Long story short my gf did the big reveal on some pretty serious shit, happened when I asked her to move in with me to a new place. We were already living defacto where she lived before she met me. I want to know what I can do.
I'm 23 m and Australian. Living in Sydney and working as a security guard.
This last week has been horrifying. Everything makes her upset, I'm walking on eggshells
She recently got her provisional car licence so she has been driving my car to get around.
>threatened to kill herself
>refused to talk after I'd calmed her down
>drove to a friend she knew from high schools place to play n64
>got very high
>drove home an hour later
I was out at the shops about a 5 min walk away, I got a text telling me she was gone and I said where I was. so she decides to go out again to give some drugs to her boss.
>Calls back an hour later hyperventilating
>got into a minor car accident, sideswiped on the back left door
>said she would leave soon, I had had 2 beers at this point so I couldn't go get her
>hour later she isn't home
I get pretty worried
I try to call her roughly every 5 min for an hour (22 calls)
Picks up one very confrontationally asking if it's OK to call back in 5 min
>I wait an hour
>she calls saying she is leaving. It's 11:30pm at this point
>gets back at 12:15 (15 min journey normally)
Obviously I demanded she talk to me, I was scared all day at work is have to come home to a dead gf.
>no, just lashed out and told me how I was controlling her
I took the keys with me the next day.
>return after work to an absolute meltdown
>blubbering about how I had put her in a cage by putting stipulations on how she drives my car.
>I told her it was uncomfortable to consider the risk of someone in her situation driving, explained that I had to make assumptions and act on those assumptions
>I understand, but still feel like I'm in a cage.
>sigh ok. Continue consoling her
Continued.
>>17153426
breakup with her if you're not happy. You can't fix someone, and if she has mental issues that she isn't willing to get treated, then you're only going to end up getting hurt. I watched my brother go through something similar
>>17153426
She and I loved each other, it is at the 6 month mark. Older gents and ladies be kind about that, it's a long time to someone our age :)
I'm definitely not as bummed out about the abuse as I thought I might be. I had started practicing mindfulness about a year ago, and was already a chill kind of guy anyway.
But when someone you really care about like that says all of those really awful things about you it is very hard not to feel hurt, I've also said hurtful stuff back although I never yelled it at her.
It's really starting to get me down too. I suggested this morning leaving for a few days to give her space and coming back on Friday (so 3 days away Tue wen thu, back on Fri night after work).
This was met with her crying and telling me to not come back until Monday. I told her no, that situations where she asked me to go she asked me to come back like 10 min later. Told her id stay.
I got home at 6pm today and there was a civilly worded note saying she had covered a shift at work for a sick friend, and for me to go back to my folks for a bit.
So here I am sitting in her/our room. Waiting for her to come back. I've parked my bike around the corner, so she won't know I'm here until she comes to her room. No idea when she will be back. Probably late.
I've been reading "I had a black dog and it's name was depression"
It's been a big help.
Here's a YouTube link to the video by the same guy.
https://youtu.be/XiCrniLQGYc
>>17153436
I feel trapped by my strong feelings for her. I don't want to leave her when she is going through a hard time too.
It's just that this is something that happens every 3 months (once before) and otherwise it's a very pleasant and healthy relationship. She different flip out like this and I'm not sure what is going on with it all.
>>17153455
it's 6 months bro, give me a fucking break. You're just into this cuz this girl is probably out of your league looks-wise. Either way, it doesn't sound like you are willing to leave her, which means more misery for you. Sorry.
>>17153462
I would like to make it work. But how about this, how can I leave her without looking bad?
>>17153426
So what advice are you asking for? Your girlfriend doesn't sound like keeper material. She sounds like she's 18 years of age and very irresponsible/not long term material to be honest. Only you can decide what you want, but if you're not willing to take advice about the best course of action, there's not a lot advice can help you with. There's no talking to girls like these. Any attempt to talk to them about their behaviour is met with you cliche "This is the way I am, stop trying to control". So your choices are shut up and deal with it, or the adult thing of breaking up with someone who isn't relationship material. You shouldn't base a relationship around feels only, but how dependable they are as a long term partner. That is, if you're serious about then. At the very least, living with them.
>>17153469
I'll be heaps honest and say I don't know.
All I wanted was for me to not have to deal with this really, didn't know what to do. She and I have a great time when things are fine. But from time to time this shit flares up.
I really do care about her like I said. But I am also feeling pressured to stay, and would feel like an absolute asshole if I left her now while she is in the midst of this breakdown.
She has even said that she doesn't feel good enough for me and wonders if I'll leave her. Which makes me feel like shit as I have considered it a few times.
One anon might have pinned the looks thing. She is pretty, I'm not bad but definitely no specimen. Skinny fat for sure.
>>17153426
Fucking hell I hate this cunt already
Drop her sorry ass and find a girl that's not a mongoloid drooling emotional cabbage.
Like he said ... But to be kinder, she is simply uncooked. She will nimble about merrily destroying you for a year or two then decide you are not good enough for her (which you won't be- because you will be a wreck)
The sooner you let her go and find a girl who is actually nice to you the sooner you will feel a lot happier.
Dated my first girlfriend who was anxiety ridden and severely depressed for two years. She dragged me down with her and at the end of the two years I had nothing to show for it. My best advice is don't even bother.
>>17153509
Last gf was pretty nice, but already decided going back to exes was out of bounds. Sigh I suppose I'm trying to explore all other options.
Doh shit she is home.
All pleasant and normal. Generally agree ignores the episodes for a few days before confronting it.
You talk to her about getting real help and insist on going to the initial appointments with her to make sure they happen. If she isn't willing, you put her out and when anyone asks you tell them you had to worry about your own well being first and foremost.
Also
>>2 beers so I couldn't go
What the actual fuck? Not sure what the limit is down under, but I can drink 2 beers in an hour and still be legal to drive. Anyone is still able after 2.
>>17153553
Assuming OP is on his Provisional license, the limit is zero..so you can't drink anything if you're planning on driving
>>17153553
OK I'll square up. Was smoking weed. Had only been smoking for a month so I was heaps unsure of my limits, thought it would be safer to stay off the motorbike.
I'm thinking that might be the option. I'm about to move out. It was with her, but maybe leaving her here and just letting her visit from time to time would be better. Maybe break it off if she can't deal with that.
Makes me kinda sad to be thinking like that. Pic related
>>17153563
Nah fulls.
>>17153426
>gf has anxiety + depression
By that do you mean she has actual anxiety and depression?
Or is that just the excuse she gave you for her immature behavior?
I have fairly severe cases of both and can help on that side of things, but frankly it may be something totally different in her case, like simple teen-girl-itis or BPD at worst.
Has she been to a mental health professional?
>>threatened to kill herself
Explain further.
>drove to a friend she knew from high schools place to play n64
>got very high
>she decides to go out again to give some drugs to her boss.
>Calls back an hour later hyperventilating
>got into a minor car accident, sideswiped on the back left door
Sounds like she has a serious drug problem, in case you didn't notice.
What does she use?
>>17153426
Sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder. Get out asap, it will only get worse.
