What do I do /adv/??? I'll try to keep this short.
I'm 27. Live with my grandmother. Her gay son owns the property. He moved us out here in 2003. I was 14. This is some desert with hardly anything around. Its kind of a big property. He lives in the main house, we live in the guest house. In the guest house also lives my other uncle, who is in his 50's or so, and he's a paranoid schizophrenic. So you can imagine how annoying it is to be around him.
I've always been socially retarded. Apparently I was also in kindergarten, but I know I was in elementary. I remember having to whisper in the teacher's ear at least once in first grade. I was odd. I could make friends as a kid at home, but not at school. It seems the older I got, the more introverted, or shy I became. So i had plenty of friends at around the age of 6-11, at least at the apartment where I lived. How I formed those friendships I don't recall. Anyway, they all ended up moving and I was. unable to make more.
Throughout middle schppl, particularly seventh and eighth grade, I was the stinky kid. Admittedly I had an issue with showering in seventh, but in eighth I showered every single day because of my experience in seventh. For some reason, people still covered their noses around me. I still smelled so I became super self conscious about that, and still am today. I don't have the smell issue anymore.
In high school, it was more of the same (minus the smell) but I did manage to make a few friends who went out of their way to befriend me. I never reciprocated fully though, in that I couldn't do the back and forth banter, small talk etc. So most of them got bored and stopped coming around, except one. There was one who was kinda like me, shy and all that, but he was able to kick that. I remember one time, i think we were walking out of class, then he went with his new group and i sort of just awkwardly walked with them, not knowing what to do,then stopped and went back and sat outside the classroom. I remeber seeing a group of girls looking. That was embarrassing.
Throughout high school, he (my uncle who owns the property) used to always love flexing his muscles figuratively, in the sense that he loved (and still does) showing me who's boss. "Anon, this is what you're gonna do" "What you're gonna do is this." He'd refer to yard work, washing his car, occasionally cleaning his house, helping out construction workers he hired with my labor so he wouldn't have to pay them as much, he'd lie and say they need help to get me to go. Then one time, I actually asked if they needed help and they were like nope. They even apologized to me. Occasionally i'd react badly, and one time i even broke a bunch of his fences. He tried to make me go fix them, i didn't. Then my aunt asked me to and I did. So that 'exerting dominance' crap and occasional meltdowns from me happened throughout all of high school pretty much, and a little bit longer.
However, as a result, I have an extremely bad view of him. He's a liar and manipulative, half the family hates him. He's pretty much stolen money from me in the way that he's defrauding the state by claiming to be his mother's caretaker yet not performing any of the duties. I do them. Instead he's now saying that its the rent I'm paying, even though my grandmother is already paying him rent, along with my schizo uncle who has an ssi check. Before I knew about that shit, he even got me to pay him rent of my own money for a few months. So basically i was paying him money, while he was getting paid for work that i was doing. Only reason I stopped then was cause I couldn't keep paying, but had I known that he was pretty much conning me, I would never have paid him anything. That's not even taking into account all the free labor he got from me and the money he saved throughout my HS years. I will never get along with him. Even my grandfather, his father, before he passed told me many times never to trust him, particularly with money.
I also have an avoidance personality I guess now. I can't speak up in my college classes. I'm the weird guy. There is one dude who talks to me, probably out of boredome, in my english class. Its probably cause we're both black and I remind him of friends of his from Africa. Again, whenever he talks, I can't reciprocate properly.
When my aunt tells me she loves me, I can't say it back. I've never had a girlfriend, obviously.
The job market out here is dreadful. Couple that with the fact that I'm socially retarded, and that's a disaster. One great thing that has happened is that my aunt gave me a paid for car. Before that, my uncle had been on me about getting a job. Apprently he thought I was going to merrily ask him to take me places to look for work. Had my aunt not done that, I'd have probably just went insane. Giving me the car seems to have just slowed that process, since im still living here.
Any normal person would just get a job, save money and move out. I would have done that 10 years ago if it was that simple. As said, the job market out here is shit. I've applied to so many places, and my awkwardness always comes out when I interview. Damn near every interviewer has mentioned it, that I don't seem like I talk much, even though I answer everything they say. I don't know how it comes across to them so quickly. For the types of jobs I apply for, cashier, retail, being quiet is obviously a red flag, but I feel like as long as I have a fake smile, and greet people, it should be fine, right? I can do that much, but its like being a social butterfly is a job requirement.
I interviewed at a call center job once, and did get the job, but it was shit-tier work. However, even during the training process, the hiring manager kept pointing out how I expressed no emotion. I didn't mind doing it though cause it was a job, but it was 40 mins away and the hours were shit. You could be sent home after two hours during slow work periods, and not even get called in at all for weeks at a time. So I quit the gig. I regret it though. I should have stuck with it, but I was feeling a bit more confident at the time in my ability to find another job. After applying at a new store near me, I had been asked to take a drug test (didn't even interview), so I thought I had that job for sure. I took the drug test at labcorp, but I never got called back. I've never done drugs so I dunno wtf happened.
So getting a job isn't impossible but it is incredibly difficult for me. And my uncle just kept badgering me about it, saying I don't want a job, but even though I try, 9 1/2 times out of 10, it does not work out after an interview.... so four months ago, I had a pretty bad episode where he just annoyed me so bad, I couldn't let it go, so I went over to the main house and confronted him. I told him to leave me alone. Threw in his face the fact he's committing fraud blah blah blah. All in all, it just ended in him flexing his muscles more. "You don't have to live here, move out" blah blah blah. I would love nothing more than to do that...
Just tell me what to do Kaz... like you u...
I just wanna kill myself so bad. Am afraid of the pain though, and i don't want to leave my grandmother alone, but when she passes, I might just say fuck it.
Bump...
Way tl;dr m8
>>17162562
Cliffs...
Was always socially retarded.
live with my grandmother. Grew up with controlling, narcissitic asshole uncle who always played the intimidation, I'm the boss angle, and made me wash his car, clean his house, yard work and tried guilting me when I didn't comply, or other shit like that. Half the family hates him for their own reasons. He's a liar, manipulative....
I try getting a job to save money and mo e out but its just not that easy, especially where I live.
Foreveralone.jpg Want to kill self.
going off your posting of nsfw content on a blue board I'm going to go ahead and just diagnose you with mental retardation. give up.
>>17162656
im so confused. are you just ranting about life or is there an actual problem here?
>>17162274
Stop worrying about things and do them
You are trapped inside your own comfort zones because really you are comfortable with the situation.
Eventually, maybe now, you will tip over and be changes you want to be.
But you really need to want.
And it wont be comfortable, lifes like a video game. Leveling up takes effort and you might need to push harder or start again.
But eventually youll get used to it and realise its all fun and games.
Do it now.
Just do it.
As for social stuff: zimple, watch, analyse and mirror real people (not movies).
Mirror.Mirror.
Mirror.Mirror.
You look like your tipping over, sell some stuff just do what you want get a job you want. Doesnt matter do you and get what you want.
Get it because nobody will give. Hard wolves get hard cash. You know you get what you resemble.
And you can, everybody does it.
+++++++++++++++!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now here is the real advice and I want you to take it seriously: If you cant figure out what you need to do, or why its not working. Write a real question about anything, and most importantly you HAVE to write AT LEAST 20 answers.
Normally youll know what to do when youve written your 20th answer.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!+++++++++++++++
>>17162671
Both
>>17162697
Thanks... was uplifting. Hopefully I can translate it into action...
Saying "stop worrying about things and just do them" seems to just say everything. I really want to... I feel I can't and I know I'm not comfortable, but maybe I am unconsciously... either way, I need to change something asap. Tomorrow after school, i'll stop by several places and ask if they're hiring. I'll "just do it..." I think about it every day but its so hard to turn it into action... something in my head doesn't let me act like other people...
