I'm back for my half-yearly petting on my back or punch in the face, whatever you think is suited. I'm officially the biggest dumb-ass ever, my decisions have made me a lonely person with barely any friends and no girls chasing me.
I threw the only person, who truly loved me and was loyal to the bone, out of my life without ever communicating to her we needed a time-out. She moved to a different city and I simply quit talking, texting, responding - to an extent she thought I had died. There was a reason for it, but it doesn't justify this action.
Now she is in a new relationship and I want her back so badly. I've made the 180 degrees, stopped rolling my eyes and finally see what I really need in my life - someone who loves me. I thought I'd miss out on something if I stayed with her. It turned out to be the opposite way.
I feel so stupid and dumb for having been so blind and stubborn. I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life. Why do I do such shit to myself? Why am I so narcissistic? Why did I take her for granted?
What the fuck do I do?
We're talking to each other again and I am so surprised she doesn't block me out of her life now. I'll be forever grateful for that and I've told her how I try to think rationally now without whining too much about what pain I caused her, what I got myself into and that I was longing for just one chance to make things right again, to show her that I can really be her dream guy.
But - for now? - I have to accept she's gone. She's gone, and it's my own fucking fault. I should have told her we needed a time-out and it would have been ok. But I never did. I never said anything. I just removed myself from her life. I thought it was necessary for the two of us to get along with ourselves first before we engage into a deeper relationship. And it was true, it really was needed, just not in the way I did it. Worst decision of my life. And I thought I had learned from earlier lessons.
I'm 33. What the fuck is wrong with me?
Oh for the love of god stop bitching and complaining. You sound pathetic. Jesus man you need to understand that life is tough and that some times you badly fuck up. Instead of bashing yourself all the time and feeling like shit, you need to accept your problems and understand that you won't be ever doing that again.
Now continue to talking to her but realize it is over. She is happy now and you are nothing more than at best an acquaintance she will chat with once in a while. You need to mentally move yourself to find another girl and that starts by accepting the proposition that if you could find a girl as amazing as she was before then what is stopping you from finding a girl who is as good if not better? It is all about how you see the prospective of your situation.
>>17149889
I pretty much agree with this. Moping about the mistakes you made isn't helpful. Learn the lesson, be mindful of what is actually valuable to you, and get on with life.
You can also watch this relevant video until you feel better.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-h0IpjnByfs
>>17149889
>>17149939
Of course I sound pathetic man, I just hit rock bottom. I also know you're right about pretty much everything, except for the acquaintance part, she says herself she never had something like this before. We chat much more than we probably should. But she also states she is happy and can't risk her current relationship. Trust me, when I talk to her, I sound rational, not like the whining one here on /adv/. I'm using /adv/ to cry my heart out exactly because I can't/don't want to do this in front of her.
The reason I bash myself up like this right now is because what I did was absolutely stupid and I thought I had learned from the past.
It just sucks to realize that sometimes you can't think straight for months and when you wake up, it's too late, realizing you've done the same mistake you did before when you had already sworn it'll never happen again. Well, why does it happen again? It's so important to be nice/kind and honest with everything all the time. It's the only way things stay CLEAN. This here wasn't clean at all.
So guys, it's a fresh situation and of course I'm moping for as long as I think I need to in order to find the positive essence in it that helps me become a better human. It will be okay one day.
>It is all about how you see the prospective of your situation.
I know this and absolutely understand. The "right" (helpful) perspective will come with time. Right now I'm dead. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Until then, I'll embrace every second I get with her.
Maybe the only good thing about this is that I learned a lot about myself. I'm re-inventing myself. That can only be good.
I'm just wondering if it's normal to do the same mistakes over and over...
>>17149954
Mistakes create experience and experience leads to better decisions in the future.
I came off hard because I used to be like that when my girlfriend left me so it just brings back bad memories of how I acted. That included not know how to act for weeks and feeling like utter shit.
One thing that greatly helped me was meditating and allowing my thoughts to be more grounded. I did this and instantly felt more relaxed and it allowed me to think a lot more rationally. Another thing and this is just what worked for me is running. You could walk but the act of getting sunshine, listening to good music and thinking about what life has to offer me eased my pain. This is course led to new thoughts of acceptance and finally moving on.
Take sometime to gather your thoughts anon but mope for too long. Life is too short to feel like this for extended periods of time because of one girl. There are many out there and I can promise you the girl of your dreams is out there somewhere (corny as fuck I know) but you just gotta take the first step in looking.
>>17149972
how do you meditate? just sit in a lotus position and think hard about what's bothering you the most? how do you go about it? I try to run as well for the same reasons.
>I can promise you the girl of your dreams is out there somewhere
She is for sure, and I've just let her go. I'd still be with her if I had told her just a single sentence, that we needed a time-out to come clear with ourselves first... I never said anything.
Ah. Ok, I'll stop. I'll stop.
>>17150027
When you go to a place to meditate to reduce distractions. (example: your room)
Do this at least 15 minutes a day.
>Set an alarm before you do it, to avoid thinking about the time.
>Sit with your back straight.
>Do not close your eyes completely and choose a fixed point in front of you to stare.
Now, bring your attention to the FEELING of the breath. (It can be on your stomach, throat, nose, etc.) This will be boring but do not worry we all feel this at first
At first your thoughts will suddenly take you away like a furious train. This is normal. You are breaking a life time habit and the mind will not give you an easy fight. It will try to fool you because you were so attached to it. You will have fear, because it will be like losing yourself. Do not go with this. Stick to your mission, be consistent.
When you build the habit of meditation you can hear that voice speaking all day long, because that is his job. To look for problems to solve, to comment on the shitty weather, to think of losing a girl, etc. And most of the time it is speaking shit about you. But when you know that whatever it says is not true, it’s just its job to say things, you stop taking it seriously.
>>17150048
Ok, interesting. I will try to do this from tonight on.
Thanks for the advice man.
