>>8758323
Yeah, good luck with the 'don't dress ita' thing. I'm sure that'll go over really well.

>>8758332
Why? Im pretty sure the only people who would really mind that are itas, which are the exact people I don't want coming to meets.

>>8758340
The people who are ita will not know they are ita, honey.

And who gets to tell them, and when, hmm? Are you going to do it, OP? When they just arrived at the meet after spending perhaps two hours driving or sitting in transit, wearing $100+ of Milanope and that's the most they've spent on an outfit their entire life?

"Honey, I'm sorry, that looks like you bought it from Milanope, you can't hang out with us today"

She will inevitably be heartbroken and interpret you as bullies.

>>8758332
>>8758343
Curious, in your opinion what would happen if OP presented her group as something exclusive that requires an application process? Would it create more or less butthurt if people know up front?

>>8758323
You can't act like a seagull as a mod. Cut the bitchy shit out as you will won't have any good people participating if you can't act neutral and diplomatic.

Itas either don't know they are or are too new to know that concept. However you need that fresh blood to keep a community going as that is how it grows.

I'm a kindergarden teacher, I'm an expert on this.

You can't really enforce any rule that would exclude people. Everyone who want's to parcipate should be allowed to(except weird old men).

Welcome those who are different(itas) be nice to them and help them improve. Questionable behavior?(like the girl who wanted to borrow money for food but shopped at claires right after, mentioned in the Meet Killer thread). Simply tell them that's it's wrong. If they throw a tantrum give them a timeout and don't react or gang up on them. Be nice.

Meet ideas? let the entire comm come with suggestions, pull at random. They might not be everyones cup of tea but you should encourage people to try something new. Even a meetup at the local pizza place.

>>8758343
You make a good point, but please stop using honey. It makes you sound so condescending.

>>8758343
Yeah, that's all true. The motivation behind the rule was mostly for keeping the pictures better, anyway. I can just subtlety take less of the girls dressed horribly.

>>8758366
I read it more like the "oh honey no" type of honey, personally.

You could just shun itas. Don't Russian comms do that? The "get better or get out" attitude?

>>8758376
Different anon, but it's all in the phrasing. "Oh, honey" reads very differently then "don't be stupid, honey." Cutesy names like that very rarely come off as anything other than condescending on the internet unless you go out of your way to frame it right.

I want to make a comm too, but for jfashion lovers as a whole in my province. I'm a bit worried about what the lolita comm will think of it tough. Plus I live in a small country so it may seem weird to make a comm just for 1 province but I just want to keep it small and local for now.

>>8758352
>you should treat everyone like crybaby toddlers because that's essentially what they are
aight

>>8758352
>kindergarten teacher
>in a PC era trying to give advice
1) They adults and need to act and be treated as such.
2) They're not our responsibility, and we have no obligation to teach them how to behave properly in a social setting. They are not in kindergarten, and we are not their legal guardians. Yes, ideally they'd tell the girl that what she did was wrong and that they won't comp her in the future, but that's their decision, and if they want to kick her out, they have every right to do so.

>>8758348
I actually like the idea of an application because I don't want there to be Normie's testing the waters or a bunch of people joining the group page who never plan on attending a meet. What would be good things to have on an application?

>>8758439
I think you should look at the pictures in their facebook or ask them to send pictures if they want to be added (saves you time going through their facebook). Its simple, if they dont wear lolita dont add them. In case you dont want itas, if they cant even get the most basic coord right, politely tell them what they are wearing is not really proper lolita and let them apply again when they have improved.

>>8758431
not all comm members are adults, its good advice if anon wants an actual social comm, non itas tolerate itas knowing one day they might turn from that little ita coccoon to a beautiful lolita butterfly

>>8758482
But the implication is that if they are old enough to join a comm in the first place, they should be old enough to not act like babies in public.

One thing I'd like to suggest is to appoint more than one admin of the facebook group other than yourself if the group gets fairly large. Try to be an active comm moderator and let people know you are there to help them with problems within the group or on facebook. I'm saying this since you need to be active to approve people joining as well as the technical facebook issues that can happen when girls are trying to organize meets.

Try to be, or at least appear to be unbiased so you seem approachable and likable as a comm leader.

Not at first but in the future, I think its a good idea to possibly have a voting in place if you need to appoint more admins. Unless possibly you are making the decision based on who you think can actually get the job done and not just one of your friends.

>>8758487
In a perfect world this would be true, but I think we all have enough experience with comms to know that age guarantees nothing.

>>8758482
OP said she wanted to start an 18+ comm, which means they're all adults. Yes, you will get a bunch of immature people, but if you deal with them before things come to a head it shouldn't be too much of a problem. As I have said earlier, a verbal warning explaining that their actions weren't appropriate and that they will be kicked out if it happens again (and then actually sticking to it if it does) will weed out the people you don't actually want in your group.

>>8758527
I second this. Having multiple mods that aren't your BFF would make the group seem more fair. Especially if drama starts, and you have to make tough decisions like having to kick someone out.

Also, as a mod you must be very aware of how you act at a meet. It'll set the standard for how you want your comm members to behave. Make sure you make your members feel welcomed, talk to them. You don't have to be best mates, but having small talk won't kill you.

this is how i did it for my small town: posted to a local cosplay facebook page that i was wanting to start a lolita comm and if there were anyone else that were intrested in the fashion aswell as having a community. I got a few responses, made a facebook group for out comm to be, made the people who were intrested join and invite friends and likeminded loli souls in the area
Then hosted a simple cafe meet and bamm! Here we are a little community of lolitas far north enjoying eachothers company and the fashion. We turned 1 yar this november and we are the second lolita community in the country. As far as I know at least. Note: when hosting events I find it important that veryone gets a say in where we are going, when and what we will be doing. A comm is a variety of people and relations, not one boss and followers. At least thats how I see it.

^ sorry about my many spelling errors, its been a long day and even my keyboard is failing me. Hope it was understandable anyways.

>>8758453
>Create a group for lolitas in your area
>Everyone who joins has to make an intro post with a coord photo and short description (like within a day)
>Create another, private group that you invite girls whose profiles you liked
>???
>Profit?

But seriously, if you can find a way to start a non-ita, 18+ comm please let us know.

I'm so glad my community never developed like this. You guys are either extreme pessimists or salty bitches. Honestly - a community with all the haughty restrictions you pose would never be successful. You do realize that Lolita's don't just materialize, right? We all started somewhere whether we're young, old, rich, poor, whatever.

If you want to make a successful and drama-free community - you should start by focusing on yourself - and not others. What can *I* do to make people feel at peace and create an environment that instead of brewing drama with judging on how ita somebody is or seeing who is the best of the best...just creates a place where people who enjoy the fashion can be with likeminded people and learn from each other?

*I* can offer an open email to new Lolitas with questions on how to improve.
*I* can ignore people who don't meet my Lolita ideals.
*I* can positively contribute to meets that bring the whole community together.

Lolita is not a cult. It's not supposed to be anyway. There are going to be problem people wherever you go. It's part of life. You need to decide whether you like the salt or the fashion more when building a community.

It's one thing if you want to start a Lolita "club" - but let somebody else make a community.

Didn't the az comm recently try to make a separate non ita comm? Anyone know how that worked out?

>>8759699
I dont care about their intro. Seriously, it's not that hard to write in the description that they won't be added if they don't pm pics of their lolita coords. If they don't do it they didn't even read the description and you don't want them in your group.

>>8759708
>hdu expect people who go to a lolita meet up actually wear lolita

>>8758351
+1

>>8758431
OP is trying to build a comm, though. It's not going to be sustainable if she tries to make it *her* comm the way *she* wants it ideally. Those are good rules. Also, adulthood has NEVER guaranteed maturity, especially not in a hobby like lolita that attracts a (typically socially awkward) young crowd. That's why comms need moderators. Adults are just as volatile as children, and kindergarten teachers are experts at managing conflicts in groups.

>>8758558
Honestly, if you made your comm 18+, an outsider will assume it's because you guys are doing something sex-related. Especially because y'all are dressing up and it's obviously not an age requirement because it's a dangerous hobby.

But even besides that, just seems meh. You'll want as many people in your comm as possible, especially young people to take over leadership once you and your friends age out of the hobby.

>>8758348
I think that would be stupid, honestly. The more exclusive you make it someone is just going to make an open group and gain way more followers. An application process sounds insanely pretentious, like it's a fucking fashion. It's clothes, get over it. If you want private events whatever, but making a group with an application process that's based on fucking frilly dresses is childish sounding.

>>8760198
You must not be in a comm. If you are, it's a very small one.

>>8760637
How would an outsider know it's 18+ unless they saw the group FB page, though? On the page, you can simply explain why it's 18+ since the minors will probably want an explanation, anyway. Any sane adult would understand a social group not wanting any minors in it, especially considering its strangers from the internet getting together.

>>8760662
Different anon, but it really depends on how the comm is started and ran from the beginning. My comm always has encouraged educating newbies and the basic philosophy is essentially "if you look ita and don't want people saying so, either stop being ita or gtfo". No one is mean to them, we just softly explain to them that they're doing it wrong in really sugar coated wording and do it again if they don't improve. Only a couple of them have stopped attending or said anything against it, almost everyone has been really receptive. However, in most comma if you were to tell an ita they were doing it wrong, no matter how sweetly you put it, you would be labeled an elitist bitch because these days you're supposed to keep your mouth shut about what you honestly think of someone's outfits. It all depends on the culture of the specific comm.

>>8760647
>>8759708
OP, it depends on the purpose of your comm. I and many others join communities because we want friends with similar hobbies. If I want to wear lolita, I can dress up and snap pics at home or go on a walk to show off. If I want to stare at pretty coords, I can look at CoF or even go to a convention with a lot of lolitas.

Comms, on the other hand, serve a different purpose. They're for finding people who are interested/passionate about lolita (regardless of the stage they're at) and using that common ground to form friendships. Yeah, it's nice if they can tell Milanoo from Baby and not wear lace monsters with sneakers, but if you're really intent on starting a comm, you'll welcome them and encourage their improvement.

If your criteria for your "comm" is going to majorly hinge on people dressing well from the get-go, your comm will be incredibly small and made up of elitists (because even well-dressed lolitas will balk at an application) who are going to judge one another anyway. If you want to start a comm, you should do so because you're excited to meet anyone who is getting into as obscure a hobby as lolita. If you're not, I have to agree with anon telling you to let someone else make the community.

>>8760666
By "outsider" I meant people outside the comm, including those interested in joining (so they would see it when reading the comm's description). I can see why 18+ would make sense to protect adult comm members from being liable for the safety of younger members, but I know our comm has no age requirement and it's been fine. Many people in this fashion are teenagers, and they're just as variable in maturity as adults.

>>8758386
>>8758376
Anytime I see someone using the word honey, especially online, it comes off as condescending mostly because I know the person posting chose to use it.

>>8758431
You were the kid that always sat in the hall, huh?

Make replicas a bannable offense
Beat anyone who wears them

>>8761615
Actually, I think banning replicas is a fantastic idea.

I didn't start a comm but mine is fairly large and full of itas. I go to the big meetups to meet people that interest me and dress well and we have our own meets, as friends, which you might also call just hanging out. My advice is to make the comm open to all lolitas (and have some sort of screening process to make sure they aren't creeps) and then if you really want to have "no itas" meets, make friends with non-itas and just invite them for smaller meets. No one can really get butthurt over you hanging out with your friends, right? At the same time, you will have the main comm that can grow and help out the new people and itas. Win/win.

>>8761615
With parasols

>>8758381
Of course, they do. Food chain position is much more important than slowly dying comm.

>>8758366
pretty sure they were actually trying to be condescending. to be fair, op really should have known better.

>>8761615
Print replicas

Pattern replicas should slide because those are just known as trends in fashion

>>8761797
Yes, I was being condescending because I thought OP's idea was naive. Yes, looking back it was unnecessary.

OP, if you want to try out making an ita-fore comm, there's nothing stopping you.

>>8761875
Ugh, *ita-free. Jeebus autocorrect.

Building and maintaining a comm is not that hard. You don't need a lot of high-strung rules, they'll only serve to alienate potential members. You're going to get 16 year old itas, and that's fine. If you're welcoming as a community, they'll blossom into a better lolita. If people do immature or inappropriate things, point it out as kindly as possible and ask them to stop. There will be some socially awkward people, but they won't be that terrible.

The people you have to watch out for are not the teenage itas, they're the drama-creators, the pity-partiers, the secret perverts and the desperate e-famers who try way too hard, get too self-involved, and start using the comm as their personal entourage/promotional venue. Those are the people you keep a close eye on and come down on hard when you start getting a whiff of trouble. Keep those fuckers in check, because they're the comm killers.

>>8761615
But how are you going to enforce that with how good some replicas are nowadays? Check the tags of commonly replicated dresses? Outside the Internet, replicas are pretty common. More than a good handful of girls in my comm have replicas (almost everyone in my ~40 girls comm doesn't care about them) and replicas are tempting/tricky to newbies. Some people also learn more about replicas and change their minds later.

When I started, I bought a dress from Lacemarket without knowing it was a non-print replica. I didn't find out it was until I bought the original and noticed they were exactly alike design-wise besides color ways (also goes to show how much I liked the design.. Bought it twice without noticing). Girls change and shit happens.

>>8758323
encourage outfit advice and mentoring by knowledgeable lolis definitely, creates an atmosphere of like..... people helping others grow and learn
dont be like "itas gtfo" or "you must dress like this" just make it clear that in the comm, people teach people and help eachother to be the best they can be in the fashion i guess
good luck anon