How do I develop some confidence and self esteem?
>>17154060
To paraphrase advice from another thread...
>The problem is your inability to recognize your own strengths and positive attributes. You don't believe in yourself and you don't give yourself credit for your accomplishments, intelligence, etc. So you need to start doing that. Contemplative reflection.
Start by making a list of the things that you CAN DO WELL and avoid dwelling on any negatives! GL out there!
>>17154094
Thing is, this list would be either inexsitant or very very short.
>>17154060
a lot of people never bohter completing or sharing a piece of work, simply because they think its not ready / good enough. and its never not ready / good enough. therefore they never get the confidence that comes with knowing they did something, and the validation from peers or even strangers on the internet.
to put it into perspective, I once decided to create new episodes of sailor moon by cutting out animations frame by frame, and re editing them, dubbing them etc. to make new stories.
there were several competing projects that did this as well. the difference between us is that I actually finished the project, and none of hte competition did.
as such, even though it was obviously flawed, i got the self esteem boost knowing that i was the first / only person to actually finish, and everyone else quit. I'm now the guy who sticks with something. the one wiht the determination to do it. instead of the excuse everyone else gave which is
>WERE SUCH PERFECTIONIST THAT IF WE CANT DO IT RIGHT WE WOULDNT DO IT AT ALL
essentially trying to shit talk me for succeeding where they failed. as you can imagine these people in the last ten years have still yet to complete any of the projects they set out to. cuz they, like you, were too scared to actually finish it.
also having people respond positively to my work (even if not universal) gives me that ego boost to give me confidence. it also gave me the criticism to know what I did do wrong, which actually makes you MORE confident as a person, because you realize how to fix it for future projects. never be afraid of criticism, it literally gives you more confidence.
>>17154140
then do more things. if i had to guess, are you talking mostly about social / dating confidence and self esteem?
>>17154060
What I did is, while lowering other people's around me, (mostly my friends) i raised my own self esteem. Simple as that. Although u need to be a psychopath, but, try it. If u don't feel bad, go for it.
>>17154140
That's because your perceptions about yourself have been clouded by this negativity.
Fix that list one item at a time. It doesn't matter that you think it's a short list right now, just do it and repeat, "I'm good at X, Y, Z" and then act on those things. In short order, those items you thought were few actually grow because you're building that self-esteem by acting on what you know you're good at and it changes your perceptions of self.
Get drunk and talk to people. The booze will loosen the anxiety and mental restraints that might inhibit confidence. Over time youll natural confidence. Or you might become an alcoholic. Oh well.
>>17154169
Yes, we do. I mean, sometimes I can get pretty social but I usually end up overthinking, hating myself and being a pushover.
>>17154180
Like, mocking them? Not my thing.
>>17154189
I'll try, thanks.
>>17154166
Perhaps I need to find a creative hobby or something, then..
>>17154270
>he doesn't even have a productive hobby
yes. whether its comics, web series, radio play, a book, painting, photography, or just building chairs or whatever, you need something with a final product. man must stop consuming and start creating.
>>17154060
Fake it til you make it.
>Let's say you're shy. Not socially anxious, just shy
>Lie and psych yourself up by saying you're great with people. Interesting, charming, all that good shit. Talking to people is a piece of cake, and it's all gonna work out great.
>You have now bolstered your ego by lying to yourself.
>Every time you prove yourself right, hold tightly onto it as proof that you were right
>any time it doesn't work out, don't pay it any mind whatsoever
>do this until you can empirically say you're good with people
>It's no longer a lie.
>you just built up your confidence.
Confidence is quite basically lying to yourself until it becomes the truth
>>17154270
>>17154293
as for socially id still insist on this first:
>>17154166
if you can back up self esteem and confidence with real world value and productivity, then you can easily transfer that to a social setting. you go to epople knowing you are someone of value because of waht you do.
but on another note especially hte dating level, a lot of it is looks. its hard to eb confident without liking the way you look.
do you like the way you look? are you willing to post a picture to get some notes?
even if you are ugly as fugg, people appreciate and notice when you put in effort to look good. if you post your picture we can give you make over tips. as gay as it sounds, it helps. the more effort you put into your appearance, the more confidence you can have.
>>17154304
Not confident enough to post a picture, but I was told enough times to believe I'm pretty good looking, despite the things I dislike in my appearance. I mean, I do have to tone my body, but I'm neither fat nor twinky, I have pretty good facial features (Although not best) and my hair is pretty good I guess, but I'm in early stages of balding.
>>17154321
>i wont post a picture
>but heres some vague descriptions hwere i basically say im the complete just slightly abvoe average wow didnt that work out great
doesnt matter. we cant do anythign with that, you cant do anythign with that, and you cant trust rates from people who have soemthing to gain, and yes even on /soc/ people have something to gain. there is a reason they never rate people lower than 5.
>>17154321
if you are not confident enough to post a picture than you really aren't confident enough to say 'im pretty good looking' now are you?
>>17154335
>>17154341
I don't post it because I'm not comfortable with my picture hanging around here, regardless of my looks.
As for the point, wether you'd think I'm ugly or a model, my looks don't hurt my self esyeem or anything so I don't think they're relevant
start investing your energy into something reliable and consistent
realise you gonna die some day too, so fuck it
For me the solution was fitness. Ofcourse the results gave me confidence, but the process of achieving it gave me the most confidence. First I had a body I had to deal with, now I have a body I've earned. It also learned me that I can do anything I want if I give my 100%.
>>17154094
Uh. I can.
I can...
Dude I can't do shit.
What would be examples of good stuff?
>>17154715
Ugly dude here asking you, what exactly changed? I've been going to the gym for a month now and I'm pretty sure I will keep doing so but I wanna know how it went for you.
>>17154727
OP here, trying the list as well.
For me, it could be anything. Are you not an asshole? Are you funny sometimes? Do you have friends? Do you have any hobbies?
>>17154738
Sure mate. For me every changed, maybe because I found my passion in working out. Anyways, before I started working out 1.5 year ago, I was a failure. I've been addicted to wow and weed for like 7 years, dropped out of high school, never had a girlfriend and had no idea of who I was or what I wanted. So one day I was hospitalised with a collapsed lung, due to the years of smoking weed and cigarettes, eating unhealthy and not doing any sports. I dropped a few kg and when I got home I weighted 59 kg, and I'm 1.88 cm. I one day took a shower and realised I didn't look in the mirror because I was disgusted by the way I look.
From that moment I promised myself to change. So I started working out like 4 a 5 times a week. After a while I noticed some changes in my looks. This gave me the motivation to train even harder, eat healthier and learn more about the sports. So in the next year or so I discovered myself, what my qualities are, and ofcourse my downs, I learned what I liked to do and I got a lot clearer vision of my future.
Now 1.5 year later, I'm actually graduating as a landscape architect tomorrow, I'm confident about myself, I know what I can, what I want and how to get it. I learned to set goals and work for them. I even had my first relationship, though she ended up cheating on me.
Anyways I basically got to learn who I really am. And I think it's because I worked on myself for 1.5 year. For me it's not a sport, it's a lifestyle. But as I said before, I found my passion in it, maybe that's why it changed me.
>>17154060
Be better than others
>>17154814
>are you not an asshole?
I try not to be but I'm totally an ass
>are you funny sometimes
I'm never funny.
>friends
I haven't spoken to friends in 3 years.
>hobbies.
uuuh. I like dwarf fortress but I'm really shit at it. I used to play dota 2 but I'm shit at it and have stopped. I'm a big fan of warthunder, but it's unfulfilling and I'm average at it.
I don't really have a hobby outside video games. I run with the dog for 40 mins twice a week and I'm trying to attend the gym for an hour 3 times a week, but it's really hard to get /fit/ alone and there's such a deep ocean of information it's hard understanding what I should actually be doing.
I hate how I have to go to the gym. It feels like giving up & Its super fucking embarrassing that I can only lift around the 10kg mark and there's a smoking hot chick watching me while she lifts twice what I can. Makes me feel disgusted with myself. Every fucking time.
I genuinely can't think of any other hobbies. I tried to get into coffee, spent £400 on home espresso kit but I can't afford to get fresh beans regularly & it just feels like I'm feeding an addiction to caffeine rather than a passion for coffee.
I'm looking around my room and it's pretty empty. There's some model ww2 airplanes cause I think they're cool, there's some old scifi books but I haven't touched them in years, there's some camping gear too but I don't live anywhere good enough to camp. I could walk to a nearby forest but it's just filled with dogwalkers so I can't be alone, which is why I wanted to camp solo in the first place.
Pic related my axe I restored for camping. It was forged in 1930's and has been used by woodsmen for years. I'm souring their legacy by not using it.
