How do I get deer to approach me? There are trillions that hang out near a castle I guard and I want to see them closer. I tried not yelling at them and gave some berries I brought but they are more skittish than most creatures.
Install Gentoo and it'll approach you
>>2066345
Build a dome you can hide in that looks like a bush and spray deer piss over yourself.
>near a castle I guard
Do u live in the 13th century m8?
>>2066373
This tbqf
Don't abandon your post. The damn French could arrive at any time.
>>2066345
You're asking to get fucked up by a buck that sees you around ant doe in heat or near his fawns/babies. Even female deer may attack the fuck out of you if they have a baby near by you can't see. I went to school at SIU and a few years back some deer was attacking people on the campus. I recall it being dumb ass girls who thought the deer were "so cute". They were very lucky it wasn't a buck.
>found an article
http://news.stlpublicradio.org/post/fourth-deer-attack-siu-carbondale-deer-killed-time
>>2066384
Yup. The defense mechanism for when fawns feel threatened is to lie flat on the ground and wait for the danger to leave. The doe, at this point, has only one option to get her baby on it's feet and moving away from danger is to forcibly remove the source of danger. A lot of the time you wont ever see the fawn as it hunkers down in the grass and wont be able to identify aggressive deer behavior before you're attacked.
And that's not even including the rutting season where the bucks get all hopped up on testosterone and become pissed off and violent until they plunge into some deer pussy.
tl;dr: Deer are shit and being around them sucks.
>>2066387
Prey animals are shit to begin with
Even bunnies would be intolerable if it wasn't for the fact that they are dumb as hell (which is kinda cute)
Ordered some pheromones and got my body armour packed. If they don't eat my kneecaps tonight I'll let you know how it went down.
>>2066345
Jeez if you want some pussy that badly just go on craigslist.
normally I would say absolutely not. they're wild animals and you're asking for trouble
there are unholy numbers of deer near my house too. the only one I ever touched was an orphaned fawn, shitty redneck poacher got her mother. bottle fed her ourselves because the wildlife rehab here is useless
don't mess with wildlife needlessly. it's not smart for a lot of reasons
>>2066345
>I tried not yelling at them and gave some berries I brought
I tried that with girls, didn't work.
How did you get a job guarding a castle? Do you get to bring your dog to work?
>>2068512
This, tbqwyf. Tell us more, preferably with Monty Python references.
>>2066560
Damn brigands
How do you feel about English kiniggits and their so called Arthur king?
Is deer pusseh gud pusseh?
>>2068512
Just got a job with the company and lived sort of nearby so get shifts now and again. There's no one else within ten miles of the place so nobody stops dogs coming.
>>2066345
Pull your dick out drag it along the ground till he approaches you.
if you start putting out a pile of corn daily and bringing the pile a little closer to you daily.... done
>>2066345
Try not to make sudden movement. Probably best to let them get used to your presence.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=cwc770-6-3E
I fed a little one a strawberry. No pictures.
i want to guard a castle omg
>>2066345
Near a castle you guard? Is this 1562?
>>2069767
People would wreck it if not for the night watch
>>2069767
>2016 anno domini
>Not guarding your own castle making your lineage proud as you wield your Claymore at strangers and passer-byes
>Not screaming Veni Vidi Vinci as you conquer foreign castles
It's like you don't want to get laid or something
Srsly though, stay still. And feed it some carrot slices. Everyday. It will take some time, but she may warm up to you if you see her consistently enough.
>>2068511
zizzled my zozzle
can i just call a castle and ask for a job?
>>2068964
Do you ever roam around the castle while on psychedelic mushrooms (a deer favorite)?
>>2070411
I just listen to spooky things on my device and wander round. There's a room that Winston Churchill stayed in during WWII for a while.
Mainly just watch DVDs/CCTV screen.
>>2068570
Female deer go into heat for only one week in an entire year and get fucked by a knife-dick that goes halfway to her diaphragm and shoots its load in less than five seconds. I think if you took your time with her and gave her an orgasm which does usually don't get to enjoy she'd be yours forever.
However you don't fit so you'll just have to take care of yourself.
yall niggas postin in a troll thread
>>2070819
It's really not.
