All of my friends have moved back home, so now I go out by myself. I manage to talk to people and have fun, but most other dudes aren't interested in making new friends when they go out, and I end up getting too involved talking to other dudes and I don't talk to the girls.
Only had 2 partners in my life, one was a longterm crazy fuck buddy, the other a fat girl hookup. I feel like a failure. I've had sex a hanful of times, and not in over a year, never had a girlfriend, and I'm in my mid 20s. Whenever a girl is interested in me, I drag my feet and take too long to do anything. I applied to many grad schools, and got rejected by all of them. I feel like a failure, but the sick part is I am still optimistic about everything.
What do I do guys? How can I at least find success in my "love life" so I can feel some reward?
Nobody answered you, fuck people.
I'm younger than you so I might not have a lot of answers for you. I can think of one thing that one of my best friend told me, that became kind of my "motto" in life: At some point, the fun stops coming for you. You have to go for it, sometimes create it artificially. It's weird, but that's how it is. Start to read philosophy, get a really great body, go vegan, star in shitty commercials.
About your love life, I feel a bit close to what you're feeling. As cliche as it sounds, I think people are right when they say that it just comes. It doesn't mean that you should stay passive and, as you say, "quit trying". I also think that if you do what I said above, you will meet girls. If your problem is the dating and seduction itself, then it's another problem, and an easier one, desu.
I hope it helped a bit. I don't think anyone here can actually help anyone who has the kind of problems you have, but I did what I could. Hang on friend.
>>17164180
Thanks for responding. I really appreciate it!
What I mean by staying optimistic is exactly that I do things still. I am eating healthy, read a shit ton of literature, exercise, play classical piano at least 1-3 hours a day, work on research even though I didnt get in to grad school, keep my apartment as clean as fuck, I go outside a lot, all in all I stay busy.
But it's starting to feel repetitive without someone to share with. I'm living in a foreign city, and though I speak the language, even locals find it hard to make acquaintances here. Like I said, all my friends, also foreigners, ended up going back home. Literally all of them.
Of course a part of me is thirsty, but I want to have some success with a girl; one night stand, or dating. At least that way I'd have someone to share things with, and/or feel like not a failure as a man.
I'm starting to wonder why I eat healthy, exercise, keep my apartment clean, etc. It passes the time, but the meaning is starting to feel artificial, like I do it just because I think that's how it should be.
Sorry for the vent, btw
>>17164247
I see. By reading your message I felt like the love life was not the main problem: it seems like it is.
Well, I always thought that being a foreigner was the best way to meet people, especially girls. Almost anything you do in that city will be new for you, that's an opportunity for new experiences. It's a bit sad that your friends left. Maybe you should just hang on to the few friend still here and meet their friends, who will introduce you to their friends, etc. Or you could get a hobby that introduces you to new people.
I understand what you're feeling. I guess it might feel better if you find a nice girl, but man, keeping yourself healthy and clever should be good enough itself. You're just living a better life than the one you would have if you were fat and dumb. But yeah, I admit, finding a girl will probably make all of this feel like a success, like it was really worth something. I don't really have a thousand clues: you just keep being a great man, meet people, and you will probably find someone.
No problem, this is what we're here for. :^)
>>17164272
Man, just reading someone's kind thoughts helps so much. I genuinely mean it.
Sadly I really don't have any friends left here, but meh. Maybe I should remember to talk to the girls and less to the guys when going out. Remind myself that other guys aren't usually out to make new friends, but get girls, so I should do that too.
I used to play MtG rather seriouslu back home, so I could try that. Unfortunately my cardbase is back home, so I'd have to spend good money on a new deck.
>>17164123
I quit anon.
I'm 25. I've only had sex one time, I was 20 when that happened. honestly, it wasn't even fun. and I really put in a lot of effort just for that lay to happen. And it was a huge disappointment. I don't ever want to have kids, so I figured what is the point of getting married or having a girlfriend? so I quit. I don't talk to girls anymore other than 1, we are close friends but she lives very far away anyways. but other than her, I don't know a single girl. and frankly, I have just convinced myself to stop caring.
It's difficult sometimes because I get criticized a lot by my male friends. They think I'm insane that it's been 5 years since I've touched a girl, and they think I'm crazy that I flat out refuse to talk to girls. they've tried to hook me up before but I've pushed back. Sure, I'll probably put a bullet in my head in 5-10 years. But, screw it right?
>>17164298
Glad to know that, I might feel the same in like two or three years heh.
Can't you get your deck back?
Don't listen to:
>>17164322
That guy btw. He's drowning in a pool of shit and wants to drown other people with him.
>>17164332
I'm not trying to drag anyone down. I was just saying that I quit. I didn't say that OP should
>>17164334
I guess it's kind of obvious that it's not what OP would like to hear, and not what he should hear.
I think you agree that hanging on is better than giving up.
>>17164332
My cards are back home, so not unless I return. Hey, if this might be you (I have the strangest feeling this is common especially for our generation(s)) in a few years, just keep going. It's the tragic greek hero look, keep persisting no matter what. Like I said, the weird part is I still feel like trying and still keep high hopes and good self esteem, even though at times I question how genuine it is.
>>17164334
You're not bringing anyone down man. If you don't want a woman in your life, that is your choice. You very well might be a better man than us.
But my question is this: do you still strive for something?
>>17164353
>My cards are back home, so not unless I return. Hey, if this might be you (I have the strangest feeling this is common especially for our generation(s)) in a few years, just keep going. It's the tragic greek hero look, keep persisting no matter what. Like I said, the weird part is I still feel like trying and still keep high hopes and good self esteem, even though at times I question how genuine it is.
Well, when I was writing my last reply, I was thinking a lot about Camus' Myth of Sisyphus. Obviously your troubles are not existential matter (or are they?), but I still think you can make a link: the path to the good life is the good life itself, as, with Camus, the struggle of living, the "revolt", is good enough to keep living.
>>17164353
>do you still strive for anything?
that's a tough one. I used to really strive for a career. I guess I still sort of do, just im less focused on it now. I have a good paying job. But it isn't one that I enjoy. But I started to accept the job market is shit. I still put my resume out there and network. But I'm less focused on it.
One thing I do strive for is Travel. I love traveling. And I've been all giggedy since I just bought my airline tickets for my next trip.
>>17164361
There's an entire world out there for you. I may be a year or two younger, so not as experienced, but I also travel a lot. So much I moved to another country.
I feel you on the work not being something too enjoyable. I've been trying my hand at grad school, but can't get in. I might have to eventually settle for some job I don't want to have.
Just do what you got to do, and enjoy what you get I guess. I have the feeling that the only things we can enjoy are the fruits of our labor. So have fun traveling, which is something you earn by your work.
>>17164359
Actually, I think existentialism is exactly the thing for describing how I feel. It doesn't always have to be a bad thing. But I'm so ok with the situation being compared to Sisyphus than the dude from Sartre's Nausia. (Insert laugh.gif)
>>17164398
>I think existentialism is exactly the thing for describing how I feel. It doesn't always have to be a bad thing.
Well, Sartre wrote "Existentialism is a humanism" for a reason.
It doesn't have to be
>Nothing matters :(
It should be:
>Nothing matters! :)
But I'm a christianfag, so, even if I like Sartre, I can't really agree with him. Even if he says it's not the case, I don't think French existentialism can go along with theism.
>>17164409
I'm a christianfag too, though a pretty bad one. An acquaintance of mine said "don't force it. Some day, it'll come to you" concerning faith.
There are other existentialists who go well with religion, like Emerson. Actually, funny this came up, since as I walked by my bookshelf I saw a copy of "Self Reliance and other essays" by Emerson, and thought of brining it up. Solid read, and his bits on history and friendship are great.
Although, he does say something to the tune of: don't try assuming everything the master says as true. Use it as a guide for your own thoughts. So, when reading his stuff, try to adapt it to your own views.
>>17164419
Never heard of him. Is he translated in other countries? I'm french (sad philosophers represent)
I have to go man, I'll read your answer tomorrow. Have a good day, and good luck with your problems. If you're living your life in such a great way, I think you should not worry about that.
>>17164430
Oui, il est un des plus grands ecrivains americains. Du coup, je suis en France aussi. Bon fin journée !
