Old Thread >>8735813
I have about 500-1000 dollars to drop on lolita, depending on how much I want to spend on cosplay. I was thinking of only dropping 300 or so, and I was planning on shopping from cc/ww/yja/mbok or something but I also saw a dress I really liked on lacemarket. It's hard because I tend to get anxiety about spending, my finances were only recently partially separated from my family and they pay for my tuition (not much) and I pay for expenses, school things, etc. But they can see what I spend and I worry they will judge or confront me for spending so much on myself right around Christmastime. I feel spoiled and self-entitled and it's really gross. Half of the money in that account is from them, the other half is from my job. So I can spend that part however I want.
Not really looking for asspats, just felt like venting and seeing if anyone had advice. I just wish I wasn't such a sensitive person.
>>8748166
I have a fairly rich friend and i kinda use her for money sometimes i feel bad but i'm so poor and i can't get a job until my body is fully healed in one year.
She always buys me small things even if it's just paying for my food when we go out or buying me an expensive makeup palette i was looking at. It makes me feel embarassed though in a way but i've always dreamed of having so much money i've been poor all my life.
I never ever ask for anything though that would be dickish and it would show i just use her for money (which isn't totally the case, as i actually kinda like her)
The fact that she has a deep crush on me despite her boyfriend and seems super admirative of me and litterally bought all the lolita i was selling on the comm sales (just because i wore it maybe idk sometimes i wonder) doesn't help i feel like an asshole.
but in exchange i really try to be understanding with her mental problems, i support her, i reassure her (she's massively anxious and needs reassurance quite a lot but it's fine, she's a cool gal and i have a great time when i see her in real life when we hang out at her house or at mine)
Am i a terrible person /cgl/? I had a girl that was a huge dick i befriended in hiogh school (only realized later she was a dick,spread a fake rumor,invented herself a life to make me jealous) and when i came over i would steal some money at night out of her bag or something. But i was 15 and seriously i can't imagine stealing like even 5$ from a "friend" now.
I'm a terrible cunt but i'm so fucking poor and i can't do anything i just hate it i want nice things as well but i can't even HAVE a job. I'm just so jealous i wish i had nice things like all the other people once in a while...
I am internet stalking some lolitas and get a kick out of it somehow. I once dared to talk to one to buy her blouse. It was a nice blouse znd it smelled so so good...i spent like an hour laying in bed and fell asleep holding it against me because goodness it smelled so nice.
I am a creep. I am not even lesbian.
>>8748323
Keep telling yourself that, anon.
>>8748195
Sometimes that's how friendships work. You know it's slightly unfair, but as long as you aren't just hanging out with her because she buys you stuff and you're doing your best to be a good friend. Just don't be a dick to her.
>bought plenty of lolita over the years and literally never had a problem
>buy two things, a skirt and a blouse, in rapid succession
>pay immediately
>skirt seller never replies after I tell her I've paid
>message her after a few days, no response
>two weeks and several messages later I'm ready to contact mods
>seller emails me apologizing, saying she forgot about it and had to go out of town
>still waits 2 days to ship the skirt
>meanwhile, waiting on the blouse
>package finally arrives, relieved
>it's a bonnet
>my address, but someone else's name on the parcel
>message seller
>"oops it looks like I sent you some other girl's bonnet as well as your blouse, here's her address could you send it to her?"
>wtf
>stand in line at the post office for all eternity because it's December and my town is full of old ladies
>ship it out
>a week later, blouse still hasn't arrived
>contact seller again
>"yeah I think it's lost in the mail I'm working on it"
I stg I'm gonna scream
After 8 years, I finally had the nuts for go to a psychiatrist: he prescribed me some medication (escitalopram) and sent me to a good psychologist. I'll start my teraphy on Monday, I'm nervous, I have fear, I don't know what will happen next.
And if the psychologist asks me what makes me happy? How do I'lll tell her: "Oh, I like to wear lolita" I mean, sure she will think the worst of it, and of course, I wear lolita because I'm mentally ill...
>>8749331
I've had therapists tell me that I was "dressing bizarrely" because I was mentally ill, and none of them listened when I told them that was the only thing that brought me joy. Not to discourage you or anything, but it can happen. That said, give your new psychologist a chance, they might be more understanding than you think.
Good luck in therapy, anon! I hope it helps you.
>>8749331
good luck, anon!! i know therapy can be scary at first, and it took me a while to find someone i actually like, but my current therapist is actually amazing. i always say if she wasn't my therapist and we were closer in age she'd be my best friend. and while she thought it was a little weird how into cosplay i am at first, she was always very supportive, and now after being with her for a long time she LOVES seeing pictures of my cosplays and hearing stories about the cons i go to and stuff. she knows how much it means to me and how it's my primary source of happiness, so a good therapist will see that in you and your love of lolita and encourage it. if you don't like your therapist, there is absolutely nothing wrong with finding a new one. it can be a little frustrating sometimes to find one you really connect with, but remember, your therapist is there to help, support, and encourage YOU, so if they aren't doing that, they aren't doing their job. i hope you let us know how it goes!!
>>8749331
Just say that fashion and mixing and matching clothes makes you happy? You don't have to be specific.
>spend a ton of time sewing a dress
>goat ends up eating it
>it's okay you can just make another one!
well alright
>>8749496
Pics pls
>>8748166
Addendum: I found a dream dress under 50$ so, I may as well spend 250 for some other stuff :/
>>8749331
Just say you are big into fashion and that you really love making your outfits into a work of art, that pairing clothes is a creative outlet for you.
>>8749496
At least you have a goat.
I just got a big auction haul, 12 pieces with a dream dress & a coat I've admired for years. Its something I can only afford to do once a year. Its all secondhand and although I love every piece I kinda wish I could afford to buy new whenever I felt like it. kinda feel like I will never be able to keep up. There's loads I love I worry I will never be able to have. Ugh
>gained a ton of weight (like 20-30 lbs) over the last year due to stress and depression from old job
>get into lolita
>feel like a disgusting blob
>trying hard to lose weight (diet + exercise) but it seems to be going nowhere
>just want to be skinny/at least average again
I don't even have problems fitting into brand as long as it's at least partially shirred, and I don't max out the measurements either but I still feel really gross, and it makes me really anxious about how I look. Even when I think I look good in a coord, I wonder if I just look gross. blegh
>can barely bring myself to lurk on /cgl/ anymore because I've grown spiteful of the community and the hobby in general
>haven't been to /v/ in months because I don't have the will to play video games anymore and I can't get excited for new games
>stopped going to /a/ because all my shows are finished for the season and /a/ is full of faggots anyway
>spend all my time on /pol/ now because potential chimpout threads are the only source of joy and entertainment in my life anymore
I don't know how this happened, but this is who I am now.
>tfw waiting to see if anyone is going to make an offer on your sales post
I'm the most impatient person in the world when it comes to this shit. As soon as I decide that I'm selling something, I want it out of my house ASAP. I get so antsy if I don't have more than 10 views on LM within an hour of posting, and even moreso if I don't have a comment or PM voicing interest within 24 hours.
I feel content with not being part of any lolita community in my area. It sucks that these bitches hold grudges for the stupidest things and their behavior gets excused because "hurrdurr that's their personality." At the same time, most of these girls would mock anyone who's feelings were hurt and then post crappy articles with their tumblr muh oppression~ mentality.
Even though most of my friends now are normalfags, they are interested in the fashion and look forward to my outfits. It's ILD and they surprised me by telling me that they're gonna take me out for tea later.
>>8749308
shitty seller is shitty. hope you get your blouse soon anon.
>altering/fixing second hand costume, there's a lot that needs doing
>realise after 2 hours work today, I still fucking hate sewing
>I really, truly hate it, it stresses me out and makes me angry, and I've not improved in 3 years of trying to make my own costumes, most of them either ending up in the trash or in the back of the garage in favour of bought/commissioned costumes
>resolve to only buy/commission once this costume is finished, and focus on making props, maybe try armour, too
>feelsfuckinggoodman.jpg
>>8749689
Sorry but
>partially shirred but not stretched out
And you feel gross.. Please no you're not fat, you have mental issues
>tfw when no cospayers to befriend in my area
Living in the middle of nowhere is suffering. I just want cosplay friends to motivate me to try cosplaying again.
>>8750365
It's stretched, just not to the limits. I couldn't ever fit into an unshirred piece (at my current size)
I mostly feel gross about how much weight I gained in a short amount of time tho, but it doesn't help that girls skinnier than me are constantly called fat on this board.
I don't think feeling gross about my weight means I have "mental issues" lol I'm just self conscious
Gulls, I have a problem. I keep buying makeup I don't need only because it's a good deal. Ulta keeps sending me coupons for $10/$50 BareMinerals purchase and I keep making big purchases because I'm about $20 from being a Platinum member. I just made another purchase yesterday because they had a "Beauty Break" deal for BareMinerals and I had another coupon. I've saved a lot of money since I buy gift sets but now I have a lot of pieces I don't plan on using. I'm going to try to sell all the stuff I don't want so I can break even but I really shouldn't keep this up.
I'm so obsessed with getting a good deal that I spend money on things I wouldn't have if they weren't on sale in the first place.
>>8750468
Deals are nice, but just remind yourself that you're not saving money, you're still spending it.
>buy gorgeous heels on clearance to match new jsk
>there's a few pairs left in each size
>see reviews, all say "buy a size up!"
>buy a size up
>shoes arrive
>try them on
>still a fucking size too small for me
>check the website
>all sizes larger than a 6 are sold out permanently
>perfect style and color to match my dress
>what is impotent rage
>writes on facebook about about big teddy bears and how i see them everywhere lately and how my father was being a douche and told me i'm not 3 anymore and that i need to "grow the fuck up"
>today
>wake up,it's the mailman
>Fucking 4"3 teddybear with a little ribbon around its neck
>holy shit
I have no idea who sent me that i just have a little card that says "you deserve it" with a heart, it's absolutely not my father or mother, i have no boyfriend or girlfriend and i have no idea who could have sent me this and this is just so sweet i was excited all day
>>8750474
I'm good about spending money in person but online deals get me because I'm not watching the transaction actually take place. I have my card number memorized so instead of getting up and grabbing my card to make the association of a purchase I just type in the info like I'm logging in to an account.
One of my new year's resolutions is to control my spending. I like seeing the big savings but like you said I'm still spending money to save that money.
>>8750468
As long as you don't open the make up, you should sell it. I'd buy something off you if it wasn't bare minerals lol
>>8750364
This is the exact reason I'm so sick of my bf trying to get me back into sewing. I never improved and it was just too frustrating of an experience.
>>8750534
I'm glad it's not just me, anon. I know skill and talent don't come over night but honestly I'm more skills in other areas and after 3 years of forcing myself to do something I hate I think I can safely say it's not happening. No-one should make themselves do something they hate for something that's supposed to be a fun hobby.
>>8750531
Everything is still in their package so once I'm done with school for the semester I'm going through them all and deciding what all to keep and what to sell. I'm hoping I can sell local but everyone here just uses drug store makeup and would demand I lower the price of a $15 lip gloss to $2.
Commissioning two friends - one for costume parts, one for weapons. I feel bad because although I offered several times to pay them for their time, both insisted on just charging for material costs. They wouldn't even tell me how much they'd charge normally, so I can't sneakily paypal them the extra, though I'll probably send them a bit extra later anyway. On the one hand, I feel like a bad friend, but on the other, I'm going to have a really fantastic costume for barely any money.
I'm so happy right now, you have no idea:
>this semester is over so no more class until february
>getting better at socializing, actually have friends I like a lot and that don't pretend to like me
>even when I have bad grades teachers tell me that I'm getting better and better and that I'll excel at their subjects if I keep on studying
>con last week was fun, got to see friends from high school that I missed a lot, one of them organized a fashion show about lolita fashion, it looked great
>becoming less addicted to social media, especially tumblr now that i decided to block people who were my friends until they became more and more bitter and racist sjws
Overall my life isn't perfect but I've made a lot of effort to improve it and I finally feel like it's working.
>>8750699
Good for you anon, our goals are similar.
Not too /cgl/ related but holy fuck do I hate my retail job now more than ever, just because it's that time of year. The irony in how snobby some of these people act over trying to get the best bargain on shit you could get cheaper online.
Although yesterday there was a sweet old lady who was very sympathetic to us and she was kind enough to try folding back the clothes she was looking at. Bless her soul, genuine kindness is so hard to find these days.
>mfw how the fuck does budgeting work
fuck. i know i can save, but at the rate i'm going i'm not going to have the lolita wardrobe i want until i hit 30, and even then it'll only be part of it. and that's not even counting other hobby things i want in between...
>8751268
>she was kind enough to try folding back the clothes she was looking at
Wait, isn't that normal? I do this almost all the time. Do people make a mess on purpose just because they're lazy assholes? Wow.
>>8749331
I went to two psychologists and both were very supportive of it. I'm extremely shy and have a pretty low self esteem but I feel very confident wearing lolita. So they saw it as a good thing and encouraged me to continue wearing it if it makes me happy.
Sure, they can seem a bit sceptical at first and might question you a bit on the subject so they can figure out why you like to dress differently. But once they find out that it's a positive thing in your life they should have no reason to be negative about it.
And if they do, find another psychologist.
>ILD, happy to be wearing lolita
>bf picks fight, drinks, stops making any sense
>it's 5 am and I'm still waiting, stuck in lolita
>no comfy clothes
>never been so sick of wearing lolita ever
>using cosplay photos on a dating site as they're the only nice photos I have of myself
>>8748323
anon you are not alone.
There are some lolitas that I stalk, and I will always try to buy an item off them.
One time there were a few strands of the girl's hair on the dress she sent me. I've put them in a locket that I always wear with that dress.
> Parents beat me for most of my life
> Went to a therapist in high school and got diagnosed with BPD later
> Family laughed at me and used that as an excuse to beat me more and make me feel like shit
> Earlier in the year, older sibling chases me around with a kitchen knife because I didn't have a job straight out of college
> Mom says "I'm disappointed, everyone is successful and you're just crazy."
> Make up a fake con and tell my parents that I'm gonna be gone for a weekend
> Pack up my shit into a huge suitcase and get a megabus ticket for a good 5 states away
> Crashing at a friend's house and got a shitty retail job to cover expenses
> Check email, family is pulling that remorse bullshit on me
> "Please come back! We can go to Japan and you can buy all the anime things you want!"
> "Look! We got some candy with Japanese text on it just for you!"
> "Can you bury the hatchet? We care about you a lot!"
> "I'm really depressed because you're not responding."
I don't know how to respond to this. Every message my family sent me has did nothing but make me extremely angry and I don't want to risk losing friends over my baggage.
>>8751739
ugh what a pain I had a lot of issues with my family and promising to do things for me and make me feel better and apologize
>>8751739
Wait before replying to them. If they're really sincere they'll keep at it, if they don't care they'll stop. Since you're an adult now you'll have to make them realize that if they want to have any kind of relationship with you, it has to be on your terms, not theirs. I'm going through this with my mom right now and it's difficult, but I decided it was time to prioritize my happiness over hers. It feels amazing when you succeed. Don't lose hope, okay?
>>8751739
> "Please come back! We can go to Japan and you can buy all the anime things you want!"
> "Look! We got some candy with Japanese text on it just for you!"
Wow, sounds like they're treating you like a little child who can be bribed back to them. It's almost insulting how some people think material gifts can fix the pain they caused others.
I would ignore those emails Anon. Right now, it sounds to me like they feel sorry about the fact that you left rather than feel remorse over what they did. Temporarily block their email addresses if it bothers you too much. Take some time to clear your head and only start contacting them again when you feel ready for it. Maybe by then your family will have taken the time to seriously think about this situation and you can talk this over.
Good on you for having the courage to leave that situation.
>>8751739
No. Absolutely not. You did the right thing cutting them off. KEEP THEM CUT OFF.
If your friends aren't willing to back you up a little bit and leave you because your family fucking beats you, then you don't need them as friends.
>>8751739
I wouldn't trust them.
Hopefully your friends understand.
>>8750364
You do you, Anon. It sucks that sewing couldn't be something you could enjoy.
>>8751739
Set up an email filter so these messages go straight into a separate folder instead of your inbox. Not the trash, in case you want to read them later, but for now, don't look at them, set it up so you don't even need to know that your family has written to you.
You're doing the right thing in breaking ties with toxic people and taking care of yourself. Maybe at some future point you can try to reconnect, but for now, you need space to heal. Good luck.
>>8751739
do not go back. DO NOT GO BACK.
Keep doing what you do, and I am sure a friend who lets you stay at their house, and you paying for shit, wont mind it.
DO NOT GO BACK.
>pay for cosplay commission
>super simple
>taking a while because finals
>message her
>'i won't have it done before I leave on my vacation, I'll give you a refund'
>so sad
I was looking forward to it
>>8751739
Ignore them. Block all their numbers. Never talk to them again if necessary. If they treated you like shit for your entire life, I doubt that they'll suddenly have an epiphany and completely change their ways. If you let them guilt-trip you into coming back, they'll just forget about all their promises and go back to their old behavior.
>>8751739
Fucking pieces of shit, block them out, don't fucking go back they are toxic and deserve to be shit on, you've gone though enough and they have to fucking leave you alone.
My parents are shit as well i plan on leaving their ass this summer. Tired of my father beating me and my mother being a nervous wreck psycho, and when i got the cops over they began to say all the shit i did back when i was 14 (got harassed by a pedophile and i was so naive and scared i gave him nudes, which my parents saw and they called me a whore for a month, i stole some ring at a store once for my friend's birthday,...) and told them "oh but today she could either go buy shoes or go to the hairdresser" (i only had one pair of shoes, and my roots were 5cm and it's super cheap since a hairdresser friend of mine does it) and they were all smiles and kindness in front of them.
Fuck them.
>>8751739
Those don't sound like emails from people that actually think they've done something wrong.
>>8751739
Nope nope DO NOT EVER GO BACK ANON
They are cunts and the way they try to gain you back is even worse and only proves what kind of people they are. You're doing better, i wish you the best of luck you don't deserve such shit in your life.
>Boyfriend staying for a week
>I have a skin condition so I need hypoallergenic toiletries that can be expensive.
>Buy some generic things for him.
>Come home from work. Most of my bubble bath is gone, my nice etude house hand cream is half empty.
>"Oh anon I had a bath and my hands were cracked afterwards I hope you don't mind!"
>>8751874
Did you explicitly state what things he should use. He should have brought his own honestly. But, he is also not a mind reader.
>>8752132
>he is also not a mind reader
fuck that shit, girlfriend or not you ASK to use someone's toiletries when you're at a house that's not your own
>want to desperately keep working on a cosplay
>still waiting for a super important piece for it in the mail
>>8752155
I would excuse using shower gel/shampoo as those are basics. But things like conditioner or bubble bath? I wouldn't throw a fit but I'd just mention something like "they were quite expensive for my skin condition so could you please ask next time?" Also depends how long they've been going out. If it's years, you can forgive them using your shit. If it's not very long it's ruder, but he probably didn't realise about the skin condition.
>>8751739
DO NOT GIVE IN
A family that abuses you is not a family
>usually by myself at whenever i go to a con
>wish i had a cute gf to cosplay and have fun with
>because of fb drama that happened years ago made mu self confidence and self worth drop significantly
>too shy to talk to people
>only real interaction i have is when i host panels and talk to the small number of friends i already have
>end up mostly walking In a circle or sit for hours in a costume staring at all the happy nerd couples having fun wishing i was in thier shoes.
I really question why i go to these things sometimes.
Maybe my loneliness is just getting too me.
>>8749709
Because you hate who you are and want to direct the hate away from yourself and /or see people who are worse than you.
Bf wants to live in a fifth wheel because he is opposed to the idea of paying rent in an apartment complex; that means no room to make cosplay or even have my own little sewing area/cute room that I have always dreamed of.
>listening to some industrial metal on YT, KMFDM to be precise
>i was thinking why the few "western" artists in lolita did a shit job about making good music
>mfw wish i could see a lolita singer or a entire band in lolita singing some industrial or metal, the right way or even EBM/ dark electro music
>badass lolitas artists would be never true
>instead we had stuff like Lolita Komplex, some people doing tryhard kawaii music or EDM/vaporwave or some music genre i don't like
>i have no music skills so i can't do anything to make this dream come true nor lolita friends good at singing or playing instruments or DJing.
>>8752389
I think it's just hyperbole, everybody has something that frustrates others.
>>8751739
Hmmm, lets take a look at those messages...nope, not seeing any remorse.
I see them trying to bribe you with shiny things so you'll come back and they'll look like a "normal" family from the outside again. They can say "Oh she was just pouting, just a tantrum. We're fine."
I see them putting the emotional toll on >you. That it's >your fault everything's not normal. It's on >you to forgive and not >them to be actually fucking remorseful.
Also the "I'm depressed because you're not responding" made me laugh.
>But but what about MY feelings???
They know you're a sane human who cares about others emotions and they're emotionally blackmailing you. Not a single goddamn apology in there, goddamn. Don't go back to them, ride off into the sunset away from their kitchen knives and craziness.
>>8752389
I guess I have high standards?
Why would you want to stay with someone who uses your expensive shit and won't apologize?
I also hate relationships. Enjoy sex and get down every once in a while, but I find dating got in the way of doing stuff. way more time to craft, make music, and fuck around.
>>8752270
>I really question why i go to these things sometimes.
To feel anything at all besides emptiness
>>8752459
Well, I have no concept of expensive soap or whatever mystery liquid is in the million random bottles of a woman's bathroom.
Soap is soap, shampoo is just liquid soap with a different label.
>>8750503
Sounds like a stalker anon
>>8751739
I've dealt with abuse as well, it's weird. I think moving out was a good decision, what's most important is getting you to the most stable place you can. If living with your friends is better, then yeah you should be out of there. You need to be on track to a place where you can eventually be financially stable so you can be permanently out of there. Keep in mind that cutting them off now doesn't mean you'll never be able to talk to them again. You don't have to decide whether you're ever talking to them again, you just need to be able to take care of yourself so that you won't be trapped there.
>>8751739
I'm gonna echo what all the anons are saying with the "good on you for getting out of there and distance yourself until you're ready to speak with them" but I'll also add this: Take good care of yourself and don't think that things will get better quickly.
My friend did the same exact thing and didn't stay with me because he didn't want to be a bother (even though I constantly insisted). He thought he was on good terms with his mom 3 years later and talked to her every once in a while. He got diagnosed with BPD and then she laughed at him and also called him crazy. He committed suicide in October and the note he left was a long apology for being an annoyance to his friends and for being stupid thinking that he can reconnect with his family.
Remember that to stay strong and always put your feelings and health first. You're also not wrong or stupid if you want to speak with your family again.
>have bad social anxiety
>start getting so anxious I'm physically ill before a meet
>convince myself not to puss out
>go to meet and have a great time
>get home and cry about how surely everyone hates when I show up and wishes I weren't around despite all evidence to the contrary
>rinse and repeat
I just wish I could enjoy meets and friendships like a normal person.
>>8752502
quit trying to make happy moments disturbing, its annoying
>be me
>have huge crush on lolita from different city
>we have spoken maybe twice
>will be visiting her city soon and want to ask her out on a date, just to get to know each other
>almost no one knows im not straight
can this possibly come off as creepy? and if we do go out i am terrified of people finding out about my orientation, plus even if we dont go out i will still be risking it. but i really want a lolita gf. what do?
>>8752696
Just ask her out?
Being gay isn't a big deal anymore
>>8752718
>Being gay isn't a big deal anymore
This depends a lot on where you are and who you surround yourself with. If anon feels the need to ask if it's worth it, there may be a real risk present for her.
>>8752724
my family is super religious and they think being gay is terrible. i have to hear their commentary about gay people when im watching tv and it hurts so much. im not too worried about my friends since they are mostly open-minded, and even then im scared my female friends will think i had a crush on them or something and will start to feel uncomfortable around me
>>8752696
>>8752718
>>8752724
also my worries besides not being "out of the closet" are that we have only spoken about twice before and live in different cities. we go to each others cities a couple times a year so im sure it could work out. but even then i dont know if the risk will be worth it. i mainly dont want to come off as creepy
>>8752739
I live in the South, and yeah my parents don't know but my friends do.
Why would they think you have a crush on them?
If they are such awful friends that they would drop you just because of that then you need better friends senpai.
I think you should just ask her out, it's worth a try if not you're going to regret it.
>>8752743
thats tru, i suppose im just being super paranoid. i just had bad experiences in the past that im scared can happen again but perhaps its worth a shot. im really nervous now thanks anon haha
>>8751496
yes, they do. especially around Christmas.
after a decade of retail, i despise the consumerist aspect of christmas so fucking much. people become greedy, entitled monsters.
>>8752568
keep at it, anon. have faith.
>>8748195
I'm not rich by any means, but I have a childhood friend with no income until her disability goes through (she's been trying for years now) and I've done things like buy her brand and pay for shit. I've given other friends brand too because I love to see them happy and it's exciting to see them look cute and happy in their new clothes. Stealing money is a definite no-no but you know that now, but there's nothing wrong with accepting presents. You don't like ASK her to buy it for you right? (That would be rude)
>hang out with male cosplay friends
>they bitch about women
>hang out with female lolita comm
>they bitch about men
this is getting really boring.
>>8751874
Boyfriends are dumb. I had to buy some shampoo and stuff that explicitly say MEN on the bottle so he'd stop using mine because I have try as fuck hair and skin and he gets oily really fast and couldn't figure out not to use the stuff labeled dry remedy and use the other stuff I had for him. At least the men's stuff smells good. I even told him multiple times it isn't good for him to use and that's why he has to wash his hair so often and use so much of it at a time. Not to mention the shampoo and conditioner are $80+ a liter and he uses so much. There's even a pump on them and I told him to use 2 pumps MAX, but he uses like 5 because he says his hair feels greasy after.
Invited my cousin to come to a con with a group of seven friends I usually go with when something big rolls around. Known them for 5ish years. The guy is only in town for two weeks and down with the whole concept. Without going into a drawn out story, he fucks all three of the girls in the group after the party at the end of the night back at the hotel but before he does he sent me a text to go down to the cvs down the street and pic him up some condoms cause he met someone at the hotel. Didn't find out about the 4some till the end of the year at a holiday con. Not to care about what people do with their own time but the way it played out with me the oblivious idiot made me feel stupid. The feeling of jelly didn't come till after that. Also didn't know those three were whores but that's my fault for not pushing the envelope.
>>8748195
I'm that rich bitch who wants to buy things for my friends. In my family it's always been the way we show our loving so I'm used to spend bucks for gifts. Maybe some day I will be a sugar mommy for cute little lolita girlfriend, lol.
Don't feel bad. You are not doing anything wrong. For her it's not about the money, so if you want give something for her, you can in example bake her favourite goods or something.
>>8752790
Ugh, what is it with boyfriends and amount of product? I have to keep telling mine to apply MORE lotion, he always pumps a tiny lil bit that doesn't even cover his forehead properly.
But he fills his hand with shampoo and later wonders why it lasts so little.
>wanted to be cute for ILD
>have horrible nightmare that fuels anxiety attack
>can't walk down to the basement
>can't look into mirrors
>can't be alone
>paranoid af
>can't take care of my looks because mirror
>have to put lolita on hold to take care of myself
>mfw
>>8752740
Maybe try speaking with her throughout the meetup and exchange social media info? That way you guys can bond inbetween meetups and then you could go from there.
>mfw every time i post in a thread it dies for usually 8hrs-a full day even when it was moderately active beforehand
I am a curse to this board
>me drunk on the weekend
>met someone who knew a lot about lolita
>talk about someone from comm
>say "yeah, what an ita bitch!"
>echoes in my mind
>I said that irl
I'm still cringing.
>>8753006
The same thing happened to me talking about fitness. I said some /fit/ shit and then slapped a guys ass.
Thank god I don't have to see any of those people for several months.
>Planning cosplay group for upcoming con
>Post about my costume
>Friend 1 replies "I'd love to do this character but I don't think I can!"
>Think nothing of it... Friend 1 hasn't gone to this con in three years anyway.
>Weeks/months later, posting on other social media. Friend 2 asks to take on same character
>Closer to con, buying fabric and sewing costumes
>Friend 1 messages to say she IS doing that character and already bought the fabric and she thought she mentioned this already
FML.
>tfw you win a ¥13800 bag for $5
>>8753022
That's great, anon! Which bag did you get?
>>8753031
IW's Starry Keynote Embroidered Bag! It has one barely noticeable stain on the bottom,next to the seam,but that's all.
>>8752954
Wish you the best senpai.
not sure if it fits but
>be awkward and weird
>decide to meet new people by going to a party hosted by friend
>wear new dress i made and shoes looking presentable at least
>slow start but meet amazing guy and we hit it off
>nervous and uncomfortable almost shaking but feeling good and excited at the same time, it's really warm, loud etc
>he tries to kiss me
>throw up in his face, over my dress and shoes
>so much shame and embarrassment i have an out of body experience
>spend the weekend trying to get vomit out of the dress and contemplating suicide
>>8753101
Holy fucking shit that doesn't even sound real. But if it is, I hope you get over it. I'd probably need intensive therapy after something like that..
Were you really drunk or was it anxiety? Both?
>>8753113
I'm really sorry I should have said it happened a few years ago. I got over it (we're together) but it pops up sometimes and I get so embarrassed just thinking about it makes me sweat.
I wasn't drinking at all too nervous to eat or drink, felt like when I have to speak in front of people, like my body is shaking and i can't really breathe properly and my body isn't accepting my brain's orders.
I'm not sure if that makes any sense.
>>8753139
Hey, it's okay. One time I was at a party and a guy approached me to talk... I got so anxious and gripped my cup so hard it broke and spilled my drink everywhere.
He immediately turned around and went away.
>>8753020
Just be direct and tell her that all she mentioned to you is what you quoted. It's not your fault she didn't communicate better.
>>8752973
We don't go to meetups together, we just hung out at a convention once and I actually have her on Facebook and everything but she never replies to her messages, she's kind of popular too. Also its just the way she is not specific toward me or anything. In sure if I told her my feelings tho shed reply
>>8753139
Oh, that's wonderful on so many levels!
I know exactly what you mean, though I've never puked from it. Guess that's because I just avoid such situations like fire. Being a shut-in has its perks lel
(..actually it doesn't.. T-T)
>>8753147
>gripped my cup so hard it broke
Are you She-Hulk?
>>8753485
To be fair it was one of those hard-plastic-almost-hard-as-glass cups.
>>8749537
What is your dream dress, anon? Congrats! At least you got a good haul. And honestly I think secondhand is much more fun, it's thrilling to find great deals on beloved pieces or discovering new dream items by browsing auctions.
>>8750468
Unsubscribe to the deal notifications, out of sight, out of mind.
>>8750503
That's just so sweet it almost brings tears to my eyes. I think someone wanted to make your day.
>tfw depressed as fuck and slowly realizing that lolita is the only joy in my life
>tfw addicted to frilly shit
I measure time in "x days until this release" and "x days until this person pays their payment plan with me" and stuff like that, I spend so much time and energy looking through auctions and making pretty collages and organizing my pinterest board. It's literally taking over my life and I have no energy (or money) left for hobbies and things I used to enjoy before.
I'm slowly becoming aware and trying to deter myself from it and back to other things, but it's hard.
>new to my comm
>is nice to everyone because i want friends desu
>end up being too nice to an ita who won't.shut.up. at first meet i attend
>naively say yes to her fb request
>is bombarded with messages, mostly annoying things and her asking me to do stuff for her
>dont answer most of them hoping she'll get the hint
>give her coord advice for upcoming meet when she asks for it in the hopes i could help her not look like such a mess
>tfw it doesnt help because her dress is shit
>is stuck to me like gum on my shoe the whole day
>asks to borrow money from me to buy weeby shit
>fuck no
>wants me to take off of work to hang out with her
>fuck no
>always grabbing me by the arm at previously mentioned meet and actually fucking glomps me
>other lolitas look on in horror
>"it's okay because anon is my friend!!1!1"
>no it's not and no i'm not
>tfw i literally do not have it in me to tell her off because then i'll look like a bitch to the whole comm
i have no idea what to do.
my brothers are being asshole to me because i'm depressed/have been bullies extremely heavily at school/... so i am living a "different" life, and i just feel like i am a useless parasite since i wake up at 8 in the morning, go to a cafe at 9-10, study 2 hours, go back home and do what i want. That's it. Until spring/summer where i'll pass my exam, redo the same thing for a year for another diploma and then find a job. My parents always say "BUT YOU HAVE SO LITTLE TO DO" like they're trying to guilt me and then they act like they are such great parents to allow me to do that. I'm trying my best really, i really want to do better and such. but i'm so scared of failing, so scared of future, i don't wanna lead a miserable life with a poor little income barely getting me through the month. I should just kill myself already like i tried a year ago i am such a failure and a parasite. I'm tired all the time, even though i'm healing i'm feeling so tired of this shit, so tired of feeling like shit compared to other people
(i study naturopathy, not general classes btw)
>>8753838
>naturopathy
>alternative medicine
Maybe pursue a meaningful degree senpai
>>8753832
Fake a panic attack if she glomps you again.
It'll make her either stop or look like a major asshole lel
Otherwise, just don't initiate contact with her or invest any real amount of time in responding to whatever she sends you.
Problen solved.
>>8753877
Anon this is meaningful. I project to do natural cosmetology the next year (make your own makeup and all but without or with as less chemicals as possible) but i have to finish this first and even then, believe it or not, while it can't cure like medicine does or replace surgery and such, it has its own properties.
Anons like this
>>8753482
>>8753877
If she either really, really convinces herself she believes it or if she's a good scam artist and salesperson, she can make good money out of it. Hipsters and yuppies love this shit.
>>8752568
>get home and cry about how surely everyone hates when I show up and wishes I weren't around despite all evidence to the contrary
Iktf, although instead of thinking everyone hates me, it's specifically regretting things I say or regretting how certain interactions went and then having invasive thoughts about it that continue to eat me up long after the event already happened.
Sometimes it'll cause me to start tearing up out of nowhere and it's really awkward to explain if I'm in public or around family.
>>8754023
Yeah it's just my bitter self coming out.
>tfw naturopath convinces some lady her kid's asthma is due to an 'imbalance' of vitamins
>makes lady pay $100s in tests and tons of bullshit from health stores
>lady with help of naturopath "weans" her kid off of the medications that are keeping his lungs from going to shit
>what do you know 1 year later he has poorly controlled asthma and his lungs are what my colleague would describe as a 'symphony'
>lady still is convinced all she needs is another naturopath
You can make money back, but if you fuck with a kid's health like that my god that makes me mad.
>Be me, four years ago, 16
>Never bought a dress before, really want to get into lolita
>Browsing CC, Wunderwelt, etc
>Find some obscure Btssb JSK for 11200 yen
>Really fucking want it
>Not allowed to order shit online without asking my mom first
>Scared to show it to her because she hates my "anime shit"
>It's going to be sold soon
>Work up the courage to ask her
>Show her the dress
>"That's a hooker dress, anon!"
>What the fuck
>"That's what hookers wear"
>Knee length dress with a blouse underneath?
>Try to talk to her
>Get yelled at
>Watch it get auctioned off
I've never seen that JSK come up ever again, either.
>>8753921
>chemicals
you are literally made of chemicals. the universe is chemicals.
don't go full retard, anon.
>>8753903
i have anxiety so if i did that it would be believable lol.
yeah, i ignore a lot of her messages and take a while to respond but when i do either i'm too nice or she is just oblivious to the fact that i don't want to be her friend.
OT but I've wanted to kill myself for a while now. It's gotten to the point where not a single day goes by when I don't think about leaping out of my bedroom window, or throwing myself under a bus on the way to work.
Recently my boyfriend has been acting weird. If he breaks up with me, I might actually do it.
I'm kind of hopeful.
>>8754206
Hey anon, have you tried seeing someone about this? I was in the same boat but meds made it fade in time. Don't kill yourself, you're worth more.
>>8754193
Well, see, so here's the deal, right?
Once you join a group, all of its members will judge you because humans are awful like that.
And openly acting with hostility or callousness won't scory you a single point in that judgement.
As long as you treat her messages online like spam-letters and give her a friendly smile whenever you meet. Make it look noticeably nervous/shy if you plan on pulling the damsel-in-distress move to stop her glomping.
This would also justify you being quiet around her as the rest of the group now thinks she scares the shit out of you, which will likely earn you sympathy instead of scorn.
>Local con gets fashion guest for the first time
>All my friends are going
>Tea party tix go on sale
>Stipulation of wearing something from the brand
>Owns nothing from them
I guess I'll get drunk at the hotel bar while everybody is at the party
>>8754206
It's pretty shitty to hinge your death on your relationship with your boyfriend. That puts a lot of pressure on a person. I agree with >>8754212, you should see someone about it. Hold in there. I had a dark period where I was seriously contemplating suicide, but I'm glad I didn't go through with it.
>>8754431
Doesn't any of your friends have anything to lend you or something..?
>>8754508
Most of my friends are lolita and the few ouji friends I do have don't have stuff that'll fit me
>>8754542
Well, that sucks.
>comm's resident replica chan actually buys the real version of her dress and sells her replica
Good luck getting $100 for it, but I'm proud of her!
>>8754134
You can tell what anon was trying to say when she meant chemicals, as in "bad things" like lead in lipstick. Don't be pedantic.
>>8754638
Idaho, right?
>meet guy at con
>become friends
>fall in love with him
>drive five hours to go see him
>spending time with him is amazing, just what I wanted
>then he gets distant
>see him at the next con
>he's all over me the first night, then treats me like a complete stranger the next day
>ignores me having a panic attack in the same room as him
>I cut all contact with him after that, it affects my health but I eventually recover and am ready to try to at least be on speaking terms with him, as we have a lot of mutual friends and are likely to see each other at cosplay meets
>find out from friend that when I was involved with him, he was telling everyone that he'd told me it 'wasn't anything serious' and that he wasn't ready for a relationship after his ex
>haven't slept
>struggling to keep anything but coffee and anxiety meds down
>I'm still going to have to see this fucker at cosplay meets next year and pretend nothing's wrong
> probably gonna get asked to pose with him for pictures because we cosplay from the same part of JJBA
I'm going to be so fucking doped up on propranalol to cope with that, it ain't even funny. I wish he could just drop off the face of the earth, this would be so much easier if I knew I never had to see him again.
>>8754061
Fucking god people like that makes le mad. I actually dont wanna be a true naturopath bc i am unsure of myself and i dont wanna fuck things up. Probably gonna do aroma cosmetology or just work at some bio store or do Bach flowers it's pretty cool. I just want to be taken seriously y'know...i always failed stuff and sometimes i'm scared about not doing the right thing or doing things right.
I...I just want an OK income and live a simple happy life with some kawaii mori shit around me
>>8754925
>not forcing your mutual friends to choose between you or him
BETA
E
T
A
>>8752386
I want to do this too, anon. I'm currently learning how to make electronic music, because dark electro stuff is right up my lane. I wear gothic!
>>8754124
What dress was it? I'll keep my eye out for it.
>>8751757
BAD ADVICE
BAD
BAD
ADVICE
If they're abusive they will try to force contact. If they're REALLY sincere they will respect your wishes and let you come back on YOUR terms. Do NOT. listen to this person.
>>8755037
Staying off a whole board because of one person you know responding to personal comments is a bit much. Just don't allow yourself to be known.
I don't know you two so I can't say what's bullshit and what's not but you do sound like you need to chill out. In saying that maybe it is best to take a break from here if you feel that strongly so you can get better.
>>8755044
Thank you anon. Yes, I definitely need to.chill out, I get far too attached to people. But c'est la vie, we are what we are. I think it's for the best that I.don't engage with people at all, and as I do know people and don't like to see myself talked about, it's best to stay away. Thank you for not judging.
>>8751739
Can you get a restraining. Order on them? I understand that at might be stressful foe you but it might be the safest thing in the long run. Bonus is that if they email you you can call police on them and get them arrested
>>8755051
You sound psychotic, get help.
>moved to a new city
>know a few people on the cosplay scene, but not exactly friends with them
>keep trying to socialize with them at cons, get mostly ignored
>tried to talk to strangers at cons, nobody cared
>try to small talk online, doesn't work
>asked to join a facebook group for meetups
>approval pending for 2 weeks now
I don't know what to do anymore. I tried to be friends with people I already know and also have tried to talk to strangers. Nothing worked.
What's wrong with me?
I'm not obnoxious and have a easy time making friends at any kind of social setting, so I don't get it why this is happening.
My cosplays are pretty cute and I'm not ugly, I don't start drama nor talk behind people's backs.
I'm tired of being a lonely cosplayer, I want to do group shouts and that kind of stuff. What to do, /cgl/?
I'm tired of having to tiptoe around everyone in my comm when having a conversation because every little damn thing sets off their tumblrina alarm.
>>8755102
How would you know you are not ugly? what cosplay you doin? how old are you?
There's a small group of cosplayers in my area who I really wish I could be better friends with. We've been in and out of the same friend circles and events for years but have remained acquaintances the whole time, so I doubt we'll ever grow closer, and I don't know why that bothers me. Maybe because I irrationally believe they look down on me or make fun of me for being a little awkward/shy or not as good a cosplayer as they are. I know it's no big deal, but I still can't help thinking about it and feeling sad that some of my good friends are invited to their get togethers while I'm not (and have no reason to be, obviously, since we aren't really friends, the small group and I). Dumb little feel that I guess I'll just try to ignore and focus on my own friends.
>>8754015
I feel you, anon. I've never been to a meetup before, but this happens to me after even casual interactions, so I'm scared of just being an awkward mess at a meet and still hating myself for it two years after.
>>8755147
I know I'm not a reliable source but I can objectively say I'm not ugly. I don't mean to brag but I get complimented plenty on my looks.
That's not my point tho, I'm just saying that I'm not hideous to the point of people avoiding me.
I don't usually cosplay popular characters (like from flavor of the month animes) so maybe that's why I have a hard time mingling with already formed groups.
Don't want to out myself so I'll say I usually cosplay 2000-2010s anime. I'm 20-something. Why do you ask, anon?
>tfw new lolitas won't know the beauty of the old bodyline website
>>8755140
It's a hard line to walk.
Sometimes when people say what you said I have to wonder if they they unrepentant assholes who stomp on everything they don't "get"
Or if the people being offended are going through that 8th grade syndrome where they are looking for any reason to be special and so freak out as soon as they get the chance to call out someone on anything.
>desperately wants to lose weight
>is having trouble finding out good ways to work out because of birth defect in feet that puts me in a lot of pain in my whole legs if I strain them too much
>and weak knees and a bad back because of shit genes
>eats and drinks healthy
Goddamnit I just want to lose 10 or max 15cm around my waist, but I'm at a loss.
>>8755196
eat less.
>>8755202
Could be bait, but ok I'll bite.
I'm already very careful with how much I eat, I always make sure I never overeat and keep my portions small without unnecessary calories. I would probably starve my body if I ate any less. My friends and family are already pushing a lot of food on me because they're worried I don't eat enough.
>>8755237
Ugh I'm fucking stupid, I meant carbs not calories.
>>8755196
Try doing some kettlebell exercises while sitting down and riding a bike at the gym. Like a Soul Cycle type class, you sit during those so it would probably be much less strain on your feet? And basic yoga for your shitty knees and back, I got those too and yoga stretches are a life saver.
>>8755237
unless you are a miracle that defies science, if you are overweight, all you need to do is consume fewer calories than you burn. what's your TDEE vs intake?
>>8754925
>ignores me having a panic attack in the same room as him
You're a con roommate horror story, nobody wants to deal with that.
>>8755196
Do some upper body exercises and try yoga. I have shitty knees too, but there are still a lot of exercises that you can do that are not too strenuous. Boxing might also work for you as cardio.
>>8755171
It might be a mix of both, really.
>>8755246
I'm not overweight, I'm pretty normal (but look pretty slim because I'm tall and have that body type) but I want to lose some fat around my waist.
>>8755244
>>8755258
That does sound like great ideas! I've been considering yoga, but haven't been quite sure. But I trust you guys.
But about riding a bike at the gym, does that make your thighs bigger or is that just a myth?
found out my mom has masses in one of her lungs last weekend. she has a history with aggressive cancer.
finding out the results today for it.
nothing really matters anymore. i feel like a rock has been placed on my chest and it hasnt gone away. even sobbing in the shower has stopped helping even just a little.
>>8755266
I've been cycling for years, and it's definitely made my legs more muscular, but you won't get huge legs from just that. I had to stop running because of my knees, but cycling is great and really fun if you do it outside.
>>8755168
This might be harsh but maybe those people just don't need any more friends. I found that with my comm everyone already had their clique and no matter how much I got on with everyone I'm doomed to just be a filler friend. Being useful, like always taking photos
>>8755140
Are you me?
>been living with bbf and his family for two years
>moved a few months ago into new house with bf and his family
>waiting for packages
>boyfriend's mom gets tired of receiving old residents' mail
> calls post office to make a note to only send mail to certain names
>leaves my name out
;-; i thot we were frens
>>8755171
This is what I have to go through: the words "stupid" and "ugly" are banned in my comm because it's "ableist~"
I was so spoiled by good sellers, that now having a seller that's waited a week and counting to ship out my item is really depressing. I paid within an hour too. :( I-I just want to feel cared about. She said a couple days ago she'd ship Monday but no messages received since...
>>8755270
I'm so sorry, anon. Sending you and your mom my best wishes and thoughts.
>>8752386
>KMFDM
Good choice.
What do you like for similar bands? I like the style, but I don't know much other stuff
>>8754989
It didn't have a name listed, and I hadn't thought to save the picture.
It was black and pink striped fabric, with no print. I'm alright, though, so thank you for the offer anon!
I wouldn't have the money to buy it right now anyway.
>>8755196
Echoing others on eating being most of the equation.
Other than that, get a membership to an indoor pool. Swimming is god tier. Burns lots of calories, low impact
>there's this girl in my comm, let's call her May
>May's shy and sometimes little awkward, but seems genuinely nice
>her cosplays are good but not great, there are some things she could improve on but nothing cringeworthy
>feel like she has potential to become a pretty solid cosplayer (she's studying to become a seamstress and seems interested in competing someday)...if it wasn't for her girlfriend
>don't get me wrong, her gf (let's call her Annie) is a pretty chill girl from what I've talked to her
>they have formed a kind of a team and work together on their costumes, they're very open about it
>Annie handles the props and wigs, May does the sewing... a.k.a. 95% of the work for at least three years since they haven't done that many cosplays with bigger props
>May seems to finish Annie's cosplays before her own, there's been at least one instance where May finished Annie's cosplays but not her own. Annie ended up competing
>Annie came second in a hall cosplay competition about a year ago, May didn't really take credit even though she made almost the whole thing
>this fall they made their first really prop-heavy cosplays, May did about half of her own props (she was apparently planning on making all of them) AND the sewing for both of them
>feel like May is wasting her potential making mediocre shit for both of them when she could make pretty nice stuff for only herself
I'm not sure if I should confront May about this, we haven't talked that much and it'd probably come out as really weird but I kind of feel sorry for her. I mean, I wish she'd grow a backbone and start focusing on making only her costumes, but at the same time Annie has a big personality and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if May was a little whipped. I'm not saying that Annie is a bad person, not at all, I just feel like she's holding May back: she'd probably learn to make better cosplays sooner if she didn't make five costumes per con instead of two.
I hope I'm making sense, it's really late.
>>8755155
No offense, but if you aren't friends with them, they probably never think or talk about you, good OR bad. Don't worry about people you probably only run into a handful of times a year.
>>8755881
>annie may
>>8755887
I seriously need some sleep.
>con coming up
>friend wants to pay for my expenses to go
>had a terrible experience last year because of drama
>scared I'll bump into people I had the bad experience with if I go
I'd also feel bad letting this guy pay for all my stuff to go.. I'd love to go but I swear it's almost impossible to avoid drunk weeb drama at cons.
>guy i met through local con
>smart, always have gotten along, have good conversation etc
>today he posts a status about cultural appropriation
>says if you have ever gotten a piercing (ears, nose, face, literally any piercing) you're stealing from other cultures
>you can only get a piercing if it speaks to you on a cultural level
>he's serious about this
I just. A lot of people would consider me tumblr or a SJW or something, but. Jesus. I didn't want to get into a debate so I let it be, but I just can't believe that people go around being angry about shit like this. Sorry for a rant more than feels, I just want to get along with people and apparently my friend now thinks I'm a racist because I have my nose pierced.
>>8756145
A lot of my friends have changed for the worse because of Tumblr and it's seriously such a fuckin' let down. They have all become more illogical than they are ready were. They aren't even thinking for themselves anymore; they literally just go off of what those so called SJW say. I feel you anon wanting to get along with people, but just these days people are so fucking sensitive, like I respect people on their views no matter how ridiculous, but jfc it's like walking on egg shells.
>>8755831
thanks anon.
>be a brolita
>been with gf for a couple of months now
>ask gf to come to ILD with me
>later she breaks up in a text
>start crying at work
>go home continuing to cry
>text my lolita friends
>"Oh anon, I'm so sorry. We're going to surprise you"
>they send me pink roses for sympathy
>they take me by going to a nail salon on Friday
>get my nails done with friends
>attend ILD
>lolita friends take me to a wine bar afterwards
>get drunk while everyone talks about their ex's
>completely insult my ex
>go to a nightclub
>get hit on by a guy
>lolita friend tells him she's only interested in women
>things went better than expected
Probably not going to join the dating scene for a while.
>>8756208
your friends are total bros, anon.
>>8751739
I also had a shit family. Don't go back, don't respond unless you want to say 'leave me alone' and have it in writing (in case you need to take legal action in the future), and in that case send one concise, polite message is to the point and cannot be misconstrued in the slightest, and once you do set up your email to send the emails to their own folder that you don't see in your inbox and ignore them (but don't delete them in case you need a record in the future).
Your friend sounds great, and if you want to minimize the burden on them you should actually put a lot of effort into yourself so you can move out on your own. In the mean time just try to do as many chores as you can around their house and make sure they have a at least a bit of time alone in their own home (can be hard to come by when you have long term guests).
>>8756145
Ugh, this makes me so angry for so many reasons. You can't "culturally appropriate" something that's a thing in nearly all cultures, that doesn't make any goddamn sense.
I'm so fucking disappointed in myself and every one of the suppliers I've tried to work with, and I can only imagine ow pissed off my customers are.
>Have a reserve period for a jsk and matching accessories.
>The jsk was supposed to be (and has started being) shipped out on the 7th, this Monday.
>The accessories were all available immediately.
>Didn't expect quite so many accessory orders.
>Ran out of main materials with only three orders left to make and ship out.
>The earliest of them was made 5 weeks ago today.
>I've been having so much trouble with suppliers - I've been through FOUR different places and had all sorts of issues from orders disappearing in the international post, the wrong item being sent because "lol we figured this would work too." and just general shipping delays.
>I finally sucked it up and paid absurd amounts of money to get the stuff I need from Amazon and paid for express shipping last week.
>Still not here. Don't know if it will ever fucking get here. The accessories need like a week of processing time to fully cure before they can even be fucking shipped.
At this point I'm considering just refunding everyone and sending them anyway once they finally arrive.
>>8756208
Damn dude. Sounds like you snagged yourself some fabulous friends (and given that they're so supportive, they must think you're pretty amazing too). You stay strong and focus on yourself for a bit, and hopefully soon you'll find someone as supportive and loving as your friends!
>>8756376
this sounds like a nightmare. i don't know about refunding, but maybe a very nice coupon or a follow-up "gift" when you have time to make something. customer loyalty is important but you need to be able to survive. be upfront with the issues if you can.
>>8756208
Friendship goals
>>8756395
I agree. A gift and an explanation of what happened, + a statement of what you'll do to make sure something like this doesn't happen again.
>>8756145
I'd probably be considered SJW trash by /cgl/ standards, but damn, that's some ridiculous bullshit. What culture are you supposed to be stealing from? Piercings and tattoos are everywhere and not always culturally significant, so fuck him.
This is only tangentially cgl-related but I really need to vent about it/see if I'm just being a spoilt brat.
So halfway through November, my boyfriend insisted that he wanted to buy me a nice full-length formal dress for Christmas. I have a couple of lolita dresses that were bought by a close friend, and he wanted to get a "better" present for me because he's my boyfriend.
So that all seemed ok, and he had a look online/sent me links to figure out something we both liked, but now this present seems like it's turning into somewhat of a massive drama with strings and expectations attached and to be honest, I'd rather not have the damn dress if it's going to cause this much angst. Today he basically had a tantrum at me because he texted me to let me know the dress had probably arrived - and he thought I should be a "bit more excited/appreciate it" more than my text reply indicated, because I was also trying to ask him about 5 other things at once and him receiving a courier card wasn't exactly that exciting - I got a couple passive aggressive texts like "So do you want this dress or not?" which just made me wtf at him. Eventually we sort-of sorted it out with a phone call, but he felt that I hadn't acknowledged the present enough and I thought he was making a big deal out of nothing.
From my point of view - it was his idea to buy me the dress, not something that I specifically wanted for Christmas. I appreciate that he got me something nice but don't even know if it'll fit/look good yet so I can't be too excited given that I could just end up sending it back, which I did explain would be a risk with shopping online rather than in person. I feel like I'm on eggshells around this and now I don't even know if I want it given that so far the whole thing is associated with making me feel like an ungrateful shit. Maybe I am one, but if it's going to be this big an issue I don't think I want this dress anyway and he may as well send it back and get his money back.
>>8756748
Yyyyeah, he sounds a bit insecure and weird about it. If you had demanded that he buy you a dress for Christmas then I could understand his behaviour, but it is a bit strange.
Was said close friend male?
Your boyfriend's behaviour is making me think of insecurity more than anything.
>>8756750
Yup, male close friend. They weren't creepy "I'm buying you dresses because I want to sleep with you" presents, we legit just buy each other expensive stuff for birthdays and Christmas because that's how we roll - I'm let off the hook for a while because I paid for him when we went for a long weekend skiing in France.
Regarding the boyfriend, I'm pretty sure it is an insecurity thing which he is intellectually aware of, but not emotionally aware of. Unfortunately while he's grumpy I can't really call him on his shit because he won't listen properly and turn it all around to be about how he tried to do something nice but I'm being ungrateful. Overall he's a huge sweetheart and I really like him, but some days I feel like I'm waiting for him to mature emotionally.
>>8756748
See, here's what bothers me: if you get someone a present, it should be because you want to do something nice to them, not because you want to one-up someone. I think he's being unreasonable and probably insecure.
>>8756748
The other responses are correct but it seems like he is quite excited about getting you something himself and you haven't been as enthusiastic as he expected. Sometimes people get too worked up about things so when it doesn't work out as they had thought it would, they get emotional. He wants you to be happy that he's doing something for you but for you personally you can only be happy once you see it and try it on.
If you've explained to him that you might not like it and he then complains about that if you do, that's something to worry about.
>>8756766
If you're "waiting for him to mature emotionally" I can assure you it will literally never happen. This is how he is and quite possibly how he will always be. And it's not healthy to be in a relationship where you're trying to coax a reasonable emotional response out of someone and instead they blame their whole reaction on you and make you feel like an a greatful shit even though you know it's not you, it's him. Just saying, it's not going to get better, I've been there. Why date someone who you can't have a healthy emotional relationship with when there's someone out there who will match you as is.
>>8756867
Sorry for typo issues I'm on mobile. I just hate to see people staying in relationships that aren't necessarily "bad" in a sense that their significant other is abusive, but bad in a sense that they obviously don't click well and could really thrive and breath with someone who was more mature and didn't hold them back and stress them out. He seems pretty selfish, you don't give gifts to please yourself and settle some ego issues you have with another guy, you give them to make someone feel good. And guilt tripping them over said gift is incredibly shitty.
>in relationship for nearly 4 years
>girlfriend is very headstrong, I don't talk much, do what she says, when she says to do it.
>i have anxiety and depression, she tells me not to talk about it because it upsets her
>she makes cons miserable for me because everything has to be perfect for her. My cosplays often come second to getting her things finished. I discuss quitting cosplaying and cons, but she won't have it.
>okay, fine, do it to keep her happy. Don't know any other way of life except 'do it to make her happy' in every aspect of my day.
> we're both poly, invite good friend of mine to ease into a triad
> both girls decide nah, they don't want me involved anymore after about a month
>be okay with it, because I want them to be happy, but now ex won't let me just peace the fuck out of her life
> "we spent so long together, anon! Let's be best friends instead! Did those years mean nothing?"
> she eventually gets me to give in.
> cue 8 months of bullshit, being strung along, and every time I call her out on it, get told 'you're just imagining it!'
>start noticing whole friend group hanging out without me. Not discussing until they're posting selfies together.
>confront them, they tell me i'm imagining it.
> multiple sewing parties happen, all with no discussion on social media until after they've hung out.
>big con happens. Get ditched multiple times at the con, but still asked for favours all weekend, which I provide.
(continued)
>finally at the end of the day I get fed up with it. 'do you want this or not? Because i'm taking time out of my day for you'
> everyone gives in, because for once I raised my voice. I put my foot down.
>three weeks later, everything goes to shit. The ex calls animal services to come harass me about my pets. Services says 'wtf this is a grudge call? There's nothing wrong?'
>people i've spoken two words to start blocking me on social media
>roommates ask I find a new place to live because they don't trust me. When I inquire why, they tell me my ex has 'told them some things'.
> move out asap. Everyone in friend group refuses to talk to me, my cosplays never get returned, books, aquariums, you name it.
> spend the next 8 months trying to learn how to socialize all over again because the ex always led that sort of shit, and now i'm totally alone.
> somehow the ex is still shit talking me to everyone who knows me? I've had no one to talk to about it, so i've been fairly silent.
>make entirely new friends, get the fuck out of local cosplay scene. Try to ignore everyone who meets me telling me 'so and so is still shit talking you'
It's been over a year now. She tore down my life and I built it right back up. I have girlfriend who's absolutely wonderful and fair, a new apartment I adore, and cosplay friends around north america who don't take some girls shit talk for the word of god.
>>8757143
damn anon that girl is toxic, i'm so glad you're out of that relationship
>>8756766
Your bf is in the wrong and acting insecure, but can I ask why you're going on ski trips with the male friend and not your bf? Do you also buy your bf expensive stuff for birthdays and Christmas?
>>8754124
Please show her what actual hookers wear. Please. Ruin her.
I need somewhere to vent, only slightly lolita related.
My vent is that my boyfriend is acting thoughtless this Christmas. I've carefully selected everyone else's gifts and made a small list of only my affordable wishes for everyone. I spent a good couple of hours searching for gifts for my boyfriend and planned to spend at least $100. He has already spent $25 and when I showed him the last thing I want, he started complaining. $50 total is not a lot to spend on your girlfriend you've been dating for years. I'm having to hold his hand and walk him through ordering (it's as easy as using Amazon) like he's never used the internet before. If it was something he cared about, he'd figure it out. I've gone out of my way to figure out how to buy him Steam gift cards and other gaming stuff in the past. I don't even bother asking for cheap lolita stuff because he'd just forget to order it probably.
More life in general rant about my bf- I'm just now seeing how lazy he actually is and how bad his gaming addiction is. He had two jobs before I met him and a temp job I convinced him to get because it would look good on his resume. He refuses to work now giving excuses like he's too busy during school (not really, he takes minimal course load) and that he needs to rest over breaks. I don't nag him at all actually, it's his parents that do. I'm just unimpressed with his lack of work ethic. I've had like 3 or 4 jobs since we met. On non-school days, he wakes up in the afternoon around 2, plays games until 5 or 6, rinse and repeat. He's a literal gaming addict. I play with him sometimes, but I'm so busy with work and school I don't have the energy. I feel like it's only fair to tolerate his gaming since he supports my decision to wear lolita, but I'm so scared when we graduate he'll just bum about like he does now and I might have to leave him.
>planning new cosplay
>excited for said cosplay since its relatively simple and I fit characters bodytype
>gonnalookgood.jpg
>have started noticing everywhere i see said character mentioned nobody likes them
>people nag on character, or flat out dont like them
>rethinking cosplay, dont wanna get hate when I wear it to next con
>but also wanna look good
>am torn
on a good note:
>bro and his bf encouraging me to cosplay from same series but a character I like even more
>dont fit body type at all but kinda leaning more toward it now from encouragement of them wanting me to be happy
>tfw its good to have supporting bro/friends
>>8757195
Leave him. Or at least start considering back up plans for if you do, if he isn't treating the way you treat him (or want to be treated) he's not worth it
>>8757195
Get outta there. My biggest mistake was being google eyed over a guy who refused to get/couldn't keep a job. It'll ruin you with stress. I understand hard times, but I HATED it when my ex was unemployed and filled out maybe ONE application once a fucking month because he knew I'd support him. It's so important to have a partner with a similar work ethic and ambition as you.
Also, video game addictions are... Ugh. My brother has a serious one (on the computer as soon as he gets off work til he falls asleep), but he's high-functioning and makes good cash so no one cares. I can tell you though- not the most fun guy to hang around with unless you're playing with.
>>8754925
First off, grow a fucking backbone. Are you really going to let something so trivial keep you do fucked up? Relying on medication and relying on "disorders" for an excuse to allow your freakouts will never let you grow stronger. "Anxiety" isn't a reason to act the way you do, it's a weight that holds you back. It's not a matter of giving up and accepting it, it's a matter of flexing and dragging it until it no longer holds you back, and may be shed.
Secondly, why do you think you are entitled to his love? He's not a bad person just because he didn't feel as strongly as you do (I mean, he may be a bad person, but that's not enough reason).
Some of his behaviour seems iffy, but this post reeks of bias. Sometimes people just don't connect well. That's life.
>>8755196
If you eat healthy, you will lose weight. It seems likely you aren't actually eating as healthy as you think. What is your average diet, and your weight /age.
>>8755266
That's entirely a myth. You won't get huge from lifting weights or other exercises unless you are aiming to get huge. Most girls at like if they lift weights once, they'll be Arnold tier. You'll get muscle tone first, which makes everybody look MUCH better, and THEN you'll start building visible muscle, and even from there, there's a long way to go before it looks bad. And it's self-fixing. If you are getting too HUGE, you can literally tone back or stop the lifting.
>>8755266
It will make them bigger immediately after because of increased blood flow to the area, but in the long run they won't be any bigger unless you started from skeleton mode.
>>8757195
Tell him how you feel. Not "you should work harder!", but tell him that you think his gaming habit is ruining his life, and that you're worried he's sabotaging himself, and that you are not even sure if he's even committed to you, etc.
You need to make him see that something has to change. If you quietly weather it, of course it won't get any better, because he will think nothing is wrong.
>have worked tons on severe social anxiety over the course of a few years
>finally feel confident enough to get back into lolita... I think...
>I'm 22 so I don't feel I should wait any longer
>also I'm looking forward to join the comm and meet new people
>but I'm scared I'll end up too shy to even wear my dresses out
What do.
>>8757337
You're scared you might be scared? That sounds a bit pointless, doesn't it?
In any case, try talking to the comm members about it? I'm sure they have a lot of shy first timers.
>>8757337
The best thing you can do is grin and bear it, and tell yourself that everything's going to be fine. If you know someone with more confidence, ask yourself "what would they do in this situation" and then do that to the best of your ability. Just do it, anon, even if you lose your confidence halfway through you can at least say you tried and then try again later.
>>8757348
>You're scared you might be scared? That sounds a bit pointless, doesn't it?
That's anxiety for you, completely irrational and pointless, but you can't help it no matter how hard you try to reason with it.
>>8757199
Hey anon, don't mind the hate, do it!
One of my favorite characters to cosplay is Satoko from Higurashi. She is hated by pretty much everyone but I keep cosplaying her anyway. People usually approach me saying she is annoying but then compliment me on my outfit. Nobody is going to hate on you personally.
>>8757199
Only spergy congoers will say anything negative to your face and at most it would be a passing comment like "so and so character is a bitch."
It's happened to me a couple of times, but I've always been able to roll my eyes and brush it off. There were plenty of people who liked my costume and told me so as well.
>>8756876
He seems open to at least talking about it and trying to improve things from that perspective, otherwise I would've noped out a long time ago. This shit seems to rear its head every time he gets overtired/fatigued.
>>8757161
Because I've been friends with this guy since high school, so over a decade - when we both started earning grown up money we started giving each other nice stuff, so the tradition has been there since 2010. Boyfriend is new from the start of this year, we went to Australia together which was a shared expenses trip and I paid for fancy expensive dinner out for his birthday. I'm planning to get him something decent for Christmas in the ~$200 range as well as making him a new formal shirt, he is a bit difficult to buy for as he generally buys himself things he wants.
>>8757465
I wish you luck. It's good to work towards your goals, and faking confidence or emulating people you admire is a great way to get better. I'm happy that you don't let your anxiety be an excuse. So many people nowadays try to make their anxiety out to be a "disorder", and therefore something they have to accept. It's good to realize that anxiety is weakness, but most people don't because they don't want to think of it as weakness, because they forget what weakness is.
Weakness is an opportunity to grow.
You are shy now, but if you strive, you will grow stronger, more confident. You must stay determined, and take useful steps.
Try emulating people you admire, as the other person said.
Try relaxing outside in your back yard in Lolita, then just drive to a store in it (if you're not fixated on routine, you can go to one you don't normally go to, so you don't have to worry about being seen).
Ask if you can go to a meet in a simple coord that could pass for normal clothing, or just in normal clothing, to get used to them first.
You can do it, Anonymous! I believe in you.
>>8750617
Aw, what wonderful friends you have! You could always buy them dinner or a bottle of their drink of choice as thanks.
>>8757268
>being this ignorant
Disorders are not excuses, they're something you have that affects your every day life. The chemicals in your brain are actually different when you have anxiety. "Not having freakouts" and "flexing and dragging it until it doesn't hold you back" isn't an option.
His way of treating her radically different on different days is a common abusive tactic. The "one day we're in love, another day I'm ignoring you" does fuck people up.
>>8756766
>buys girl expensive things
>doesn't want to sleep with her
Let's be honest. Who are you trying to kid? You are stringing him along because it inflates your ego.
>>8757431
See, from his perspective, buy things to make you happy is his job.
It's the same as if you were spending a bunch of time with men that aren't him.
He has every right to be insecure, you aren't 'cheating' but you also aren't letting him fulfill his duties.
I'm just getting into lolita and it's so frustrating trying to put together a coord that matches. Especially just from photos from places like taobao and second hand sellers. I don't get how you guys do it.
And I fear getting posted to the ita thread because I made the mistake of wearing something I paid 50 bucks for and it ended up not matching. Like wtf, I can't just return it.
And no one really seems to help here... I don't know where else to go? My friends are all gonna say things like "what do you care what some stranger on the internet thinks" but obviously I do care about things like this, mostly because I see what you all say about most girls.
Fuck, I just want to look nice.
>>8757676
>no one really seems to help here
If you say that then people probably aren't going to even try and help. There's a dedicated help thread here constantly and you always see people trying to find items that will match certain things.
Lolita is an expensive hobby. You should be wearing something you think looks nice and not something you have to wear because you spent a lot of money on it which doesn't match. It's a risk you have to take when ordering anything online.
>>8757684
>If you say that then people probably aren't going to even try and help.
No, I'm saying that now, because I've posted in the help threads a few times. People who reply to me are always really vague and no one seems to want to reveal the secret of matching things via stock photos, yet there obviously people here doing it.
I'm upset because I know I'm doing something wrong, can't identify it, and every time I ask for help I get nothing out of it.
I know I'm retarded, but I can learn how to do things if someone shows me..
>>8757689
the secret is that there is none. stock photos are in accurate, you generally have to just shoot in the dark and pray that it will sell afterwards if it's not the right color.
>>8757689
There is no secret to matching things as obviously they can't predict what the product will look like until it's in their hands unless there are other photos of it elsewhere. They're giving you vague answers because they can't tell you anything else. People can edit product photos anyway they like and lighting can change things drastically. Like I said, it's a risk.
You see lots of people getting matching products and then the same amount ordering something and then it being a completely different colour. It's just that they usually already have a wardrobe so it's not a huge problem as it would be to someone who has nothing else. You pretty much need to start with a dress and then buy what you think will work. Sometimes it won't but oh well, try again.
>>8757696
>>8757695
So I shouldn't wear things until I have a wardrobe?
I was hoping to go to meets because I've heard a lot of good things about the comm where I live... but no one is gonna hang out with me if I look like shit, they'll just be nice to my face and not give a shit after.
I do love the fashion which is why I'm gonna wear it anyway, but I was hoping to make friends this way too. I don't think I'm going to.
>>8757709
You should at least have a basic coord. Everyone has to start somewhere so it's not like you need to go overboard. If you've heard good things about your comm then hopefully they will welcome you as a new lolita.
Sometimes girls don't like to open up to new people but that's also something you can't predict. It doesn't mean you should give up. Try and get involved online with your comm before a meet maybe and see if there's anyone you can talk to.
>>8757709
Okay, you want to look good? Really?
Lurk.
I lurked the lolita threads on /cgl/ for a year before I bought a single lolita piece and it's still the best advice I'll give to any new lolita. Just lurk.
Yeah we talk shit when people look like shit. Look at the threads, see what we say and take it to heart. Look at the dresses, look at different coords for the same dress, and figure out what works and what doesn't. Lurk long enough to realize what's a trend and what's an integral part of the fashion.
No, you can't return just any old thing that doesn't work with your wardrobe, but this fashion is supposed to look cohesive and well-planned, so WORK HARD TO MAKE IT SO. If something doesn't fit in your wardrobe, go on lacemarket and sell it. Use the money to get something that does work. If you aren't willing to put thought and effort into the way you look you aren't meant for this fashion.
>>8756748
This reminds me of how my dad got my sister braces and cries to me that she doesn't thank him everytime she sees him.
My sister never even suggested that she wanted braces. My dad insisted on paying for them and even sent her to his dentist without asking when she would be available or where she usually goes. Now he complains to us that he doesn't have any money and her braces are too expensive and thinks the payments are going to end once her braces are removed.
Both your boyfriend and my dad had good intentions but seem to have given the gifts in a way that says, "look at what I did for you, I demand you appreciate me for what I buy you instead of what I actually do for you."
>>8752568
So you don't really have social anxiety at all and are just trying to fish for sympathy
>>8757754
>"look at what I did for you, I demand you appreciate me for what I buy you instead of what I actually do for you."
I really hate when people try to pull this sort of thing on me.
>>8757720
Thanks, I will do that. I was really hesitant about joining because I didn't have a full coord.
I already have three dresses and another one is gonna arrive eventually. Also have a dream dress I'm gonna try to get in January if some other shit doesn't blow up financially. I'm not a poor fag by any means but sometimes I can't spend money on stuff.
>>8757751
I've been lurking here since 2010, lol. This is why I feel bad. I do think my learning curve is shit tho. I pay attention to stuff people say here and often find I'm very disappointed because a lot of gulls seem to like things that I don't, and the things I love are fucking despised here. It's very intimidating.
It also doesn't help that I used to be the kind of person that would rather call something pink instead of dusty pink or apricot or some such, so all the other color names are new to me because I pretty ignored stuff like that up until just now.
I think that is the most frustrating part, is that it takes a lot of work to look good and after awhile it starts to grate on me.
I am trying though. Like I don't just buy shit and then wear it, I'm really hesitant because I want it to look good but after awhile, its like I've looked through every shop you guys recommend and I still can't find something that works for a basic coord?
Sorry for crying about it, no need to respond.
I'm pants on head retarded or something.
At least I put together a good fairy kei coord one time.
>years ago
>super into the hetalia fandom
>bought hundreds of dollars worth of merch
>keychains, pins, plushies, coin figures etc.
>now
>can't find any of the keychains or pins
>can only find holy roman empire plush and italy figure
>what happened to all my shit
>not really into hetalia anymore but still upset because i can't replace most of it
how can all of my stuff just disappear? like, i'm just so baffled.
PLEASE JUST SHIP MY PETTICOAT ALREADY
>>8749331
I shopped around for therapists, and found one who talked about how much he likes new experiences. I had to explain to him what lolita was and used the term j-fashion at first but now he actually enjoys hearing about my meets and looking at my coords (he is into interior design and normal fashion and isn't creepy about it). Finding a perfect therapist for you is tough, though but know that they feel the same way and if you don't like them they won't take it badly and will usually try to refer you to someone that will work better (give it a couple of sessions though, its always awkward at first). Good Luck!
>haven't bought any lolita in a year
>incredibly small wardrobe, only 3-4 main pieces
>in the past two months I bought three main pieces, two brand
>no more bodyline (unless I can find that one good jsk in BxW)
2016 is going to be a frilly year, I can feel it
>>8757755
NO clue how you came to that conclusion besides you not believing anxiety is a thing.
>>8757773
Don't worry so much. It really doesn't matter if other people think you look good. You should want to look good, but you shouldn't depend on other people to validate you and say whether or not you do all the time. Just get what you think looks good, try it out, post it if you want help, and accept criticism you like and reject the suggestions you don't. It's not rocket science. Fashion should be fun.
>Waiting for cascade wig in the mail
>Wig arrives two days before it has to
>Described as worn once
>Open package
>Wig is badly tangled on the bottom and very frizzy
>Looks like a rhapsody wig
I left bad feedback because obviously they were lying about the state of it and probably also about how many times it was worn but now I'm stressed about retaliatory feedback. It's just so disappointing.
I just recently found out I have nervous tic. Anytime I get nervous and quiet I start to cough and it's a gross wet cough. So I try to talk as much as I can without being annoying but people still think I'm sick. Any tips?
>>8757860
Btw this only happens at meets and cons so it's technically cgl related.
