Post about your local comms!
Be careful when talking about people, since we're not supposed to single anyone out specifically anymore. We don't want the thread to be deleted suddenly.
Any cool upcoming meets?
What do you love or hate about your comm?
What concrit would you have for your comm?
These are just some sample starter topics.
sorry forgot to include the link to old thread
here:
>>8960803
I think my comm is planning something for Phoenix comic con since they usually do. But I left the comm to get my shit together mentally and am too embarrassed to ask to join again.
>>9003967
Just contact a mod and explain why you left. I doubt they'd reject you for doing what you had to for your mental health.
>>9003967
No we're not
>>9003967
Different comm, but don't be embarrassed. This shows maturity that you took time off for those reasons. You can even be vague about it and say "for health reasons." If they inquire further, just say that it's personal and you'd rather not talk about it but you do appreciate the concern.
>>9003967
If this is M, you are obsessive, stalker levels of crazy and am glad you're gone. You are alarming and have girls concerned.
If not, by all means proceed.
My comm is having a tea meet tomorrow and I've been looking forward to it because I haven't worn Lolita out in a while and I'm excited to get dressed up again.
>be in 3 local comms
>too poor and sick to attend the events that have been popping up lately
goddammit body get your shit together, we have so much worth living for.
>>9004102
Wow, nice to know the AZ comm hasn't lost that edge.
>>9004153
Sorry we don't want a girl who has violent, obsessive tendencies to come and stab us at a meetup?
I pulled a stupid and agreed to go to my first meet up ever workout remembering I really don't have one solid coord yet and I'm still waiting on accessories to come in the mail that may not get here in time. I've got dresses and Pettis and blouses but nothing to really bring it all together
>>9004205
Without remembering, not workout, thanks phone
My comm is having two ILD meets. One is really nice with well dressed girls but sadly at this time I can't afford it. The other is a park picnic meet with borderline itas. I wanted to wear a nice coord but it just doesn't work for a picnic meet. I wish there was a middle option.
Aw man, this sure is a fuzzy pickle
>never went to meets or worn lolita outfit since like..5 years
>introvert,low self confidence,awkward because aspergers,..
>feel kinda "alien" next to the other girls and have that paranoia that they probably hate me
>finally get back to wearing lolita this year
>feel a bit more confident to wear it, wishes to do so outside but barely have any friends or places to go
>get invited to a meet to a town about 1hour away
>it's sunday, i have to study for exams!!
>nice extrovert lolita friends is like "you're coming!! and my roomie will drive us"
>she seems liked amongst other lolitas and stuff
>free ride hell yeah, if i study more during the week and saturday it seems ok
>let's do this!
>pick out an outfit, feels kinda excited and warm
Then i take a look at the facebook page
>cool lolitas everywhere
>tfw that one efamous lolita i respect is there
>feels that horrible feeling like i'm going to be an annoyance/get on their nerves/not be cool enough to fit
>>9004218
>feels that horrible feeling like i'm going to be an annoyance/get on their nerves/not be cool enough to fit
i wish i could help you but this is how i feel all the time--even on cgl, even in my own house--and i do not know how to manage the feeling.
so, just know you are not alone.
>>9004225
It warmed my heart a little to know i'm not alone in this, thank you anon
Maybe if i fluff my petticoat enough i'll be more assertive?
>>9004208
You could create a middle option by going to a teahouse or cafe, where you order at the barista and go sit at a table. Be the change you want to be.
I can't help but feel so out of place in my comm. I'm not an ita, but I don't have much social standing with the main group of experienced lolitas and mods. I wish I could join them and that we could all be well dressed together. But unfortunately, my personality clashes with theirs. But I apparently attract the itas and fatty-chans...because they're all so spergey and don't know how to socialize with one another. So they see me as this bridge that makes it possible for them to branch out of their comfort zones and interact with one another. It's cute but annoying, especially since I'm pushing 30 and these girls are like barely 20.
I feel like an adult that has to sit at the kids table...I can't even keep up with some of their conversations honestly, and yet they still cling to me...
>>9004218
When I joined my local comm I was super scared because so many of the members are well dressed and there are several well-known, respected members. I was shy because I didn't know anyone, but they all turned out to be really friendly and welcoming. I'm not on the spectrum, but I do have dyspraxia so I was a very socially awkward kid, and really worry about meeting new people.
I think you have a good start because you already have friends to go with, but just go, try to say hi to everyone and join in a few conversations. If you are conscious of 'not being annoying' you probably won't be e.g. When I meet new people I'm hyper aware of not interrupting because I'm super bad for that. Not everyone will want to be BFFs and that's ok- most people aren't friends with everyone in their comm, but I'm sure you'll meet some people you do get on with. If you are nervous about your coord, post it to the coord thread for reassurance.
>>9004510
are you me?
>>9004532
It made me feel lots better to read all this. Thanks anon girl/bro.
I will maybe post my coord?
>ordered pink beret a while ago
>remember it arrives this week
>know what coord to do with it
>yesyesyes
>beret arrived today
>tfw it's bright pink
Here lies my hopes and dreams
>>9004142
MI comm? I'm also super excited. I like tea meetups just because they are always so fancy.
Any decent comms in Maryland? The two I know of are super cringe...
>>9004510
You sound like a piece of shit, honestly. It's no wonder you don't have any friends besides itas.
>friends and I are lolitas
>have squad
>we all talk about our daily problems like what happens in class, share things etc
>when I post things the conversation seems to go dead/blown off
>I'm posting things like what happens in class etc, weird fighting game I found with a frumpy Lolita in it
>maybe I'm annoying
>wishing they would tell me what's up, I care for them alot, we are all in the same comm
>>9004622
Didn't say I don't have friends though :^)
>>9004218
Dude, you'll be glad to hear this: if a likeable, well-dressed lolita is literally dragging you to a meetup, you're golden. You must dress well and/or have a good personality. If you're nervous about interacting, bank on looking good. As long as you look good, even if you don't talk much, other lolitas will like you. We're shallow.
>>9004720
>We're shallow
Good to know I'm not the only one. It's terrible but I find myself being less willing to make an effort to engage with badly-dressed lolitas unless there's something about the that really strikes my interest.
Would anyone in Tucson be interested in a small meet for ILD? I want to do something, but I don't think I will be making it to Phoenix this time around. I would love to plan a small tea service if anyone else won't be making the drive.
>>9004234
You can do it!
If you're unsure, run your outfit past your friend and think of a few conversation topics.
I finally have the weekend of ILD off from work and my comm has yet to decide what is happening. It's so frustrating, we have many members who want to do OTT but don't want to pay the OTT price for either their outfits or location. Ultimately it's a mess, so I might see if an of my friends want to do a private high-tea somewhere and meet with the main comm later in the day
>>9004556
yep, MI. It seems like it will be a lot of fun and I haven't been to any big tea meets so I'm excited.
I'm a silly goose and bought VIP tickets to my first meet. I'm excited as fuck but also a little nervous cause it's gonna be my first time meeting anyone in my comm.
For reasons I don't want to get into, I don't really speak with my family anymore and my personality seems to come off as alienating to people. This is what I've heard from co-workers in the past.
I want to make a good impression at my first meet so that I am not some weirdo just showing up one day and posting on facebook out of fucking nowhere.
How do I dodge overly personal conversations? I feel I tend to get defensive super quickly with people sometimes and I don't want that to be an issue at a meet.
Also I am in therapy but it only does so much for my day to day life.
>>9004510
I'm worried about this. I've heard a lot of girls in my local comm don't own brand.... and I own quite a few pieces now.... Wanted to build up a wardrobe before attending meets and now that I have, I'm scared..
>>9004735
I don't think this is a bad thing at all. If you are well dressed, it's natural to prefer talking to other well dressed lolitas. You probably have more in common with them, since you all care enough about lolita to make it a priority. The girls who aren't dressed as well are probably either not as serious about the fashion or simply are not at the point in their lives where they can afford it - neither of which are bad things of course, it just naturally puts a distance between you and them.
>>9004622
As someone who used to play MtG with a group of disgusting neckbeards on a weekly basis, I can honestly say that sometimes someone's personality will fit their ugly appearance.
Unfortunately because so much of society will treat "ugly" people a certain their lives become harder because they will succeed less than someone who was even moderately attractive would. They tend to lash out at people because they have become defensive. They can be really toxic people to be friends with. Sometimes even dangerous. They often feel entitled to other people.
I've seen some really bad stuff happen to good people because someone was all "waah I'm an outcast, everyone thinks I'm fat".
And sure, sometimes "ugly" people are innocent but not always.
>>9004785
Just be polite and don't bring up personal topics. Everything you mention here is TMI already. Keep conversation light and pleasant. Look up an old-fashioned manners and conversation guide if you need help with the basics, and don't talk about therapy to new acquaintances. You don't have to be stiff and formal, just neutral and pleasant. If something is brought up that bothers you, either change the subject or bear through it until you know people better. Don't get on any soapboxes when you first meet people. If you find them truly objectionable then avoid them for now. Once people get to know you they are more likely to care about your opinions and feelings. To start talk about shared interests and lolita fashion, then maybe listen and get a sense for what the group is like.
>>9004796
Ooh ok then, yeah Sam is long gone, as in not even in the state anymore, and things are pretty quiet lately. I actually kind of wish something would happen (not drama) to bring some life back to the group because I feel like a lot of regulars are burnt out and the newbs just come and go in the blink of an eye, so it's been a little dead.
H's monthly coord/haul threads and the WIP thread now are helping but it's still kinda snoresville.
>>9004813
Which Sam there's like 3 that have been in the group.
>>9004785
Dodge overly personal questions that are directed to you by giving brief sentences like "oh, unfortunately I don't like talking about that, I'm kinda weird about it. Let's talk about [insert fun subject here]". Though honestly I'd be really surprised by anybody asking such questions directly to you when they meet you for the first time...
Basically, just try to give equal spotlight to other people talking, listen to them, and give brief questions that will continue the group conversation. And contribute a story or discussion, but give other people time to chime in. And don't talk about yourself too long. Everybody likes to talk about themselves to a certain extent, but if you hog the spotlight then it ends up being a monologue, not a conversation.
You don't need to talk about your family; you can talk about other things, like your hobbies, stories from work, shows/books/games/comics you like, etc.
You get better with socializing the more you practice, and everybody has to start somewhere, so go do it, anon! I believe in you.
>>9004821
I think saying you don't want to talk about something and admitting you're weird about it is worse. I'd just give vague answers and immediately say "what abou you?". Most people like talking about themself so it should be easy to redirect the conversation.
>>9004820
Oh Sam Rae. I figured it out on my own. I'll see myself out.
Yeah I'm glad she's gone.
>>9004816
https://archive.rebeccablacktech.com/cgl/thread/S8903208#p8903260
I don't really want to stir shit because she's gone for hopefully good now, but basically
>ugly as sin girl joins comm last year
>hears about BtB and cgl and talks about beating the shit out of anyone who uses them, frequently makes "jokes" alluding to hurting people who do her wrong
owtheedge.png
>buys a metric fuckton of rare dresses with her boyfriend and later fiance's money
>can't coord them at all, literally asks for people to spoonfeed her coordinates every single time she wears lolita
>starts getting pretty attention-seeking and demanding people pick her up for meetups that are way out of the way of her trailer or whatever in BF Egypt, demands that meetup dates be scheduled around her, and the icing on the cake, invites every single person in the 350+ person comm to her wedding reception
>frequently bawwwwleets things when she's told that things like inviting 300 strangers to your wedding might be a poor decision
>gets a bunch of people mildly irritated enough to make stupid secrets, mostly telling her to grow up and stop blaming all her problems on everyone else and expecting the world to cater to her
>culminates in her going to a meetup, pouting for half an hour, and leaving without talking to anyone, then saying that everyone was in "cliques" and "ignored her", meanwhile she posts in the comm asking for people to plan her a birthday meetup with her crazy schedule restrictions, deletes it after like 10 minutes with maybe 2 likes and no comments, and bawwwws on her personal page that no one likes her
>at some point discovers the BtB secrets from weeks ago, flips 100 shits and deletes everyone (EVERYONE) save like 10 people from her facebook
>weeks later
>starts readding people
>posts an album on her facebook basically consisting of a collage of all the mean things that have been said about her on secrets and cgl, along with pictures of various girls in the comm (pic related)
>>9004785
As someone with bad anxiety, my advice is:
Go in with a game plan.
-Do an intro post on facebook before the event either on the event page or main comm page, mention that your going to the meet and then respond to any messages. At some point you have to start posting. If you feel nervous about clogging up the main page, try using the event page for easier topics (what are you wearing? Is anyone doing photos after this etc)
-Day of meet: Let the host know that you're "on call" for your work and may need to leave early (any plausible excuse will do but work and family are easiest even if it's a lie) Consider this more an exit strategy if you feel too overwhelmed
-Talking to people: Have few basic conversation topics but mention that your work/study/whatever has been making you stressed out and tired. Most people will be more empathetic about your first impression as we've all been under pressure (plus finals are coming up/ finishing up). This way if you feel like your not fitting in/ alienating/ getting defensive over personal questions, it can be easily put down to tiredness than the deeper personal issues your working on.
In regards to dodging personal questions, my only advice is to have a statement prepared in advance. I live in a very liberal city but have very conservative views, I tell people that I'd rather not talk about politics. Perhaps you could tell people "Please don't take offence but it's just a sore point at the moment- I've been having some issues"
I don't know, I guess it depends on what you class as overly personal conversations.
Good luck!
>>9004830
I want to care about the story but I'm distracted by the mess that is all these pictures
>>9003967
Considering the reaction that this thread is going. It seems like the comm has some underlaying problems still. I would say join again at your own risk. It seems like you had a problem with the comms problems in the past which mentally was a problem for you. It may appear to be okay since some people are gone, but the community is still pretty edgy here. I would advise caution.
I attended my first lolita meetup in March. It was a themed meet at a gorgeous venue. Everyone looked amazing. I had work earlier in the day and had to rush home, get ready, and drive several hours to get there, so I didn't have time to get any photos of my coord ahead of time. One of the girls' boyfriends took photos of us all as a group with a decent camera. They never posted them to our comm facebook page or any social media that I am aware of. I didn't feel comfortable bugging a stranger about photos, but I feel bummed that they never shared them. Now it's been a super long time so I won't even bother.
>>9004950
Dude just ask someone who's an admin or high up in the group. Who the fuck cares.
>>9004950
I don't think it would be a bad thing to ask.
>>9004825
This is normally what I try to do, yeah but it doesn't always work and I feel like people catch on anyway. It's rather embarrassing sometimes and yeah, a lot of people when I first meet them bring up family and shit because most people are close with their families. It doesn't seem odd to me other than I seriously can't relate to them?
>>9004821
I socialize a lot at my job but it's with the same six people and we all know each other pretty well except for the new guy who we're learning a lot of bad things about. I guess most of my social practice comes from work and past jobs as I'm a really introverted person but I do have a group of friends I rarely see cause they have jobs that take them out of the country.
>>9004832
I have a very short intro post on facebook as the comm requires one. Also I post on the fb page here and there and like posts and joined some events they have upcoming.
I'm definitely not going to lie as I spent A LOT of money on the VIP tickets and am looking forward to the things I'm gonna get because I paid more. (They're gonna give out all kinds of sponsored items and some are coming from sites I really enjoy)
and hah, yes my work does in fact make me kind of irritable and I'm sure everyone will be understanding as I work 40+ hours a week on my feet. I'm turely exhausted and that probably contributes to me being grouchy towards people.
I'm so glad I left the Arizona comm when I had the chance. Wasn't particularly fond of anyone in the comm - save for maybe two or three people - because of the itas. I didn't attend a lot of meetups anyway, either .
/sage for AZ comm talk
>>9004791
You should still go though if that's what you want! The only crappy thing about owning a lot of brand is the negative stereotype that comes along with it. I had a few of the unfortunate ones tell me they thought I was an "elitist btb posting brand whore" at first. Very awkward conversation.
>>9004799
>mtg
Please tell me you're a lolita too. I dabble a bit in magic but it's my bf that's really into it. Wish there were more lolitas so i could merge two hobbies.
>they can be really toxic people to be friends with. Sometimes even dangerous.
Funny you should mention that, because I'm currently being stalked by one of them on all my social media handles. Honestly at my age, I don't give a flying fuck about finding bffs or anything. I just want to be around people with similar interests and skill level. Instead of being asked every single damn AP release "how do I order? Do I need a SS? Does it take paypal? What's tenso? Could you just do it for me and I'll send you money?"
Am I asking for too much?
>>9005130
Not that anon but im a lolita that plays mtg with my bf
I dont go to friday night magics though.
>>9004830
Is she the one who wore marionette in my closet room with the bright yellow t shirt?
>>9005150
No that's some bitch from Belgium or something
>>9005130
>Am I asking for too much?
Not at all. You sound like you and I would get a long a lot actually.
>>9005154
is it the innistrad intro black/red deck? I picked that up the other day :)
I just never had the urge to be "competitive" and I fear being scoffed at by tournament neckbeards
>>9005160
Don't do it. Magic is a lot more expensive than it was years ago especially with the changes to standard and EDH being much more popular. It only makes sense to get back in if you already have staple cards, otherwise you're throwing money away. Save money on brand instead, like me.
>>9005174
I used to play with proxies... and I often got tons of free cards that I started using in my EDH decks to cut down on proxy usage. Most of my cards are real and I still have my old collection. I think 250 some cards? I don't remember. They're in my garage.
>>9005159
Yeah shadows over innistrad. I got lucky with the two boosters it came with and got both sorin and Jayce. So I'm running sorin in the deck and Jayce can go pout in the box I keep my unused cards in. I also got a deck my hubby built for the sorin in dark ascension. But I'm learning with the intro deck and may later build around it later.
>>9005174
My hubby has been playing it for 10 years. We have a lot of staples and an income that can support both hobbies.
>got kicked out of comm for petty bs reasons
>burned bridges with the mods because I was pretty butthurt about it
I feel sorta bad now. I don't miss the drama or the people that started it, but I miss being part of a comm.
After I was kicked, I sent a scathing, rage-quity message to one of the mods, so I'm certain they won't forgive me. Our area isn't big enough, and I don't have the time to start my own comm.
I just want us all to be friends again.
I'm so fucking excited for the OTTea Party in SF.
>>9004796
S is gone, please feel free to come back, you would be welcome I'm sure.
>>9005130
I'm a lolita that plays MtG. My ex took all of my cards though, so I only play online these days. Lolita and crafts drain too much of my funds to play local.
>>9004950
I'm waiting on photos from an event in November. It was a paid event but I don't know if the photos were included and it feels too awkward to ask at this point.
Don't procrastinate anon, might as well ask now!
>>9004830
oh man I'm not even in the same continent and I know about this girl.. nice to have a backstory when viewing her instagram...
>>9005156
Thank god, I was starting to feel like I was going crazy
And can I just say how freaking amazing it is to see so many lolitas that play magic! Could you imagine having a meet up at a tournament?! Sigh, a girl can dream
>>9005231
Now that you mention it, I did notice quite a lot of lone lolitas when I went to a Japanese event in Arizona. Now I don't feel quite as bad about being a lone lolita anymore.
I feel like my comm is starting to split in two again. The divide is between two groups - a weeby girl and her friends, and the rest of the comm. Those on the latter group are starting to plan private meetups now so they don't deal with weeby girl's petty BS. She completely sabotaged the last meetup I planned, too.
>>9005348
This isn't the first time a split comm has been discussed, I am in favor of it, but how does anyone start it peacefully or without drama?
It doesn't help that last time this was discussed, one of the mods put out a fake account email here asking who was interested in starting a new comm, just to see who responded, to weed out who was "untrustworthy" in the community.
>>9005412
You emailed it too?
I got a bunch of "ahahahahaha! I know who you aaaaare!" Messages back after a brief conversation but I'm certain it just ended up being a witch hunt on their part.
It's a shame considering the amount of people who are in favor of starting a new comm
>>9004153
It's more like, I won't attend meets if this girl is present because I'm concerned she might go columbine on a meetup in a roaring rampage of revenge. Her behavior patterns are deeply concerning, I would voice objection if a mod let M back in.
Janitor is cleaning up the thread so let's keep this on topic and not talk AZ any more.
>>9005525
How is talking about a local comm in the local comm thread off topic?
>>9005525
Couldn't help but notice that the AZ posts that weren't just bitching about Candice are still here... almost as if they were all posted by the same person, who had their posts removed because they were banned... HMMMMMMM
>>9005567
I posted a couple times. Sorry Candice, but people legit hate your comm.
Also if janitors are cleaning up posts, they usually delete a bunch of them, not just ones from a single person. You're reaching and it's cute and sad at the same time
>>9005228
You know what's even more exciting?
>>9004662
Syd comm?
>>9005567
That's a pretty far reach. Sorry, we're still here. Keep living in denial though.
>>9005627
Honestly if you want your own comm, make your own comm. Make it private, make yourselves mods, and invite people you think are "worthy" from the main comm. If there's so many people who are unsatisfied with the main comm's moderation and direction, then just make your own. Don't start shit about it or make it a big flounce move and no one will care if they even know about it at all. You have some valid points - Amiko is not even a part of the comm anymore, Cherise and Diana have all but officially stepped down, and Laura stepped down when you all started ripping her apart on here. It's really just Candice and Huyvan doing the best they can, and yeah the comm is slow and full of newbs and itas right now. Just split off if you want to already, stop being such pussies about "ohhh what if there's drama". If you're leaving the main comm who cares if the main comm feels some sort of way about it?
Also... Candice is not the cuntmonster you all have made her out to be in your heads, she doesn't keep a "naughty list" or post secrets about people. If you brought your problems to her or Huyvan directly I'm sure they'd be very reasonable with working on a solution. The problem is that no one wants to be the one to say anything because it's much easier to sit on here and bitch than it is to actually work on fixing the current comm or making a new one.
tl;dr man up
>>9005675
Lol. If you believe she doesn't sit around and rage and treat people differently once they voice their opinions about her modding you have not noticed the string of "bffs" she has had over the last few years. I'm glad I was never one of the girls that she buddied up to so they would do the majority of the work on her shittastic events and then dropped like fire for various reasons.
>>9005685
Sure, ignore the rest of the post about actually putting in some work and just keep bitching about Candice. I'm sorry she shit on your brand but honestly if you're gonna get on your high horse about what a bitch she is and how terrible her modding is but then not do anything about it (ie MAKE YOUR OWN FUCKING COMM) then you deserve it
>>9005735
Why would anyone try when someone admitted that the mods made fake email addresses so they could shit on everyone who tried to leave? You seem reaaal butthurt about anything directed at Candice. I'm sorry that you either are her or are up her petti but people besides me aren't happy. So maybe the work should be done by the actual mod of the comm and not unhappy people IN the comm. But maybe I'm mistaken about how leadership works.
>>9005746
Go ahead and make excuses for why but the truth is you won't do it because you're lazy and cowardly. If Candice is such a witch then why would you even want her to do anything?
>>9005760
I am lazy. Cowardly, not so much. But I'm glad you know me so well. Have fun stewing Candice.
>>9005696
what even
>>9005417
That's pathetic. So are all the butthurt whiteknights.
What do you all normally talk about on the comm Facebook page? I was under the impression that it was just a place to organize meets, but I see now that it's hard to organize meets when everyone barely knows each other and the usual hosts are burnt out.
Sometimes I think about posting lolita-related discussion starters, but I feel like maybe those are better suited for groups like rufflechat. People definitely like to talk about themselves and their stuff, so posts that encourage that always get good response.
I'm not really sure what's "normal" because this is the only local comm I've ever been in.
>>9005142
I play with my boyfriend and a few friends, I would be way too nervous to go to a game at a card shop or anything though. It would be awesome to have Lolita friends to play mtg with though.
>>9005746
>so maybe the work should be done by the actual mod of the comm and not unhappy people IN the comm
Not in your comm, but holy fuck you are entitled and lazy. I saw that they baited you with that fake email which is dick. But if you have all this energy to bitch, why don't you just make your own fucking comm and leave that one?????
Do.
It.
Yourself.
>>9005675
If C and H are such saints for doing the best they can with what they got when it's so hard, then have people vote on more moderators. Multiple people have voiced that they are unhappy with where the Arizona community is currently, wouldn't a better solution be to give that community a makeover rather than start a new one?
>>9005735
People are worried about backlash. There would be drama, no one wants to be the asshole. As soon as a new comm started up, anyone who joined it would be labeled as a cgl meanie and take the hit for all the shit talking on here, when it's multiple people.
Why the fuck does everyone in AZ complain about the group being full of itas and newbies when even the vets kind of look like shit? The best dressed girls have only been in the comm for 1-2 years, and they don't even look that great.
Total "how do I lolita" noobs are unavoidable, but the people you all are complaining about probably look just about as good as you. You all are so delusional.
Sage
>>9006010
No one's comparing themselves or saying they're best dressed, read the thread and try again next time.
>>9006020
What
The two proposed reasons for a new comm are "I hate the mod" and "the group is dead and full of itas". Reread the deleted posts on the archives.
>>9004510
I've felt out of place at my comm, a meet up a while ago had really good attendance so I made sure to go out of my comfort zone and interact with a lot of people. I had thought it went pretty well and added some on Facebook. I get home and I have around 8 invites to like people's "public figure/Artist" page ..... I don't feel so out of place now but I do get the feelings of would these people even talk to me if I hadn't supported them? Makes the whole thing feel cheap and tacky.
>Decides to host the Summer ILD meet
>Know I'm going to go all out again
>Already have a location set, games and prizes planned
>Know everyone will end up flaking
>Again.
I just want to have fun and create a better community for us all to enjoy.
>Suddenly cosplayers
>"What is Lolita?"
>Explain
>"Oh so like cosplay! Neat I'll be coming"
>No
>No not at all
>5 cosplayers already marked themselves as attending
>At least the entrance fee will keep them out
>I hope...
Now I know why our usual meet hosts are so burnt out.
> ITT: Reasons why I left the AZ comm and became a lone lolita
I might as well be watching Captain America: Civil War again.
>>9004720
Can be applied to life beyond meet ups too
Shit az needs their own thread. This whole thread has turned into a az comm chat. I'm glad I became a lone Lolita once amiko left. You guys fell apart bad.
>>9005942
my comm is tiny and inactive as fuck but the last posts are
>share of some cringy lolita cover of it's raining men
>asking if anyone wants to do a GO from MLT
>share of deerstalker's latest video
>article about how bad local post is
>announcement of last meetup
>hellocon info
so we don't really have discussion shit, but I don't see the problem with making an intro post or asking some discussion question
>>9006407
require a full coord shot from the cosplayers, say that otherwise they're barred from the event
how would they know about the event anyway? people not wearing the fashion should not be in the comm and should not see meetup info
>>9005648
No?
Have any of you in here had any experience with asking/getting a mod to step down? I don't want to say where I am to give it away, but we have one mod who is acting way out of line and bullying people, and multiple people have mentioned wanting to get her to step down.
What is the best way to make that happen? I don't want to start trouble by bringing it up to the other mods or in the group, but she needs to be put in line over some things she's said and done recently which are way unacceptable.
>>9006878
The best thing to do is message the other mods with evidence that she's said/done those things. If they're decent people they will sort it out and not cause trouble. Mods are there to help, no one should feel afraid of bringing up any issue with them.
>>9006878
Pretty sure we are from the same comm, anon.
Seconding messaging the other mods with evidence. If she is that big of a problem I'm sure the other mods know but need evidence to do anything without causing too much drama.
>>9006878
Tough call anon. Message the other mods with evidence that will help them to make their decision.
>>9006440
same, every few months it's the same drama, it's like I never left.
>>9006880
>>9006890
Thanks, anons. I'll probably talk one-on-one with the head mod about it next time I see her. I don't think it'll be any use sending them messages about it, since they're well aware of what she does/has done, so maybe having a personal chat about it will prompt them to consider removing her, since I can't see why they haven't already.
>>9006887
We probably are. I think I want to get together a list of people who want to call for her resignation and send it to the head mod and see what she'll do about it. If you want to leave a throwaway to work with me on it, then I'll contact you and we can try and get something together. I don't think anyone who behaves like her is in a good place to be a mod, and I wouldn't want her behavior to turn off anyone new or existing from participating in events/the comm in general. It's bad representation for us all.
>>9006407
I'm so sorry anon. I have enough trouble with cosplayers trying to join my local comm through me and I never even organize meets myself, so that must be aggravating.
>have a good friend who cosplays
>she has a lot of slightly annoying cosplay friends who I've become acquainted with
>they all think lolita is kawaii desu and keep talking about how they want to come to a meetup
>upcoming meetup is ticketed event with limited seating, first come first serve
>they've decided they're all going to come and wear their kawaiiest lolita cosplays ^_________^
>one wants to go as a "neko lolita", another as a maid, a few more as some anime characters that wear kind of frilly outfits etc.
>try to tell them it's not a cosplay meetup and it would be kind of shitty if their attendance keeps actual lolitas from being able to get a ticket
>"Umm anon? Lolita is the same as cosplay? So of course we should be welcome??!?"
>nooo
>"Don't be elitist anon!" and apparently I'm the reason nobody in our country likes lolitas or something
>mfw friend doesn't even try to help and just laughs at me
>>9005942
A few people in my comm post what they just bought and I feel that thing should be shared privately with friends. I wish we had more discussion posts, and sometimes we do like "what do you wear out of lolita?" and that's nice. I wouldn't mind lolita discussions, too, but the page is pretty much dead aside from con stuff or people posting meets.
>Any cool upcoming meets?
Con stuff and a movie I think.
What do you love or hate about your comm?
>I like that a lot of the members seem to like anime, which, as an otaku gives me something to talk about with people. I like that people are willing to give advice and seem pretty nice to new people. I dislike that it feels, sometimes, like the mods are in their own bubble and that overall, meets are so sporadic. It's boom or bust it seems with the schedule.
>What concrit would you have for your comm?
More regular meets? Maybe some more annual events since it doesn't feel like our comm does any of the cool things that other groups do like tea parties and such. I think a lolita big sister concept would work well for new members.
>>9006878
I'm in the same position as you, except I'm a mod. We have a group of mods, but one mod is causing us all problems. It's been going on for over a year, various things like getting in fights with comm members over minor things, trying to get members banned when she's mad at them, doing moderation things without telling us, etc.
We want to get rid of her, and we know a bunch of other comm members want her gone too, but we can't do anything unless we get multiple serious complaints about her. We don't want to remove her from the comm, just not have her be a mod. However, we've all known each other for a long time, so we're not sure how to make it happen without it becoming personal. Has anyone else been in this position?
>>9005648
Didn't Chanel leave the comm already?
>>9006952
Your "friend" is pretty shitty anon
My comm... is... dead. When I started in the fashion 5 years ago, it was super active. We had meetups practically every other week, and everyone was super close. Unfortunately, things changed. People got older, left school, left the state, left their sanity behind, and things started to fall apart. Two of our mods moved out of town, and one of the most frequent meetup planners moved halfway across the country. We had a good year where people started not to come to meetups because of some newb ita who drove everyone up the wall. In the middle of all of this, one of the original comm members decided she had a massive beef with one of the remaining mods, and managed to alienate half the comm in the process. People stopped going to meetups because the situation made things very awkward, and that mod stopped planning things because she didn't want to force anyone to choose sides. We haven't had an actual meetup of our own since September. Most of the girls in the comm have started going to meetups in another comm an hour away, if they go to meetups at all anymore. It's pretty sad the way things have gone. I'd like to get off my ass and try to plan more stuff, but my own availability is variable, and so are turnouts.
>>9006952
next time they pull that shit, tell them it's a fucking fashion, with very strict rules, and if they are truly interested they can ask you more about it but they're not welcome with that attitude. if they keep pulling that elitist bitch card you're better off without them
>>9005648
deets? all I know about her is that she wears those awful underskirts
>>9006916
If this is about what I think it is and I'm pretty sure you're in my comm, the mods are indeed aware of the issues on a second hand and third hand basis. I've had a number of people contact me about the questionable mod, but they always refuse to speak to the mods directly when I suggest it. The mods need people to come to them with information that they can act on, specifically people who have heard or seen these things happen directly. It isn't a question of in-person or online being the form of contact to be honest. If they only hear about her behavior through rumors, they really can't do anything without being accused of removing her for 'personal reasons' or other silly dramatic bullshit. Evidence is needed.
>>9005283
That sounds like a lot of fun and I'd totally be into that!
I feel like lots of traveling would have to be involved.
>>9006878
>I don't want to say where I am to give it away
let me guess, it's chicago?
I know this was mentioned by another anon, but I didn't see any responses so I wanted to bring it up again. I would like to put on a small tea for ILD if anyone in AZ is interested. I know there is a lot of unrest, but it doesn't have to be that way. We can be adults and do something else if we are unhappy. It is not worth scrabbling over the internet when we can just do our own thing.
If anyone is interested, feel free to email me. No, I am not Candice or Laura, no this email is not fake, and no I do not have any intention of turning you over to the current mods if you answer. I just want an alternative because I personally cannot attend the current ILD gathering.
So if you are upset, you can come but be upset on your own time. If you are interested for any other reason you are more than welcome to come. Please keep in mind this will be a tea party though and not a hate fest. Bullying, slandering, or general hating will not be tolerated and you will be asked to leave.
Perpetuating arguments or trying to split the comm is not my intention. Some of us just won't be going to Phoenix.
Have any of you had to establish boundaries with someone from your comm? While still being able to keep it between just the two of you? I have a friend whom I'd like to still be friends with, just not as intense. But I don't think I have the social grace to do it gently enough so that we can still remain chill around the rest of the comm though. So far I've just been keeping my conversations short and not as personal with them. I let them talk and share but I don't always reciprocate. I've also been trying to stay away from hanging out with them. But they're easily made jealous and is super possessive of me. So maybe I messed it up already?
Can anyone give me some ideas on what else I can do to lessen the friendship? Or is this one of those "bite the bullet" type deals?
I threw a party for one of my lolita friends a few days ago. We were all drinking, reading secrets, and having a good time. Then we got the idea to see if anyone in our comm had planned an event for ILD since we hadn't heard anyone talking about it.
So we pulled up upcoming events and saw that someone was having an ILD movie meet scheduled for the 3rd? On top of that the host hadn't sent out many invites for it. Yay, we thought, because nobody had anything for the 4th listed!
We went ahead and decided to create a tea house event for the 4th and we sent out invites to everyone on the comm page.
About 20-30 minutes after we had created it, we had a few people confirming they were going. Shortly after, a member replied that she wasn't going to go to our event because she was already going to the movie meetup on the 4th.
>"Huh?"
I thought I was going crazy, because we checked to make sure we weren't stepping on someone's frilly shoes. I had three other people sitting next to me who saw that the other event was indeed originally scheduled for the 3rd. We went back to the events page to look. Sometime after we created our event, the member who was hosting the movie meet up changed the date from the 3rd to the 4th.
I didn't want to be shitty to the girl and bring up the fact that her host clearly just changed the date, so I told her no worries if that's what she preferred to do.
Before we knew it, the host of the other event commented on our event page to let us know that she wouldn't be attending our event because, well, she was hosting her event the same day.
Instead of saying like she had the wrong date, or that maybe her event was for people in her area that couldn't drive out, it made it seem like we threw shade by purposefully planning our event over hers. Which wasn't true.
After her reply, she reposted her event to the comm page to also include afternoon tea and lunch.
Is this a common issue and am I feeling bad about this when I shouldn't be?
>>9008229
I would assume so judging by FB this morning. Personally I'm trying not to be horrified because everything has been so good for the last couple of years. I guess we were due.
>>9005567
>almost as if they were all posted by the same person, who had their posts removed because they were banned
OT but jsyk if you get banned not all of your posts are automatically deleted from the thread. That's how it used to be, but that's no longer the case. I've had short bans for certain posts but noticed that some of my other, I guess non-banable, posts remained untouched in the same thread.
>>9006878
Ok but like.. Has anyone suggested tarring and feathering yet. Because I think that should be an option. Just speaking as an outside observer.
>>9008287
I had this with a girl who got totally obsessed with me. I mostly just distanced myself from her, avoided her at meets, hid my FB posts from her and sort of gently cooled down the atmosphere until she backed off. I think it also helped I pretty directly advised her that I think she should focus on herself and not me.
>>9006976
The issue with organizing tea parties in this particular comm is that a lot of people tend to flake right before or the day of the meet itself. Most of the tea houses in this area will charge you for however many people RSVPd, regardless as to whether that many showed up or not.
That being said, the only tea parties taking place are private where there is a guarantee no one is going to have to fit anyone else's bill.
To make matters worse, the comm has a blurry divide between two 'power' groups, so to speak. So it's not easy to get a high attendance in non-mod created meets.
>>9008300
It was bound to happen. I kept away from her at meetups. She has some attitude problems and issues with herself that she ought to seek counseling. I think H needs to step down and take a hiatus from the Comm. It is the best for everyone.
>>9008300
Deets?
>>9008310
Is it bad that I considered this to be a serious inquiry?
>>9008329
Are you guys still friends now? I don't want to lose them as a friend but I don't like feeling like my life is their outlet.
I guess it's a little more difficult because we used to be close but then I noticed they started to get overwhelming and it made me notice a lot of things I don't like about them. Not that they're a bad person, I just don't like those kinds of people in my life.
>>9008341
It would be best. I have to agree. I also stay away from her at meetups to the point where I try not to go to the same meetups as her.
>>9008343
I can't give too many deets without outing everyone, but I will try. Basically one of our mods had a stroke of good fortune that she's worked very hard for and the problem mod decided to make FB posts complaining about how ~someone else~ deserved it more and telling people to stop sharing/talking about awesome mod's good news (full of cursing). This is only the most recent in a long string of issues with problem mod going back at least 2 years. The main reason this has continued is that no one actually reports her directly to the mods and instead just complains about how awful she is to each other. I've lost count of how many times I've suggested someone go to the mods about her. I really really really want her to be demoted from being a mod because she pulls this sort of stuff fairly often, bullies others, and spreads rumors about others with the intention of making the others in question want to leave the comm among other drama-causing behavior. This isn't the kind of behavior a mod should be engaging in.
>>9008291
Fuck her and her petty shit
>Enjoy your party anon
>>9008365
>The main reason this has continued is that no one actually reports her directly to the mods and instead just complains about how awful she is to each other.
Communication is vital. Trust is vital. When lolitas mistrust each other especially mistrusting an Admin, this is the end result. Someone decides to air dirty laundry on BtB. Happens in every Comm all the time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoqQnR8NOVI
>>9008392
Oh it definitely is. Unfortunately, we can't push others to communicate when there is an issue. They have to want to do it.
>>9008291
If this is about the comm I think it is, I wouldn't worry too much about it. The two meets are quite far from each other so I don't think anyone who would have gone to the movie meet would just randomly switch over and vice versa. And yours looks a lot more appropriate for ILD (a movie seems too casual to me)
I had a great time with my comm yesterday. There were tasty treats, nice weather, edible blowing bubbles, and great conversations where everyone's friendship levels went up by a bit. It was mainly a meet set up where we formed an event planning committee with the first order of business being ILD. Our plans for that special day will be brunch and a tour in a fancy mansion, and wandering around a flower themed street festival together.
>>9006878
Mod stepped down, you can breath easy now Anon.
>>9006878
H's next ita coord.
>>9008481
But literally breathe easy because Mod doesn't practice good hygiene, so having her around less is even more of a blessing.
>>9008506
>Mod doesn't practice good hygiene
Proof? What you are saying is insulting for her. You have no respect.
>>9008512
The proof is in that I've been to meetups with her and have smelled her. It's insulting to the nose of everyone around her. I pity whomever buys her brand after she decides to leave lolita.
>>9008512
She doesn't wash her hair because it's going in a wig. She doesn't cut her toenails or wash under them or shave because it goes under socks. She doesn't wear deoderant and everyone knows it. I'm not even the person you were asking and I have witnessed these things multiple times. Don't need proof of something that isn't a secret!
>>9004662
Have they tried to tell you if anything annoyed them previously? Maybe they dropped a hint or something that you didn't catch
>>9008291
I think we're in the same comm. If it's the comm I'm thinking of, the problem is that our comm encompasses such a large area. We're more of a regional comm than a city-wide comm and that creates a lot of issues with planning.
I do think yours is a lot more appropriate for ILD and if I could go, I would. To be honest, I wasn't jumping up and down about the idea of a movie meet in the first place.
>>9008528
>She doesn't cut her toenails or wash under them or shave because it goes under socks
Those things I can't really fault anyone for doing those things, though if they brag about it, that's just a whole different story, but not wearing deodorant is just nasty.
>>9008556
OH NO. SOMEONE SAID SOMETHING TRUE ON THE INTERNET!
>>9008506
I've been around her quite a bit at meets and have had no experiences like that. I'm not a big fan of her and am glad she stepped down, but you're falling pretty low, anon.
>>9008481
Real talk: are they still going to let her win the good prizes at the megameet every year or is being demodded taking away that privilege?
>>9008265
Why don't you just post in the comm? There are plenty of people that i know who wont be attending PCC and who would probably be interested in having an ild meet on the actual day of ILD instead of a week later like the "official" ild meet is.
>>9008813
Bizarrely I don't think that was ever done on purpose, although it was extremely frustrating to see. I'm kind of the opinion that mods shouldn't be entering the megameet contests anyway since they're technically hosting.
>>9008776
See I'm trying to get the card you got and still have no luck. But I was shocked to get two foil rares in a introdeck booster pack. And even more shocked that it was two planes walkers.
>>9008334
Two power groups? Not sure if we're talking about the same comm, but if we are, that is news to me. The meets that mods actually plan are few and far between (which I think is a lot of the problem).
I have noticed the sudden flight for events in my comm. I think asking people to pre-pay is the way to go. It makes you come to a decision to attend and at least if you don't go, you didn't stiff the hosts. If things were regularly scheduled I'd think it would be easier for people to kind of block off the date. At least once a quarter, guaranteed meets would be nice (especially if they're bigger events since the non-mod made ones tend to be casual things like lunch or a movie).
Can anyone tell me about the Chile comm?
I want to attend Bows Convention, but I'm kinda worried if it's worth the travel (I'm from another country).
They're chill, dress nice, have any drama?
>>9009062
Perhaps they are different comms, my mistake. Everything you said described mine to a T, is all.
That, or you're not quite in the loop. There are two (maybe 3) very obvious cliques that create events that the others don't make it a priority to attend. This also started within a year or so ago.
>>9008855
If I had a facebook still I would do that. But I deleted mine for personal safety reasons 6+ months ago and have not remade one for the same reasons, as well as facebook not accepting fake names anymore. I have a couple friends on the comm page and will request one of them posts it. You are welcome to post my information if you like as well.
I posted here primarily to give the upset anons an alternative to their grudges and to hopefully bring some closure to some of these issues.
I am somewhat concerned about any associated backlash from posting in the comm, considering the negativity the rest of this thread has consisted of. Anyway. I would be glad to figure out a better way to set this up or to even put it in someone else's hands. Please contact me if you are so inclined!
>>9009091
Are you in Texas?
>>9009167
I don't think you're going to get any bites. The issue isn't really about PCC at all. And no tea party is going to make people feel any better about the mods.
Just make a Facebook under a name like Sarah Franklin or something, and explain your situation when you request to join.
>>9009193
This!
It's not just a tea party and stuff people are worried about. It's the overall of the group and the underlaying backlash we would get if we did go. You may not turn us into the mods sure, but that doesn't mean they are not aware of what plans are going on here. Many have stated before that the mods are very much present on cgl. It's a open door for the mods to show their bitterness and "punish" those who are not partial to their opinions and management of the group.
>>9009193
I don't think anyone ever said it was about PCC. Probably more specifically for people who may want to distance themselves from the facebook page and it' activity for whatever personal reason they may have. As again the meet would be focused away from the current comm and it's discussions or issues and more on enjoying lolita to enjoy it.
If no one here emails me that is ok. If they do decide they want to contact me though the information is there.
>>9009233
People probably would like to go to a meet not planned my the mod but as >>9009232 said, the mods watch these forums and will use this as validation to ban people from the group under pretense of harassment of other members. No one wants to be called out on it so you won't get bites since it goes against the communities invisible rules.
>>9009271
Then they may not be ready to split the comm after all, I suppose. Maybe it will work out for those that are unhappy in the future.
>>9009279
It just needs to crash and burn like it has been. There will be conflict with the mods at some point in time. There always is. Just got to wait for someone to be the one to throw the first punch with them. I mean, it's run by mods who all have slung shit at people here and on BtBs. It's inevitable that they will start to sling shit at one another. That or C gets tired with A and duke it out here. That friendship is doomed like all their others where before.
I'm thinking about joining my local comm, and was hit with the realization that I have a metric crap ton of food allergies today. (Soy, dairy, gluten, peanut, and a few other less-important ones like asparagus.)
Any other allergy-riddled lolitas out there? How do you deal with food-related meets? I'd have no problem bringing my own food to picnic or potluck meets, but what about tea parties or cafe meets?
>>9009348
I'm just gluten sensitive myself but I have a good friend with multitude of allergies like yourself so I understand the struggle.
For meets scheduled by your comm I would ask ahead about your food options and maybe request a menu or food option specifically if applicable. I don't know about your area but where I'm at dietary specific food is super common.
I'm unsure about large tea parties though. Depending on the host an alternate menu could be accommodated but I wouldn't really expect that for a big brand or anything.
Be sure to talk to your comm about this anyway. It really sucks either being left hungry or giving into eating and then majorly regretting it or compromising your health. There's a lot of allergen free cooking blogs out there for recipes other members could try out to please everyone.
>>9009348
what the fuck do you eat and obligatory have you actually gotten tested
I have allergies against nuts and some fresh fruit. cafe meets are the easiest ones because you order whatever you want, and most places have some gluten free offers I think (or they can accommodate for you, as long as you ask nicely)
if they don't have anything that suits your needs, you could ask if you could bring some food and have it heated and served nicely for you or smth. most places have a menu up online over here so planning is easier in that regard
>>9009348
A girl in my comm has some pretty severe food allergies, and we'll usually tell the restaurant/cafe "we have a member of our party who can't have xyz, do you have an option for her, or can she bring her own food and just order drinks?" Everywhere we've gone to has done one or the other.
>>9009348
Most of the time in my comm, the host or a mod will add a post to the event page saying "list any allergies here". This doesn't stop anyone from bringing peanut butter tree nut biscuit cookies, but they will keep all foods separated and labeled. If you have the contact-only type allergies good fucking luck.
Chances are, your comm already does this. If you are going to the meet and it isn't mentioned, try messaging the host or mod and ask that they start this tradition. Don't worry too much.
>>9009348
They can make food for you as long as they know ahead of time. Sometimes it is easiest to ask for a gluten free option for example or to push aside what you cant have depending on the situation.
My comm has an public FB page. Completely with introductions of every member and cringey video of their last meets. It's weird. I thought about joining but this makes me feel uncomfortable. Is this a usual thing to do for comms?
>>9009628
Most comms I know are private to filter out creeps, confused cosplayers and random sightseers. Introductions depends on how big the comm is; it can be nice for smaller comms but annoying and overwhelming for bigger ones. Have you checked if this is the only comm listed for your area? Sometimes there's a closed ~meanie elitist~ comm and a more open/public comm meant to accept anyone and everyone. The latter usually turns into an itafest real quick.
>>9009271
Summed it up perfectly. No one wants to take the hit because they'll get blamed for everything that's been going down here, even though it's multiple people speaking out here.
I'm interested in the tea party, I'm ready to do something apart from the AZ comm. It's nothing drastic like asking for a community split.
>>9009193
So you'll come in here and complain about the way things are in the Arizona community, but when any sort of alternative springs up you shoot it down? We need less of that.
>>9009184
Yes. Perhaps I worded everything a bit too strongly, but there is a feeling of divide in the comm.
>>9008392
I don't know about y'all but when she said some rude shit to me at the mega meet last year I stepped up and told a mod I trust. about time she stepped down, let's hope this doesn't happen again, and if it does, that someone else will step up and push the issue. mods shouldn't be shitty to other mods and members.
>>9008353
Yeah, I guess. I've always seen her as an acquaintance, not a friend but I think she firmly sees me as a friend, so the dynamic is a bit strange, but yeah for the most part.
>>9010013
I am really glad you reported that. I wish more people had reported her. I still wish she'd been removed as a mod and hadn't stepped down. I feel removing her would have sent a much better message that behavior like hers wouldn't be tolerated in the future.
>>9010057
Everyone knows she got kicked out. The other mods let her save face.
>>9009348
>autoimmune disease lolita
>special snowflake diet or else
I ask ahead, ask the host AND ask the restaurant or cafe. Many food serving establishments have policies against outside food, but I have still never been denied when asking ahead if I can bring a safe to eat item for myself since they are getting all that other business and it's legit health stuff. I usually bring a DIY shake in a glass tumblr so it's discreet and I'm not the only one not eating. People hosting in their homes and restaurants have bent over backward to accommodate me so I try my best to give back by bringing enough kale and grilled chicken salad or frozen yogurt for others when it's BYOF.
>>9010010
To be clear, I'm talking about the northern part of the state.
If what you're saying is true, that's really awful, honestly. It does seem like mods and their friends don't attend the events other people plan. There have been one too many meets cancelled due to low attendance or meets where only three or four people show up (including the host). I don't care who plans a meet, I'll go as long as it works with my schedule and isn't an awful way to spend a few hours (outdoor stuff in the heat isn't my idea of fun, but it's nothing personal if I don't go).
It does seem like it's personal if there are this many splits. Secret groups and private meets have happened in the comm before so I wouldn't be at all surprised if they're still happening. It's a shame because we've got so much J-fashion going on with cons in our area now that it can't be more of a real community.
>>9010131
Why did they do blood testing for yours? I have just as many if not a little more allergies than you and I always was given just the skin tests, I never even knew about a blood option!
Ugh Id much rather them just take my blood instead of pricking me with a thousand fucking needles.
Also ALWAYS carry your epi-pen and make sure you comm knows about it and preferably that one of them knows how to use it if need be. Call the restaurant, ask about options, when you order your food make sure they know again, ask if it can be cooked separately an
>>9010324
There's nothing inherently wrong with secret groups and private meets. When those are the only meets that mods attend, though, it kinda looks... bad.
>>9010336
Different anon, but I had dietary allergies checked by blood tests as well. Particularly gluten and dairy, though they checked other things at the same time that I can't recall.
Anyone from LA want to pull something together for ILD? At this point I think it's pretty clear our useless mods aren't doing anything except inflating their egos with each other and traveling to other countries to attend fancy tea parties so... any takers?
>>9010324
I'm pretty sure I live in a different state than you but, I guess my friends and I are guilty of 'private meets' since we like to hang out and be frilly together. I thought it was perfectly normal. I mean there's a lot of people in my comm that I have no common history or interests with outside of jfashion so it seems weird to me to only wear lolita to comm meetups (plus my comm is err very large).
But yeah, I have to agree that if the mods are only going to private stuff that's kind of bad. Well beyond bad. My comm requires a mod to be at every meetup
>>9010324
>>9010499
Are you gulls me? I feel like there's a strong divide in my comm as well. It's gone to the point where the only meetups I plan now are private and amongst the friends I have in the comm. I just don't wanna deal with drama from the other side at this point, especially since one that seems to be the root of it all used to be a mod.
>>9010629
You sound like my comm. Meets are mostly private now and part of that is from a certain mod making most people uncomfortable.
>>9010336
I think gluten and dairy aren't really checkable through a skin test? also, they need to figure out if it's an intolerance or an allergy. I always got skin tests too and I was allergic to like 20 or so things at some point, mostly pollen and animal fur tho
>>9010131
that's very good to hear. as someone interested in baking I couldn't really imagine a life without wheat flour, but I'm glad you figure your shit out.
>>9009167
as long as you name yourself something that isn't retarded nobody will care. the system works based on reports, and probably recognises most famous chara names
There is a mod in my community who is a social justice warrior that jumps down anyone's throats who calls lolitas 'ladies and loops for rea sons to be offended. Her entire life is a woe is me fest of bitching. But everyone seems to love her. I can't comprehend it.
>>9010387
Start talking about one on the comm page, even if it's just a handful of ya
How far would you guys drive for a tea party meet? I'm looking at an hour and a half one way, haven't been to a meet before so not sure if it would be worth it
>>9010801
This sounds an awful lot like a mod in my comm. No one actually likes her, they just have to pretend to or else she creates a drama fest about it.
>>9010629
Strongly suspecting we're in the same comm Anon. Mine just had a mod who was causing tons of drama "step down". I didn't notice most of the divide until recently, probably because I go to few comm meetups at this point. But really this sort of thing always seems to be the case with large comms. Mine has 250+ people in it, a number of events, and a few people who are convinced that ~lolitas are lovelies~ and cause minor drama continuously. Most of us are pretty adult about it and realize that we have no common interests outside of lolita though.
>>9010809
I do that all the time, you get used to that travel time.
>>9010809
I've driven that far for meets before. I would suggest seeing if anyone else in your comm is near you or on the way so you can carpool so you have company
>>9010801
We have one of those too, but fortunately she's not a mod. She's one of those
>friendly reminder that men can have vaginas and boobs and women can have dicks and beards and you must always ask everyone their pronouns every time you speak to them UwU
types so referring to the comm at large as girls or ladies sends her into a SJW rage and derails everything. We have several trans* members and brolitas who wish she would stop making scenes on their behalf but because she's so hostile nobody wants to be the one to call her out on it and be called a bigot. I wish my comm wasn't so "nice", to be honest.
>>9010324
I'm part of that comm and honestly, I don't know. Things have just been really quiet this year. Even the mods' meetups have either been cancelled due to lack of attendance or they were very small. I think the last big get-together we had was the New Year's tea/swap and that was planned by about half a dozen people several months in advance.
As far as the mod thing goes, I think people overestimate how many people are actually on our mod team. We have two. One is maybe semi-active at this point due to her day job, and as far as I know the other has never attended any closed meetups (or if she has she is really good at keeping that to herself).
That may be part of the problem, though. We've got a lot of new people and not a lot of direction. A few years ago when we were all roughly on the same keel that casual approach worked out okay, but it's like there's different expectations between newer people and the older active people. Maybe that's where the sense of divide comes from, I don't know.
>>9011105
Okay, now I know what comm this is. New Year's was definitely our last big meet. I think we've had 4-5 meets since then? But they were all painfully small and I'm not even sure if that shrimp fest meet happened.
We do have a small mod team and I think small can work if they're active and keep the community going. The comm now feels like it did a few years ago before these new mods came in. There wasn't a lot of leadership, not a lot of meets, and the comm was just kind of stagnant. I've seen more new members at meets than old members, so clearly we're getting new blood despite all that. What other anons have suggested about having more meets, or even quarterly ones, would be good. These don't have to be big affairs like New Year's, but I personally feel like the mods should have a more active role than they do now, even if it's just attending. What's the point of encouraging members to host their own meets if everyone bails and the host has to cancel?
>>9010809
I used to have to drive four hours for meets with more than two people, and an hour and a half for meets with just a friend (bumblefuck uni town). Mind, that was maybe once a month at most. At present, I'm about 45 minutes away from the majority of my comm. Farther, if traffic is bad or there's been an accident along the way.
An hour and a half isn't really too bad, so long as you're not doing it every weekend.
>>9012037
Farther? Not farther. *Longer*. Thankyoubrain.
>>9005226
Have a girl like you in my comm. It was a terrible falling out and it sucked. Maybe you're her. Maybe you're A.
We miss you, if you are. At least I do, anyway.
>>9010809
For me 1.5+ hours is usual for almost every meet.
>>9010975
Different comm, actually. Mine only has ~150 total members, 20-30 active ones at the most.
It's weird seeing how many people have this problem in their own comms, though.
>>9010801
Pretty sure you're in my comm. No one actually likes her, they just pretend to so they can avoid being forced out of the comm or dragged into a huge shitfest by her.
>>9011070
SJWs are bigots. If they really cared they wouldn't make such a big deal about it. It's like
>AWW HOW CUTE! She tinkle winkled in the girl potty ooh! What a good widdle girl!
It reads as condescending as fuck. I don't want or need anyone's assistance living my life the way I want to, I can deal with criticism.
Stop enabling perverts and pedophiles on MY behalf, asinine fucking twit.
I have someone like this in my comm. I contemplate murder whenever she tried to speak for me like she fucking has a clue.
>>9010387
Nobody was planning on doing anything because of the big movie screening so close. I'm just going to SD for tea & chill since they're nicer and better dressed.
>>9010801
Sounds like batty when she's on a rampage.
>>9012028
Also in your comm. But I just say host the meet anyway. When I first joined one girl had a meet and she, another girl and I were the only three who went. We still had fun. You can tell there are some who are definitely thirsting to become some people's best friends or trying to get leverage somehow, but there's not really much the people or the mods CAN do. There's no policy that says you have to cancel a meet, even if a very small group show up. The most you really can do is mix up the ideas of the meets and the locations and keep hosting things until there's interest.
Also, not hosting during conventions, concerts, or big events most people are going to also helps. Just to avoid a conflict of interest. The rest of it can really just be left to fate. I think the mods don't need to get involved more than they already are and they're doing a good job. There's not much else they can do from here. We just need to keep encouraging people to show up.
>>9011070
Really I wish people could just say "hey not everyone here is a woman, so please address the comm accordingly" and then people would do it without getting butthurt and defensive.
>>9010387
Holy shit you are petty as fuck. All LA does is complain. I haven't seen one person sincerely try to put together a meet for the day.
>>9013072
I wish that the guys would realize that they're in a hobby that is 99% women and get over it. I don't give a shit when I'm in a group that gets addressed as "guys", so I really don't see the issue.
>>9012767
So I'm supposed to check the entire event schedule for the metro area so there's not a conflict? I get not scheduling it during a con but this comm is big enough that is expect more people to show even if there's a small conflict. From what I can tell, the meets that have been cancelled were because no one said they were going, not because just a few people wanted to go. Nice to see we did get another meet posted even if it will be hot.
So I just joined a comm where I live and have noticed there are a lot of drinkers which doesn't come as a surprise really as this city thrives off of bar life. They totally have meet ups at bars and get drunk and sing kareoke and things like that. Sounds like a blast.
Not really sure how I feel about drinking in brand though? Surely you'd have a few mishaps? I also rarely drink myself so I have a really low tolerance level. One pint and I'm gonna lose some motor skills. Sounds kind of terrifying to go out in my $300 dress and drink cocktails and high percentage IPAs (that is what's popular here).
I usually stick to ciders but those can also be a pretty high percent and will get me wrecked with in one glass. And they're tasty which makes them dangerous.
And I realize I could just not go to those meets but I do want to go.
How often do you guys drink in brand? Have you had mishaps? is it the kind of thing where you should wear a dress you don't care too much about?
>>9013337
You're an adult, going into an adult environment. You could just choose to not drink but still attend.
As for attire, I would suggest you wear something you're okay with getting dirty, and can easily wash.
>>9013337
Know your limits. It helps if you eat something beforehand and drink some water before drinking alcohol. Honestly, I'm sure the other girls wouldn't mind you drinking soda rather than you getting overly drunk and making a mess of yourself.
>>9013072
Agreed, although I kind of agree with >>9013231 as well. Lolita involves looking as feminine as possible so when someone addresses a 99% female comm as girls and the one guy goes "umm excuse u but i have a dick u kno" he needs to suck it up. The only legit reason I can think of to get upset is if someone is FtM trans and super sensitive about not passing, but I wouldn't expect many people like that to wear lolita anyway.
>recently started new job, only woman in an otherwise all-male team
>boss and coworkers keep saying "hey guys... uh AND THE LADY"
>pls stop it's okay you're only making it more awkward
>>9013337
I don't understand why you would get dirty while drinking. It's not something people generally wear a pair of sweats and an old shirt to do.
>>9013337
I know my limits and I don't get wasted. Having a drink or two won't cause me to spill on myself like a lush.
Recently our comm's fb has been flooded with weeby itas. They keep posting their hideous dresses and accessories and encouraging each other to be as ita as possible. I haven't met any of them irl yet but I fear for the day.
>>9013337
Drink what you want, no one is going to care about how drunk you get or what you drink. Its a fun thing to do and not a competition.
>>9004205
I'd wait. First impressions are important.
Also, how do you 'forget' you don't have one complete coord? I can see forgetting that you did not have certain shoes yet to go with a new coord if you had 10+ main pieces or something but one?
>>9013337
I drink in brand every once in awhile. The situation usually doesn't come up until conventions because most of the meets my comm has don't involve alcohol and I don't wear it out much by myself because I'm a hermit.
Just be as mindful as you would normally be with eating. I don't find much of a difference. You may wish to stick to clear drinks and avoid wearing prints that run when wet. But otherwise you're golden?
>>9004510
Why do you even go to meets at a comm where you don't get along with the 'good' lolitas and then say tacky things about the less than good ones? I'm actually curious. Usually well adjusted people who have their own thing going on well aren't a 'weeb or ita magnet'.
>>9013380
There tend to be boystylers in comm's though.
>>9013337
Wear washable brand pieces and avoid dark/bright colored drinks and don't get wasted. If someone else spills on you, not much you can do about it but have a stain stick, Tide pen, etc and again, wear washable clothes. Maybe scotch guard them beforehand? Wear black? Wear bodyline?
tfw when someone in ur comm wraps cereal cardboard in cheap cute kids quilting fabric and ads ribbon to hide glue edges, and then adds ribbon to tie around head
and shares it as a cute and easy diy for lolita and brings it to a meet
tfw when ur an awful lolita but everyone in ur comm makes u look amazing
>>9013953
To kawaii her pantry? Wut?
>>9013953
>everyone in ur comm makes u look amazing
YEP.
>>9013959
to make a kawaii "old school headress"
>Pic related is communities main pic
>>9013970
Oh...oh no.
>>9013970
I weep for you
>>9013798
Because I want to? Is that strange to enjoy wearing lolita with others and enjoy conversations about it in person? Is it wrong to be bothered by people who cling onto me like leeches begging to borrow my clothes and have "kawaii slumber parties" at my house because I'm one of the few who live on their own, earn a decent income, and has a car? You believe that well adjusted people aren't weeb/ita magnets when in fact, it's the opposite. They want to be independent but still be babied. Plus the whole "notice me senpai" bs has made it even more difficult for me. They think it's endearing, I think it's exhausting.
>>9013325
I didn't say every metro event. I meant big things like conventions, Jpop concerts, Hatsune Miku shit, etc. Things that are BIG, not just random brunches around the city. Don't be an ass.
Also there are two meets after the convention, so they're at least going now, I didn't even know about that first one. I'm wondering if some people just aren't seeing them because I sure didn't.
Does anybody else hate portland, it sucks!
>>9004510
I hate to break it to you but I think you have autism.
>>9014065
For not being able to relate to the younger folks? Yeah, thanks Google mD
>>9013337
If the occasion is right then I'll drink, but I don't go around with a flask tucked into my petticoat. I've been to tea parties with mimosas, I've gotten myself lost on tequila shots, I've had wine with dinners. As long as you're careful when you drink you should be okay. Alcohol goes in your mouth, not on your clothes, and if you're getting to the point where you're making a mess then it's time to stop drinking.
>>9013337
I got totally wasted once wearing a velveteen IW skirt and threw up all over it. I washed it, waited for it to dry, and ran the rough edge of a sponge over the nap to pat it into place. Velveteen isn't really supposed to come back like that but I'm lucky it did. I think as long as it's not easily stained, you're fine wearing lolita.
>>9004799
Some "pretty" people can be assholes too. Some have superiority complex, stay in their high horse and throw elitist shit like "if you don't wear brand you are not allowed".
We had a mod like that, imposing decisions over the whole group and calling herself "mother" of the group, Tumblr sjw, when necessary. When shit hit the fan in btb, she cried ungrateful to everyone and left.
>>9004799
Lord, what terrible logic here. I've met plenty of shitty people and they've run the gambit from people who are gorgeous to people who are ugly as sin. On the flipside I could say pretty people have worse personalities because their looks allow them to get away with bad behavior more often. Hey, look at Choke!
But for real, let's not fall into silly myths that ones looks is a basis for their personality. There's shitty people everywhere with all sorts of personal appearances. (Likewise with wonderful people)
>>9014296
This
For some the appearance may be the cause, for others is totally irrelevant
>>9014062
Are you sure its not you that sucks, anon?
>>9014062
Maybe you could try being constructive. What do you hate about it?
"I got roped into babysitting so I'll be bringing a guest along to the meet again :)"
or hm crazy idea YOU STAY HOME AND DO YOUR FUCKING JOB INSTEAD FOR ONCE?
>>9014906
You should say something about how others may feel uncomfortable around children, and that you suggest they ask the mod or host if it's okay before bringing the little crotch fruit
>>9014919
It's not even her crotch fruit, she's babysitting someone elses.
