So... our neighbor is a shut-in style neckbeard who leaves the house once a week for a carton of cigarettes and a dozen cases of soda cans. He has groceries delivered from the local market so we don't know what he eats.
I will assume because he's morbidly obese and "disabled" because of this that his diet is complete and utter shit.
What would be a good food related gift to give to him this Christmas for putting up with our noise. (kids, dog, fighting/screaming etc etc etc)?
There are probably loads of people like him on this board (I assume) so what would you consider to be an "amazing" Christmas food related gift around $100?
Thanks in advance /ck/!
>>7142083
Make some cookies or a pie or something.
Also control your kids and dog and stop fighting and screaming.
something home baked cheap and has more punch to it, sweets never fail to impress thins or fats
>>7142088
Life is about creating your own lifestyle, not bowing into submission of others. The odd thing about him is he never makes noise, we never hear his shower running, sometimes we DO hear him unplug his headset from his videogames and the volume is ridiculous. Also his microwave every 30 minutes or so when he makes himself some food.
That being said, it's just part of living in condo, the bad thing about it is we own it, so we're stuck with it until the housing market swings back up and we can rent it out for a good profit.
I don't think he'll enjoy the "homemade" types of food as his microwave is going practically non-stop.
shoot your dog and make him some dog steaks
if he runs the microwave as he should be running a tredmill, then something home mande would taste like nirvana to him
>>7142083
If he's a neckbeard shut in no gift will please him the most. He probably hates having to come into contact with people.
>>7142106
That wasn't a nice thing to say about OP even if it is true.
>>7142083
>putting up with our noise. (kids, dog, fighting/screaming etc etc etc)?
Murder/suicide is your only hope for your neighbor to have a happy holidays :^)
>>7142119
We planned on leaving it in front of his door with a card saying "thanks for putting up with our shit" basically. No one in this complex would steal it, there's an age restriction and everyone here has money.
>>7142145
No, neckbeards understand that death is the only true release.
Maybe get him a gift card somewhere? I bet he'd appreciate that.
Even if he doesn't go out too often, you could get him some subscription deal for something culinary, like hot sauce or whatever.
http://heathotsauce.com/products/sauce-of-the-month
>>7142153
We thought about beer of the month, I enjoy it quite a bit...but we've never seen him bring out trash either, so we don't know if he even consumes alcohol.
He might take it out in the middle of the night, or he could be a hoarder. Who knows. We could also get one of those edible fruit bouquets...uhhhh edible arrangements.
>>7142158
You really think a neckbeard would want fruit?
I mean, I'm a gay neckbeard enjoying a smoothie right now (with a shitton of peach moonshine added), but even I think edible arrangements are faggy as shit.
But honestly, hot sauce would be a safe bet. Even if he doesn't enjoy spicy food (and if that's the case, he's a lost cause), the site has a lot of other sauces that are either sweet or savory. Plus, bottles of sauce last WAY longer than some bullshit pieces of fruit cut up and arranged in a retarded basket.
Get him some fancy Japanese chef knives
>>7142215
No, I don't purchase things from that radioactive island of xenophobic autists.
>>7142106
Despite your flawless logic, we do not want op to go to prison
Just play it safe and give him some Christmas themed cookies. Homemade or store bought who gives a shit. Don't over think it and try to customize to his taste when you barely know him, honestly he'll probably eat anything and if he enjoys it at all it will be because you thought of his weird ass.
t.A fat neckbeard
>>7142391
NEET seconding this
Any small snack with no prep is ideal
Bonus if it's full of sugar for his fat ass
>>7142290
You're not OP.
Don't overthink it. Even people who use the microwave enjoy home-baked thing. Assuming you're not shit at baking.
Just bake some cookies and make up an assortment plate for him. Make sure it's clearly a plate that won't need to be returned leave it by his door with a note.
Won't have to interact with him. Won't cause stress forcing a social interaction accepting or returning a plate/pie pan etc.
Enjoy the holidays and make a new year resolution to yell at each other less and be less judgmental.
>>7142083
Fuck you Andy! I look through my peephole all the time, I'm pretty sure your wife is cheating on you with a black dude, maybe several. Also I'm pretty sure your son is gay, I saw him playing dress up with the girl in 4-A. Don't judge my lifestyle you bastard. I have half a mind to report you to the landlord because you don't clean up after your dogs. However, if you find it necessary to redeem yourself for me putting up with your shit I could use a new stock pot.
