hi /adv/.
I have a problem with my father. He acts out and goes in "moods". He is extremely sensitive to criticism or if he makes any mistakes, so me and my mother avoid it entirely. she says his father mistreated him.
today, for no reason, he was in a foul mood in the kitchen. He always operates in the passive aggressive at first. I knew something was up. He was slamming pots and making loud sighs. I asked, "is everything alright?" to which he responded "don't even get me STARTED on it". His body language was aggressive, so i decided to get out of there as soon as possible, and try and calm down with a walk. I left, a bit worried, but couldn't relax for my walk.
My mother always tries to keep the peace, and it's me that has to bridge gaps. I am a bit torn up about how he treated me earlier and not sure if he's still angry, so i try and stay out of his way. This is interpreted by my mother as me "causing issues", when in her eyes they could simply be avoided by me acting like nothing happened. This is a regular occurrence. If an argument occurs I am always to blame, because she wants to keep the peace, and he can not accept he is in the wrong, ever. It is one-sided. I've tried to figure out why he is this way, I think he might be insecure.
He is downstairs like nothing happened, having a good time watching the Euro vision with my mom. I feel like it is like keeping a child happy. He has "acted out" and got it off his chest, but I have to sit with the pent up frustration at how he acted. It ruined my day and now it's still ruined my night.
Am I just being over sensitive? Should I just let things go? Do I have a problem with emotions or something? How do I handle this? I always end up blaming myself because Its always my fault.
>>17144074
I should add its likely the mood was about me.
If he feels a certain way on something, he has free reign to act out, it's "his house". I feel the example I gave in OP was poor.
Whereas for me, I am the "aggressor" if I get angry at anything. He often gets angry at people not acting a way he would like, such as using a phone when watching the TV, and he wants you to watch it. He will glance at you, then stare a bit longer, etc.
It's hard to explain. A lot of little things like that.
bump
>>17144074
Let me guess: femanon underage.
Your dad is just a regular dad with higher chance to get annoyed than normal.
>What do I do?
I would start by not getting him angry. You as his child have the best chance to learn his personality and his "triggers" and act like it. Maybe this will sounds dumb, but you just have to act like he wants you to do. I bet you can do this, don't you?
>I feel like it is like keeping a child happy.
Yeah, we call this phenomena social interaction.
Some people can tell with ease what others wants and some are just autists on 4chan, pondering over every detail.
>I have to sit with the pent up frustration at how he acted.
Lol. Maybe go read a book or something. You are really over thinking this.
>I always end up blaming myself because Its always my fault.
>I blame myself because it is my fault.
>tautology :-D
Just observe, learn and than use your brain to keep your daddy and mommy happy. It can't be that hard.
>>17144219
Let me guess: mansplaining douchebag
>>17144074
Realize that it's not personal; your dad is just kind of an asshole. Don't bother trying to interact with him, focus on staying out of his way and of putting yourself into a situation where you can get the fuck out.
Like most people who complain about the parents that they live with, you're probably not doing the latter.
>Am I just being over sensitive?
Yes. Your dad's behavior is not about you. Lots of things aren't about you. You aren't the center of the universe.
>Should I just let things go?
If you're capable of doing that, yes.
>Do I have a problem with emotions or something?
Sounds like it, yes.
>How do I handle this?
Don't take it personally, stay out of your dad's way as much as you can until you can leave.
Something like this >>17144089. If you know it's going to bother your dad that you're fucking around with your phone in front of the TV, then do one or the other, not both. No point in getting mad about it. People also get annoyed when others leave the lights on in a room they're not in. You want the right to have your own space to do whatever you want, then pay rent and the utility bills.
If you're actually talking on the phone next to someone who's watching tv, you're a dick.
No way, you're not overreacting. My mom is bipolar and does the same shit. I wish I had words of wisdom about this, but really I just kind of deal with it. I'm sorry you do, too.
Just remember, pay attention to "triggers" and avoid confrontation like the plague. Remember that, in that case, it's NOT your fault.
>>17144742
>autism the post
>>17144742
>mansplaining
I was also 12 once.
Your parents are adults. Unfortunately, that means they're probably set in their ways to a certain extent, and certainly won't be scolded into maturity by their own child of all people.
There's not much you can really do here but just deal with it as best you can. Use it as an early and vital lesson in not letting other people's shit get to you, and you'll be leagues ahead of a lot of people.
In reality, you're probably not causing these moods at all (even if you are, they're not going about it productively at all). It's probably just his own bullshit that they're blaming you for because you're an easy target and they don't know what else to do. It's not fair, but you can choose to not let that get to you. You can choose to go in the opposite direction of how your father takes everything personally. That skill will serve you well in life.
In reality, if you were replaced by a completely different child with completely different habits, the situation would probably still be exactly the same. It's got nothing to do with you. Acknowledge that you're being treated unfairly without letting it drag you down.
>>17144786
>Realize that it's not personal; your dad is just kind of an asshole. Don't bother trying to interact with him, focus on staying out of his way and of putting yourself into a situation where you can get the fuck out. Like most people who complain about the parents that they live with, you're probably not doing the latter.
This. But the rest of that post is horseshit. It's normal to feel this way when raised by an incompetent manchild parent and a mom who excuses the behavior and scapegoats you. Don't even think for a second about changing him, or making him 'understand', he wont. Just accept that this is who he is, and when he does these things, distance yourself and just 'okay' whatever both of them say. Just 'yes' them, and it will go easier. Source: I had a similar situation. Just move out when you can.
>>17144219
really? op sounds like a boy to me. grill here
>>17144742
this. he sounds like this weird creepy Israeli guy who kept harassing me the other day
>>17145073
this
