So there's this girl that I've known for a really long time. I got shut down a while back but that was that. Recently we both ended up being single and talking to each other. Like a lot. Snapchat streak lasts over a month and our text convos have been literally nonstop while she was waiting for me to move home. I'd suggested the idea of being more than friends a few times and she was just like yeah maybe idk. We've talked about exchanging massages and when I just got my new place this weekend she's been saying how we're gonna hang like every day and she's gonna like clean my house for me and wants to rescue a dog with me and just do all kinds of like, couple type of stuff together.
So all this time I'm thinking we're probably gonna end up dating. Well about a week ago she has this break down over her ex and like cuts herself really bad and all this stuff. I end up talking her out of suicide and things seem to be good. Had dinner sent to her work for her since she'd lost a lot of blood and she's I'm like "yeah I basically own (food place) so it's no big deal" and she's like "and my heart".
So I'm still feeling like I'm getting hella signals. She's saying all this gay couple dating stuff for a while now and sounding really interested. Fast forward to Friday night I have a move in party and of course she comes and brings her friend. We put a poster on the ceiling of my room together and all night she says like 3 times "I wanna go look at that poster" but due to one of my friends being way too not sober, like dangerously, I was too worried about making sure he's okay to act on that (if she was even serious? Idk). I eventually propose we make out and she suddenly says her and her friend have to go. Fine, whatever, I have a good night with my friends and make plans to see her yesterday.
Yesterday comes and we hang out from like 3-11. Just kinda hung out and smoked together all day. Her dumb ass friend was there too though. (1/2)
>>17149648
I don't need to read part 2 to know that you should have bailed on this girl a long, long time ago.
Can't make up her mind, plus self-harm? Why are you so desperate to get into a relationship with this train wreck?
>>17149648
Eventually her friend goes into my bathroom for a moment and I like, check on this girl. I'm like "hey have you been feeling better?" Cause I'm genuinely trying to help this girl be happy. She's like "I was fine til you brought it up and now I'm bummed" and I was like "I'm sorry. I just want you to have a good time and focus on being happy. She's like "yeah..." And it gets quiet. I go to put my arm around her since we were sitting on my couch and she goes "no". I immediately take me hands off and she's like "I don't like being touched." and it gets awkward. Her friend eventually comes back and things mellow out again. A couple hours later she says something about wanting to go look at the poster on my ceiling again. She goes into my bedroom and I ask her best friend if it'd be weird if i followed her in there since I didn't want to make her uncomfortable again. Her friend tells me no so I start walking and as I walk into my room she starts walking out. I play it off like I was just going to lay down and sit in my bed. Alone. She eventually comes in a bit later to say bye. No hug, nothing. Says "it's been fun seeing you again" and I'm just like "yeah...I'm like genuinely sorry about earlier I didn't mean it like that" and she just says "true" and they eventually leave. Pic related happens after they leave. (1/2 pics)
I'm not sure what to do any more. We've straight up been talking like we're dating but I'm tired of bringing her and her friend around and paying for shit and smoking them out if nothing is coming of it. She sends signals like she wants to date or fuck and then in person she's like really awkward and abrasive. I majorly like this girl though and want to make this work.
>>17149674
The shit thing is, is that even after all of this I still get the feeling she's interested. There's just some things you don't say, or do, or allude to if you're only intending to be friends. I'm not some experience-less kissless virgin, I know how to deal with women. She's just genuinely this much of an enigma to me and I have no clue what to do. But I really like her.
>>17149670
Because even if we only are nothing more than friends I genuinely want her to feel better. She's had a really rough time of it recently. I just wanna stop approaching it the way I am if she doesn't want to be more than friends. i majorly dig her though.
>>17149674
>>17149674
Oh ya definitely tell her to fuck off and move on. Like the other anon said, she's a trainwreck. Ask yourself, do you want to deal with that indecisive bullshit ALL THE TIME? If you got with this girl you will feel the same way you are now, only worse. Drop her, as a potential partner and hell I'd even say as a friend. Sounds toxic.
>>17149688
I mean like I'm not being weird right? I'm trying to handle this shit to the best of my ability lol
>>17149680
>The shit thing is, is that even after all of this I still get the feeling she's interested.
Judge actions, not words. You're also deluding yourself, because that sort of texting she's giving you is a clear indication of not really being interested in talking to you.
> I'm not some experience-less kissless virgin, I know how to deal with women.
No, you perhaps know how to deal with certain types of women who are perhaps upright and honest.
This girl has you wound around her finger. Also, drop the nice guy act. Being a nice caring guy having to ask permission from friends if it would be weird and shit......girls walk all over guys like that. They have no respect for them. Like this girl is doing to you.
Girls like this enjoy the attention they receive, the power of having power over you and the ego boost it provides. Chances are, you're not the only guy she does this to.
One major tip for you that you lack: Some self respect, man. If a girl isn't interested in you, realize you're worth more than chasing a girl that will fuck you around purely for the attention boost. Learn to cut contact with these sort of girls. Stand up for yourself. If people fuck you around, cut them out. Don't go apologizing like you are for her mixed signals. That's called a doormat. Call them on their bullshit, and cut them out.
>>17149674
you need to add a few more like, likes into your convos.
>>17149713
But like I'm fine with being friends and I'm fine with helping her out. you're not wrong and I've definitely already realized the possibility of everything you said. Like its very likely I'm being used. I recognize that possibility. I'm not so dumb as to blindly accept this all and just let it keep happening.
But you're also not realizing I'm genuinely okay with being friends with her. Like if that's what has to happen then so be it. I legitimately just don't want her to hurt herself any more lol. I'm not trying to be Mr. Nice Guy but I am trying to show some sympathy towards her and help her out.
>>17149716
Like, thanks dude.
This might be helpful. A list of some of the random shit she's said that I've taken as a signal
-brought up sleeping in my new king bed with me
-wants to rescue a dog together
-wants a house key
-mentioned just coming over and cleaning in her free time (even though I keep the place really clean)
-tells me I own her heart
-wants to drop acid in my bedroom with me
-wants to exchange massages
-has sent me like, not naked but moderately revealing pics. Bikini stuff, obvious thirst traps
There's more but this is just the immediate stuff to come to mind. I just feel like none of that is stuff you do with a friend.
>>17149724
>I'm not trying to be Mr. Nice Guy
>I legitimately just don't want her to hurt herself any more lol
You are putting her needs above yours. In your head, this might seem right and correct, but people see it as weakness and exploit it. A doormat. You are letting her walk all over you. Chances are she "hurts" herself for attention. But she has no interest of reciprocating that attention you give back.
I'm not going to give you any more advice, because it seems like you're not properly taking onboard what I'm saying. You're reading the words, agreeing, but not taking to heart what's being said.
At some point in your life, you will eventually reach a point where you get tired of being the kind one that gets walked all over and people not reciprocating. I'm just trying to help you before you reach that point. Why? Because it will be better for your dating life and sex life. If that's something you want to improve, you should really do what I'm saying.
OP I think if you keep on it she'll come around. This all reads to me like she's interested in being friends for now and wants to entertain things with you after you start to come into your own in your new place and she gets over her ex.
>>17149740
How am I putting her needs above mine? I'm sorry I'm a little hesitant to take advice like that knowing this place can be infested with red pill spergs. I'm not saying you are one but I'm a bit hesitant to take advice like that cause it really does sound that way, to me. And at the end of the day I'm never gonna just cut her out. We've been friends for a long time, there's no reason to stop doing that. I'm just gonna stop buying her dinner and seeing her every day if it's not a mutual feel. It's not that complicated lol.
>>17149739
It's not stuff you do with a friend. It's stuff you do to keep a guys attention. You're seeing only black and white. Black being just platonic friends, white being she wants to fuck/date you. You're trying to be logical analyzing what she's doing. She wants to be in the black but she's doing stuff in the white, which is why you're confused and won't just drop it. But what you're missing is....
There is a big shade of grey, where girls park themselves, where they do enough stuff to not just be platonic so your attention is focused on them, but not enough to go the full way. You need to get it out of your head that just because she says things that hitn towards dating/fucking, doesn't mean it will happen.
Actions matter. Not words. Her actions indicate that she's not interested. The rest is just bullshit to keep your attention.
You're a moron and you're obviously looking for someone to tell you "hey, hang in there, she'll come around eventually."
If you keep her in your life, you are going to let her interfere with any attempt to get in a real relationship with a mentally healthy woman.
But hey, it's your life. You want to waste it this way, that's your decision.
>>17149759
I can't help what I like my friend.
I think she likes you and you're just moving too fast. If you're both fresh out of relationships you need to slow it down.
>>17149797
This. Slow it down. Enjoy your summer with the girl. Enjoy being single but having someone like her around. Things will become more serious in time.
>>17149648
You should probably just kill yourself you doormat tier retard
A lot of women who like their male friends, only as friends will knowingly lead you on, this is not necessarily out of indecision or malice, but the fact that they feel like you will cut all ties if they flat out tell you that they are not interested in you that way. They are not wrong to think this, (because for most men it is probably true) but they want to keep you as a valuable friend and feel that it is better to lie/not bring it up/ be avoidant on the subject.
Not saying that this is what's happening, but it is a very real possibility.
