ITT: Embarrassing cooking stories
>My cool aunt comes to visit me and my mother
>"Ah anon, I heard you can cook"
>I tell my aunt that I can make some awesome chili
>She wants me to prepare some for her to eat
>I make a huge pot of it
>She eats and really enjoys it
>Hours later, while we're watching television together
>She makes a soft moan and releases a loud fart
>"Ah~ Sorry anon" while she looks at me with bedroom like eyes
>My mom scorns her while I'm popping fat boner
I can't,I just can't...why did this happen, my aunt is hot but the fact that I got aroused by her blowing a fart is fucking with me now.
>>7037935
You should be more weirded out by the fact that it's your aunt. Nothing wrong with butt stuff
>>7037935
Dude, the fuck
>>7037960
You don't, it's just who you are
>>7037963
I don't WANT to be THAT...but would it be wrong to sniff her dirty panties? If I do it one time and just jerk off, would I be bad?
>>7037964
Choo choo, all aboard the fart cart.
>>7037964
Just get a girlfriend. That might not be possible though, as you're a guy that browses /ck/. Maybe a boyfriend?
>>7037964
>I don't WANT to be THAT...but would it be wrong to sniff her dirty panties?
>If I do it one time and just jerk off, would I be bad?
Yeah mate, it's too late for you. You're officially a creeper now.
>>7037981
Godamnit, let me stop lying.
I want to feed my hot milf aunt my chili so I can record her farting in the bathroom and when she showers, I'm going to sniff her dirty farty panties.
There, I'm sick but I'm still going to do it. She made me do it with her boner inducing moans from farting.
>>7037935
So what all you need to do is mention the word cooking and name a dish to shitpost on this board? Because all the replies so far have not one fucking thing associated with cooking except one guy that just mentions the word "chili"
>>7037989
Okay I'm going to be serious, what are some chili recipes to make her fart more? She's staying with me and my mom for two months. Any foods that give a lot of farting will work.
>>7037935
>I make good chili
Wow, do you heat it up yourself? Was it hard tossing shit into a pot and leaving it alone for an hour?
>>7037997
Make a 9 bean chili with egg yolks, spinach, brussel sprouts, and onions in it
Alternatively give her Kashi Go Lean cereal
>>7037935
Next time you need to waft it into your face in front of her so she knows whats up.
You should fuck your aunt bro.
>>7037984
>She made me do it with her boner inducing moans from farting.
No. You're a weirdo and I hope your family catches you in the act and finally evict you from your basement. Go back to posting your poop and pee bottles on r9k.
>>7037984
Friend, cook jerusalem artichokes next time. You could use her to float a hot air balloon.
>>7038025
>jerusalem artichokes
This post really makes you think. Hmmmmm
|>
|3
>>7038008
add 3x scoops whey protein, chocolate flavor
looks like im in the weird part of the internet XD
>>7038045
make deviled eggs on the side
having sex with your aunt was normal until fairly recently, OP
"You had an arse full of farts that night, darling, and I fucked them out of you, big fat fellows, long windy ones, quick little merry cracks and a lot of tiny little naughty farties ending in a long gush from your hole. It is wonderful to fuck a farting woman when every fuck drives one out of her. I think I would know Nora’s fart anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a roomful of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise not like the wet windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in fun in a school dormitory at night. I hope Nora will let off no end of her farts in my face so that I may know their smell also."
>>7038076
>Be drunk as shit
>have an amazing ability to hide how drunk i am
>offer to cook for girlfriend and her family
>boil potatoes for 1 minute
>added them to the water whilst it was cold, literally they never boiled
>cubed them and peeled
>put them in a frying pan
>added pasta sauce and any dry herb i could see
>broke up parts of burger into the pan
>to top it off i poured the rest of my beer in, because flavor
>they prodded at the rock hard potatoes as i munched down on it like it was a gift from the gods
>realize what i did the next morning and forever regret it every time they politely make excuses to avoid me cooking anything
>>7037935
Figure out all your weird shit and stay the fuck away from /ck/ until you do.
>>7038076
When I was a kid you could be arrested for that literature. Now it is simply disgusting.
>>7037935
If you want to get real dirty stash fiber one bars and sugar free haribo gummy bears around the house.
>/ck/
>Food & Cooking
>>7037935
This is exactly why beans belong in chili.
>>7038241
It's a hundred years old and it was a private letter, not meant to be published. You're just uncultured, man.
>>7038095
Haha, I love it. Well done.
>Start to watch football with my dad a few years ago
>Never watched sports before
>Enjoyed the bonding
>After 2 games the next one was the Superbowl
>Dad was having a superbowl party
>I offer to make a tasty guacamole dip
>he accepts, says it will be good to show my achievements to his friends who think I am a loser
>can make a nice guacamole dip but don't want to keep it so simple
>decide to do something special
>buy a Green Bay Packers football Jersey online
>cut it into pieces and mix them in with the guacamole
>don't think it through
>Superbowl day comes
>I proudly present my guacamole
>dad and friends take some chips and start dipping into it
>''hey what the fuck is this?'' says one of his friends
>''did this guy put a fucking shirt in the Guacamole?''
>laugh and say ''i--its my PACKERmole!''
>they all act really angry
>''Are you trying to choke us to death? hey, anons dad, what the fuck is wrong with this kid?''
>As my 'punishment' they make me take off the clean football jersey I bought for myself and eat an entire bag of chips, making sure to rub each one onto the jersey because ''shirt is my favourite flavour''
>they still give me shit for it now but I cooked some times since then and they realise I am good at cooking
>>7037935
>>7039616
this can't real
>>7038076
tip top kek
>>7038007
>I've never made chili or had any that didn't come from a can
>>7039637
Lol its not I made it up for the thread.
>>7037947
No, the exact opposite is true. It's normal to be attracted to (somewhat distant, you don't usually see your aunt much) family members.
OP is a fartfag. Resign yourself to /d/, you wretched creature.
>>7039713
Oh don't be such a prude, anon. Everyone has a butt, it's completely natural.
>>7037964
Never feel bad about your perversions. Just don't hurt anyone or over disclose them.
>go on /ck/
>thread about cooking stories that went wrong
>story about being turned on by ones aunt farting
>mfw
>>7040249
Sorry some of us work for a living.
>>7040028
not the same anon.
sure farting is natural, but it's not hot. it's real gross.
Wait is this about cooking?
>>7040370
>farting is gross
>he doesn't sniff the toilet after his girlfriend rips ass or takes huge shits
Look at this pleb
>>7040370
Do you have any fetishes that some might consider gross? It's all personal preference, and desu if it's not hurting anyone who cares?
>>7040387
>girlfriend rips ass in bed
>go sniff the toilet
>>7038046
It's 4chan mate, you are
>>7038095
Nice one. At least you don't have to cook for them anymore.
>>7040576
>see this image before
>".gif"
>.gif
>heh, nice try
>finally open it tonight
>doesn't move
>Op here guess I will be honest
>Was my uncle not my aunt
>I gave him a blowjob while he darted in my face.
>>7037935
That's a really fucking nice pair of jeans. What the fuck does it have to do with anything though, click bait faggot. This thread is trash.
>>7037935
tell me about your chili you fucking pervert
