>It just melts in your mouth!
>It just falls right off the bone!
Foodie
Every time a I hear a guest describe themselves this way, I start screaming internally.
>to perfection
>meme (when talking about food)
>pleb (when talking about food and all other times)
>child, kid or anything like it (when talking about different tastes in food)
>Umami
I will burn your house down
>Golden brown
>>7098882
any sort of positive adjective on a menu describing a food
>it's tough and too chewy
>I needed a knife to scrape it off the bone
>tangy
>>7098882
>I have a headache
>>7098891
>doesn't like meme, pleb, or kid
woah nice meme-pinion there, kid
fucking pleb
>>7098891
This.
Aside from "pleb" you wouldn't have even seen these words used on /ck/ a year ago, and now we've been invaded by shitposters.
There's a few thing i really hate in my language but i don't know as mu about annoying english words.
when your mom say's she's too tired.
It's an obvious lie
>Describing certain food as decadent
Drives me nuts
>>7098882
"I love you, but..."
hahahahahaha!
>describing any food as handsome
no
stop
>'erbs
>car-mel/car-melization
>bleu
>orgasm in my mouth (not as popular as a few years back)
>flavortown
>jacks hog bride
>big mac
>how to spice up your ramen
>sustainable
>ethnic cuisine
>flair
>pork products cause cancer
>dan "did my best to hide her" schneider
>unnatural
>>7098882
>round flavour
Round is not a flavour you pretentious fuck
hot lunch
hot meal
>>7098884
This and "gamer" are pretty dumb-sounding as far as labeling someone by hobby.
"Scrumptious" is hard to explain other than the way it sounds bugs me.
"Like crack" or "Like (similar, more subtle food) on crack."
Lastly, one I'm guilty of is "ice cold," as I usually drink ice water and, if it really was that cold, I'd be licking into a glass of ice. Obviously, with other stuff added, you get freezing point depression, so Gatorade could be as cold was solid H2O without being frozen itself.
Nice
Beautiful
Wonderful
Perfect
Perfectly
Al dente
Fresh nutmeg
On cooking shows, the fake chopping sounds..which is all of them. None of them are authentic. Same with sizzling.
I have problems.
>>7099542
wow, you're quite the expert.
>>7098884
foodie is one of those reclaimed pejorative words, no one says it about themselves without some sense of shame.
>What the hell is scrapple?
>>7098882
"Fresh and Healthy"
>din din
>supper
SHUT UP
>my twist on a classic (blank)
>>7098882
>Artisan/artisanal
Tho the Dutch word is way worse.
>>7099613
Haha this
MY TWIST ON A CLASSIC OMELETTE
>It elevates the _______
>Easy crockpot ________!
>>7099582
It is literally the scraps from a pig that they sweep from the floor of an industrial processing plant.
Haven't had it in awhile but I remember the label of ingredients reading "ears, tails, hooves, eyes
>>7099711
>It is literally the scraps from a pig that they sweep from the floor of an industrial processing plant.
bullshit
>>7099729
Pig offal boiled down with bones then congealed & mixed with cornmeal & formed into a loaf
UNCTUOUS
>>7099741
i didn't dispute that it was offal
>>7099746
i actually love that word
>>7098882
>comfort food
ONE POT WONDER!
15 minute meals
Simple but delicious
Margarine is fine if you don't have butter
Stunning (fucking ramsey)
Elegant (ramsey again)
"Surprisingly"
Surprisingly healthy, tasty, quick, clean, rich, creamy, meaty, whatever is said because the ingredients they are using are distinctly /not/ those adjectives, and they know they need to hype up and lie or else nobody will eat it.
>>7098882
>passion
No other industry uses that meaningless buzzword more
>>7099758
This.
There is nothing comforting in being a fat fucking slob. You should feel shame, you should feel uncomfortable.
Fucking titanic crackers.
>>7099886
>>7099758
so what you are saying is that when you are depressed and want the taste of something that made you happy years ago we should call it something other than comfort food? fucking why? that defeats the point. sure eating every time you are sad is not healthy, but thats what comfort food means, food to make you more comfortable in your misery.
>>7099908
It should be called "big babie's slob food".
>>7098882
>natural
>freshly
>when people unirionically use kraft/kroger products
>>7099487
Buttmad yuropoor detected
I hate when people use the word bland as a derogatory term. Bland food is superior because it's easier to eat, not like foreign fish smelling ass cheese or disgusting shit like that.
>>7099942
That's the most 'murrilard thing I've ever heard.
>>7099942
>>7099972
the thing is murricans use bland in a really annoying way like they look at a piece of fish with a sauce and say 'it looks bland' because it doesn't have chillies in it or whatever idiosyncratic crap they feel needs to go in every food to take it to flavour town. like they just don't get what happens when you take a good ingredient and cook it well and season it properly.
>>7099538
what
>Bon Appétit
I am glad the terrorist attack happened.
>>7099597
Don't tell my Nana to shit up you cunt.
>>7099908
fuck off fattie
you have a problem and refuse to admit it
>Tasty
doesn't describe anything at all
>>7100046
it describes a pleasurable eating experience, usually emphasising a strong sensation of taste on the tongue.
>GUAC
>Stop
>Get off me
>I'm calling the police
>>7100057
>guac
You mean G-Mole?
>It tastes like taste
>It's tasty
>>7100062
G-Wock
>'za
>'ta
just no bitch
>Nice
I like to settle in with a nice glass of wine, put on some nice music, curl up with a nice quilt, next to a nice fire with a nice book. It makes me feel so nice. And that's nice.
>radical
Yeah, the oysters are "radical". Thanks for the input.
>>7100077
>'za
>not calling it "zogie"
Do I need to inform you of the current year?
>>7100113
sandwich
>In the year of our lord 2015
>>7098882
>sexy
>>7098896
>texture like sun
>>7100079
complaining about the word nice is as banal as using it.
Being English-speaking and pronouncing the following words in their Italian pronunciation:
>al dente
>risotto
>mozzarella
>spaghetti
>pancetta
Bonus points if you get it wrong. Extra bonus points if you identify as 'Italian-American' and get it wrong
>>7100260
This so much
Basically any English speaking person just casually talking then pronouncing something in a ridiculous accent
Especially with Spanish foods
>>7098882
My foodie friends can't get through eating a steak without posting/saying something along the lines of;
>"I'm satisfying a carnal urge"
>"I have a caveman-like passion for indulging in a big hunk of meat"
We get it. You like red meat... Dial back the autism, shut up and eat your Tri Tip.
YUMMY
MMM
NUMMY
NOM NOM
YUMMY FOOD NOM NOM
NUMMY
rustic
elevated
>>7100023
>america
>home of steaks and barbecue, cooked well with little ingredients
>not understanding the value of taking an ingredient, seasoning it and cooking it well.
>>7100265
i'm pretty sure people do this all over the world regardless of what language they speak.
wala
organic
gluten free
homestyle
house (used in the title of a menu item to try and make it seem more authentic, ie; house salad)
>>7100302
These are literal fucking terms.
Food can be gluten free, some foods don't have gluten in them. Get screened for autism you underage, autistic fuck.
>on point
>artisanal beer
>artisanal cheese
>artisanal bread
>>7100306
it's the situation the word appears in and what it signifies. if a place makes an effort to have almost all of it's shit gluten free (especially bakeries). they most likely make shitty food and are jumping on bandwagons
>>7100306
>thread literally titled 'Words you fucking hate hearing"
>hurr durr you can't hate that because I don't
>delish
>Mac & cheese
>gastropub
>what is the______ and why is it______.
>>7100312
>BHEAHJAAAAARRRGHHHWR IM FUCKING RETARDED AAHHHUUHHHHH
You.
>>7100302
you put 'house' in front of something when it's a proprietary variation on a template of a dish. it's nothing to do with authenticity.
>>7100312
>if a place makes an effort to have almost all of it's shit gluten free (especially bakeries).
gluten free bakeries cater to people who can't eat gluten but want to eat baked goods. don't eat there if you want gluten, obviously.
![s-FAT-MAC-large[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/t01GrfJ.jpg "s-FAT-MAC-large[1].jpg")
>>7100316
>mac and cheese
everybody says that. nobody says macaroni
>>7100046
This.
At my secondary school, you had to do a Food Studies lesson once a week (maybe fortnight, not sure) for the first couple of years. Whenever you made/ate food, you had to evaluate it and give it points in various categories. You also had to list of a few adjectives to describe the food. 'Nice' was not allowed as it did not provide any description, but for some reason 'Tasty' was basically top of the list in terms of desired adjectives, despite providing little enlightenment beyond 'the flavour of this food is not imperceptible'.
I still don't understand the teachers' logic.
>fat-free
>sugar-free
>Original Flavor
>50% More Free (wtf does that even mean?)
>>7100443
the only one i have a problem with is 50% more free. the rest is aspergers
a la mode
>>7098882
>WA LA
>>7100408
Your pic and post gives me life
>>7100408
Wrong
>that hit the spot
this makes me rage for some reason
>>7099635
What word
>>7099452
this hit too close to home
>>7099508
>not liking flavortown
>>7098898
Thread should've ended here, Any post after it is redundant.
Just describe the dish with what's in it, I'll ask if I need more clarification fuck.
>Authentic _________
>>7100664
Thank you. If something has to be called authentic, its probably not, or it is but can't stand up on its own and people will only eat it if they think the locals do.
>>7100443
I always hate the term original or regular flavor, like what the fuck does that even mean. Does it mean at one point they changed the recipe. More so what is so original about it, most the times its just salted.
Yum!
Enjoy!
>>7098882
>flavor profile
>"X with X notes" (when describing flavor)
>palate
>umami
>"from X to table" (99% of the time, a complete fucking lie)
>guac
>"nitrite free" (and then there's fucking celery salt in the ingredients)
ALL-NATURAL
>>7098882
farm to table
>>7100023
>flavour
I am rustled
>>7100686
It depends. If I'm looking at recipes for some sort of ethnic food then I'm more likely to assume that 'authentic' means 'how it is prepared in the lands where it originated' and that it's not some bastardized american version of the dish. When restaurants label menu items "authentic" then it's pretty meaningless though.
>just let the alcohol burn off
>>7101166
what really annoys me is when people say
>just sleep it off
For me, sleeping is actually harder after I drink alcohol, because my head kind of aches a bit. And I might get really depressed. Sleeping is the hardest thing to do when drunk. Not only that, but I usuallly wake up super early after drinking.
>>7100408
>everybody says that. nobody says macaroni
No, girls and girly faggots say mac-n-cheese. And maybe the little kids you hang around.
It used to only be called by is full name, then slowly, over a few years, it became less of a diner item and more relegated to kids, and they preferred the dumbed down babby talk version, so the only time it was mentioned was by picky autistos.
blanket
as in
"we're just going to spread a blanket of peanut butter"
>recipe put on the internet for the world to see and use
>uses non-metric that is only used in 2015 in just one very small insignificant country on the planet
jesus christ they may as well have written the recipe in cantonese
"New and improved"
What the fuck does that mean, it implies that your prior product sucked moose dick.
n% more flavor
Same as above.
If the prior product sucked so much that it needs to be "new and improved" or needs "n% more flavor" then that doesn't give me much confidence in your current product you fucking faggets with marketing degrees.
"new and improved" generally means that they skimped on ingredients and took the cheap shit route. For instance HFCS instead of cane sugar. MSG instead of anything else. Shit like that.
>Chiller
>Chillers
Eat a fucking dick
>>7100062
He means 'le.
>>7101762
yeah i'm sure you know so much better about it than the people who've been doing it for a living for decades.
>>7101929
there's nothing wrong with msg you pleb.
>we, the jury, find the defendant guilty
>>7101949
I never said there was, but keeping with the plot of the thread it's a buzzword for some people.
>>7101946
Actually I do know better for myself then asshats who think that they know what's best for myself. Are you so stupid as to give up yourself to some idiot with a marketing degree? What you wrote comes across that way, that is that, you're a moron.
>Sharp cheddar
>>7102070
>shark keddar
>>7102069
who is talking about 'better for yourself' you shithead? you're just denying that an obviously effective marketing hook works because you're averse to being outsmarted/manipulated by men in suits.
>>7099542
>like crack
Or when people say "they must sprinkle crack on these or something!"
When people claim to be OCD about they way they cook or eat when they have no clinical diagnosis and are not at all OCD
>>7100952
Yes its fucking the worst
>Sealing the meat
Its been proven that searing does not seal in any juices.
>>7102125
welcome to 15 years ago
>>7100631
>this is kind of like licking the volcano in flavortown
oh my fucking god
>>7102133
Ramsey still says it in some of his videos.
>>7101759
>new! 50% more!
>>7100615
Ambachtelijk
>op ambachtelijke wijze
>Guac
>Evoo
>>7102136
why would you even build a town around a volcano? madman haha
>>7100150
>lays me down
>>7101759
Reminds me of when samboys (a chip) returned they marketed it as "same great taste" and man they dont lie. No other chip has sodium levels that dangerous and thats what makes them good
Retarded abbreviations. 'za, 'roni, guac, the whole package
>>7102070
>liking faggot weak babby boy bland cheese
>I put sriracha in it
>>7099017
mostly /tv/ shitposters. They aren't content with ruining their own board. Calling things meme definitely started there, and started spreading through other boards. Pleb might have started on /mu/ and spread to /tv/, but again, its the /tv/ faggots that spread it around.
>>7099582
>Scrapple, also known by the Pennsylvania Dutch name panhaas or "pan rabbit,"[1][2] is traditionally a mush of pork scraps and trimmings combined with cornmeal and wheat flour, often buckwheat flour, and spices. The mush is formed into a semi-solid congealed loaf, and slices of the scrapple are then pan-fried before serving. Scraps of meat left over from butchering, not used or sold elsewhere, were made into scrapple to avoid waste. Scrapple is best known as a rural American food of the Mid-Atlantic states (Delaware, Maryland, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Virginia). Scrapple and panhaas are commonly considered an ethnic food of the Pennsylvania Dutch, including the Mennonites and Amish. Scrapple is found in supermarkets throughout the region in both fresh and frozen refrigerated cases.
>>7098893
what do you call it?
>mfw foodies now sound like Anthony Fantano
>>7098882
Those are sentences not words. Holy shit, man.
>>7102578
collections/structures of words
>>7102582
Phrases.
>>7102587
yes, but the point is calling them words is not technically incorrect, you're just referring to pluralities.
>>7102598
It is grammatically incorrect though.
>>7102603
no it isn't. they are words, you hate hearing them
>>7102611
It's wrong unless the implication in the OP is that he hates every single word in those sentences.
Do you OP? Do you hate "it", "just", "melts", "in", "your" and "mouth"?
>>7099542
Gamer is exponentially better than foodie.
At least playing games is a hobby, what the hell does foodie mean? You eat food? Everyone eats food.
>>7102617
that's not necessarily implied dude. we say people's words are beautiful, we say 'i don't know the words to that song'. we're talking about them collectively without explicit reference to their structure.
>>7102627
You're objectively wrong.
Pick up a fucking book once in your life.
>>7102625
>Everyone eats food.
And everyone plays games too. The question is to what extent.
A gamer goes out of his/her way to take gaming seriously, try new games, compete in tournaments, etc. Likewise a "foodie" is into constantly trying out (and perhaps learning to cook) new foods.
>>7102638
no, i am not objectively wrong and i read constantly, which is why i understand the flexibility of language.
when you hear a sentence you don't like, you might say 'i don't want to hear those words right now' or something like that. in reality only one of those words might be offensive and only in context, however 'words' can be used to describe not only the structural elements of a sentence but also that structure itself. denying that is just being an autist with a lust for catching people out.
>>7102654
Except the OP is absolutely devoid of context.
Therefore the correct phraseology is "phrases" or "sentences".
>>7102654
>in reality only one of those words might be offensive and only in context
You realize that's not normal, right?
>>7102663
>Except the OP is absolutely devoid of context.
what does that even mean? there is clearly an inferable context. he said 'words' because that is the lowest common denominator for utterances that you might hate hearing in reference to food.
you really have to take the stick out of your arse because i obviously understand your argument, it's just wrong.
>>7102685
>Quoting every post in an argument so you can pat yourself on the back and pretend to be better while desperately clamoring for attention with nothing to actually contribute
>calling others autistic
>>7102683
'No'
>>7102690
So I take it you're one of them?
>>7102698
>being this triggered
You're googling character assassination right now, aren't you?
>>7100057
this and every shortened version of it
>>7100057
You mean, chuachamollé?
>>7100408
at any other place in the world they are not called mac but macaroni, sorry to pop your bubble but there's not only 'murica
>>7100057
IF YOU AIN'T TALKIN GUAC, YOU AIN'T SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE
>>7102720
everywhere in the world is familiar with what americans call it and often call it by that name as the dish itself is commonly associated with america.
>>7101508
also
>people from the usa complaining in the commentsection about the fact there's only metric measurements in this video
>meanwhile in every other video produced by someone american will never include metric measurement for the other people who are watching
>>7099542
Yo dog, your water will be at 0C if you put enough ice in. Until all of your ice has melted It'll stay there too.
Have you ever looked at a phase diagram or taken a chemistry class, senpai?
>>7102685
>dr grime reaction picture
rare af dude
>>7098882
>Moist.
I consider the word moist as word-rape.
>>7099452
Red flag, right there.
>>7099508
>he doesn't want to take the food-train to flavortown
>>7102818
Why has it recently become a meme to not like the word "moist". I've heard several people say that they don't like saying or hearing it. I don't get it
>>7102989
it's usually girls. i think there's a sexual notion to it.
>>7102989
I don't get it either, but it's certainly not anything new or recent. I remember seeing TV shows over a decade ago making the same commentary.
>"My take on ...!"
>>7102989
You don't like moist wholesome goodness?
>>7102641
Not everyone plays games. Espically more than a mobile app. In some downtime
>>7099913
>tips fedora
>slob food
>>7102199
dit. zo irritant.
>>7098882
Those aren't words. They are phrases idiot.
Authentic
Authentic is the only one that bugs me to no end
>>7099582
I bought some sausages from a guy from Pennsylvania in Union Square greenmarket, it was on the up and up. I bought a couple packs of sausages and he told me I got a free scrapple for that. I asked him what it was since I'd never heard of it before, his quote to me was "you don't want to know." Given that I of course tried it out and it was damn good. Live and learn.
I think Ted Blew was his name but I might be mistaken, he also sold really good chile peppers which was the main reason why I was there.
Some of those Union Square greenmarket folk are pretty good.
>>7102089
Incorrect, if I get annoyed by an advertisement I'll actively avoid that company's products. How is that being manipulated, and really most of the time I have to wear a suit too, it's actually pretty functional and looks good instead of being a hipster faggot like you with a gay backpack.
Haggis
Prairie Oysters
Flamboyant
>Reinventing the __
>it's absolutely the same (with pepper or something)
>>7100279
>indulging in a big hunk of meat
All I'm hearing is that you missed your chance at making gratuitous gay jokes.
>>7102352
Unagi.
>>7103472
Ahhhhhh, salmon skin roll.
Holy shit yall are autistic as fuck.
>>7102250
>with my mind she runs
>>7103675
>throughout the night
>This is mommas recipe, ain't nobody cook this like momma does
ugh
>Oh. Oh, it's so fresh
As opposed to what? Stale? Rotten? I hate it when people describe fast food as fresh. No bitch, your convenient store salad or Subway sandwich isn't fresh. Unless you picked it from a garden, caught it from the ocean or slaughtered it outside, it aint fresh. Fuck you
>>7102352
succulent
>>7105797
Chinese meal
>>7098882
>crust(steak)
>bark(bbq)
>braise it, faggot
>carbonara
>>7101490
Surely you realize that nothing makes you look more like a little kid than violent anger at the possibility of seeming childish. You're the food version of a frat bro who's convinced nintendo games are cartoons for babies but his shootbang games about saving the world from terrorists or ayy lmaos are serious entertainment for serious badasses.
What I'm trying to say is that I agree with this guy RE: actually responding to OP's question. >>7098891
Though I do think I have unironically used "pleb" before, that doesn't make me a hypocrite because I hate myself.
>>7105920
>found the mac n cheese kid
>>7105947
America has the best meat and cooks it the best. If you want a steak, pulled pork, brisket or anything like that you come to America
>>7104433
>As opposed to what? Stale? Rotten?
those are long beyond the point of not being fresh dude.
>>7098898
Just christ, this
>Scrumptous chicken grilled to perfection in a delicious sauce of tasty [goes on for a paragraph]
>>7102352
savory
>>7105982
Go back to eating your horse meat, junior.
>>7098898
>>7105975
Whenever I see this on a menu, which is too fucking often, I pick out the words that actually describe the dish and if there are less of those than fluff words, I do not order that dish.
>juicy chicken breast perfectly blackened with our award winning combination of bleu cheese and spices and served over a bed of fragrant garlic mashed potatoes with the ideal amount of house-whipped butter. Served with two sides and soup or salad.
>blackened chicken breast with bleu cheese on mashed potatoes. Two sides and soup or salad.
>>7101197
drink until incapacitation then, thats what I do.
>>7102109
Yeah this is the worst, I once moved into a place and the roommate I was moving in with was some dumb bitch that liked to make cupcakes and shit
>Im OCD about my cutting board and muffin trays pls dont touch them not many people know how to use them
Meanwhile I've been cooking professionally for 8 years at the time.
>>7099542
>if it really was that cold, I'd be licking into a glass of ice
There are exceptions. Super-chilling is a thing.
Plus 0C is also the melting point, so add enough ice and the surrounding water will eventually get to 0C without freezing itself, resulting in water that is in fact "ice cold" without being ice.
>>7105820
A SUCCULENT CHINESE MEAL?
>>7100040
This is what losing an argument looks like.
'Za
Guac
When anyone other than my fiancee calls it "din din."
>>7098884
foodie just means fatass
>>7098882
>rare
nuggas and tendies
everything my mom says about it being good food after she finishes eating
>nougat
>succulent
>>7100631
>This is the state bird of Flavortown, baby
>ITT: Shit Ramsey says
>>7098882
Unctuous.
Dictionary says it means greasy/soapy, not whatever the fuck you fags are trying to say.
>>7098882
Fuck, a lot of things, but here's a few that just irk the hell out of me
>morsel
>tantalizing, sinful, decadent, basically all words used in chocolate adverts
>mouthfeel
>nom-noms
>"it's like an orgasm/sex in my mouth"
>>7098882
>OHH MMMM SO JUICY OH YEAH
Seriously, fuck anyone who pretends to have a fucking orgasm over food.
"To die for."
"Yummy."
Calling sandwiches "Sammiches" or worse, "Sammies."
"Delectable."
"Succulent."
"Ooey Gooey." <fuck, I hate this one!!
>>7099487
So you pronounce it like a fucking candy bar commercial? Care a mell? Fuck you, it's carmul.
>>7106107
A gourmand is fat. Most people I know who self-identify as 'foodies' are slender hipsters actually.
>Hearty
>Authentic
>Just like momma used to make
>This recipe has been in our family for X generations
>This is the best Y in Z
"Stick-to-your-ribs" really chaps my hide.
"..with all the fixin's" or "all the trimmings"
"steak dinner"
"luncheon meat"
Any menu item called "The Works" which is American English for 'just like shove it all on senpai'
>>7100079
That's not very nice
>nutty
>>7100322
gluten free is a meme u dip
>>7101929
msg is fucking good
>>7108169
Everything is a meme.
Everything.
>>7107510
>mouthfeel
But that's a really useful term.
Anything wine reviewers say basically
>This fully mature wine possesses a port-like richness…the color revealed considerable amber and garnet, but the wine is crammed with viscous, thick over-ripe black-cherry, mocha-tinged flavors. Extremely full-bodied, with huge amounts of glycerin and alcohol, this unctuously-textured, thick wine makes for an awesome mouthful. Imagine a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup laced with layers of coffee and cherry, and encased in a shell of Valrhona chocolate!
>>7108053
Fuck...forgot about sammiches. that makes me rage
>>7108199
Texture?
>>7098882
ive made ribs where the meat literally falls off the bone
>>7108464
mouthfeel is broader than that. texture is generally about elasticity while mouthfeel can refer to things like tannicity, oiliness, lots of other 'feeling' stuff that isn't directly perceptible as a 'texture'
>>7108492
>texture is generally about elasticity
>>7100064
>It tastes like taste
and nobody likes it
>>7098882
but what if you have literally made ribs so unbelievable tender... that it does fall off the bone and melts in your mouth?
>>7108668
Anon please
you're implying op actually knows what theyre talking about
>made it for hubby
>we are pregnant so I have cravings
>baby's first (insert food item) labelled foods
>lashings of bacon
>our famous fries (not famous at all or they're shit)
>in-house bbq sauce
>dollop of cream
>wedge of cake
>generous helpings of...
I have autismo.
>>7100631
>I just want to smear this all over me
