapped is the turbulence was so hard people were woken up, bags were falling, and some lady screamed. I didn't personally clap seeing as I thought getting the fuck off the plane was more important than clapping on some pilot.
>>7208988
Why are you so fucking triggered by different words for things? I swear there's one of you people in every damn thread, unless it's just you having a full on panic attack. Why don't you go make a safe space for yourself on your tumblr?
>>7209065
>literally complaining about the words people use
>>>tumblr
>>7208479
Fake story.
Hambeast don't go into the produce section.
>>7209059
I've no horse in this race, but I'm an European whose been living in the US for over a decade now.
In my experiences, Americans in general, especially blacks, clap a lot. You guys do it most do it at the movies and on planes. That happens fairly regularly. I've seen it done in all sorts of situations I personally find odd, but it's not something to be ashamed of. I think it's an endearing quirk of your culture, like kids in mine walking to school alone in the morning unsupervised wearing large, orange triangles or Colombians kissing in the general direction of something they want you to pay attention to rather than pointing at it. It's cute and I like it. :3
>>7209111
>whose been living
Err...
>who's been living
damned autocorrect.
>>7208479
>autism
I know the board isn't exactlt populated by medical professionals, but for fuck's sake . . .
>>7209065
>brit baby talk
"Shopping cart" is a more child-like description than "trolley".
It's a "wagen" (wagon) in German and "chariot" in French; does the use of those words trigger you, too?
>>7209132
I've lived in Manhattan, Houston, Philadelphia and Chicago, but have traveled about the states at length.
As said, it seems like blacks do it most of all, but there's no shortage of whites outside of Episcopalian-like old money WASPs who do it, too.
I've seen Americans clap while telling stories and/or laughing at their own jokes, situations wherein, I'd chuckle, but hardly clap. In that case, those, I see it as an understandable occurrence.
Once, I was at a cookout hosted by an American coworker (worth mentioning, because most of my coworkers are foreigners) and his friends and family and everyone clapped as the barbecued brisket and ribs were brought to the table.
Watching TV with Americans, some, though admittedly fewer than in other situations, will clap when things in the programme go how they'd want them to (the good guy catches the bad guy or the protag escapes the big bad trap at the last minute with the McGuffin in tow). Or when something funny happens.
The most egregious example I can give is when I watched that Dare Devil tv show with some friends like... last year or so? And two of them, one Polish-descended and the other Italian-American, both clapped quite a lot during it. The black chick in the group was annoyed by it, which I found amusing because of the stereotype of blacks being disruptive during movies/shows.
And just the other day, I was at the supermarket. Someone dropped a melon, shattering it. Many people clapped.
The weirdest one, though, was when I went with a neighbour to her church service once and everyone clapped at the end of the sermon. It was silent otherwise. I'd think it inappropriate, but that's how it's done at that church, I guess.
That's just a few times I can point out. I've seen/heard it a few other times more, as well.
In my experience, it happens. Other than the sarcastic clapping for the melon, it's nice. Nothing to make fun of. I don't understand why others tease Americans for it.
>>7209111
>clapping in a plane
I really don't understand this
/ck/ really needs flags. This thread is like a baitshop.
>>7209243
I fly for a commercial airline and can assure you that every smooth landing we make the Americans on board will clap.
>>7209213
>>7208514
I routinely walk out of grocery stores with a purchase of several gallons of 1% milk. It makes better paneer than 3%.
>>7209050
I was on a flight into New Orleans once where the pilot made such a smooth landing that most of the passengers applauded.
The passengers were ignorant.
The reason the landing was so smooth was that we were going a bit too fast and floated halfway down the runway before touching down.
The pilot fucked up and nearly everyone (all but me) applauded the fuckup.
>>7209111
Are U a girl?
Pls rspnd.
>>7209406
>armchair pilot detected
>>7209195
>And just the other day, I was at the supermarket. Someone dropped a melon, shattering it. Many people clapped.
This just makes me think about when bartenders smash glasses by mistake, and everyone in the pub who notices cheers (in the UK).
>mfw I get to pack my own bags and every type of food is in the right bag and everything is perfectly organized
>so much better than when the mouth breathers pack them and throw all the wrong shit together
I even put it on the belt in a specific order and give them really simple, really clear instructions
>dry goods first in paper
>everything else in plastic
>cold case
>frozen
>fruit and veg
>eggs on top
if i don't get to pack the bags myself inevitably there's frozen shit in the fruit and cheese with the cereal and selzter bottles smushing the crackers and and and reeeeeeee
>>7209484
We do this in New England, drop a glass and everyone cheers and calls you an asshole, but I did this in a bar in Tennessee and the whole place went dead quiet and stared at me like I was the asshole. Fucking weird times. I guess I like it better up north where people can admit everyone is already an asshole and have some fun with it.
>>7208514
>WIC order
>6 checks, all with 3-6 items on them
>One is a produce check
>Goes to the express line
>Cashier didn't tell them to use a different line
This is why I use self check out.
>>7209418
Do you really think the thing to do is to use up half the runway before touching down?
>>7209418
In an airline, the ideal landing is to land firmly, ideally at a vertical rate of 200 to 400 feet per minute.
I've been on a flight where we were firmly on the ground and slowing down when the pilot had to give it full power and take off again to avoid a ground collision with an airliner taking off on an intersecting runway. On that landing in New Orleans, that would have been a whole lot more difficult since we had already used up so much runway before touching down.
Also, coming down too easy increases the odds of a bounce eating up even more runway space.
A soft, easy touchdown in an airline is a rookie mistake.
>>7208479
is she single?
>>7208514
Here in Oregon they are changing to a card like EBT where you can even get single items instead of the whole check. Should make things much easier for both ends. Could be nation wide but I dunno. Goes into effect in January.
>>7208479
>no one has commented on her armpits
sometimes I forget that /ck/ isn't all that bad
>>7209295
>>3% milk
>>7208821
Dont give me those shawshank feels man
>>7209666
Were just a bunch of shitposting females. The few men that come through mostly stick to their alcoholic containment threads.
>>7209733
What is /ck/ like demographically, actually? How's the gender split?
>>7209766
usually between the legs, with a nice, juicy flap of meat there to marinate the lima bean for man's ceremonial dessert
>>7209111
LONDON
O
N
D
O
N
>>7208988
These people are called C3-PO, like in Star Wars. You can't tell if they're British or just gay.
Cheers
>>7209766
99% male desu
>Work in a supermarket in the UK
>A few years ago for some reason my shop started to sell milk in bags
>I know they do this in Canada but it is fucking weird
>The immature pricks who frequent the shop seem to find it hilarious
>People keep coming in and taping the milk bags to the bottles of milk and leaving notes saying 'the milks had a tit implant'
>Have to remove these everyday, somehow we never catch them
>Manager tells me to leave a note on the milk fridge saying that they will be prosecuted if they are caught
>The next day someone does it again but splashes milk on the milk bottle with milk bag tits and leaves a note saying ''oh no! the tits were so good that the other milk spunked on them!"
>eventually give up trying to catch them
>it stops after another week
>feel relief
>on the way home a few days later
>someone drives past in their car
>opens the window and throws a milk bag that hits me on the face and explodes on the floor ruining my shoes
Thank fuck we stopped doing that
>>7208821
Why you gotta be like that....
>>7209132
The theatre one's been happening more often when I go. It didn't used to happen, but the last 5-6 films I've attended, people clapped. It's weird.
I can't pitch in about the plane, since I almost never fly.
>>7209843
Seriously? I thought that was just a joke. Where in the UK are you? I have never seen a bag of milk.
>>7209946
Whenever you see a post with a Pepe image attached, you can be nearly certain it's some faggot from /r9k/ making up a "hilarious" story to get attention.
>two decades ago, work in deli at grocer
>cut cheese and meat, clean machines etc.
>customer orders 1.5lbs of some cheese
>slice that shit
>customer complains the slices aren't stacked neatly
>stack that shit nice
>my middle aged baby boomer shit for brains manager tells me that they are just messing with me, I don't have to do that.
>tells me I should squish the cheese together if they make me mad
>I've never gotten mad for anything, even slightly, no matter how old and cranky the customer is.
>I just follow directions, who cares how they're given.
>stare at her with tilted head and say nothing
>this bitch gives me the shittiest hours and makes me do all the cleaning, maybe get 15 hours a week across 7 awkward shifts.
>quit on day before big holiday, the most busiest time of year since they gave me zero holiday pay or hours but the only full shift I ever got was on that day.
baby boomers are shit in every way.
>>7210000
dem quads though, you know it's true.
>>7209195
>And just the other day, I was at the supermarket. Someone dropped a melon, shattering it. Many people clapped.
American version of everyone saying "Smooth move, jackass.".
Giving a little bow when this happens is appropriate.
>>7208821
https://youtu.be/kotNxb2YApk
>>7208521
I have three. If they drink that much fucking milk they will get diabetes
>>7208479
>townies
gtfo
>>7208479
how much for the little girl?
I've worked 7 years in grocery.
Seen some pretty stupid shit. Mostly from coworkers and management though. Been on graveyards the whole time so don't see much customer bullshit, thankfully.
FUCK customers, and fuck management.
Still for $25/h it's worth putting up with all the dumb shit to stock shelves.
>>7210464
25 dollars an hour what the fuck
>>7210605
Unions have their benefits.
not autism but have pretty bad anxiety so I try to go to grocery stores either very early or very late to avoid this type of stuff
wish the local store was still 24/7 so I could go at 3am and not be bothered
>>7209843
I've lived in Canada my whole life and never seen a milk bag, that's just another retarded stereotype.
>>7210000
>two decades ago
>got a great job at a deli at a grocer
>i love my job
>one day i see a young gaffer taking a really long time to give the customer his cheese
>the customer is clearly upset
>the young lad is sweating and looks like he's about to cry
>after the customer leaves, i go talk to the young man
>i politely ask him to not take so long, and offer to show him how to be faster
>he looks at me with great disdain
>make a joke about squishing the cheese if they make him mad to try and make him feel better
>he just stares at me
>i leave and go home and drink
>i feel really bad that i can't give him any hours since we have too many other workers
>a big holiday is coming up and i am overjoyed that i can give him a full shift
>hopefully corporate will give me my holiday pay this year
>he doesn't show up
>i slipped in a puddle he should have been cleaning and become paralyzed below the neck for life
I don't know why, but when I'm in a crowded grocery store, I get SUPER PISSED when people are close to me. I don't know why.
ESPECIALLY when they are getting through and I have to move out of the way. Whenever I hear "excuse me" I want to yell.
>>7211155
iktf
or when people leave their carts in the middle of an isle blocking other carts while they're off being too dopey to find the single item they're looking for
>Be shopping
>Give cashier money
>She is counting to herself
>5,10,15
>Stops...goes whatever its here
>kinda checked to see if it was there..
>it was
story 2
>Be shopping
>hand lady cashier money
>gets me muh change
>hands it to me
>also rubs my hand sensually while putting change in hand.
not complaining
> be working today at dollar tree
> beehive hair lady comes in
> asks if we have any christmas tins left for cookies (Christmas shit is 50 cents now)
> 'Sorry, we don't have any left. We actually ran out about 2 days before christmas. '
> five minutes later she's at the register and asks the fucking cashier if we have christmas empty cookie tins.
Bitch I double bag your one fucking item like you like, you know who I am, if I tell you we dont fucking have it and you go ask someone else like I'm lying and hiding it somewhere I will fucking shave your head.
She is one of the difficult customers.
> also, customers who walk by me loudly saying to themselves or someone else how they cant find anything in the store
WELL ASK ME FOR FUCKS SAKE.
>>7208988
EVERY LANGUAGE ON EARTH BELONGS TO AMERICA
>>7209526
In the south we don't cheer or call someone an asshole. We just scream "JOB OPENING".
I am in charge of the candy section at the store where I work and my autism is triggered daily
> people take boxed candy to the end of the aisle, decide they want something in a bag instead, and drop the boxes in the bin
> people grab an item off of the peg, hold it in their hand for 3 seconds while looking at it, then just let it drop down into a random bin holding candy instead of putting it back.
> I am working and straightening and go help a customer for 5 seconds, then when I walk back someone has messed up the area I was just working in or left fucking random shit everywhere
> I am holding a heavy box and stacking candy with boxes lined up behind me and customers who just want to get to the other end of the very short aisle who arent even buying candy want me to hug the wall so they can go past
Especially since I stack everything so neatly, my autism is uber triggered when people dont just put shit back as it was. To be fair, often times I become so full of rage and hatred just hearing and watching people shuffle about because on that particular day I hate everything about human beings.
My biggest, biggest trigger this time of year is hearing kids beg for shit and parents buying it for them like Christmas wasnt just two days ago.
No, bitch, you cant have any fucking pokemon cards or the random fucking disney princess pen or lollypops. Shut the fuck up!
>>7208988
Mother fucker!!! Its called a buggy!
>>7211276
I also work at dollar tree and thank fuck I hadn't had a customer do that with me. Fortunately the worst thing to happen was when a lady was trying to blame a different cashier for her ebt card not working when it was really her fault for pressing cash and not food.
>>7209843
Mad banter
>>7209519
Literally nowhere in my country is there even the option for people to pack your grocery bags. Why do people need it.
>Americans turning YET ANOTHER thread into a shitposting reel
>>7212257
>implying
This is metashitposting at its finest.
>>7211136
>paralyzed below the neck
>still able to post
>>7209766
I'm pretty sure it's at least 40% female
>>7212223
Its was the Hamerican that started to to throw his autistic fit because MUH SHOPPENG CARD!
And please stop using the "freedom" bullshit,USA has less freedom than the superior Canada
>>7211326
This
>>7208827
that feel when you realize there are people in this world that have named their dick David Bowie and named their balls, Ziggy Stardust and Jareth the Goblin King
>>7208479
>in grocery store prepared food section
>get some shitty mashed potatoes and fried chicken
>old lady reaches into the pile of steamed vegetables
>eats a carrot
>cigarette lung cough
>orange flecks splatter the steamed vegetables
>wipes her hands on her sweat pants
I won't be getting food that was out in open air again
>2am stock shift, go out for a smoke break
>store is closed but customers still try to come in
>black kid walks up to doors and is utterly confused for 5 minutes about the magic doors not opening
>he is literally high as fucking balls and possibly insane
>tell him we're closed about a dozen times
>walks up to me and demands loudly i give him a cigarette
>i give him one and he begins to smoke the filter first.. the whole thing, while laying prone on the ground
>i go back inside and lock the door behind me, he gets up and stands at the door for the next 2 hours
>manager calls police and he gets arrested
>later find out he was a meth cook and high on his own stuff
meth, not even once
>>7208988
Your murican is showing
>>7209195
Wow we do clap a lot. I would find clapping fairly normal in those situations - except for the supermarket one. If someone dropped their food in a college cafeteria, yeah. But not so much at a supermarket.
>>7211304
calm down there, Kratos.
Not really at a grocery store but
Working night shift at a gas station in a rather small farm town in northern Arizona, Guy comes in no clothes besides some boxers and boots on, eyes wide open and wide body figure. He askes for water and I point to the sink and tell him he can get a cup of ice if he wants, he just walks over and puts his mouth on fossit and starts to chug and just walks out.
>>7208479
Today I had a customer drop three glass jars off the shelf despite being on one of those fatcarriers™
>had the audacity to blame the store issued fatcarrier™
>when I came to check out the noise she was attempting to eat the pickles that had fallen onto the floor, but couldn't bend over enough to grab one
in other news my store finally got jack memefani's sauce
>>7208821
>>7208479
Cute loli is cute
>>7214503
i keep being drawn to this thread based on this fucking picture, actually, OP.
where did you find it?
can i share it?
>>7208479
I work nights 8pm to 4am. Only see customers for 2 hours. Management is more fucking retarded. Been doing this 10 years. Ask how old this guy they hired was, 22. He was just looking at stock, when asked questions he would just shrug his shoulders and walk off. That was the moment I figured out why people take meth.
>>7214012
>jack memefani's sauce
no shit
poast pics
>at store late one night
>just getting a few things
>cashier is some curly haired acne ridden high schooler
>not really paying attention as he rings up my items
>look at him
>"that will be two thousand three hundred and fifty two cents"
>don't move for awhile
>still processing what he said
>say I didn't bring that many
>pay with card
>walk out
>hear him saying the same thing to the next person
>>7209526
I'm glad your one experience has jaded your opinion of the entire south as a whole.
>>7209519
jesus, people like you shouldn't go out in public
you're the type of shopper i can't stand behind, you hop in the express lane, clearly over the limit, because you think you'll be a fast check-out, fuck everybody else
>>7215132
I have family in Mississippi too so I'm pretty sure you're not going to change my mind about how shitty everything is down south
>go to grocery store
>disgusting white heterosexual cis white male, wearing a Nazi uniform, waving the American flag, burning a cross and literally raping every woman in the store goes to buy MEAT or animal torture produce as i like to call it
>adjust my fedora
>wrap my wallet chain around my knuckles
>walk up to him
>"Hello gentlesir, i couldnt help but notice that you are upsetting the ladies here with your rampant mysoginy. I'm afraid i will have to ask you to leave this place."
>He ignores me
>"Alas i will have to use my superior japanese Martial Arts to dispose of you ruffian."
>*walks up to him*
>*round house's him to the face and throws him out the window*
>"That what you get for messing with my Aikijitsu."
>All my fellow bronies in the store start clopping
>the women smarm to me, tears in their eyes, begging me to go on a date with them
>everyone is clapping
>*farts*
>*holds up paw*
>"I guess i'm dangerously cheesy"
>*tips fedora*
>>7211136
I wrote this hilarious parody story because I think I have some clue about the work ethic and compassion of older people.
>>7208479
>>starts cutting up different apples and vegetables and weighing them
>>literally cuts apples in thirds and only takes a piece of it
>>leaving portions of cut up fruits and veggies all over my department
I used to work produce, and this is up there with those people who sample fruit or vegetables before they buy, and then chucking the bitten-into remains of whatever back into the bulk produce and running away.
Yet for some reason, management was more autistic about the floor workers wearing hairnets than caring about that gross infraction of department hygiene.
>be European in America
>grocery stores employ teenagers or brown people to put my stuff in a bag because americans are too lazy to do it themselves/mobility scooters dont allow them to reach their stuff
>put like 2-3 items in each bag, giving me a shitton of unecessary bags I'll have to dispose of
>bags are made of super-thin plastic so the baggers use several bags for each "load" so it wont tear, resulting in just as much plastic used as for a proper bag, it just makes the bags more annoying to deal with
>i have to stand there like an idiot wannabe slave-owner while Jose bags my shit, what am I to do? talk to him?
>he has no system to it and puts the ice cream in with the bananas and whatever
>already been pretty rustled by the things I observe as I walk through the store:
>"parmesan" not from the Parma region
>same for "parma ham" and "champagne"
>processed food is cheaper than real food
>old people welcoming me as I enter the door
>people who are behind me in line start commenting on the stuff I've bought
>trying to think of some meaningless reply, not used to talking to strangers in a setting without alcohol
>they comment on my accent and start asking questions
>"please jose bag my stuff faster i need to get out of this madness" I think to myself, no wonder Mexico is a shithole if people are always this slow
>its like im being interrogated by a stranger about where im from, what strange foods i'm gonna cook since i buy the things i buy etc.
>leave in a hurry when my bagger-servant finally finishes, almost crash with a landwhale on the way out
>realize they would've shot me if i had hit them with my cart, claiming i assaulted them
>try to join in the american tradition of eating low-quality food from a drive-through to avoid this
>spanish speaking people in broken speakers are almost worse
how do people get fat in that country when the process of obtaining food is such a suffering?
>>7215353
Kekd
>>7215537
how are you able to leave the house with that level of autism?
>watching a woman try to return some store-made salsa
>complaining they changed the recipe on her and added jalapenos to it and it burned her mouth
>there's two types of salsa at the store, with and without jalapenos
>she adamantly refuses to accept that she just made a mistake
>she deliberately pushes the container onto the floor and walks out
I've never seen her there again, so maybe when she said she wasn't ever coming back she actually meant it.
>>7215537
Been to Europe a few times, can confirm it is a much more efficient service
But
> Processed being cheaper than normal
Is false, you simply have to look and buy in bulk
>>7212350
Not saying the green text story is true, but look into Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) if you actually believe that people who are paralyzed can't type or post on forums. There are many ways for people to type who cannot use their body below the neck.
>>7215353
*wipes tear from eye* What a majestic retelling.
>new roommate moves into my house in Canada from Switzerland
>asks me to show him around town, esp the grocery store
>head to store and he immediately makes a beeline to the dairy aisle
>picks up a 4L or Gallon of homogenized milk
>nothing else
>buys that, and immediately cracks the top
>drinks 1L of milk in the parking lot
What a weird guy. We all used to call him the Jolly Swiss Giant
>>7208479
>>7215529
Wait, where do you work that customers can literally bite into things and cut them up and not be responsible for buying them? That would be like opening a two liter of something, taking a drink out of it, then putting it back. No one is going to want to buy it after you if you've already opened it, cut it up, or consumed some of it.
>>7215537
Yup, that's autism alright.
>>7209047
should have fucked her
>>7211108
It's a thing at least in Ontario.
>>7211108
I have also lived in Canada all my life and milk bags are common. We also have jugs and cartons. But almost everyone buys the 4L bags of milk.
>>7217285
Land of the fat, home of the irresponsible.
>>7215529 here. The people here do so because they know they can and get away with it because there's nobody that's going to catch them in the act. The night shift crew at my old store was a skeleton crew at best, employing some of the laziest people I've ever met(and had to shoulder their workloads, but thats another gripe for another thread on another board).
Not to mention stockloss prevention didn't show up until fucking noon, and regular employees weren't allowed to accuse customers of doing anything wrong(stealing, sampling foods, etc.) regardless of if they witnessed the act.
>>7208483
>>7208508
>>7208510
>>7208479
>Work at organic grocery store
>Get asked dumb questions all the time
>Dumbest question I was ever asked was by a middle aged asian lady
>Asked me "Does 1% Milk had less fat than 2%?"
>I could not even comprehend how someone could be so ignorant.
>>7218948
Until maybe five years ago, milk in Asia was usually sold as whole milk with no variety in milk we have here.
I've been asked that before by my relatives.
>>7218948
Did you inform her that it does, but it has more sugar so she'd be better off just getting whole milk anyway?
>>7218873
I feel ya, I live in Vancouver, honestly haven't seen milk bags here in about 20 years, but they're everywhere east of Winnipeg
>>7208514
Fucking /fit/
>>7213277
Damn nigga forgot rule 1 never get high off your own supply
>>7208961
>
> pushing the trolley
> trolley wheel is stuck
> "breaking" the trolley
> leaves trolley
> it was just the trolley brake
>>7208821
I've seen these same styled posts before on /ck/. Something that start unassuming and gets more and more fucked up. I wonder what you're like irl. You've got some talent that's for sure
>>7220135
I can't tell if it's just one guy or a very dedicated group, but it brightens my day every time.
Just last month there was the seasoned egg post, and tip with a rip. Brilliant.
>>7208479
She looks empowered. She has seen what women can do. God bless JJ Abrams.
>>7211304
woah you need some hard drugs mane
>>7208821
Good old brooks
>>7215537
Don't know what it's like in the rest of the world, but in Australia it's illegal to sell something as champagne if it isn't made in the Champagne region.
>>7222143
It's a little more complicated in the US, there are a few companies selling "champagne" that were grandfathered in, but for the most part, as a matter of self-respect, smaller quality-oriented producers don't go beyond "methode champenoise"
Much like cheese, you have your big megacorps selling garbage (see: California "chablis", Wisconsin "parmesan") whose defenders will shriek protectionism if you call them on their bullshit, because they don't actually have a functioning set of taste buds. But smaller independents (e.g. Iron Horse), and even niche labels owned by massive multinationals but with aspirations of quality, are catering to a more discerning audience, and would rather avoid any impression that their products don't stand up on their own merits.
>at store
>go to deli
>old fucking cuban guy runs infront of me and the person next to me
> what ever i have no where to be (no this deli does not give out numbers)
>says in a thick accent give me spicest meat you have
>works looks confused uh well the sriracha chicken is pretty hot but ill have to get a new one from the back
>ok ill have that
>guy gets it cuts a pice and hands it to the cuban he looks and says it looks good
>guy cuts a pound of it Hands it to the cuban
>cuban eats a pice says what what is this it no spicey
>im sorry sir its the hotest we have
>eh no i no want this its no spicy
>cuban starts to look in the case that ine that chicken looks hotter i want that one
>worker says uh i dont think i can do that we have to finish the one i just opened first
>cuban says well in no want this one
>ok ill go ask my manager
>hear yelling from the back (no thats not the rulls we cant fo that)
>manager has to come out and explain it to the guy
>cuban says fine ill take this now give me a pound of your most hottest cheese
>sir the hottest cheese we have our sriracha cheese
>mfw i just walked out
dear god i hate miami
>>7222221
You were so close.
>>7219826
and rule 2, never smoke a cig backwards. People will always know.
One time I forgot my ID at a grocery store. I told the person that I left ID in the glovebox of my car, and that I'd be back in a few minutes.
I now shop at the store twice as far away.
>>7222950
I remember doing this high as fuck on mdma and not realising until I noticed that all the lovely red ember like fluff coming out of my mouth was actually burning pieces of filter
>Never have had a bad experience at a grocery store
>Live in a predominantly white suburban experience
>only know of 2 nigger families in city (one is my neighbor and the don't upkeep their yard, grass is overgrown leaves not picked up, they left their backyard pool unattended/broken, they have an aunt that hoards shoes, so the entire pool is filled with shoes that got snowed over. Just like any other nigger)
>City I live in though is called Coon Rapids, even though the mascot on ever sign is a racoon.
>Kek'ed when one nigfam lobbied against the city council because of the "coon".
>fucker got defeated
I worked as a meat/seafood clerk to put myself through college, it was an okay job most of the time but the holiday season was always a nightmare:
>Week before Thanksgiving, try to roll cart loaded with cases of frozen turkeys out to bunker freezer for people to pick from
>instantly surrounded by pack of rabid middle-aged women
>I NEED A 15 POUND KROGER TURKEY
>YOU HAVE BUTTERBALLS ON THAT CART?
>I WANT A HONEYSUCKLE TURKEY BREAST
>ma'am give me a moment so I can unbox these turkeys and we can look
>cut top row of cases open, people immediately start pawing through them, looking at all the tags for The Chosen Bird
>I DON'T SEE THE SIZE I NEED!
>WHERE ARE THE SALE TURKEYS?
>folks there will be plenty of turkeys, but you'll need to give me a moment to unbox them
>move cart so it's parallel to the freezer with just barely enough room for me to stand and work, cart doubles as a barricade
>women squeeze in between the cart and the freezer, so close that I can't unload anything without risk of slamming someone in the head with a box that contains up to 60 pounds of frozen turkeys
>excuse me ladies but I'll need you to back away so I can unload some of these first
>BUT I NEED MY TURKEY AND CAN'T WAIT!
>WHY CAN'T I FIND ONE THAT'S OVER 14 POUNDS?
>YOU SAID THERE WOULD BE BUTTERBALLS
>folks there will be plenty of turkey but I have to start by unloading these.
>ma'am I can't unload that box while you have your hands it
>BUT I DON'T SEE ANY TURKEYS OVER 14 POUNDS IN THIS BOX
>well ma'am, you'll have to let me get to the cases underneath before we can find bigger ones
And this scene would repeated for an entire eight hour shift...
On a lighter note, one of my favorite stories:
>middle-aged man who was just learning how to cook:
>"you told me the ribeye steak you sold me would be tender, but it was tough as leather! I want my money back!"
>Sir I remember, and that's odd... how did you cook it?
>"15 minutes on each side"
>>7223091
>how did you cook it?
>"15 minutes on each side"
That's kawii as fuck dawg.
>>7211276
>WELL ASK ME FOR FUCKS SAKE.
do you know what a hammer is
>>7212254
british 'banter' is really unbelievably terrible and asinine though. brits on 4clams like to boast how they are the kings of bantz but their idea of it is to make crass, uninspired insults without any humor or wit
>>7223150
Hi Thomas, how's the lawsuit going?
>>7223091
desu middle aged women are some of the worst human beings on the planet
if i had to choose to be locked up in a room with someone who hated me i would take a member of isis over a middle aged woman
>>7223166
>literally fighting people to make the best meal for their family they can
nigga they're just warriors.
>>7223172
>best meal
the kind of person who fights for turkey's is not the kind of person capable to good home cookery
>>7223180
but it's the best they can
>>7223166
My mother's middle aged, you prick.
The grocery stores in my area are pretty great. Nobody throws cans down on top of my fruit, cashiers are nice, etc. When I go visit my mom and brother in Maine, though (as I'm doing right now)...
>Local grocery store has seen better days
>Most of its produce is rotten or getting there
>There's been this apple with a big rotten patch, growing mold on it for like a week
>Boxes of clementines so rotten they are now blue-grey instead of orange
>Broccoli that is brownish-black and has slimy patches
>Lettuce is slimy or rots within two days of purchase
>Bell peppers are often blackened and rotten inside when purchased
>Then there's the fish department, my brother loves fish so he gets it a lot but the guy gets food poisoning from the fish at this store several times every year
>Last summer the same rancid tuna steak was there for two weeks, getting progressively more greenish-grey
>This week the fish counter smelled like a rancid fart
>Dairy's pretty bad too, there's some yoghurt that expired on 9 November 2015
>NOVEMBER
>For some reason these weirdos no longer sell canned spinach of any kind (?!?)
>If anyone bags the groceries, they either put cans and sharp things on top of delicate things (like bread or fruit) or straight-up leave stuff out of the bags
Come on, Shaw's, get it the fuck together.
>>7222143
Same here in my country, I think its a pretty internationally agreed-upon law. The US just doesnt care because 'murica.
>>7209655
where you at in the ol' OR, brah? The Dalles here
I worked in a few supermarkets when I was younger, and it seemed that the bigger the shop- the more horrific the clientele became
>Worked in a Tesco Extra, in Britain this is considered a cheap, fairly low quality but reliable chain
>Every evening, produce would be reduced and placed in one aisle
>People knew this and would come in and wait by the aisle for maybe half an hour
>Some people would even come in several points throughout the day, keeping an eye on a particular item
>The second the items were placed there would be a mad dash and bundle to grab the reduced shit
>We always used to watch this and laugh our arses off
What has happened to self respect and dignity?
>>7223541
capitalism
>>7209047
god damn kid probably had to get something for school the next day and he tells his mom before going to bed
>>7213819
>fossit
may i guess your melanin levels?
>>7215566
they really do mean it. my mother hasn't been to stater bros since an "incident" she had with a manager and a bottle of wine. she would rather drive an extra 10 minutes to albertsons instead of going to the stater bros less than a mile away from her house.
>>7223338
>canned spinach
why
>>7223764
I yam what I yam, and that's all what I am.
>>7209591
Can site this, I live in New Orleans. Airstrip not so big at the public airport.
>>7208479
>be american
>get arrested for no reason
sounds 'bout right alright
>>7213007
Why would you anyways?
>people sneeze on that food
>people walk past and fart on it
>>7209262
And how does that make you feel?
>>7223541
Bento wars?
>>7208514
They were probably just making 6% milk
>>7211136
>>7209243
they think the plane is magic and every safe landing is a miracle given to them by god
>>7209484
been doing this every since primary school, whenever someone drops something cheer. i've always seen it as "you've fucked up, oh well no big problem"
>>7215030
Giggled like a schoolgirl
>>7209843
That's not even funny, I don't understand
>>7208961
More like troll-y break :-)
>>7215537
>>bags are made of super-thin plastic
This fucking shit, mate. I knew that in America there were extra employees to bag my stuff but Jesus Christ, everything felt off. The bags were stupidly thin, they took more time bagging the stuff than it would've taken me putting it all away and it was just awkward standing there, having nothing to do.
What is expected of the customer? Talk with the cashier/bagger? Stand there and whistle? I just pretended that the bubble gums at the register were the most fucking interesting thing in the world.
>>7212422
Hello ladies,
I'm a neet white male who can't cook and loves food and probably sex too. If you're looking for a male companion, send me a message!
>walking through produce department
>See white trash family looking at a stalk of brussel sprouts
>"Ma, what's that thing?"
>"That's asparagus"
>>7224449
You just stare at her tits and occasionally make shy attempts at eye contact.
If it's a man you don't get in that line.
>>7209946
If you're talking about the milk bags, I had them for a brief sad time in my middle school in Michigan in the US. We could get 2%, chocolate, banana, strawberry, or blue raspberry.
>>7210621
Fuck, what union are you in? I'm in the Minneapolis Food Retailers and Meat Cutters, and our highest tier for non-managment gives you $14.25/hr.
>>7224493
I hate stores that sell those stalks. Or the "jumbo" sprouts. They have fucking machines for this, do your job assholes. It doesn't make it appealing, it just makes it a pain in the ass to carry around.
>>7211276
Wow, nice shit tier service there faggot. You do realize that it's expected for you to ask customers if they're finding everything, right? God, I basically just ask if people need help finding their head (it's up their ass, most likely) because no one can find anything ever.
>>7225028
You can eat the stalks. You have to boil them for a while, but it's better than wasting them.
>>7224493
Doesn't work in English but I'm drunk so I don't care that much
>in line at the register
>three or four youths in front of me
>girl looks around and says "Woah, they have socks here!"
>other girl says "Yeah but I bet they're itchy as fuck"
>first girl asks her why
>"Well they're made of tree wool (cotton in German) and trees are really tough and splintery"
>other girl says "Ooooh, I see. Guess they're organic or some other shit"
The stupidity
>>7225062
They were obviously joking but you were too autistic to even consider the possibility
>>7225068
No, they really weren't. I'm capable of recognizing jokes.
>>7225062
You Germans with your wacky compound words. Kids can't help getting confused, man.
>>7225062
I would have had no clue what tree wool was
>>7223058
>Coon Rapids
>city
" The population was 1,305 at the 2010 census unchanged from the 2000 census.[5] "
ok cleetus
>>7208534
But jews do control everything you goy
>>7223617
All the customers that I get claiming that they will never come back are always back the very next day pretending like nothing happened.
>>7225071
>capable of recognizing jokes
>German
ayyyyy
>>7215537
So europe has autism too, huh?
>>7210464
Yes...don't work at a shitty grocery store and you see ridiculous hourly wages.
In 2002, I was 19 years old making 13.45 an hour working produce part time in a major chain with a union.
I later left to go back to school, found myself working in an independent grocer close to school with less resources, more obstacles to complete the job and I had to fight to get 9.50/hour.
>>7225016
UFCW 247. Canada, eh.
>>7225142
This. But it's not like /pol/ thinks where each one works for each other.
>>7223338
Jesus Christ, just call the health inspector already.
>>7225496
Is this a bot? This has been going on all weekend
>>7225505
Even though this is quite a slow board, the local children still think "gets" are le ebin
>>7220186
Tip with a rip is so good but seriously
I ain't even seen Shawshank and I knew it was Shawshank
>>7223338
Mainefag here - don't go to Shaw's
Also I hope your folks don't live near a mill
>>7223764
Eh, it's good to have around in case of the power outages we get here semi-regularly.
>>7215390
>Taking an obvious joke seriously.
Come on man.
>>7215537
As a fellow european living in the US I agree with the part about the shitty bags and the brown wageslaves bagging my stuff. Sadly, the rest of your text was pure autism.
>>7225954
As an American I can confirm stores hiring old people as greeters and people behind you commenting on your food.
Not so much here on the East Coast, we don't like talking to people, but on the west coast it's considered friendly.
>>7226005
As an Australian I can assert that around here they have greeters at entrance/exits to deter shoplifters.
>>7226022
I'm pretty sure here in America it's just to give old people a job. There is usually a cop around already for shoplifters. At the Walmart around the corner from me there is a cop parked outside the store from opening to closing.
>>7226031
>At the Walmart around the corner from me there is a cop parked outside the store from opening to closing.
Do you live around a bunch of dindus?
>>7226049
Yup. My family are like the only white houses in this neighborhood. I live in homiedelphia.
>>7215030
why are you buying 230 bucks worth of stuff late at night
>>7222221
I grew up in Miami and this gave me the most bizarro feeling of nostalgia.
>At the grocery section of Walmart
>just perusing the shelves
>overhear a woman saying "Hey! Move your buggy!" (this was in Canada, we use many different terms for shopping carts, and frankly it's a clusterfuck)
>assume she was talking to someone else
>gets progressively louder & angrier
>realize she's talking to me
>"That's not my buggy."
>"Well, I'm gonna move it then!"
>I just said it wasn't my buggy, why would I give a shit, and why is she looking for approval
>and it was full of groceries too, where the fuck did the previous user of this buggy go?
