>after 6y i finally get to buy my first lolita piece
>poor student,grew with old school and think it might be wise to begin with something simple
>find a white Karami JSK for 80$ shipped
>My "friend" C. orders it for me as i cant use paypal atm
>C. is a lone lolita since 8 years, closet full of AP,living at her grandma house, all bills payed by her so she can spend all her salary on lolita and her grandma love lolita. She wears it near everyday except to work
>kinda admire her since i wish to do the same
>also buy a cute anna house skirt that was cheap and actually good quality
>feeling quite happy and enthusiastic
>having a Paris trip this week and C. told me she will lend me some lolita stuff so i can wear it there if i get her a crinoline from a girl
>sure!
>super happy i will get to wear lolita
>she mp me today to say she will go to the post office for her Little Bear Cafe and mine
>"ok thank you i am looking forward to it"
>"but anon that karami jsk...its not great t b h"
>"what do you mean?"
>"my grandma said "i am kinda disappointed this dress is not pretty" but was reassured when i told her its not mine
>heart dropping in my chest
>"oh is that so..?"
>yeah and i dont like the cut the material or the lace and its going to be difficult to sell it
>"...oh"
>Suddenly feel really sad
>she finds someone to get the crinoline for her
>ask if she is still ok to lend some stuff to me
>>8846476
Second part. Sorry for the bother
>"i just washed all my wardrobe so it would kinda bother me..."
>"it's fine it's your stuff not mine"
>"i COULD give you some offbrand shit and a pair of shoes but my bf got them for me
>"no it's fine please don't bother plus i dont want to risk damaging your beautiful items"
I just feel sad now. I should sell that shit already. I see her tomorrow to get the dress and the skirt but i don't even want it anymore...it feels ugly and basic and stupid. I am a complete idiot i should have bought something better maybe i just jumped ln it because cheap and burando..i shouldnt care about what people think but even then my enthusiasm just disappeared.
>>8846481
She sounds like a bitch desu, you realistically need to start your wardrobe with simple pieces, and karami jsks are generally really nice.
>>8846481
Are you the same anon that posted awhile ago about getting (and coording) the white Karami JSK and pink/white AH skirt? Don't let C's opinion get to you, it's what you think that matters; they're your clothes after all. Maybe she doesn't like BTSSB's older style, that's fine, it's her opinion, it doesn't mean that what you bought is shit.
I understand that you're upset but don't think about selling your stuff yet. Wait until you have the JSK and skirt in your hands, try them on, coord them if you can, then see if you feel differently about them.
>>8846481
Basic/oldschool is best lolita in my opinion.
your spoiled ass friend is just being a total cuntwad.
>>8846481
OP, that is just your friend's opinion about the Karami jsk. Just because she says it's not great, shouldn't stop you from liking it.When you are in this fashion longer, you will find your own style.
>tl;dr Wear what you like, not what others think.
>>8846481
Honestly anon, i think that girl is messing with you. I'm pretty sure that if you mention to her that you want to sell the dress she's going to offer you something really low for it, and once she has it she'll sell it to someone else for double the value. She's making you think the dress is bad before you've even tried it on so that when you finally do get it you'll just look at all the flaws right away and hate it instantly, even if it turns out to actually be a lovely dress.
And she had told you that you would get to borrow some lolita things from her, she's just making up excuses for not having to now that it's time. This is going to happen again, it always does.
You obviously look up to her but listen to me when I say this, anon: Drop her. C isn't your friend and you deserve better. You need someone who will stick to their promises, and who will take time to actually sit down and teach you about lolita and help you find good things to buy instead of waiting until you've already spent your money to tell you that it isn't good.
And hey, it doesn't matter if it's basic, everyone starts out somewhere! I'm sure you'll look wonderful in the dress and the skirt. Stay strong and happy, anon. It's gonna be fine, you'll get your lolita enthusiasm back!
>>8846481
I agree with the others that she's manipulating you. Don't fall for it.
>>8846481
Yeah. She does sound kind of bitchy, and who cares what her grandma thinks? You like the pieces right? That's what's more important.
>hard to sell later
OHH. She's one of THOSE types.
>>8846476
I fucking love the Karami JSK. Don't listen to your friend's grandma, she's used to and likes AP, so naturally her sensibilities are different. Just coord it well and be cute.
I feel like she was being a bit of a bitch too but i don't wanna sound like an entitled brat. It's her items after all . Plus i just need to grow a thicker skin. But when someone i find cool doesnt like something i did i feel kinda sad. Once i tried a hat and she said "nah take it of" "why?" "It doesnt suit you". She didnt mean to sound harsh and I rather have the truth than a lie. I mean she hugged me and told me i was cute and kissed my forehead and even bought me a drink before so she isnt that bad right? I am always scared of being an annoyance.
For the JSK I just feel like its...boring and not worth it. I should try to be more bold? I made a mistake. But i was just feeling enthusiastic and now i am teary eyed like a big baby. I just wanted to be a cute lolita...but i am unsure haha.
Here is a funny image to thank you for listening to my silly rant
>>8846491
Ah,yes,it's me! I will try it on tomorrow but...i dont wanna see her. If she makes some remark about it or my hair (i went a bit crazy and made a temporary very soft lilac) i will have that heart dropping feeling again.
Thank you anons for answering i feel a bit better but i think about selling them maybe..
>>8846515
From that anecdote she sounds like she's putting you down and then sort of positively reinforcing the action and "making it okay" by showing affection.
>>8846519
THIS. I'm getting real bad vibes about it. I mean even my best friends don't do something cutesy like kiss me on the forehead, even on my worst days, it sounds like over the top affection to convince you that she's not saying those things out of malice. And maybe she isn't... but she's sure not being nice.
One of the girls in my community is a huge embarrassment, she's rude to the wait staff, gets too drunk and embarrasses herself (and us), she stirs up drama ("Guess what xyz said about you!" And of course I t's never nice) and is overall just an unpleasant person to be around. She's a mod and has been in the comm for years and years. Ugh, she's the absolute worst. Everyone just tolerates her begrudgingly. We'll never be rid of her because lolita is like all she has.
>>8846515
Oops dropped the image.
Thank you for all the replies anons.
Well she likes old school too (not a total OTT junkie) and i mentionned selling it if i dont like it so she said "you will have a hard time selling it.. Anyway you will see tomorrow :)"
>>8846499
Yeah about that...i am not even sure i actually like them anymore. I am stupid i know.
>>8846526
Yeah. I'm getting some bad vibes from her too. I really don't think she's as nice as OP is trying to make her sound.
>>8846481
Wow, she doesn't sound like a good friend. She probably lives with her grandma and is a lone lolita for a reason. I mean, she sounds like she's almost sabotaging you for getting into lolita. Is she normally a jealous person?
Just do your own thing, anon. Don't take any more help from her. If that's a dress you loved enough to make your first dress, then do it justice. Make a really great coord, and buy pieces you really like without the help of your friend. Besides, I'm not sure who buys dresses just to think of the resale value besides literal stores and resellers?? Shouldn't you buy a dress because you like it and want to wear it, and worry about reselling later? Just saying.
>>8846515
I agree with the others, it really sounds like she's manipulating you, anon. You'll be a lot better off without her
>>8846529
Anyway now that you guys say it...its true it's kinda weird. But she did these cutesy stuff BEFORE she went kinda bitchy. I was talking to her and said "yeah its true my parents never showed me much affection" (because reasons. They dont hate me or anything they like me and care about me i am grateful i have them!) And she went "aww" and hugged and kissed me.
>>8846529
You're not even sure you like it anymore because of your friend's opinion of it. She planted seeds of doubt in your head.
>"you will have a hard time selling it.. Anyway you will see tomorrow :)"
I'm sorry but that sentence makes her sound bitchy as fuck. That doesn't sound like a friend. That sounds like somebody giving you an "I told you so" attitude.
![4585241_1524415_1018152884862516_907028871585918481_2[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/KygnMWE.jpg "4585241_1524415_1018152884862516_907028871585918481_2[1].jpg")
>>8846515
if you're really gonna be a dumbass about the whole thing, I'll take the JSK for $40
if your oh so *wonderful* friend says its a piece of crap then its gotta be a piece of crap, right?
I mean, look how revoltingly basic this outfit looks, it almost looks like its NOT a costume, your friend was ~totally right~
you know what, after looking at this picture and thinking about what your darling friend said, I think I would only pay $30 for that hoooorrible piece of shit.
She kissed your forehead, clearly your friend knows best.
why, she sounds like a lolita mother to you. Mother knows best.
>>8846533
Well she says she just doesnt like the community. Like me. The community actually likes her. Though i am not accepted into it anyway because i am not enough of a cool kid i guess?. and i want to stay far from it anyway it's full of either spoiled rich girls and snoblitas who just described me as "ah yes she is cute" or really tacky weebs that makes a lot of noise and can't even coord some bodyline but they love me for some reason.
Now that you say that i wonder if she is actually just speaking her mind or just jealous? Also why would she comment one of my pics saying i was her princess or that she wants to pinch my cheeks if she was jelly and/or secretly disliked me?
But why would she even be jealous? She has a bf,a big wardrobe,doesnt have any bills to care about,she is actually pretty and only 3 years older than me.
Posted at the other Feels thread but it was saging so...
I'm upset about how every single otaku douche at my comm fancies himself a photographer.
They buy expensive equipment and cameras and go around cons asking (almost bullying) cosplayers for mini-shoots, like 5-15 poses. Later they post at their facebook pages and pat themselves on the back.
The thing is... They suck. They suck at editing, blowing up the contrast settings and putting a ungodly amount of blur on people's faces. They take awful pictures with botched angles and bad lightning.
I don't wanna seem like a bitch and refuse posing for them, but I'm so tired of seeing such awful pictures of myself.
We had a con a couple weeks ago and I legit cried seeing some of these pictures.
>>8846562
>otakus thinking their photos when they aren't
sounds accurate, the little fucks
>they harrass cosplayers for photos
yep, otaku guys making people uncomfortable, sounds the norm
>they suck
well, to be expected.
>I legit cried
what
>>8846561
I don't know if she's jealous but like the other anons said, something about her behavior seems off, like she's manipulating and sabotaging you. Maybe it's not the case at all but that's what it sounds like.
>>8846563
Well, I felt bad because I worked hard on my costume and props and now I'm plasted on every local cosplay page looking like crap.
Other cosplayers also look like total shit but it doesn't make me feel better about myself.
>>8846561
You can't see everything inside a person, things that seem great on the outside to you aren't necessarily making her happy.
This is gonna be a long one but I need to get all the details out.
>become friends with person through mutuals about a year ago
>talk nearly every day and get along very well, bond through favorite band
>along the way, realize that they have a rather dysfunctional family and have to calm them down during their BPD and anxiety moments
>okay, no prob
>continue doing this for the rest of the year
>fast forward to January
>we meet for the first time and they spend the week at my place
>excited at first because we talked about moving in together but things quickly come crashing down once I actually meet them
>they were painfully obnoxious, paranoid about being branded as a thief in stores we shopped at even though the shopping habit they had was to pick everything up as they go along and then leave the stuff they did not want
>messy af and ate some of my food and left crumbs behind in the box/bag
>insisted that because I didn't spend money at certain places that I wasn't having fun (sorry that I'm trying to save money this year)
>got into a huge fight with their mom over money because they blew the hundreds they had away in less than six days on bullshit
>said fight makes me upset and leaves me to lock myself in the bathroom on the verge of a breakdown of stress
>friend's mom pretty much tries to push her daughter to ask me to help with money as I was getting paid the day after
>agree only because I was tired of my friend's immaturity and bullshit already
>>8846519
yeah that kind of yo-yo behavior is a bit of a red flag.
>>8846561
>her princess or that she wants to pinch my cheeks if she was jelly and/or secretly disliked me?
Because she's a bitch and knows how to play you. She may not be abusive, but she's using abuser tactics. Being sweet and acting concerned, but turns around and does shit to pick away at your ego and keep you where SHE wants you.
I had a friend who I considered a good friend. Eventually I realized how toxic she was and broke our friendship off. She was nice to my face but was talking shit behind my back even when we were still friends.
>>8846566
Without wanting to seem offensive i think it's mayyybe a bit far fetched? But now you might be right so i am going to stay on my guard. I won't let that happen to me a second time. (Had a gf stopping me from wearing lolita because she was upset i "looked good in it/was told to be cute" and she didnt. Really manipulative. Turns out it was actual envy. It's so sad coming from someone i actually loved)
I have two adorable lolita friends i have the luck to have, who told me i was going to rock that dress and that they wanted pics. And my crush told me i was surely going to look adorable and was looking forward to see me in it. And other people told me they were glad i decided to wear lolita and how i would be beautiful in it. So thinking about that warms my heart. I should listen to my close friends more. I just care too much.
>Just woke up
>Had a dream I was doing one of my dream cosplays a night before the con
>got a shit ton of model magic, dyed it brown with red and green food coloring in the tub and took it out to make a very large weapon
>literally just model magic, no base materials or wire/cardboard framing
>friends telling me to hurry up so I get a lot of sleep and the model magic needs to take 6 hours to dry
>the shittiest props imaginable have been made
>friends tell me it has to do because I'm meeting the entire staff on the show first thing in the morning and this outfit will be judged by them- they're looking for a cosplayer to take to cons with them across the world and promote the show
I'm so glad that was a dream, model magic is shitty as hell to work with
>>8846561
honestly to me it doesn't sound like she's manipulating you so much as she's conditioning you. Anon I'm not you and I'm not going to say who you you shouldn't be friends with but I would urge you to remember what others here have said and maybe every once in a while look at this girls actions from another angle. Enjoy your trip and your dress, those things are yours and I'm sure Paris looks the same out of frills as it does in them.
>>8846583
(cont.)
>friend also had a bad habit of ordering out food days in a row and is a good reason why they didn't have money
>wants to order out one night even though I didn't have a lot of money so I meekly state that it was better to eat in
>they pull the whole pouty baby 'I feel bad for suggesting it' thing and leave me feeling like an ass for a bit
>fast forward to Sunday when they have to leave
>I have to work so I trust them to do what they need to
>get out of work and see text that they can't find their ticket back home and deleted the confirmation email and has to buy a ticket for the next day...which is when school starts back up for me
>mfw you dumbass
>gets in another tiny fight with their mom to ask for more money so they can come home
>I pretty much become stoic the rest of the day and make the excuse that I have to go to bed early and book it to my bedroom
>friend finally leaves the next day but barely makes the bus and I damn near rejoice on the way back home
>start to figure out how to break it to them that I don't want to live with them
>fast forward to now
>friend texts me that they lost one of their two jobs
>ask for what and find out that they were stealing necessities (food, deodorant, etc.) because student loans emptied their wallet and they couldn't afford what they needed to get
>now a huge red flag is being raised
>talk to mutual friend about how I'm feeling
>to sum up what they said: do what you feel is best but see where they're coming from (verbally abusive parents, mental illness)
>mfw I'm leaning towards ending our friendship because I can't pretend to be happy anymore
I'm sorry for the length, it's just that this situation is so complicated and I don't know if what I'm doing is right...this is the first time I've had to contemplate on cutting off a strong friendship.
Thanks again for your concern and answers anon i wasnt able to sleep because i was feeling so confused but it's ok now. /cgl/can really be a nice place at times.
>>8846583
Oh wow that doesnt sound good try to take a step away from her if it gets too serious. Your health first. I used to calm a girl during her panic attacks but then she turned to be kinda psycho and talking behind my back about how my eyes are too big and eventually i went away and blocked her
>>8846583
it's called a cycle of abuse for a reason. You're not actually living with this person right? They're just staying a week?
>>8846573
anon, I've never cried from a bad photo.
I took couple photos in my hotel room (face covered since the character has her face covered in some shots) that everyone liked with my shitty iphone, and when I went to a con someone snapped a photo of me (with my face uncovered) with such shitty lighting that I looked absolutely ugly, every crease in my fucking face was intensified.
These were posted not on facebook, but directly onto 4chan, in the thread for that show. everyone made the joke of "oh she only looks good with her face covered"
Honestly, knowing it was a bad photo, I didn't cry, and I was only slightly upset, because these fucks could think all they wanted, but they still loved my cosplay, and I know that I don't look that hideous.
>>8846614
Oh, I'm sorry that happened to you, anon!
Ugh, I know I shouldn't be that upset by a picture but... I think I'm more upset by their overall entitled attitude.
Like, one time I was shooting with a friend of mine who is a great photographer, she is awesome and I look amazing in her pics.
I was doing a pose that would only work at the specific angle she was shooting me... Well, a pack of these fuckers approached us and started taking pictures of me without even asking first. They shot me from all directions even though I wasn't posing for them nor looking at them.
Later they posted these pics at their pages and I look fucking awful and retarded from the angles they captured me.
At some of the recent con pictures I suffered from the same case of bad lightning you did, my face looks absolutely terrible.
One guy put so much blur on my face it made my upper lip disappear. Other one upped the contrast so much I look orange.
>>8846481
>suddenly not liking Karami jsks because of some bitch and her grandma
>anon
>have you never watched Kamikaze Girls or
>realize childhood friend who is also into lolita is the most toxic person in my life
>she just basically sees me as a mannequin to do her bidding by manipulating the shit out of me while also hindering my personal development
>okay this narcissistic bitch needs to get the fuck out, somehow
>currently deleting all my pics from my newbie lolita phase in case she'll get salty and tries to drag me on cgl when I call her out in one way or the other
Now time to figure out a plan to make it work while staying in the project both her and I are parts in, though most people are on my side since they were the ones that dropped the bomb that made me realize this, but I don't want a turn this into a "her side" "my side" thing.
>check engine light flashing
i didn't want to buy any brand anyway
>>8846605
>bpd
You don't need to say any more than this, get the fuck out of there.
>>8846606
>>8846613
That's the point I made to our mutual friend about how I can't risk my mental health over theirs and that it wasn't the first time I've been in a situation like this, unfortunately.
They don't live with me, they just stayed for a week last month but it helped me to see what living with them would be like and I'm saying fuck that. There's a huge list of things that happened outside of what I mentioned that is just straining things between us.
>>8846639
stay professional. grey-rock her. know she will do whatever it takes to "win" and try to engage as little as possible. wait to cut ties or confront her until you are no longer enmeshed.
>finally save enough money for dreamdress set+shipping+customs
>mom's boyfriend wants to buy her a very expensive gift and share expenses with me
>it's a nice idea so I agree and give him one half of my dress-money
>"well I'll just sell some other stuff this week"
>mom is pretty meh about the present but pleased with $350 in cash from other family members
>she insists to eat out on her birthday and spends over $130 on food and booze
>have a nice time anyway
>next day
>"it's been a rough month anon but my birthday money is intended be used to treat myself.Could you give me *other half of dress money+shipping+customs+$60* since you're not paying rent?"
>hesitate for a few seconds but agree
>she gets angry in those few seconds
>shouts "fine,I'll just run into debt then,thank you!!"
>goes into rage mode and tells me what a shitty person and ungrateful daughter I am for an hour
>I try to calm her down and explain my situation
>she starts shitting all over lolita
>I need to leave for uni
>come back 8 hours later
>she sits on the couch,cries and tells her boyfriend how shitty I am
>fast forward another hour of shouting and crying
>I can finally give her the fucking money
M-Maybe it's still there in two months.
>>8846476
>my grandma said
yeah, right. she is recruiting others to her side to make you feel even more wrong.
you're a prop to her. put distance between you.
>>8846515
she sounds like the type of person who gets a kick out of keeping you down. walk away. you're worth better.
>>8846626
she sounds really insecure and unsure of herself and probably needs approval in some way to be reassured?
>>8846643
This. This happened to me right before Christmas with the $800 I had saved.
>>8846605
I would say there's no reason to hold onto that friendship, if it makes you unhappy then it can't even be called friendship in the first place, you're like a babysitter. I would never let my friend pay for large expenses for me, and if it was a terrible emergency I would immediately pay them back. The fact that they had to use your money and then had the audacity to suggest you take them out to eat blows my mind.
>>8846650
Wow your mom is shitty you should treat yourself on that dress you deserve it.
Sometimes i wish i was super rich so i could buy things to people like you for nothing in return but their happy faces and reactions and be like "there you deserved it"
>8+/10 cosplauer
>yes perfect
>actually try and talk to them
>stutter profusely
>feel like I'm bothering them
>practically run away
>find out after con they're single and wouldn't have minded
Is anyone else here fairly confident in their selves and appearance then break down when trying to talk to someone?
>>8846622
Don't worry, anon, I've learned to be more confident about my looks and care less about photos because I'm unphotogenic as shit and NEVER look good in photos, but sometimes it just hits hard, and I'll have a cry over everyone seeing me looking so hideous. Brush your shoulders off and move on. Ultimately, it's just a dumb photo. I'm sorry these photos sucked so much, though; I'd have been pissed if I were you, from the sounds of them.
>>8846542
underrated post
>>8846561
>Well she says she just doesnt like the community. Like me. The community actually likes her. Though i am not accepted into it anyway because i am not enough of a cool kid i guess?. and i want to stay far from it anyway it's full of either spoiled rich girls and snoblitas who just described me as "ah yes she is cute" or really tacky weebs that makes a lot of noise and can't even coord some bodyline but they love me for some reason.
how much of this is your opinion and how much is what your "friend" told you?
>>8846582
newfags never learn. stop trying to teach him and just be glad he outed himself.
>buy dream dress
>first time buying from Russia
>read horror stories about Russian Post
>cry out of fear
Please make it to me. I've never seen this dress in this colorway up for sale before and will cry for days if it just disappears and I'm out $300.
>>8846648
Sorry, English is not my native language so what does grey-rock mean? All I get when I google it is rocks lol
But reading OP's issue I can really relate to this, not the situation itself but the behaviour.
>>8846542
forget that coord, obviously THIS coord is a horrible piece of shit, no lolita in the world would ever wear this, never mind Baby rereleasing this dress god knows how many fucking times because it's so iconic, it's not popular at all, you know??
seriously, OP, grow a thicker skin and form your own opinions would you?
>>8846561
>anyway it's full of either spoiled rich girls and snoblitas who just described me as "ah yes she is cute"
Am I the only one put off by this? Like, what, they have to fawn all over you for you to want to hang out with them, and if they don't, they're snobs?
Either way, grow a spine. Like what you like. If this girl tries to tell you it'll be hard to sell and then offers to buy it for cheap, you'll know she's a bitch. Otherwise, maybe she's just really blunt when she doesn't like something. Don't let someone else's opinion decide what you wear if you like the item.How old are you?
>>8846650
save up money, move out, dump your mom.
or, ask to set rent so you can budget for yourself better. explain all your money went to her unexpectedly, which is fine because you love her, but you'd like to budget things for the future.
parents are supposed to take care of their kids, not the other way around. if she's not helping you become a functional member of society, she isn't doing her job, and you will be happier away from her.
>>8846650
seems like you should save your money to move the hell out. go find some potential roommates around your uni.
>>8846683
no worries, it is not normal English. it is a term used when dealing with narcissists and other predatory personality types.
>Gray Rock is primarily a way of encouraging a psychopath, a stalker or other emotionally unbalanced person, to lose interest in you. It differs from No Contact in that you don’t overtly try to avoid contact with these emotional vampires. Instead, you allow contact but only give boring, monotonous responses so that the parasite must go elsewhere for his supply of drama. When contact with you is consistently unsatisfying for the psychopath, his mind is re-trained to expect boredom rather than drama. Psychopaths are addicted to drama and they can’t stand to be bored. With time, he will find a new person to provide drama and he will find himself drawn to you less and less often. Eventually, they just slither away to greener pastures. Gray Rock is a way of training the psychopath to view you as an unsatisfying pursuit — you bore him and he can’t stand boredom.
http://www.lovefraud.com/2012/02/10/the-gray-rock-method-of-dealing-with-psychopaths/
>>8846692
i think she meant it as in they don't see past her appearance anon but in any way OP need to grow some balls
>>8846678
DING DING DING we have a winner
>>8846683
Grey-rock is a tactic used by people dealing with abusive/narcissistic family members. Basically keeping any conversation absolutely mundane with.you make yourself absolutely uninteresting to them. Give them no fuel for them for their emotional gas-lighting.
http://narcissistsupport.com/going-gray-rock/
>>8846707
Ah, this makes sense. This is pretty much what I've been trying to do lately (except for calling her out on her bullshit, I'm the only one who bothers nowadays, I'm usually a very low-key person but I believe she at least deserves a chance to think about her actions).
When I tried something like that a few years ago she kept calling me, kept writing to me like nothing happened and kept tagging me in things like we were still bffs until I finally gave in. But perhaps what didn't work then might work now when we're a little bit older.
>>8846712
it's also great for trolls, who are essentially mini/situational narcs
>>8846717
>used to be good friend with a full-time troll
>used this tactic against him whenever he tried to troll me
>mfw he ended up falling in deeply love with me because I didn't take his bullshit
>whut.png
>>8846713
Sounds like you didn't do it for long enough. The ones that are really determined will keep it up for a long time.
>>8846713
i went NC (no contact) with shitty, insane family members 10 years (YEARS) ago and they still sometimes send me a letter/email like nothing happened (despite me never giving them a way to contact me; they find ways). had to train myself not to even read the shit. feels much better to just bin it and move on.
block her if you can.
also: http://aconsociety.blogspot.com/2012/11/anatomy-of-written-narc-guilt-trip.html?m=1
>>8846644
>>8846667
It honestly does feel like I'm a babysitter, now that you mention it. Their behavior is just like a child and it's baffling and disturbing how dependent they are on me...whenever they have one of their episodes, they're asking me to justify what they say and to tell them that I don't hate them.
>>8846644
>>8846667
Now that you bring that up, I do feel like a babysitter. They pretty much act like a big baby and it disturbs me how dependent they are on me; whenever they have one of their episodes, they ask me to tell them that I don't hate them and won't think differently of them. When they had their fight with their mom when they were here, they made us have a talk which consisted of them talking a majority of the time and gave a sob story about their home life and how they have a big personality and it tends to scare people off.
>mfw there's a huge difference between having a big personality and being a basket case
>>8846650
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/
>Someone puts a rare piece up for a silent auction
>I get the highest bid
>Person is being really dodgy with replies to me
>"Oh sorry, I've been really busy!"
>"Oh sorry, I got sick!"
>Still hasn't replied with shipping quote.
>told myself I would wait until wednesday for her to reply then back out since she's being so dodgy
>Still don't want to back out since it's a piece I really want
>Hopefully she's not going to scam the shit out of me
>>8846748
anons, i have disliked reddit for years. but the raisedbynarcissists subforum is a lifesaver. there are no downvotes and the moderatorship is the best i've seen. it is an honest to god invaluable resource that i think a lot of you should check out.
i still meme-hate reddit on principle but lurk the link above for a while.
>>8846740
yeah she sounds like a classic case. if you put distance between you and her, prepare for "hoovering," anon:
http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/hoovering-how-the-narcissist-tricks-you-into-breaking-no-contact/
this article also applies to the thread OP, and the anon whose mom took her savings.
>>8846774
>lurk the link above for a while.
*you should lurk the link above for a while, i meant
>>8846650
That's sad. Expecting a high schooler to pay rent? What a shit situation. Screw that boyfriend for not explaining how you spent your money on her.
>>8846794
I was in a similar situation except my father was the abusive one. My parents were drilling it into my head that I'd never be able to afford living on my own, I'd never be able to live with roomates, etc...
While raising my rent to the point I could have easily spilt rent with some roomates, all the while telling me how they absolutely needed the money while being abusive assholes at the same time.
Thank god I moved out of that place, it was toxic as he'll and I'd never wish a living environment like that on anybody.
>>8846669
Not shitty,just very eager to misunderstand and impulsive..
It's too late,but thank you anon.I know it's strange to say that over the internet,on an anonymous image board,but I really appreciate your kindness,even if it's just in our minds.
You know,it's not only the dress.I'm just as sad about the fact that she takes my money for granted,like it's a duty.
>>8846705
>>8846698
I already did that for years and I think I saved enough to be safe in 2-3 months.But last year in summer I also decided to save for a nice lolita haul.
>or, ask to set rent so you can budget for yourself better
The last time we talked about moving out (I accidently told her I saved a good amount money - I think that's why she took my $400 for granted) she cried,became hysterical and threatened to kill herself.I still need to find a way to tell her without doing any harm.
>>8846748
Thanks,I'll take a look at it.
>Be decently normal and socially adjusted guy, just really into anime and the con scene
>Every time I meet a girl I like within the scene, she turns out to date a guy who doesn't even go to cons.
>Every time a girl from outside the scene finds out that I'm into anime and cons, she runs away screaming
>>8846864
She wont kill herself. she's using that to manipulate you because you're her little piggy bank. Trust me, this is how my mum treated my sister and she threw a huge four hour tantrum when she found out that she couldn't treat me like that and I was going to move out with my dad. D-d-d-drop it like it's hot, babe.
>>8846879
This.
Seriously anon. Your mom is a manipulative bitch. It's not fun to hear but she's doing everything she can to control you.
>>8846726
Man that sucks. I'm so glad I straight up ran away from my family and they didn't know how to contact me.
The only real problem it's brought me is explaining to people that I don't talk to my parents. Normies are so fucking annoying.
>>8846887
>The only real problem it's brought me is explaining to people that I don't talk to my parents. Normies are so fucking annoying.
yeah, i went from being secretive to just flat-out saying they were/are crazy and bad news to be around. people who don't get it don't need to be in my life.
>>8846821
>My parents were drilling it into my head that I'd never be able to afford living on my own, I'd never be able to live with roomates
Holy shit my dad did this too! He'd always say "you'll never make it in the real world" and told me that if I got roommates they'd steal from me.
>>8846893
Fucking same.
One time my elderly chinese coworker asked about my family, and I explained that I don't talk them anymore but didn't go into why and she said "oh I see, in america it's different" and I thought it was so funny cause that's not the case at all.
>>8846897
Yeah. It took me a long time that the only reason I would "never make it in the real world" was because he was a controlling asshole who stunted my development. It took me into my mid twenties to realize it.
>>8846904
Some people just don't understand the cycle of abuse and that no, just because they're family, even your parents, you don't have to take the abuse or have them in your life.
>>8846538
it sounds like she's going to turn around and say "I'll do you a favour and buy it off you!" t b h
>>8846961
Yeah. It's either her being a condescending bitch. Or a manipulative one.
>>8846917
>Yeah. It took me a long time that the only reason I would "never make it in the real world" was because he was a controlling asshole who stunted my development. It took me into my mid twenties to realize it.
DUDE. Seriously, same. I hate that I have wasted so much of my life because I was constantly told these things and believed them.
So glad I got out. It's so much better now. I just needed all the bad people out of my life and everything just immediately got better. Now I'm just sad that it took me so long to get here. One more year and I'll be 30. fuck.
>>8846872
Date outside the scene and slowly bring them in.
>tfw you're at a cosplay gathering and the only other person cosplaying the same thing tries to out-do you in pictures
i'm so bored. i'm so FUCKING bored and everything is pointless and i don't care about anything. i'm going to a big con next weekend and i usually look forward to it all year and now most of the time when i think about it i don't even really want to go. i still have a lot to do for my cosplays and i don't feel like working on any of them because i just. don't. care.
cosplay used to be my life, the only thing that kept me going, but lately it's just. meh. just like everything else.
i'm bored of my fandoms. i'm bored of most of my friends. i'm REALLY bored of my girlfriend.
i just miss caring and getting excited about things.
I posted/whined about this in the last thread but I'm gonna do a little more.
I've been having a problem keeping on weight and am now underweight and struggling to gain.
I had issues with my weight as a teenager; I was on the chubby side and had a "friend" who was very manipulative and would often say I was fat, that I would look better if I was skinnier, etc, then would totally flip and put her arms around my waist and remark how small I was. I was very self conscious about my body and whether I was regarded as skinny or fat.
I did work to lose chub then by counting calories and going to the gym. I definitely became healthier and toned. I started feeling more confident about myself.
Feeling healthy is what got me into wearing lolita! Previously I only really wore potato sacks or 8000 layers. After losing weight I started wearing more fitted clothing and lots of skirts and frills that are much more personally expressive than sacks. Lolita is like the ultimate expression of myself and I adore it.
Now with having to gain weight, it feels like reversing the progress that made me so happy in the first place. While I know I'm not internally healthy, I do like how I look and enjoy fitting into small asian sizes. It's hard to convince myself to eat more and lift heavy when I'm used to trying to stay slim. It's a lot to unlearn I guess, but then I worry about somehow going too far and becoming chubby and un-confident again.
>>8847025
Ugh, believe me, I've tried. It seems to be a hell of a lot easier for girls in the scene to date outside than guys, maybe because there's such a stereotype of us being ronery socially inept obsessive creeps.
>a friend and I used to make cringy idoru dance videos in high school
>stumble upon them again
>she looked so young and happy
>now she's a slutty drug addict that I'm barely friends with anymore
>say people who are two faced are bad
>use drink bleach meme
>/cgl/ throws a bitch fit
>get insulted about my physical appearance
>called retarded
>all for my dank memes
>>8846688
ugh, after seeing THAT picture, I wouldn't even PAY for that horrible peice of shit.
she should just give it to her friend free of charge.
CLEARLY her friend would be doing her a wonderful favor by taking that abomination off her hands.
>>8847220
This should be a copypasta.
>>8847025
Maybe, you're not as decent as you think. Just maybe.
>>8847287
Today in Cgl history.
>>8847201
I can relate to this. After highschool all of my dorky friends either got knocked up, addicted to drugs/ alcohol, or turned into tumblrinas.
I just want someone chill who will play the new fire emblem with me. Life is suffering.
>>8847310
>fire emblem
its not the same, I can't headpat cute boys.
>tfw I have no cosplay friends
I am truly a normy outside of this hobby. I get likes from my friends when I post pictures of myself in cosplay, but no one is ever interested in doing it themselves.
At cons, I pass through, take pics, but never exchange names. I'm honestly not very shy generally, but something about the people at these things makes engaging difficult for me. Meanwhile I can chat randos up in bars no problem.
I don't know how to make cosplay friends.
>>8847318
Not getting to pet is pretty disappointing but I preordered the SE forever ago and I still kinda want it. Mostly for the Anikis.
>>8847310
Mine all became tumblrinas and half of them became radiqueer pansexual fakebois on top of that. They use their self-diagnosed mental illnesses as an excuse to put no effort into life. It's sad.
>>8847344
this type of transtrender does not want to grow up. it is not that they want to be men; they just don't want to be adult women.
their entire personalities become structured around being helpless but not a woman: so they fetishize gaybois.
>>8847344
I seriously think it's just another way people can feel unique and special without putting work into an actual unique or special trait.
Like I recently got lunch with a friend from high school to catch up on old times and she casually mentions how shes demisexaual. I ask her what this means and she says she only sleeps with people she feels an emotional connection with. That's not a thing. That's made up to make people like her feel special about nothing in particular. You don't get to use a fancy term that basically translates to I don't sleep around unless I like your personality.
>>8847296
I assume that was aimed at me and not the person who replied to me?
Believe me, sometimes I think so too, but everybody around me tells me I'm just being paranoid. I think, more than anything, I'm kind of so terrified of people being weird about my anime hobbies that it makes me hold back.
>>8846748
Damn,a lot of stuff on there always seemed pretty normal to me.
>>8846794
Fortunately,she didn't ask for rent,just something like a one-time payment.I'm just sad that it came out of nowhere she didn't value it.
Her boyfriend stayed quiet during her whole rant and I can't blame him.Otherwise she would have felt like he turned against her and she'd punish him too.
>>8846774
>http://blog.melanietoniaevans.com/hoovering-how-the-narcissist-tricks-you-into-breaking-no-contact/
That was a tough read,thanks for posting.
>>8846879
>>8846886
I don't know.In her rage she often says that it's my fault if something happends to her and that I'll feel sorry for it.If she's really angry,I don't doubt that she would hurt herself to hurt me.
>D-d-d-drop it like it's hot, babe.
This seems cruel.I can take her behaviour for much longer but I also can't get over her like a lover or a fake friend and never talk to her again.She's my family after all and I don't really want her to suffer,just to stop controlling and hurting me.
I don't think she is 100% conscious about the things she said and did (because it seems like she can't truly admit that she did something wrong too),so I'm not sure if she's a true narcissist.
On the one hand she said she only insults me because she wants me to prove her wrong,on the other hand she confesses that she insults me because she feels upset/hurt by me and wants me to feel the same pain.(And to keep it cgl related - For example with badmouthing the hobby I love,Lolita)
Tbh I'm not even sure who abuses who.She accuses me of the same things I tought about her in that situation and she seems to be hurt by stuff I would never consider hurtful(wrong words,actions,gestures or facial expressions) and she did sacrifice time,money,thoughts and energy to raise me.
Sorry for all the whining and the wall of text,but it feels so good to type all of this.
>inb4 r9k/fit/fa looks at this thread and thinks all lolitas and cosplayers have mommy/daddy issues
>>8847568
*I can't take her behaviour for much longer
**thought
Sorry and polite sage,I'm not a native speaker.
>School's going great, projects finishes before deadline
>Having so much free time because of it
>Time to sew something cool
>Body: nope
>Feeling sick all the time but no clever signs of any sicnesses (no fever, no runny nose, no coughing, etc)
>Feeling weak so all I do is browsing internet
>Missing school so much I'm starting to get behind
It's been over two weeks already, went to schools nurse and all she said was "It's flu season right now :)". My blouse is screaming "finish me!".
>>8847568
A lot of that sounds like gaslighting, anon. It seems like she's trying to convince you that you're the crazy or abusive one. It's pretty common in abuse situations.
Cutting ties can really suck. You don't have to cut her out totally once you move out. You can just give strict guidelines about what sort of behaviour is and isn't acceptable. If she can't act decently, reduce contact.
Lots of narcissists aren't really self aware. They may be so far in denial about their own behaviour that they don't see clearly hurtful things as bad, or their fault.
You don't deserve to get insulted by someone you care about, even if they are suffering. It's not justifiable.
When you do anything drastic, like move out. Make sure you bring a friend with you and stay safe from the crazy.
Hope your situation gets better.
>>8847580
Have you ever tried to take some nutricial supplements? For me they do wonders, especially in winter when my immune system is almost nonexistant anyways.
Every time I as my bf to take a coord shot for me he holds the phone at his crotch to take it so they all have this horrible, low, almost up the nose angle. If I ask him to take it again he accuses me of always bitching but he never remembers that I've told him a million times shots at that angle look like sheeeeeet.
>get some new vidya
>one of the female characters looks a lot like a girl I had a thing with about a month ago
>not fully over her
>can't fully enjoy the game now
>>8847600
Now that you mention it I have been taking those but run out last november. I forgot to ask mom to buy some when I went home during christmas and it's been forgotten ever since. Thanks for reminding me, I need to go buy food anyway so there wont be any extra harm for getting those. I just hope this sicness would end soon.
>>8847616
Invest in a little tripod for your phone + timer. No more picture troubles.
>>8846670
>cosplayer is single
>that means they want to talk to me
how about you try not to fuck them?
>>8846476
>when ugly nerds hit on you and chad doesn't
ammirite fellow sluts?!
>>8847220
Top keke autistic fatty actually posted in here!
>Save up for con
>Cancel cause my friends not going dutch with me (I paid for con passes, transportation, and hotel costs fully last time btw) and wants me to pay their part
>say to friend "We can go to some small local cons even though it's not as fun and go to San Francisco this summer to sort of make up for it."
>Friends mom (I live with my friend cause they can't afford rent) throws a bitch fit that I don't wanna go now. Her precious daughter needs fun for all the work she does.
>I'm a worthless NEET living off SSI so im immediately always the twat because my friend has a job at Kohls even though I'm paying more than half the rent and shit most the time
Feels bad. Everytime I save up money and think im outta this hoarder house they ask me for more money for like a ps4 or some shit and if I don't I just get called a useless fag. Feel like i'm bitching hard but at the same time I don't and just want to vent this out somewhere.
>>8846864
You need to use spaces after full stops and commas.
>>8847691
Maybe my reading comprehension is a bit off, but why are you paying for her shit when she's the one actually having an income?
>>8847710
My SSI is a bit less than her income at Kohls. I get 900 a month, she gets around 1100 a month since she has minimum wage, mine comes in all at once, hers comes in chunks weekly as far as I know. I don't ask how they spend their money because they get pissed off at me when I ask, but I know they buy stuff off of ebay daily on top of buying off of Facebook. It's hoarding to the point the only walkable areas are my room, hallway, bathroom, and kitchen. They sleep in the kitchen. Living room is completely blocked off.
TL;DR I think instead of spending their money wisely they hoard and then depend on me to cover them. Their grandma was paying everything for them until 3 years ago when she died and immediately afterwards my friend came crying for me to move in with her.
Hope I explained well enough....
>>8847568
>She accuses me of the same things I tought about her in that situation and she seems to be hurt by stuff I would never consider hurtful(wrong words,actions,gestures or facial expressions) and she did sacrifice time,money,thoughts and energy to raise me.
the first part of this is gaslighting. she has confessed to hurting you for revenge, while accusing you of hurting her in ways you weren't even aware of. that's not remotely the same.
the second part of this is the bare minimum any parent must do. billions of human beings do the same for their children. you don't "owe her" for doing what any decent parent would do; as a mother, she owes YOU for bringing you into the world and putting you through hell instead of setting you up for success.
>>8847724
>TL;DR I think instead of spending their money wisely they hoard and then depend on me to cover them. Their grandma was paying everything for them until 3 years ago when she died and immediately afterwards my friend came crying for me to move in with her.
yeah, they are using you without shame.
>>8846644
Not everyone who has bpd is like that, fuck I'm not like that.
>>8846681
Praying for your dress anon
I feel guilty for it but lately I've been kind of tired of my friends? every single one of them has come out with trans, which honestly is fine, but i'm sick of hearing/talking about it all the time. if it's not about trans stuff its about other sjw stuff. like 90% of conversations w them are about sjw stuff so I've kind of been avoiding them but i'm getting lonely. i don't want to point it out or ask to talk about it less bc i don't want to come off as insensitive, i just want new friends.
my boyfriend suggested i go to some lolita meetups to try and make new friends but then it leads to my second problem- i have almost crippling anxiety and literally almost end up crying at meets. I don't want to ruin anyone's time/be a bother but i also want to try and work on it (and it wont get better if i stay home all the time if that makes sense?) it's kind of pathetic i guess
sorry for whining here but i don't want to bother my boyfriend with it anymore and i cant really go to my friends about it. I feel a little better getting it out.
>gained 75 lbs during pregnancy
>was 95 lbs before
>only lost about 40 lbs in 6 months
>can't fit into any of my old cosplays or kawaii shit
>unwilling to make new cosplays or buy new clothes until I'm at 115 lbs or less
I might be able to have nice things come fall. Maybe.
>>8847805
Anon don't you have a friend or two in your local comm ? Ask them if they want to get dressed together before going to the meetup. I'm really anxious too so having someone I already feel comfortable with makes it easier to slip into a bigger group, if it make sense ?
>>8847808
How fucking small are you?
>only lost about 40 lbs in 6 months
You're going at a very fast pace considering your weight.
>>8847811
5'2" or 5'3". Not exactly sure. But I have a very little frame, aside from my hips and breasts, so extra weight looks super bad on me. I don't carry it well.
>>8847809
I actually don't. I havent really been to enough meets to make friends, more just meet a few people? I have people from my comm on fb but theyre all way older than i am and im pretty sure they only added me to be nice or welcoming? It would just be super awkward to ask to do something like that with them!
Thank you for the suggestion though! I know i should just try to attend more and get myself out there a but its just easier said than done.
>>8847823
Are you active on your comm's FB page? Try to do that first; participate in discussions, contribute when you can, then start talking to certain individuals that you click with through PMs and such and see if you have more in common besides frilly dresses.
Making friends online first might be a bit easier than trying to do that in person, especially if you're anxious.
>>8847827
Oh I'll try that! I don't notice a lot of actual discussions on my comms page, more just newbie questions (which i guess work too), but i'll keep an eye out! Thank you again for the suggestion!
>>8847799
Everyone who has bpd shares a set of behaviours and characteristics, otherwise they wouldn't get the diagnosis. That's the entire point creating a name for a specific set of behaviours/characteristics; that everyone in the group has at least those things in common. You can only widen a definition so much until it means nothing anymore.
>>8846481
Super late here but don't sell your stuff because your "friend" doesn't like it. The Karami JSK is a classic that has been around for over a decade, do you think Baby would re-release a piece that much if it was ugly or unsellable? She's playing you.
>>8846537
That's part of abusive behaviour patterns anon. By playing your heart strings, they make you attached and more accepting of shitty behaviour later on. Quit her, keep the jsk and live your life.
I'm an idiot and decided to message a guy I liked years ago on facebook congratulating him for something. I wanted to be polite and he was very nice to me and whatnot but the flood of feelings came rushing back and now I just feel like a loser.
>>8846605
Anon, I also have BPD and let me tell you one thing: We are awful unless we're actively working on getting better. This girl is not. Try to let her down as gently as possible though because people with BPD go full psycho when friends/lovers/whoever try to leave them. I'm serious, be careful. If you have to, just block them on everything and ignore them instead of telling them anything.
>>8846681
You'll need those prayers. My friends outfit was lost for almost 3 months.
>>8846481
Anon, I mentally stuck in early 2000s I do wear new school 'fashionable' shit but desu that kind of lolita look is so unmistakable and iconically lolita, we must keep it alive. Also fuck ton of accessories and shit. There is nothing wrong with basic, well put together coords
She's a bitch and probably a noob
>>8847799
>>8847865
>>8847949
I definitely don't want to categorize people with BPD as acting like this, this is the first person I've interacted with that has that and I have a feeling that it's more than that that causes her to act like this.
I really appreciate everyone's advice, I'm trying my best to distance myself from her, especially since I experienced 'hoovering' last night.
>make excuse yesterday that I was busy working on a sewing project
>they text me later asking about some socks they mentioned a while ago and said they bought that and a keychain for me
>mfw this just makes no sense
>tfw spent $35 on hats from target
>wanting to feel regret
But they're were cute and fit well and didn't have the shitty stitching I hated on my hats from ebay.
So no regrets.
>After being obese for a few years, I finally stopped making excuses and lost a bunch of weight.
>I'm on the high end of a normal BMI for my hieght, but I feel so great.
>I can see my collarbone and jawline again.
>I have cheekbones and and honest to god ankles.
>My wrists look positively delicate compared to how they used to.
>Even though it happened over months, it's still overwhelming.
>I tried on a dream dress that I just bought and I cried because it actually fit.
>I'm just so happy.
>>8848219
Way to go, anon!
>>8848219
congrats anon! keep up the good work
>>8848219
Good for you, anon! Feeling good in your own skin is so important. Rock that dream dress!
>tfw came to feels thread to vent
>read your post
>suddenly feel so happy for you I forgot what I was going to vent about
>wtf I'm not usually this empathic
>hormones? idk
rock those cheekbones anon you go girlfriend etc. slaaaaay yo mama or whatever it is kids say nowadays
>>8846529
Karami jsk is a basic. She's stupid if she thinks you cannot sell that one.
She is one of those people who don't understand oldschool.
>>8846562
Happened to me once, my first Lolita con
I never looked worse
fuck these people
>>8846515
Maybe she sees something she does not have in you. Who knows, maybe you remind her of somebody else, and she wants revenge. So she enjoys your pain.
It can be unconscious, but this behavior is toxic.
Grow thick skin, otherwise these Bullitas will keep popping up and what? make you hate your dream dress?
It is about what you like, not about her, not about which is the most liked dress.
And about the comm: nobody is expected to be your friend. Give them time, be respectful and give them the benefit of the doubt, they are just people. One day you will bond with somebody.
Or just walk away and enjoy the fashion for yourself.
>>8847808
Calm down anon. Give yourself some more time. I didn't return to my pre-pregnancy weight until my kid was almost 1 1/2 years old, and that was without doing any kind of extra diet or exercise.
>see dress up for sale for cheap on eBay
>seller has no idea of the true value of the dress, it's worth way more than the sale price
>dress was just a gift to them, no idea it's burando
>buy it
Everything is great.
>fit into all my burando
>often too small for normie size small
>fucking huge calves
>can't even fit most wide calf boots
>warp the hell out of socks with patterns
I'm pretty sure it's genetics, because they're rock hard, but it's so frustrating and uncute.
>meanwhile fat friends buy normie boots easily
>ankle boots just accentuate disproportionate calves
>no amount of weight loss helps
I just want to wear cute boots and socks, damn it
>>8847568
Grow a spine and cut her out of your life. Family doesn't mean shit when they hurt you. Why don't you stop enabling her and focus on improving your life?
My mom is a lot like yours, and it made my life hell until I cut her out of it. I eventually learned that I'm not worthless trash and a giant fuck up. I became successful and now I see her but her toxic bullshit doesn't get to me. All the rage, depression, anxiety, and worthlessness I used to feel is gone and I have people who actually love and care about me, my church family and my boyfriend's family. Lolita also helps, it makes me feel cute. If someone didn't like it, I wouldn't waste time with them
>have a qt friend interested in lolita
>have extra christmas money
>agree to buy a luckypack alongside her
>she swears to get good ones
>get luckypack
>size is wrong, and both only fit her
>I've had a crush on her forever
>she looks so good in both
>weakness
>says she can have them both
now:
>dream dress on sale on cc
>still not enough
>need the money from the luckypack
I can't ask her. I just can't.
>>8848427
grow balls, get your money back
>>8848427
Just tell her the truth. Say "hey, my dream dress came up for sale, could you spare me/loan me some money to help cover the cost?"
>trying to find a platform where I can discuss aspergers and shit
>all the ones I go to have people going "wow NTs sure are weird I mean they do things like kiss ewwww"
I just want to be able to discuss certain problems or exchange tips and positive stories without running into people who have zero self-awareness all the time.
On the bright side of feels, I'm going to my first con in years again and I can't wait! Life got into my way a lot the past few years to actually go to one, but now I finally have nothing that stops me from going. I missed hanging out at a con so much.
>>8848516
not aspie but I'm mentally ill+cognitively disabled if you wanna chat. I'm pretty lucky in having a lot of neuroatypical friends in real life so I don't really need to out of my way to discuss these things.
>>8848516
>people who have zero self-awareness all the time.
but isn't that part of asperger's? Or rather, a huge part of having autism?
>>8848225
>>8848228
>>8848230
Thanks, you guys! I really do appreciate it. I found that people IRL usually react pretty enthusiastically when you talk about weight loss in the context of "health" or "getting stronger", but very hesitantly or even negatively if you talk about feeling prettier or if you just really like being smaller. I get that no one wants to unknowingly enable an eating disorder, but it feels nice to be able to be honest that fitting into certain clothes is a huge motivator for me.
>>8846643
Mine was due to bad gas. Here's hoping it's something small.
>>8846864
>not shitty, just impulsive and misunderstood
>threatens to kill herself when you mention saving money
NEWSFLASH OP: YOUR MOM IS A SHITTY FUCKING CUNT AND YOU NEED TO ESCAPE AS SOON AS YOU CAN. Get your fucking head out of your rose colored ass and get the fuck out of there ASAP. Goddamn I wish I could strangle you through the phone so you'll understand.
>>8846887
>"But you only have one mom!"
"Actually, no, I have two but the one mom fucked up so badly that she doesn't deserve me. So fuck off with that shit."
>"You're over exaggerating. It's not that bad."
>cue a 15 min rant on how shitty she is
I really hate normies.
>>8846985
Think of your twenties as the tutorial to your life. Your 30's is the actual game play. Fuck people who don't get it.
>*raises glass to all of us who have made it out alive*
>>8846681
Praying for the dress
>>8847786
What does every child born have in common with each other?
Not a single one ASKED to be born.
Parents acting like entitled shit heads because they decided to take care of their own kids pisses me off. You owe them NOTHING. This is abuse anon. GET HELP.
>>8848586
You can be minorly self aware or self aware after the fact and still be on the ADS.
>>8848427
Are you saying you want the luckypack back to sell for money or you want her to give you money for the value of the lucky pack? You gave her that as a gift so it would be incredibly shitty to take that away unless I'm missing something.
>>8846605
Sorry but wow your friend is toxic. Seriously, she'll be a huge hole in your wallet whenever they're around because they do not have the concept of the dollar. Her issues from home is most likely 99% stirred up from this same kind of parasitic behavior.
Though I don't see why you need to cut off your friendship otherwise as long as you dont live with them.
I had issues with my one friend, makes double what I do, and constantly criticizes when I spent $20 for pizza that lasts me a week, when they buy gourmet pizza for $40 and are donewith it by the next day. Needless to say, whenever we hang out my wallet takes a huge pounding, and I been really trying to limit our hanging out except for when my wallet is on a more healthy day...
>>8847724
Anon you deserve better than this and you know it.
>>8848219
Congrats Anon! I'm so happy for you!
>>8846650
Awww. I wish I had money so I could buy you that dress.
>>8848516
I have aspergers and trust me I'm near constantly aware of it, sometimes I feel like I'm living life on stealth mode trying to blend in with everyone else.
>>8848586
Aspergers is on the Autism spectrum and it effects people differently and to varrying degrees. There are also wide array of symptoms and they're kind of mix and match.
>>8848219
Good for you. Don't make my mistake when/if you start noticing weight gain and brush it off as you'll worry about it later. Later became 40lb. Go full battle mode.
>>8848516
>>8848788
My brethren. I had no idea other people on the spectrum felt this way. I'm honestly terrified of people finding out I'm on the spectrum, though it's probably obvious that I struggle with people skills...
>mfw the media acting like autism is The Actual Worst aren't helping either
Sucks man. The one time I was upfront with my (ex)sorority about it, they literally spent the whole time making fun of me behind my back while convincing me I was doing great. I didn't find out until I ran into someone they'd cast out, so I left and they started making fun of me to my face. Fuck autism. I wish I wasn't born this way.
>>8848631
it was a $1000 bill.
fucking cars, i wish i lived in a place with reliable public transport.
Specially last months, I see how this board is filling with neckbeards/ 14 years old kids trying to be so edgy desu/trolls . creating stupid annoying threads, again and again (lel so edgy).
And admin is fucking useless about it , don't know how to moderate this damn board (come and ban me). I wish we had an admin who understand anything / cares about this board. A proper lolita + proper cosplayer.
Get a job admin-sama.
>>8848967
>admin
newfag pls
>>8848974
admin, mod, wathever . fuck
>>8848967
Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who reports trolls and bullshit. You gotta report the posts or nothing will happen. They don't just read every single new post screening the content.
>tfw I found out a girl in my comm did porn wearing a dress that I loaned to her for a meetup
She ended up buying it from me (possibly out of guilt???), but still
RIP my Honey Cake Specal Set
>>8848986
i report. i got a warning for over-reporting so i toned it down a bit.
the other step is not to respond. any attention feeds the troll. you HAVE to ignore them.
>>8847724
if you can afford to, drop them. go live with someone else if you can. they can't take the house over with their hoarding and expect you to pay in full for living space that you can't even use.
you don't deserve this. friends don't fuck friends over like this and feel no remorse. they're using you.
>>8849000
this sounds like a real thing, that actually happened
>everything's starting to go okay
>but overwhelmed with emotion
>losing interest in cosplay, trying desperately to respark my love for it
>got a new job at the insurance company my mom works at (I did exceptionally well at their IQ and personality tests so they bent a couple rules for me to work there. Family isn't supposed to work there.)
>ecstatic about it, can even wear some toned down Lolita to work if I wanted to
>so happy I got this opportunity, it's honestly the company I'll stay with for the rest of my life because of phenomenal benefits and great pay
>however I'm so nervous that I won't like it
>terrified that I won't be good at it
>meds are out, can't see a doctor yet, but I've been coping
>anxiety and depression are getting worse
>wanting to hurt myself
>absolutely livid that I feel so self destructive when everything is finally going right
>been dwelling on the past, and exhausting myself because of it
>I just wanna cuddle with my boyfriend and cry
>don't want to bother him because I know it's petty shit
>know he'd listen and comfort me because he loves me
>still feel awful
>all sorts of emotions and idk wtf is going on with me kill me
>>8849050
I don't know what to tell you, anon. I can't prove it, afaik the video was only sold to a few local jerkoffs so I can't just link it to you but this is a feels thread, not an "I have to prove myself to you" thread.
>>8847724
Anon. Start searching for people renting to roommates. Get yourself out of that situation. As long as you keep living there, they'll suck you dry. You enable them to live like that even if you don't directly participate in the hoarding. You also need to realize you are living in a death trap. That house is one giant fire hazard.
I had to make the choice of moving out of my abusive father's house. It was a disgusting situation and they continued to raised my rent and demand I clean the house for them even though we all worked full time jobs and I came home the latest out of everybody. My dad at one point was saying i should be paying half on everything even though there were multiple people in the house, it wasfilled with their garbage, and their animals were destroying the place.
After I moved out, they couldn't afford the house anymore. But I'm glad because that house was a place of misery.
FOR YOUR OWN SANITY AND WELL BEING, GET OUT.
>>8848983
kek
>>8849060
I'm sorry anon, that really sucks. Definitely cuddle with your boyfriend for the time being. Even if you don't say anything to him about it, just the cuddling is better than nothing. I hope things go well for you, you're going to do great
>irl considered normal, slightly above average looks with properly styled hair and makeup
>if I wear winged eyeliner people ask if I'm legit part asian, casuals
>completely okay with that, as in my preteen years I was constantly harangued for being fuggo and wanted nothing more than to finally be considered average and a little attractive
>if I don't wear makeup people say I look tired or sick irl however
>sometimes if I post my pictures here (I know, bad idea for the most part) people say I have "FAS" because I have a chubby round face, flat cheeks, a small nose, and white girl lips
>obv don't have FAS
I'm just tired of always having my looks jabbed at when they're not even terrible. Is it like this for pretty much everyone? I fucking hate it.
>reading smutty josei manga
>poorly written and people switch places in scenes a lot, but the underwear is cute and the smutty parts are alright
>get to this page (SFW)
kek
I am so amused.
>>8849184
kek
>>8846527
What comm is this? It sounds like mine.
>>8847808
That's actually really good anon. I gained 30 lbs and nearly 9 months later the last 10-15 is hanging on for dear life. (I'm 5'5" and while I don't look terrible anymore I feel like it's all hanging around my stomach, yuck). You'll probably reach your goal weight before I do mine, lol. Take the baby for lots of walks.
>>8848788
>>8848891
It really does suck, the idea that I'll never truly fit and the chances for having a normal life/relationships aren't in my favor are something I think about almost daily these days. I know it's a terrible mindset but when you spend all your life trying to do your best and still get outcast by everyone it kind of wears you down.
And yeah the media is shit, not to mention the actual studies that exist are almost all for autistic boys, not females and adults.
It just sucks even more when you don't fit in the most stereotypical traits, I told a few friends about my diagnosis and they didn't realize at all because "don't people with autism not look you in the eye and don't talk???". So many misconceptions damn
>>8848377
same here, calf workouts suck
lately i feel everyone has a cosplay partner but me
you know, a pair of best friends who make cosplays together, do couple cosplays regularly, are into the same things, and just generally spend a lot of time together being giant fucking geeks
i have pairs of friends like this, and seeing their posts of cosplay progress and all the selfies they take hanging out makes me like a total loner.
i do have friends who are into cosplay, but none that i'm close enough with that i can do these things with them. i'm hoping this will change when i leave for university, but in the mean time i'll just have to deal.
>>8848891
>>8848788
>>8849761
Not to be mean to you anons but do you think you could help me? I'm wondering if my bf has it. I want to get him some help if he does, but when I mentioned it before he got uncomfortable and just told me he's got ADD, but he definitely doesn't, not just that if he does. Would you be willing to help out?
> Love Lolita
> Can't use it outside because of constant heat on my city
> Not only that, living in a really unsafe city
> 130 rapes per month on state
> Feel unsafe everywhere. Must cover whole body on street. No frilly or cute dresses.
> Wish I could move away to another country
>>8849828
Well first of all, why do you think your bf has aspergers? It's just that a lot of people tend to think they or others have it, but it's actually quite tricky to diagnose. Actual assessments actually take a while.
My purchases are too impulsive, my wardrobe is cohesive but everything I buy can never really be worn casually. I tend to overlook the more casual style dresses and go for the ones that tug at my heart but now I have a closet filled with pretty dresses that are too frilly to wear on a day to day basis.
>>8849828
You can have both, I also have ADD. Even if he did have an aspergers diagnosis there's really nothing anyone can do to 'help'.
>>8849828
i thought i had aspbergers, but it turns out i just have a lot of social anxiety, am crippled emotionally from an isolated and traumatic childhood, and am quirky and introverted.
not all quiet weirdos are on the spectrum so rule other things out first.
>>8849761
I think it becomes easier if you don't measure your life against people who aren't on the spectrum.
>>8849945
I have a similar problem, my closet is 90% jsks and ops I bought because they were on sale that I've got no blouses or accessories to coord them with. I feel my coords are all too casual and repetitive.
>>8849718
Yeah, the stomach is what's getting me. I've never had problems with it until now, but there's this patch of fat that's just hanging around.
>>8848276
I'm honestly surprised you managed without exercising. This fat that's leftover is crazy.
>>8848377
>tfw I actually love big calves, but mine are always sticks
>bought new rhs
>wear around the house
>carrying cup, trying to be careful
>trip up
>rip out the inner side of my shoe
>hole in shoe
Have to hot glue it. It's not too noticeable but I've only had them a day. I hate myself so much right now.
>>8850006
I didn't really exercise. I still had that last 10 or so hanging on me after a year. We moved into a place with stairs and I can play with my son outside. So my activity level did go up more, just not really deliberately exercising.
>>8849761
There are some that believe that girls with asperger dislike fashion, for example i love lolita and i obsess a lot, i made also wishlists of stuff to buy, i search for the perfect item. I don't tell to anyone i'm aspie, also most don't notice and i want to be treated like a normal person not someone to be coddled and babied or having special treatment because "muh autism". I knew people like this and they were so cringeworthy.
My only struggle is relationships in general, i just hope this condition would improve one day, well my life is getting better and becoming more confident and less "booohoo i'm autistic i can't do shit".
>>8849891
This anon is right. Nowadays with "Tumblr" everyone claims to be aspie, the cringey people infact were somewhat a tumblr stereotype and not aspie at all, probably other mental conditions.
/cgl/, what do you do to cope when that "I'll never be cute" feeling creeps up on you?
>>8850058
Dress up cute, do my makeup. Then I'm at least cuter than I was half an hour ago.
>>8849973
Really? I wish I my pieces were more casual, if you ever want to sell anything let me know.
>>8850058
Beauty is only skin deep, invest in your personal skills and the things you're good at. What do you enjoy doing? I personally enjoy pottery, reading, sewing, drawing, it's what makes me happy in life, being in a flow and creating. Have you been getting exercise? That always makes me feel better knowing that I'm pumping oxygen into my blood and making my body feel better.
Everyone's going to get old, everyone's skin is going to start sagging, what outlasts is your character, your personal skills, your intelligence, your ability to self-invest and create a rich inner life, you ability to love yourself.
>>8850058
Learn to accentuate features you like the most and contour the ones you don't. For example, I hate my nose and think my mouth is too small and makes my smile ugly, but I have nice cheekbones and big eyes. I'm into classic and gothic, so playing up those high cheekbones and bringing out my eyes while learning to contour my nose and do my lips in bold but not garish colors and practicing a smile I actually like in the mirror has made me feel 100% prettier in the fashion.
I'm not sure how to capture a more youthful super kawaii look, but do your best to focus on the positives and make the most of the negatives.
>>8850058
Straight up: inner beauty really does express itself in person. Start looking out for it. Like when you meet someone for the first time, you might think they're unattractive, but once you realize that they're really funny and kind, they look a lot cuter. Especially if they smile and laugh a lot or if they're quirky.
Even if your smile looks ugly in photos, it probably looks really cute in person and in video. You may never be an efamous lolita, but the people you know in person will still think you're cute.
I have the same feels, I'm almost 6 feet, have a huge squishy asian face with small features. I feel like I look cute in the mirror, but I want to burn all photos of me. I like me and random grandmas at Joanns like me, so it's all good.
Also I avoid wearing winged eyeliner/circle lenses/wigs on the daily, because they're very appearance-altering and I don't want to get used to myself looking "better", because that's not what it's about. I go all out for big events, though, because superficial beauty can be fun too.
>love urself
>respect urself
>>8849865
Is this Australia??? Or What north america state is it??
>Never had the courage to dress lolita
>Browse /cgl/ every day wishing I had some kind of connection to the fandom
>That super pathetic feel when
Why am I even here
>>8850442
>fandom
pls lurk moar honey
>>8850444
I am :( I'm sorry I suck. I'll stop posting and go back to it.
>have a face like if a chubby six year old was mixed in one of those "what would their kids look like" generators with an angry old man, especially in photos
>afraid to cosplay anything without a mask because of fears that it'll end up being posted for mockery on /cgl/ no matter how good the construction is
at least my body is fine, so as long as nobody can see my face, i'm safe
>>8850041
>Nowadays with "Tumblr" everyone claims to be aspie
I think it comes from the "free ticket to be unsociable" stereotype people tack onto us, where they assume we're not trying our damndest to be good. A lot of people like to pretend autism is something we can use as an excuse not to act appropriately when in reality we're trying our best to control it. They are awkward and outcast and want a reason to not be nice anymore and instead be selfish and obsessive. Blame it on their self-diagnosed autism. It's ruining a community who already has a bad reputation. Makes me sad man.
>>8850432
South america? Mediterranean areas with large migrant populations?
We don't have those sorts of issues in Australia
>want to get a brolita friend since some things girls can't relate too
>find one on tumblr and start talking
>ask for Skype, they say sure
>hardly responds at all
>mfw why did you even give me your skype if you don't want to talk
I just want someone to talk to
>been following cosplayer on tumblr for over a year
>she's super sweet and her costumes are always great
>met her at a con recently
>even nicer in person
>gushed over how cute and sweet she thought i was
>her friend demands we take pictures together
>last day of con, so i look like shit but whatever
>i'm just happy i didn't spill any spaghetti
>she posted the pictures on her blog today
>i look like a fucking troll
>double chin, glare from glasses, awkward pose
>continues to gush over me in post
>people liking and reblogging it
>i won't be able to escape my ugly mug for a while
>a-at least she likes me?
>>8846500
Seconding, Karami JSK is gorgeous. I am actually a little jealous that I didn't start with such an amazing piece. If you like it anon wear it you will look fantastic, and timeless.
bit off topic.
I met a lolita through work. She was a class A+ ita.
>Bought her entire wardrobe on Milanoo
>"Milanoo is sooooo good though anon!"
>Got weirdly defensive whenever I would talk about anything other than Milanoo, as if she thought she was under attack even though I was just making polite lolita talk.
>Ita attitude.
Anon, I only new this girl for a month or so, she was an actual ita with a bad attitude and I didn't even have the heart to not pretend to be excited for her when her next Milanoo order came in. Cause she had new lolita feels and I didn't want to ruin that for her. Your friend
was a bit of a dick/ inconsiderate. She should have been excited for you even if Karami wasn't to her taste, she shouldn't have brought you down like that. She should have been naturally excited because you where going to be excited and happy; because friends feel this way for friends.
>>8850658
>2016
>milano itas are still a thing
why
>gained a lot of weight during the last two weeks as I had exams everyday and was really stressed and ate to cope with that
>can't fit into my non-shirred dresses anymore
>>8846794
Suddenly feeling like the odd one out.. I payed board, helped with food money, payed for travel and my phone bill from about 15. My left over money from work I could do whatever I wanted with. However I came from a super dirt poor family so it wasn't so much of an expectation for me to pay for stuff, but more of a "we are all in this together" sort of thing so we were all happy to help out.
My feels for the day. I actually feel like I am the luckiest lolita in the world!! (I know, I know)
>6 lolitas live withing 5 km of my house
>All of them are lovely
>we share common interests outside of lolita
>We often hangout to share other hobbies
>We have a store that sells lolita stuff in our town. (real lolita stuff)
Got so many warm and fuzzies!!
Also, twinning for the first time soon!!
>mega gay
>crush on friend, we're not super close but we go to the same cons
>tl;dr backstory: already knows i like her, i told her when i got super drunk that i thought she was cute and thats as far as it ever went
>hung out with her a lot last con
>it was a good time but i keep wanting to bring up my feelings again but i dont want to pressure her
>im bad at confrontation
>will b cosplaying together @ next con
>maybe someday ill tell her how i feel in a more appropriate context (/。＼)
>>8850673
That's cute anon, CUTE
>>8850660
I don't know anon.. I don't know...
Actually, maybe because there is still a pretty strong anti-brand sentiment amongst some groups. All those itas who keep screaming shit like, "people who wear brand are elitist bitches", "brand is too expensive for no reason","I'm too inept at le adult finance and an annoying, entitled piece of shit" etc. etc. etc.
>>8850673
Hey anon, best of luck. What are y'all going to cosplay, if I may ask? Is it a couple cosplay?
>>8849050
Is someone making porn in someone else's clothes really just that absurd?
I've been having some drama regarding my local cosplay scene
>Friend and I agree to cosplay mother/daughter characters
>Despite working and going to school, I finish mine for the con
>Friend drops her cosplay, on my birthday, but also night before con
>Promises we'll wear it to later con together
>"Okay thats fine"
>fast forward to upcoming big scale con
>She's working on hers but didnt ask if im bringing my cosplay, nor did she mention it to me personally
>Find out she's cosplaying said character but with different person as the character I do
This has been going on for awhile, the whole group she's in has been pushing me away or not including me in things.
>>8850742
Not that anon, but they name dropped honey cake. It sounds a bit like an attention grab at that point.
I'm not going to say it's a definite fake story, but having the combo of loaned lolita dress, borrower being inconsiderate, porn, semi popular dress, borrower buying the dress (so that op can't photograph the dress anymore as proof), seems like a story put together for the shock factor. It's like opening an email telling you that you won the lottery and instinctively wondering if it's a scam, you can't be so lucky, except in the other direction.
>bought a salopette
>fits my chest and top half
>have a huge pair of big bertha hips
>can't fit bloody anything on them
>cry into my burando at my fatty ass
why oh why anons. No matter how much weight I lose, my godamn hip bones get in the way. I wish i could shave them off and not have such a weirdly proportioned body.
>offer to make people ss gifts if they got grinched
>no one emails me and I'm stuck with a bunch of half finished potential gifts I was making instead of working on itabag stuff
>>8847580
Try drinking more water. You only get signs of dehydration past a certain point, and it's easy to feel like total shit and have no idea why.
>>8851243
How the fuck are big hips getting into your way? In most dresses and skirts they're hidden under the skirt part and lots of petticoats anyway. Unless you are buying lower waist/drop waist JSKs or pants, I see absolutley no reason why big hips should get in the way.
Also very very few people can properly pull off a salopette, so don't feel too disappointed.
My comm talked about Valentine's Day, and most people mentioned they're going out with their bf, and probably getting presents (most of them Lolita-related).
So I have a bf too, and we go out to a nice restaurant too. Problem is: He's an absolute poorfag. He can barely afford the dinner, and I told him not to get me a present because I know he can't really afford it anyway. He has bee jobless for ~6 months now with zero effort to get a new job, and it starts to piss me off. His parents pay for his basic expenses but that doesn't leave him with much disposable income. I only work a shitty part time job and make at most $400 a months but at least I have some money. He sure does have enough time to take a part time job, he doesn't have much classes or uni work left, but he doesn't seem to care.
I know, Valentine's Day is all about the love and so on, but fuck it, I want to be spoiled from time to time too. I want burando. I want cute jewellery. I want to be invited to dinner and not having to worry if your bf can afford groceries for the rest of the months. I want materialistic things.
Am I a bad person..?
>>8851260
>mfw email Santa because I didn't get any gifts
>mfw pic related
Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be attractive. In high school, my friends had girlfriends left and right that were at least 8/10 and would constantly drop sex stories while all I could do is nod my head and laugh. I've gotten laid since then and had a couple of gfs, but they were all within my 'range of expectations', which was far lower than the girls my friends fucked. Ive gotten a lot better at tolerating my face despite its averageness but I want perfection and the perks that come with it.
>inb4 'shallow piece of shit'
>>8851514
You can always hit up me if you are into crochet and embroidered stuff. I dropped one of the emails in the white day thread homie.
>>8851527
>had a couple of gfs, but they were all within my 'range of expectations', which was far lower than the girls my friends fucked
>how dare they not be hot, I want HOT gfs damnit!!
>I want perfection and the perks that come with it
>l-like, hawt chicks!1 No fatties or uglies pls, only 9/10
If this isn't bait, then I'm afraid I have to tell you you sound like an insufferable asshole. You can be 10/10 but believe me, with such shitty attitudes no 8/10 girl will tolerate you as a bf.
Enjoy suffering from being the average male shit that no one wants to bang. At least your 2D anime waifu will always love you!
>>8851527
Save up for surgery
>>8851527
I can guarantee your friends were lying. No teenager is having enough sex to drop stories about it constantly.
So basically you've built a life of perceived inequality on the lies of a bunch of assholes. Have fun with that.
