ITT : First Time Cooking Experiences
Hey /ck/, complete and utter newfag here. I'm a poorfag who wanted to go to olive garden, but can't because i'm fucking poor as dirt, so I found this recipe:
http://damndelicious.net/2014/05/17/olive-garden-pasta-e-fagioli/
And decided to have a try at cooking.
Now heres the deal: Until now, I've been pretty much eating 80% of my meals as fast food, and the other 20% have pretty much been cooking really simple things. Like really simple things.
I've never really cooked before.
I just went to walmart, and bought [pic related]. Is there anything I need to know? Have I already fucked anything up? Is there any tips for my first cooking experience? I was at least smart enough in the store to buy pre-chopped onions so I won't have to cry my eyeballs out.
But then I went and bought a regular onion anyway. Not sure why. I might chop my own onion, if you guys tell me I really have to.
[Pic where you can actually see the bean type]
>>6408400
Prechopped onions? Enjoy your mediocore food.
Chopping an onion takes 2 minutes, most, if your knife is dull.
They sell pre-chopped onion?
>>6408418
walmart will sell anything, if they think people will buy it.
OP: Prechopped onion will have the majority of it's flavor gone by the time you get to it. It's not fresh, or near it. God knows what chemicals they put on there to keep it "oniony"
Also, Organic carrots? It's a fucking carrot bud. Don't waste the extra dosh.
I didn't even know that pre-chopped onions were a thing. I mean, you just cut it into little bits. It's the simplest thing ever.
Anyway OP in my experience at least you'll probably fuck up to some extent your first time making any kind of dish. You'll also be slow as hell. Treat it like a learning experience and consider what you could do better next time. You'll probably be olive garden tier after a few tries. Those kinds of restaurants really aren't anything special, if you know the basics of cooking and a little practice you can make the same quality of food and do it cheaply. For some reason food you made yourself tastes better, too.
>>6408400
>pre-chopped onions
I'll let it slide since you said it's your first time cooking but this is unacceptable. I don't know why anyone would buy pre-chopped onions.
Once you know how to chop any onion, the whole thing takes like 15 seconds so you don't have time to tear up even if it's a strong one.
Attached is the basic method for dicing. Halve it, cut the tips off, peel back the outer layer, cut lines away from the stem, cut perpendicular to the first set of lines. By keeping the onion in one piece until the final cuts, not many fumes from the juice can escape and that's what makes your eyes tear.
>>6408422
>Organic carrots
I actually try to avoid organic anything.
We tried organic. It was the entirety of human history before preservative were invented. Food-borne-illness ran rampant.
I try to avoid organic like the plague. I actually support the usage of preservatives.
Life with preservatives: Die of cancer at age 80.
Life without preservatives (organic life): Die of food borne illness before 40.
I really try to avoid organic... but I couldn't find any non-organic carrots.
>>6408415
But they'll burn my eyeballs....
>>6408430
>But they'll burn my eyeballs....
How do you know? Have you chopped an onion before?
If you're that worried wear some goggles or glasses or something.
>>6408430
Sneaky trick: Baby carrots. They're just carrots that have been cut down, but it makes it easier to get what you want.
Plus, if you don't need more than 2 carrots, it's less waste if you dont eat them normally.
Burning eyeballs is part of cooking. You use the motivation to get better at cutting them. It's life.
OK, welp, I guess its time to get started. I'm starving, and I can't eat until I cook. So... the sooner I cook, the sooner I can eat.
Imma get started now. I'll.... *think* about chopping my own onion. But I don't want to. My parents used to cook, and I remember even being like 5 feet away from my parents, and the fumes of a chopped onion would still make me cry my eyes out.
>>6408440
Take pics for posterity.
>>6408442
Will Do.
>>6408447
You fuckin noob
>>6408440
>*think* about chopping my own onion. But I don't want to. My parents used to cook, and I remember even being like 5 feet away from my parents, and the fumes of a chopped onion would still make me cry my eyes out.
useless
Sup, OP. Looks like you're doing an OK job for a beginner. What are you making?
I'm not religious about buying organic, but your conflation of organic produce and preservatives is a little silly. As is when people conflate organic with heirloom/locally grown whatever. The latter sort of make sense because they're correlated, but I digress. Carrots are one of the few things I prefer organic (besides herbs, greens, and most fruits), because in most cases you can readily tell the difference, and they aren't much more expensive.
You say your a poorfag, so I can sorta understand why you'd flock to Walmart, but unless you live in the middle of fucking nowhere, you can probably find a better and cheaper place to get produce. Places like Walmart and Trader Joes and shit are cheap, but everything is prepackaged and pretty overpriced. Unless you make a FUCK TON of sauce, you're not going to use all of those carrots and celery.
nthing the comment about prechopped onion. There's no reason to do that. There are like 1000 ways to prevent onion crying; my fave is to just stick it in the fridge like an hour before you're using it. Don't keep them in there though; they'll stink up your food.
White onion? Yellow onions are the workhorse of cooking and cheaper.
Is that a jar of minced garlic? Mince it yourself. Again, it's not hard to peel and mince garlic once you know some technique and get the hang of it.
I see you bought a knife. If you're going to spend money on one piece of kitchen stuff, that is what you should spend your money on. It's your best friend. You can get a pretty good knife for like, $30, and a great one that will last you a lifetime for $100.
Tomato stuff. You did a mixed job there. Chances are the tomatoes at Walmart this time of year taste like watermelon, so good job on getting canned. Don't bother with canned sauce. You can make a decent sauce from mirepoix, oil, tomato puree, and wine very quickly. Practice that until you nail it. It's not that hard.
those noodles are meant for soup, are you making soup, you should make a soup
>>6408485
If you're starting, prechopped/seasoned stuff is perfectly fine. They make learning the basics easier and more encouraging, and when you're comfortable w/ the basics you can make your own sauces and seasonings and such. Don't hate.
>>6408489
Fuck you you can't tell op how to live his life he can make a ditalini sandwich if he damn well pleases
Hold on guys, I need to do some dishes first. And I'm really OCD about making sure they're 100% clean and sterilized.
I'll post some pics of my work-area though.
And for anyone wondering what I'm making, check the OP post.
>http://damndelicious.net/2014/05/17/olive-garden-pasta-e-fagioli/
>>6408462
Alright, Alright, I'll chop the fucken onion.
>>6408503
>>6408495
Oh, I'm not hating for sure. I just think learning how to chop shit is pretty valuable. OP also mentioned he's a poorfag, and so if he can spend 30 cents on an onion instead of however much prechopped onions cost, he might as well (though I guess it might not be much...)
>>6408505
>>6408503
>http://damndelicious.net/2014/05/17/olive-garden-pasta-e-fagioli/
Oh, sorry. Too many beers, can't read.
>>6408510
And before you ask, yes, I brush my teeth in the kitchen, not the bathroom.
It always made more sense to me. The bathroom is for showering, shitting, and getting dressed.
The kitchen is for eating, cooking, and cleaning your teeth after you eat.
>a fucking brony
I'm out.
>>6408513
>>6408517
I think this is basically last work-area pic. Next time, i'll just upload to an imgur album, so it doesn't feel like i'm spamming posts.
What is your cooking vessel?
Do you have any questions? I'm happy to help.
i can bake well. but i always forget how to make an omlette or a grilled cheese sandwich. this past week i learned the ways of le fromage grillé
First Procedures:
>In a large pot of boiling salted water, cook pasta according to package instructions; drain well and set aside.
>Heat 1 tablespoon olive oil in a large stockpot or Dutch oven over medium heat. Add Italian sausage to the skillet and cook until browned, about 3-5 minutes, making sure to crumble the sausage as it cooks; drain excess fat and set aside.
I doubled the meat because I like meat.
I doubled the oil because I doubled the meat.
>>6408559
>i doubled the oil because i doubled the meat
unnecessary, but wont change it too much
>>6408559
double oil probably wasnt neccessary but there's good thought process behind that
>>6408559
That's too much meat to achieve any good browning. Take it out and get your pan much more scorching hot.
Working on Procedure 1 and part of Procedure 2
Added a tiny bit extra garlic, because I like garlic.
Called for 3 cloves.
I added approx 3.5 cloves.
>>6408559
How much pasta are you cooking? That pot looks awfully small. I would've used your big ass pot for the pasta.
>>6408581
You might want to slow down on adding things. as a cook you have the right to modify the recipe but theirs a reason they have a recipe in the first place. just keep that in mind
Doubled the onions. I might regret that.
Didn't chop my own onion. No time.
Burned some of the pasta to bottom of pot, because I was posting and trying to do too many things at once.
Also, not gonna peel the carrots. No time.
>Brony is incompetent
Surprise surprise gamg
>>6408607
That meat doesn't look like it's browning very well. Do it in batches like other anon suggested.
It seems like you need to slow down. I'd chill out on improvising too. It's one thing to add a little more garlic, but doubling the meat might fuck up the recipe.
Held Knife closer to the fulcrum point or whatever, because I like more control, even at the cost of power
It's rough on the hands.
Recipe called for 3 carrots. I'm using 4.
Are you trolling me OP?
Flipped the meat. The oil splashed and burned me a little bit.
Roughed up my fingers with the knife, and burned part of my arm flipping the meat.
I'm starting to lose confidence.
But I will continue learning. And posting.
>for posterity
As one anon said.
>>6408615
holy shit dude, what are you doing? do you have a cutting board? your already shitty dull knife is going to be even duller. why are you cutting the carrots into coins? next time you cook something, look up how to cut these things.
>>6408505
>pony strategically placed near stove
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Chopped 5 celery instead of 2
I'm fucking starving. It might be affecting my judgement.
>>6408641
That celery is chopped way too coarsely to add. Whack it up a little more.
>>6408615
this can't be real
please tell me you're fucking with us
Not sure if troll but pony and lack of him responding to anyone makes me suspicious
DON'T CUT ON THE COUNTER JESUS CHRIST
YOU'LL RUIN BOTH THE COUNTER AND THE KNIFE
>>6408641
Are you chopping this shit directly on that countertop? You are dulling the everloving fuck out of that knife like that. Also you need those about 2/3rds thinner.
>>6408615
You have the right idea, but only have your thumb and index finger pinching the blade. Hold it like pic related.
Also, buy a better knife. Kiwi is a Thai company that makes pretty decent knives for ridiculously cheap (check Ebay). The downside is is that they're made of fairly soft steel which will need to be sharpened frequently, so look at picking up a honing steel too and possibly a sharpening stone (but you probably won't need one of these for quite some time). Either buy one of those or be prepared to spend a decent chunk of cash on a quality Japanese or German knife; there's no reason to buy a mid-priced generic supermarket brand because they're almost always shit and blunt straight out of the packet.
Buy a chopping board too. Unfortunately, you can't really skimp on these things since you get what you pay for. If you're willing to drop $100-$150 on a good quality chopping board, it will last a lifetime however.
>>6408604
dont disappoint us OP
Starting to heat vegetables like instructions say;
Meat is almost finished.
Pasta is finished.
I think broth and tomato sauce and beans are going to be added once veggies are cooked
god, i take it back. please, next time just buy the prechopped mirepoix and follow the goddamn recipe.
>>6408663
son you are gonna have the chunkiest soup
Filled the measuring cup up 3 times like recipe said.
Chicken broth looks fucking disgusting
>>6408505
>MLP
Bye.
>>6408400
Cut back on the amount of prepared food. Make it by scratch, It'll be cheaper and you'll learn something.
My other request is to not watch girls' cartoons but we both know that isn't possible.
In you go...
I'm really starting to lose faith in my ability to cook...
>>6408697
Looks my sick bucket from middle school
OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK
I can't open this can.
I don't have a can-opener.
Fucking damnit. BRB. Taking meat off the heat. Leaving broth on super-low. I gotta go to the fucking store. BRB.
God fucking damnit.
There's WAY too much salt in this
The broth is salted
The tomatoes are salted
The meatballs are salted
The beans are salted
The sausage is salted
OP, this is why people are telling you to cook from scratch. It's just going to have a ridiculous amount of sodium otherwise.
>>6408708
He also salted his pasta water
and before you ask how I did the other can...
..the other can had a pull-thing
>>6408510
>pony
That explains how you got to this age without learning to cook.
>>6408723
This thread is a glimpse into the future of the average american in a few years anon
Does it scare you?
>>6408707
HOW
H O W
>>6408400
>pre chopped onions
>jarred minced garlic
>canned tomato sauce
If you're going to cook, do it right... This is like buying a disassembled frozen food and putting it together.
>>6408726
Fucking terrifies me.
So many people don't know how to cook these days and they think it's funny or cute but holy shit cooking is a life skill. No one would think it were funny if you couldn't wipe your own ass properly so why is it acceptable to be unable to cook?
>>6408700
You have to brown the onions and celery you gigantic pleb... Go order a pizza and go back watching ponies, i hope your parents are very disappointed in you.
>>6408707
>this fucking guy doesnt know how to use a knife to open a can. fuck you
>>6408734
They're probably just in the next room, shouldn't be too hard for OP to ask what they think of him.
>>6408733
I think the worst part is its easier than ever to learn now with all the internet resources yet people are too lazy to bother going past the first recipe and buying preassembled shit like op
>>6408505
>MLP
Cya
>ops meat is coagulating grease right now
OP should have just got out one of the ninja swords from the display he most probably has and cut open the can.
Also do you own a turtle? You seem like the kind of guy who owns a turtle.
>>6408759
He can't even perform basic human functions , how the fuck is he gonna take care of a turtle?
>>6408762
It's probably his best friend, OP would definitely take care of said turtle. He can't figure out how to shave his face on a regular basis, but he sure as hell can give his turtle some lettuce.
Time-Stamped Receipt proving this is not an elaborate troll...
...I just really suck at life
>>6408513
>I brush my teeth in the kitchen
so you spit where you prepare food?
>>6408778
Okay but why don't you have a chopping board?
>>6408779
Do you put your food in the kitchen sink?
Time to get back to cooking...
....my whole apartment smells like onion...
>this thread
i feel like he's trying to troll us really hard
nobody can be that bad
>>6408794
I think stuff like this but there are some seriously stupid people out there.
>>6408794
I thought so too until he went out and bought a fucking can opener would anyone troll this hard?
>>6408794
Well it looks like he has finally left his nest and moved into an apartment - hence the empty cupboards and lack of kitchen tools and of course lack of any kind of self preserving instinct. It's the saddest thing i've seen in a while, my 8 year old daughter can take care of herself better than OP.
Basil, Oregano, and Thyme
I didn't even attempt to measure. Just pored it in until my heart told me it was right.
>>6408785
no but i wash my stuff in there
also wash my vegetables and whatever else
and bacteria reproduces
why would anyone want to spit in their kitchen sink
>>6408801
OP FUCK MY SIDES
>>6408799
This is 4chan. People commit to trolling here. Not even /ck/ is safe.
>>6408807
Come on anon... Imagine how much bacteria is in the sink, someone spitting in it won't make it worse.
>>6408801
Throw it out OP it was clear it will be disgusting from the first picture... You clearly lack the skills to salvage anything.
>>6408816
Shhh let him make his monster so we can watch
Just threw in the sausage and the water....
You know, this soup LOOKS horrible, but it SMELLS amazing.
Pinkie and I are betting on whether or not we'll be able to eat it.
I'm REALLY hungry. I started cooking like... hours ago. Good grief.
>>6408816
can OP make 3min noodles without screwing it up?
y/n
>>6408820
Also, I didn't drain the grease from the meat, because
>flavor
>>6408820
this effectively looks like a bucket of vomit
congratulations OP
>>6408820
I hope someone is screen capping this shit
>>6408820
What is that color
>>6408820
Looks like the sort of thing that will need to be cooked down for at least 45 minutes before it's edible. Enjoy you wait.
God...
The saddest part about this is... you're all right. It looks more like a troll than anything.
[spoiler]But I actually was trying to make a legitimate meal that I'd like to eat.
That feel. [/spoiler]
I think i've finally added all the ingredients. Give me a moment to re-check the recipe.
>>6408801
Definitely a troll. This fucking confirms it.
>>6408820
that looks nothing like the pics in the link.
Alright. We're not done.
We need to let it cook down, like the one anon said.
[spoiler]Just like mamma would do. [/spoiler]
Then we need to add [pic related]. Pasta and beans.
I turned up the heat from a 1 to a 3. (it was on super-low because I was shopping, remember)
>>6408838
you changed everything about the recipe, and ignored all of our advice. what did you expect?
And to the brony haters:
Pinkie has been with me the entire time.
I actually think its funny people would still flip their shit because ponies. It's been like four years. I woulda thought people would be more mellow about it now.
But thanks anyway, for the laughs.
>>6408854
B-b-but anon the pasta will be dry and shriveled up by the time you can add it... Why?
>>6408854
>I turned up the heat from a 1 to a 3. (it was on super-low because I was shopping, remember)
so it didnt cook at all?
welp
>>6408856
I didn't have time to read everyone's posts. I was too busy cooking.
I figured I'd go back and read everyones posts, from the beginning, after I sat down and started eating.
Don't worry guys, I'll read every. single. post. (including re-reading my own)
I'm obsessive like that. Whenever I post in a thread, I lurk every single post, until the thread 404s.
>>6408859
>I thought my fetish of children's cartoons would be accepted
Never ever you are human scum
>>6408715
the floor is more in focus than whatever that thing is
>>6408854
Please at least cover that pasta. It's going to be a solid lump by the time you get to it.
I hope someone is gonna cap this the day a brony cooked for ck
>>6408870
>fetish
It's not a fetish. I just like pinkie. She's a sweet pony.
God this shit smells amazing.
I'm really fucking hungry. Look at the time difference between these two posts:
>>6408505
>>6408859
10:34
12:44
From the same stove. That's how much time has elapsed. I'm fucking starving.
>>6408883
Oh god that meat looks terrifying
>>6408883
gotta get your mise en place, bro. it'll make shit go by quicker.
>>6408859
Do you really not see the issue with putting any sort of stuffed animal on your fucking kitchen counter as you cook? First off, it shows how unstable of a person you are that you need reassurance or comfort. Second, if you actually valued your possessions, you'd know that's a good way to get it filthy. Third, it's the same shit as taking a picture with money or guns in the frame, it's just an attempt to get attention about whatever it is. Overall, people were chill about it, the focus was more on the trainwreck that you consider cooking. If you're 18 or older, I really do feel embarrassed for you. Judging by your fridge contents, I doubt you are a fully functioning independent adult.
>>6408604
why are you so pressed for time
is mommy going to come home soon and beat you for leaving the basement?
>>6408883
>taking this long to cook that abomination
This whole dish could be made in the same amount of time it takes to cook your liquid down to the desired level. Also I hope it tastes good because you're going to have a truck load of left overs.
Also
>those huge chunks of meat
Did you miss the part where the recipe says to crumble that shit up as it cooks?
>>6408894
He had enough time to run to the store to a get a can opener though but not enough to chop a fucking onion
>>6408430
Just, ya know, pointing out that modern medicine and education play a large role in life expectancy, not necessarily pesticide application.
>>6408892
welcome to 4chan you fucking filthy casual
It's starting to get kinda darker.
The pictures don't do it justice. But trust me, the whole soup is starting to look darker.
Not sure if this is a good sign or bad sign.
>>6408914
Just add in about a tablespoon of salt and it'll go back to the right colour. It might take a little more.
Also, if there are any
>brony scum
lurking this thread, this was what I was listening to pretty much the whole time I was cooking:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=wdi7WXkd5Qg
(I have wireless headset)
I just love hearing her voice.
I'm also debating leaving out the beans. I don't really like beans. Even when in olive garden, I always thought they should at least use half the beans.
I really just wanted this soup for the broth, meat, and veggies
But no beans. I hate beans. I don't even know why I bought the beans.
I might throw half a can in there. Just so it's close to the original recipe. But I really don't like beans.
>>6408914
W-what is that bubbly shit on the top
>>6408927
It's cooking bro.
The heat and all that makes it bubble.
>>6408926
>to be close to the recipe
At this point you might as well throw In some Velveeta and call it a day
Another Status Update.
>>6408940
you might wanna leave it covered anon
so, you know, it actually cooks
>>6408940
And after stirring it: [pic related]
This is really exciting. I think I actually like cooking. There's something about not eating the moment you get hungry, but rather, slaving over your food for over 2 hours, watching it grow and develop...
I think this is going to be the most meaningful meal i've eaten in 3 years. Because I made it myself. I'm so happy.
>>6408926
Did you remember to get garlic bread to serve it with?
If this cooking adventure doesn't work out will you try again? Or will you go back to eating chickie nuggers and mountain dew for every meal?
>>6408942
I've been covering it. I just take the lid off so I can take a picture.
>>6408944
I'll keep trying. My parents would be ashamed that I waited until I was 21 to start trying to learn to cook.
My parents have been trying to teach me to cook since I was 15 years old. I was never very receptive. Course I moved out at 18, so the lessons kinda ended there. And I haven't really even made an attempt to cook in 3 years.
>>6408949
You are fucking 21 and this is what you can do? Depressing. I would be more sympathetic but you've listened to no one's advice.
>>6408955
I was busy cooking!
I asked for the advice BEFORE I started, because I knew once I got started, I wouldn't have time to read each person's posts. I was busy cooking.
I'll go back and re-read the entire thread later.
>>6408949
you take the lid off you lose the steam you fuck up the cooking
>>6408957
how did you expect us to predict you'd be doing horribly stupid stuff
>>6408957
No one is going to assume you aren't going to use a cutting board or have the foresight to know your dumb ass is going to hold the knife with several fingers curled around the blade. You've stopped several times to respond to posts and still ignore people telling you to follow the recipe before changing shit. Yet you've changed shit every step of the way.
>>6408957
You have the skills of a child and I'm not exaggerating I'm honestly surprised you didn't burn !ore than the pasta no one could have been prepared for this
>>6408957
You've ignored all advice as far as I could see, even the stuff that came from before you started like... chop your own fucking onion. People even posted how to cut the onion to reduce your whiny baby tears. Have you been tasting your soup as it develops to see what it needs? You do know to taste your food as you make it to adjust for seasoning, right?
Of course you don't, and if you did you probably would have tried raw ground beef to see how it was coming along.
hey OP, great that you're making the effort for cooking for yourself, you'll save a lot of money in the end and will develop an incredibly valuable skill - in addition to making delicious meals!
here's some things you should consider doing in the future
>buy a cutting board
a good wooden cutting board is a must - allows you to master basic knife skills like dicing and rocking chops - you can dice an onion, mince garlic, etc at home far more easily than on a countertop, you can disinfect it far more easily than with a countertop, and it won't damage your countertop or your knife
>buy a good knife and learn how to sharpen it and hold it
having a sharp knife makes a world of things easier, from cutting onions to shredding cabbage. learning to sharpen and maintain an edge is an essential skill, it's worth investing at least 50 in a good knife and learning how to sharpen it
>do prep work before you begin and clean up as you go along
makes cooking a far easier process, and means you don't end up with a mountain of washing up at the end of the meal. chop veggies, measure out wet and dry ingredients, and everything else BEFORE you start cooking, then you won't burn stuff or mess up any other aspects while cooking because you were cutting vegetables
also, stop watching MLP, you're a fucking adult
>>6408960
OK, [pic related] is my last peak.
I'll let it cook now.
>>6408963
*shrugs*
You guys are the chefs. Thought you'd be able to anticipate any mistakes I might be inclined to make.
And you guys are all taking this thread really seriously. While I wasn't deliberately trolling anyone, and I really wouldn't say I was trolling at all.... But at the same time, I did this partly for the lulz. (and partly because I'm starving as shit)
I did this for funz. I knew it was going to be terrible. That's why I created the thread in the first place. I knew it was going to take me a while to learn to cook, and I wouldn't get it perfect my first try.
Everybody just calm down and laugh. It was a fun day.
>>6408976
you fucked up, cut your fingers and burnt yourself
how the fuck is that "fun"
>>6408979
What do you expect from a guy who watches a cartoon for 10 year old girls?
>>6408976
He was fucking with you. You need to reduce the heat, skim the foam, and learn to stir your shit periodically. It looks like you didn't stir the pasta at all as it boiled. It also looks slightly undercooked and is probably cement now if it hasn't been added yet, or mush if it was added before you kept boiling the piss out of your soup. At least all of this extra cooking will make those giant chunks of vegetable edible.
>>6408979
I'll give you a hint:
You guys and your reactions helped make it fun. It wouldn't have been nearly as fun if I had been in there
>forever alone
Just cooking away.
But instead, I was posting, you guys were shitting your pants, and it was just... all so much fun.
I regret nothing.
I knew the minute I decided not to peel those carrots, that things were going to be interesting.
Also, I didn't wash the celery. There was some dirt on it, just a little bit, but I threw it in there anyway.
Sometimes you just gotta eat a little dirt. It's good for the immune system. My mother has an auto-immune condition brought on by an untreated hormone problem that went on for 20+ years. She thinks I have the same hormone imbalance, and could very likely get the same condition, if I don't do something about it. So little things like exercise here and there, eat a little dirt if the veggies are dirty, things like this help prevent auto-immune conditions. Hopefully I'll be healthier when I'm an older adult.
>>6408993
showing how insanely incompetent you are is fun just because people call you out on it?
you really need to get your 'tisms checked out, it's probably a serious mental illness at this point
Holy hell. Should I turn the heat down?
It's been on '3' this whole time. But I guess its just been getting hotter and hotter, and now its boiling like crazy.
>>6408927
scum. happens whenever you make a broth.
Guys, this shit is starting to look and smell really fucking amazing.
Maybe I didn't fuck up so bad afterall. It just looked shitty earlier because it wasn't done yet.
>>6408999
Turn it up or leave it alone it'll get cold too fast if you don't let conduct at least 20 more minutes
>>6408999
Mate you might as well just serve it up. It's not going to reduce with the lid on like that.
Add your pasta in, skip the beans if you don't want them, let the pasta get warm in there for a minute or so, then dish up.
Just to be clear when you serve food you don't ladle it out onto the counter top. Get a plate or a bowl and serve it onto that. Eat with a fork or a spoon or both.
If you'd like to have a drink with your meal then make sure to use a cup to prevent the liquid from going everywhere.
>>6409007
every long-simmered/reduced sauce or broth starts out looking like shit and then becomes dank as fuck after a couple of hours.
i'm sure your soup will be tasty if the seasoning is on point.
don't crowd the pan when you fry meat, learn to control your heat better and learn knife skills.
>>6409009
Nice save bro wouldn't want op to accidentally scoop it from the pot to his mouth with bare hands
>>6409016
Covering all my bases. OP has demonstrated acute levels of stupidity thus far.
ALSO OP DON'T PUT YOUR DICK IN THE SOUP IT'LL BE REALLY HOT AND WILL BURN YOUR SHIT
>>6409033
But this thread is for teh lulz and teh funz. Didn't you read?
>>6409039
Its all lelz and funz till op is in the emergency room with soup dick
Shit you guys, you all had me thinking I'd done a really terrible job.
I just had a couple spoonfuls. This shit is good. I don't know what all you guys are complaining about, but this is really good.
If only I could give you guys a bowl. If you could taste this, you probably wouldn't be giving me a hard time. This shit is good.
I decided not to throw any beans in there at all.
I don't regret this decision.
>>6409045
/ck/ in general does a terrible job of judging how a dish is gonna taste if the presentation is unattractive.
>>6409045
Fuck. I started eating faster, and I forgot to blow on one of my spoonfuls.
I think I just scalded the back of my throat.
>>6409045
Good for you next time do some prep take advice from this thread and make sure you have all the tools you need
Who knows maybe in a few years you'll quit obsessing over cartoon horses and cook for your girlfriend probably not though
>>6409045
No one was whinging about how it would taste. We were losing spaghetti over things like you cutting up your veges on the countertop and using pre-cut onions when it would have been cheaper, easier, and approximately only 10 seconds slower to simply cut them up yourself.
>>6409045
>dat kiddy pasta
>those horribly unevenly chopped vegetables
>that awful, vomitty looking sauce
nope.avi
>>6409052
Will Do!
*salutes Mr. Chef*
>>6409055
That, and considering he lives on frozen food/fast food, no one cares what he finds tasty. The manchild probably urinates pure Dew.
Also, yesterday, I didn't eat breakfast, or lunch. And it's 2 am and I'm just now having dinner.
The fact that I didn't eat for more than 24 full hours could be partially why I think this stuff taste so good. I've found over the years, the longer you wait to eat, the more you'll like things you wouldn't normally like
Like mushrooms. Can't stand the sight of them. But if you don't eat for 24 hours... then suddenly they're not too bad.
I still think it taste pretty good, though.
>>6409074
>doesn't like mushrooms
>likes ponies and mountain dew
Do you own any of the following:
a) set of ninja swords bought cheap that come with warnings not to even swing them
b) trench coat
c) fedora(s)
d) flesh light
e) a book that's something like 'Pick Up Artistry For Dummies'
>>6409074
You might have an eating disorder
>>6409082
He has a manchild disorder.
More like I have an energy problem.
Which leads to a perceived 'laziness problem'.
I used to treat my energy problem with amphetamines. But my parents convinced me to quit. They think I'm a drug addict.
Now I can hardly get out of bed on some days. I nap all the time. And I just generally don't do much.
I got fired from one job. I just did well in an interview, and think i'm about to have a new job. But I wonder how bad my performance is going to be, because I don't have the drug to treat my energy problem.
You know its real, when you're literally starving, but you procrastinate making food because you're 'too tired' to make it.
These last few hours have been the most active hours of my entire day.
When on amphetamines, in my daily exercises, I was power-walking 8.2 miles each day, with a 40 lb vest on.
Now... sometimes I struggle to power-walk 1.5 miles, WITHOUT any weighted vests on.
My energy is being completely sapped.
It's the most bizarre phenomena. I haven't lost any muscle mass, but it's like... like the energy just isn't there. Like the muscles are useless because I just don't have any energy.
>>6409121
That's because you're malnourished, start eating normal food,stop drinking sodas and stop buying prepackaged shit filled with preservatives you can easily chop up and prepare yourself.
>>6409121
you're malnourished op. stop eating junk and start eating real food. and drink water.
>>6409130
>>6409135
I'm not malnourished. I normally eat quite a bit.
And I only drink soda when I dont have any amphetamines. When I have the drug, my 'taste' for soda sorta fades away, and I have no problem drinking water all day. But whenever I run out of amphetamine, it's like... this craving develops, and I start chugging down the sodas again.
I just have an energy problem. And one day I'm going to die, and my parents are going to find out that I wasn't a drug addict, but in fact, the drug was treating something.
I'm so tired. I'm so god-aweful tired.
I think i'm going to bed. I'll review this thread in the morning.
Also, I take a vitamin with my food every single day. Trust me, I'm not malnourished.
>>6409121
That's because your diet is shit. Cut down on carbs like pasta and bread and shit like that and eat more meats and vegetables. Your energy levels will increase with a balanced diet. And stop drinking soda, switch to water, iced tea, or something else that isn't packed with sugar. You might also have a hormonal imbalance, you should check with an endocrinologist.
>>6409146
Malnourished doesn't mean that you don't eat enough it means that the food you eat isn't supplying you with the needed vitamins, fats and minerals you need to keep your body functioning properly, also amphetamines give you the illusion of energy that's why when you come down you feel like shit and have no energy, eat healthy, stop using amphetamines and your energy will come back.
>no "wa la!"
shit thread
>>6409146
>I'm not malnourished. I normally eat quite a bit.
It doesn't matter how much you eat when all you eat is fast food and frozen garbage. Your fridge/pantry was just sad, because I can only imagine what you're (not) putting into your body. A vitamin isn't going to fix unhealthy eating.
>>6408400
>prechopped onions
wut
>>6409146
i didn't say you didn't eat enough, i said you are malnourished. if all you eat is junk food you are getting virtually no nutrition in your diet, regardless of how much you eat. a single multivitamin isn't going to do shit to help either, as your body probably can't even absorb that properly. but hey continue with what you've been doing, sounds like it's been working great.
>tfw no Barney anon to call out this Barneyfag
>>6409165
don't even fucking start.
we don't need that kind of autism on /ck/
>>6409170
He's a warrior with a Knightly duty to call out all Barneyfags
It really doesn't surprise me at all that OP tried to use spoilers in one of his posts. He probably came straight from /v/ to do this shit and is going to go straight back after.
>>6409121
wait, then who pays for your apartment rent if you're not working
He's not malnourished, he's probably depressed or just a speed user experiencing the usual withdrawal symptoms. Hypersomnia, dysphoria etc.
Carry on forcing yourself to cook OP, regular old willpower will come back to you eventually.
>>6409454
Good job OP. You tried. Now you can work on improving your cooking skills.
Op here, just woke up.
I left the soup on '1' all night. I just turned it back to '2' so it can really start warming back up. Gonna have it for breakfast.
>>6409445
I haven't been unemployed a whole month yet.
But I might have to ask my parents for some money, because even if I do get this job, I won't have been working long enough, to have made enough money, by the time its time to pay rent.
>>6409519
Have you seen any of the show "Supersize vs Superskinny"
Typically both sides of the scale are undernourishing themselves, the skinnys typically by not eating enough, and the supersizes by not eating anything good.
It's helping me through some eating issues I have with myself. Especially with dealing with withdrawal, you're going to want to fill your body with good foods so you can have energy again the natural way.
The meal you posted last night was hefted up with meat, but at the same time it's a good step in the right direction.
Check out an episode or two, they're all on youtube.
>>6409519
Just saw this thread OP. I'm up for a bit of hand holding if you have any questions that were not answered in the thread.
>99 % fat free
>>6408615
HAHAHHA
Please post again the next time you cook something OP. I for one would enjoy following your adventures in cheffery.
>>6408430
No surprise that the guy who buys pre-chopped onions at wal-mart and thinks the olive garden is the pinnacle of fine dining is the same guy with strong, angry opinions about how organic food is for hippies.
I wonder how so many people manage to go on with their lives eating such shit. Just looking at those ingredients disgusts me.
>>6408422
What does it being a carrot change in whether it's organic or not compared to anything else?
>>6409742
>Burning your eyeballs when you can pay a few extra shekels to be spared the unpleasant sensation
> thinks the olive garden is the pinnacle of fine dining
Assumption. I said nothing to indicate this.
>angry opinions
another incorrect assumption you've made about me.
No matter which board you're on, it seems 4chan will always be 4chan.
By the way, guys, this shit has literally been cooking all night while I slept, and all morning.
I had another bowl for breakfast. The veggies aren't nearly as crunchy anymore.
>>6409822
>unpleasant sensation
Sharpen your knife and run it under cold water before cutting the onion - crisis averted. How dense are you really? The onions sit there whole day or two and they lose nutrients and flavor because of that dumbass... also the the jarred minced garlic also is flavorless shit filled with preservatives. But please do go on with your life but then don't bitch about not having energy because you eat like shit.
>>6408430
holy shit i can't breathe.
>>6409845
The cold water trick doesn't work. My parents always tried every trick in the book. You can't do anything to keep the onions from burning your eyes.
I'm heading back to walmart to see if I can find a mixing bowl for $3 or less. If I can... We'll make one more thing in this thread.
>>6409822
No matter which board you're on, it seems OP will always be a faggot.
>>6409822
I correctly assumed you're a raging faggot.
>>6409822
> can barely handle a mild burning sensation from a regular cooking procedure
> "I'm just so tiiiiiired all the time, I have a disorder"
You sound like a massive bitch
>>6409837
You gonna have it for dinner again? You should make some croutons.
>>6409857
Please stop defending your incompetence, the only way you can burn your eyes while cutting onions is with a dull knife or well judging by your carrot cutting i can safely say that you're just retarded and can't do simple tasks... I'm chopping onions every single day and i can't remember the last time an onion has burned my eyes.
>>6409857
Buy a cutting board.
>>6408505
>MLP
If any of you faggots can guess what I'm about to make, I'll give you shell access to one of the servers I bought the other day.
Or I'll make you a website or something.
Rules: You have to make the guess, before I post anything too revealing. I'm about to clean up from yesterday, so I'd estimate you have 20 minutes to guess.
Hint: This item adheres to my personality, and there are other indicative items in my previous posts, that could serve as a hint to what i'm about to make.
>>6409972
>This item adheres to my personality
You're making a penis shaped meat loaf and cramming it up your ass?
>>6409976
>penis shaped meat loaf
Sorry, that's not it.
I'll just reply to whoever gets it, if they get it. If I don't reply, then assume you got it wrong.
>>6409972
Pancakes
>>6409991
You're getting so warm. So god-aweful warm.
But that's not technically it.
>>6410002
>aweful
>>6410002
A pink pony cake?
>>6410002
crepes
>>6410013
Even closer, but still not technically correct.
>>6410002
>not technically it
Not that Anon, but I knew you'd pull this shit. You're going to say that it's a specific kind of pancake/flapjack/whatever the shit to avoid being called out almost immediately.
>>6409880
This. I could shove my nose into what I've chopped and it wouldn't burn my nose. Unless your knife is so dull that you are crushing the onion, it won't put off enough of anything to make you even notice.
>>6410017
>You're going to say that it's a specific kind of pancake/flapjack/whatever
Actually no. If anything the
>pink pony cake
was too specific.
Like I have the time to make a pony cake.
If 'cake' had been correct, then i'd expect the answer 'cake', not 'pink pony cake'.
But 'cake' is not correct. Even if its very, very close.
I'll go ahead and divulge that what i'm gonna make is something you'd find in a bakery. Cmon guys, this should be easy.
>>6410016
I seriously hope you're trying to make something leavened. Enjoy your gluten brick.
>>6410027
>something you'd find in a bakery
A penis shaped cake that you'll cram up your ass?
>>6410031
Close, but no.
You guys are definitely closer than you think you are. You're in the right class of food.
Alright. Last hint. You'll probably get it within seconds because of this hint.
This is not a specific kind of cake. This is a category of cake. It has cake in the name. But this is not a cake. At least, not in the traditional sense.
It is related to pinkie's personality.
If you can't get it after this hint, god have mercy on your souls.
Aw, man. I would have stayed up if I knew I might see a brony cut off his fingers or burn his house down.
I'm just glad none of that happened.
Because I would have missed it.
>>6408505
>fluttershy mai waifu
>>6410036
Its OK. You might get another chance. I'm about to make something else.
>>6410035
God, just fuck off.
>>6410027
Aww yeah OP is gonna bake now, i thought i wasn't gonna drink today but goddamn now i have to get some booze.
Can you guys really not guess correctly with all the info i've given you.
It's no fun if no one ever makes the correct guess.
Last hint. Good lord.
The correct answer is:
'...-cake'
Again, this is not a specific kind of cake, as in, its not going to be like 'carrot cake' or 'red velvet cake' but rather, this is a category of food.
Pinkie.
Pinkie.
Pinkie.
What is she always doin? What is she always making? What is the name of that one fanfic?
Someone please say the word.
>>6410055
PENIS
If you guys can't guess correctly after pic-related. I'm gonna be very, very sad.
>>6410035
A category of cake? What the fuck are you smoking?
>Butter cakes
>Pound cakes
>Bundt cakes
>Sponge Cakes
>Angel Cakes
>Foam/Chiffon Cakes
Not much else.
Christmas cake.
>>6410064
BLACK PENIS
>>6410070
Well, in your case
>Oil cakes
because you got a nasty ass powdered mix instead of the ingredients to make it fresh. Do you realize how easy it is to make frosting yourself? It's no more difficult to make a basic cake from scratch than use a boxed mix. You fucked up.
Oh wait, I realize what you're making now. You're going to make a dump cake and pour your nasty ass Dew all over it.
OP, wind your fucking neck in.
Mini-cakes. Mmmm, I love mini-cakes.
The correct answer was:
'Cup-Cake'
or
'CupCake'
I would've also accepted the case-insensitive variants.
>>6410055
>What is the name of that one fanfic
I would say something with muffins but "-cake".
>>6410081
Please just go the fuck back to /v/
>>6410081
http://www.epicurious.com/archive/howtocook/primers/cakestypes
Cupcakes are portion-sizes, not a category of cake. Cupcakes can be made from several different actual cake styles.
>>6410087
Keep this faggot out of /v/.
Make him go to /mlp/ or /lgbt/ or something.
>>6410089
OK well sorry Master Chef that I didn't say it the technical way.
You gotta remember i'm a normalfag who's not really a real chef. I'm gonna think the way a normalfag thinks. And I'm pretty sure most non-chef normalfags would call 'cupcakes' a category of cake. (even if they're not technically correct)
Sucks that nobody guessed it. I was legitimate about the prize. Just ordered a Lenovo ThinkServer, HP Proliant, and Dell PowerEdge the other day.
>>6410095
>/v/
Yea, I don't play vidya games.
>/lgbt/
Yea, I'm actually a straight heterosexual male. You know. Normal. Like everyone else should be. If you have a dick, you're a guy. If you have a vag, you're a girl. If you have both, you get to choose.
All this new gender shit is just ridiculous, I heard there are over 30 different genders.
Next thing you know, kids are gonna be saying they're lizards in a human's body. Or something strange like that.
>>6410096
OH MY GOD NO ONE GIVES A SHIT PLEASE GO
