My dad stole $1000 from me. So I want to give him a bad day.
I went to a hot sauce store and asked the guy for something that would ruin a guy's day, and he gave me these. I don't know shit about cooking so I was hoping you guys could tell me how best to use them. I figured I'd puree them and mix them in with his personal Christmas dinner, but maybe that's too much, or maybe they aren't that hot or something, I don't know. I figure you guys would have some information, so yeah.
tl;dr help me prank my shitty dad, tell me how best to use the stuff in pic related
crush them into fine fine powder and add to his shampoo (food coloring works too) or springle around his pillow gently..... then theres the food additives what can be used press the powder to small balls and add to his dinner... and wait for the bite. Id use them just normaly to make some rather hot chili or wok and enjoy those myself
>>7161798
>get them in his eyes
I don't want to KILL the guy, christ.
I'd do some reading on them and know what you're dealing with OP.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bhut_jolokia
>400 times hotter than tabasco sauce
I think you might get the most mileage out of using one at a time and keep getting him every few days or weeks. Using all of them at once is likely going to be overkill.
>>7161803
Yes, you do want to. And no one would ever have to know. Such a tragedy how he slipped and slammed his head straight into the corner of the bathroom counter or ran suddenly from the shower and stumbled down the stairs. How and why did it happen? Maybe he went into a frenzy after getting some shampoo in his eyes and became disoriented. Dad always had some pretty erratic behavior. Once he stole $1000 dollars from me.
>>7161788
>Christmas dinner
imagine you fuck it up and kill your dad by accident at Christmas dinner
>>7161788
Slipping hurtful things into food generally counts as poisoning which, spoilers, is a felony.
Daddy gonna die
>>7161788
just one of those is enough to ruin a day.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZstObB4RVsQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tRq8ExAHzk
>>7161900
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-qq5gi-6YA
he DID get a lot of viewers when he was dying though desu senpai
>went to a hot sauce store and asked for something to fuck someone else over with
>i don't know anything about cooking, but they gave me this bag of dried chilies instead of, say, a little bottle of pure capsaicin extract, complete with a dropper to easily add to someone's food
Sounds like a good store, OP.
>>7161911
>if i'm eating one, and it's the worst thing in the world, eating both can't be worse, right?
Yeah, I'm not going to watch another 10 minutes of these idiots suffering if I have to listen to that level of retardedness come out of their mouths.
>>7161788
syrup of ipecac
laxatives
get him firing on both ends
>Go to drug store
>Get vitamin C Tablets, preferably Orange flavored ones.
>Make him an Ice Tea and reduce 20,000 mg (forty tablets) into the hot tea. Serve it too him when cool
In two to six hours his shit will liquefy and either he'll shit his pants or he'll spend three hours sitting on a toilet shitting everything he ever ate in over the course of the past six months.
>>7161798
>make some wok
Is this what Australians call stir fry?
>>7161788
rape him to assert dominance
I love my dad.
Jerk your dads dick and just before he's about to cum stop jerking it.......
>>7161870
Jesus
>>7161897
The desire to create offspring and leave his mark in the gene pool will prevent him from reporting his kid.
>>7161788
Take legal action to get your money back instead of losing even more money towards him to pull a prank that's gonna be funny for about five minutes.
>>7161788
Thread translation:
>I'm an idiot that loaned money to family...but not just any member of my family but to my failure of a father. I intended on using this debt as leverage to get my way in the future, but my father told me to fuck off and isn't going to repay the loan...so...please help me hurt him as "payback" because revenge is a dish best served cold and is no indication of my omegamale status by bring raked over the coals by my betamale father.
Fixed the situation for ya OP.
Freeze them into a block of ice then use it to smash his skill in while he sleeps.
Good hunting anon.
You could try lacing it into:
*something that's encased, like a pie, toasted sandwich;
*Ice cream
*Chilli con carne;
Buffalo Wings;
Tomato or red pepper based dish, like lasagne
>>7161995
>syrup of ipecac
Difficult to trick someone with because of the distinctive taste.
I pray this story is true OP, just so it can make me feel better about how shitty and bizarre and unstable my life is.
In the event your little Home Alone plan is true, good luck. I'd suggest wiping it all over the toilet paper roll, or stuffing some in the showerhead maybe? Wipe it all over the inside of his boxers too...I think getting him to eat it might be tough.
Personally speaking, I'd go a different around. Go on an apple eating binge for a few weeks, saving up all the seeds ( you need the seeds from about 60 to 80 apples, depending on the variety).
Then you just boil them in the water, reach about 110c and boil off all the water, and you should have nothing but arsenic left. What's great is its almost untraceable and whats the likely hood of them actually testing it? This isn't House or Scrubs, murder isn't that common.
Tell us how he stole $1000 from you
>>7161788
Listen Bart Simpson, if these peppers are used inappropriately, they can kill a man by closing all his airways. Do you want to kill your Dad over $1,000 you had to pay back for your student loans?
>>7162204
Preferably lure him out onto a sailboat first.
Sailboats are the best place to rape your dad.
>>7162141
No. Sounds like the sort of bullshit Americans would say to me.
obviously if you put them in his food he will take one bite and not continue eating. one bite will not ruin his day. what i would do is sneak into his room while he's sleeping and take nude photos of him and mail them to all your ex-girlfriends.
>>7161788
fine powder or as small as you can get
let soak in liqour of your choice, let soak for at least two weeks, filter, give it him as a gift or something, like say for christmas
or just drink with him but have your own normal liquor to actually drink without him knowing they're different
>>7162259
OP BTFO
>>7161788
Actually confront him about it and settle it like a normal human being you edgy [spoiler]person.[/spoiler]
Mix them with laxatives as well, op.
Give him fiery shits.
>>7162952
Why would /ck/ have spoilers?
>>7162958
Dunno, I didn't even think about it, I'm just used to shitposting in boards that do.
Don't get back at him just stop talking to him. When he's on his deathbed and asks to talk to you one last time make sure to ask for the 1000 dollars back with interest first.
No one mentioned lube? Is this 4chan?
>>7162958
Maybe for [spoiler]stylistic purposes.[/spoiler]
All boards should have the tag, desu. As well as [spoiler]strikethru.[/spoiler]
Grind into a fine powder. Place powder inside the air vents of his vehicle.
>>7162716
Apple seeds contain cyanide, doofus
>>7162729
>Tell us how he stole $1000 from you
Well OK but I don't really see how it is relevant
To keep it as short as possible, I have spent the last few years selling my sisters underpants on websites where that kind of thing is preferred and made my 1000th dollar from it. I celebrated by buying myself a cake with a womans panties patterned on in icing so my dad asked what it was about and I couldn't think of a reason so told him the truth. Now he made me pay $1000 to my sister because 'it is her money'.
>>7163260
I love this website.
>>7163229
Apple juice contains arsenic as a preservative...what's your point?
>>7163507
Try reading the post he was replying to, jackass.
>>7163260
>>7163260
>I celebrated by buying myself a cake with a womans panties patterned on in icing
>>7163260
>>7161788
You stole 18 years from him, along with everything he ever bought for you and all the allowance he gave you. I don't think $1k can even scratch that.
>>7161788
I thought that was really shitty dispensary weed for a split second because of the packaging.
>>7163705
I hate marketing like that.
Same with muscle fags on protein bottles.
>>7163260
>I celebrated by buying myself a cake with a womans panties patterned on in icing
>>7163260
I don't even care if this a lie or not OP.
I love you anon
>>7163260
>>7163694
>You stole 18 years from him
Nope. That's not how it works cunt
>>7163694
>you stole 18 years
Wow didn't know I got my mom pregnant. Dumb fuck, he wanted kids, deal with the consequences. I for one hate my father and don't want kids because of my upbringing.
>>7163815
I kinda agree with you. He IS a stupid as fuck parent. Because if he wasn't, he would have kicked your spoiled whiny autistic NEET ass out.
>>7162963
at least you're honest
>>7163826
I moved out when I was 17, been working since 16. Halfway done paying for my house now at 22. Eat my dick and choke on my balls
>>7163260
> I have spent the last few years selling my sisters underpants on websites where that kind of thing is preferred
>>7161788
Sevier County bro? Kodak here- small world.
>>7161788
You need to be 18 years or older to post on this site. It's obvious from your post you're like 13 or something. Get out.
>>7164253
You forgot to mention that you're an ex navy seal sniper that graduated at the top of your class and have a 10/10 super model wife that you bang all day.
>>7164327
>implying I'd let a slut live off my hard earned cash
Nah I got a dog tho. She's pretty cool.
>>7164327
Oh and I got an overall 1.8 gpa(never really went to class but will graduated) and no military experience. We're not all faggots like yourself
>>7163260
Never ever change 4chan.
>>7161870
fucking kek
>>7163260
>>7164379
How the fuck can you graduate with a 1.8 gpa
>>7166314
All D's and C's my friend
>this thread
And this is why /ck/ is the best board on 4chan.
>>7162222
quads tell the truth
Sounds like the best solution is to powder the chilies into your sister's panties and sell them to your dad for $1000
>>7166987
Just make some green dragon and slip it in some juice you tard
>>7162864
I infused some vodka with ghost chilies before. Pretty good. Put a fire in you.
>>7163260
ok, I'm done
>>7163260
Thank you for reminding me I'm on 4chan, I nearly forgot
>>7163260
>>7163260
thanks anon
>>7163260
>>7164379
>1.8
Real talk, are you fucking retarded?
>>7166987
>>7163260
>I just told the truth
Damn it have none of u idiots watched a procedural police drama before??
Whats the Cardinal, rookie mistake that every criminal makes?? They always end up telling the truth
The sacred art of what I like to refer to as "denial or death" is a commonly underused tactic that can get you outta any sort of trouble
"hey son why are u eating a cake with a pair of panties on them?"
>they aren't panties
"OK well then why are you solo eating a cake? "
>I'm only eating part of it but it's not even mine, I just found it
" Alright but your sister is missing about 500 dollars worth of brand new panties, or about 1000 dollars of used. Do u know where they went?"
>no
Easy as that
>>7166987
Seconding this.
>>7162716
Arsenic isn't undetectable, in fact it's the first poison to have a test discovered for it. It's laughably simple to detect.
Do you even history?
>>7162682
Mask it with bhut jolokia peppers. Burn em both ways, nah mean
>>7167674
kek
>>7163260
I don't believe someone could be this autistic.
Pics or it didn't happen
>>7167674
>or about 1000 dollars of used
>>7163260
you wonderfull bastard
Somebody, please screen this shit.
>>7167674
Everyone listen to this smooth operator he knows his shit
>>7163260
>>7163260
> I celebrated by buying myself a cake with a womans panties patterned on in icing
Attach an airhorn to the wall behind the bathroom door so that when the bathroom door is opened it activates the airhorn (do this while he's out so he won't hear you test it). Unroll a metre of the toilet paper, cover it in dried, powdered chili (both sides) and roll it back up. Spike the victim with laxatives.
>eats laxatives
>runs to bathroom
>opened door activates airhorn
>shits pants in surprise (or not)
>sits on toilet and empties bowels, thinking the pranking is over
>wipes arsehole with powdered chili
>>7163260
>I celebrated by buying myself a cake with a womans panties patterned on in icing
>>7161788
Does he use eye drops?
>>7161803
Your dad steals $1000 from you and you give a shit about him?
Why?
>>7163260
I mean
Technically, it IS her money
Rub them into the crotches of every pair of underwear and pants that he owns
>>7170018
Here's your screenshot anons
>>7161870
>Dad always had some pretty erratic behavior.
>Once he stole $1000 dollars from me.
>Telling your son not to sell his sister's underwear on the internet is "erratic behavior"
>>7163260
You should be entitled to AT LEAST 20%, bro.
Make him a cake shaped like Sans. He's gonna have a bad time.
>>7163260
Why the fuck did you tell him you sold her panties. Like jesus fucking christ, how stupid must you be to actually confess. Did you expect him to be proud or something?
>Son why are you eating a cake with panty icing
>Oh dad, it's to celebrate the $1000 I've made from selling your daughter's panties!
>Wow son, you're a real business man, tell me all about it
>>7167674
>or about 1000 dollars of used.
Y'all need jesus
I wish I had some way to warn this man about what a shitlord of a son he has.
>>7163260
how in the hell did your dad see the cake if you moved out and have your own house? And how are you getting your sisters panties? You really go over there that often despite hating your dad that much?
>>7163260
>>7163260
I wanna sell some undies, what's the name of the site?
>>7170151
how is he gonna make a living if he doesn't drop by to snatch some fresh crotch fabric?
>>7163260
Here's your reply
>>7170210
still doesn't explain how his dad saw the cake if he doesn't live with his dad.
its bait
>>7170078
Thank you based anon.
how exactly were you selling them?
I don't even talk to my dad anymore ;_;
>>7163260
But... It was her panties. You stole them. He re-appropriated goods that were already ill-gotten. That's just how the game goes sometimes.
