Just got married in January, and my husband has been increasingly absent, both physically and emotionally. He now works till 10 in his office, as if he doesn't care to see me. We haven't eaten any of the meals I've cooked for him together in months. He works on weekends. To be fair he has always been a workaholic and is hungry for success, but before he would text me throughout the day, and when we lived 3.5 hours apart for 6 months he drove down every weekend to see me, without missing a week. We also have a 3 month old baby. He goes days without seeing her because she is asleep by the time he gets home. Last night I got extra dolled up, made him food, and offered him his favorite- bud light. In the bedroom I was dancing and flirting with him and he was totally non reciprocative. He finally admitted that he wasn't in the mood because Wednesday his buddy mentioned a festival. Almost a year ago at the festival, when we first started dating, he was going through my phone and saw a picture of me with a guy's dick in my mouth. I thought it was a really sexy picture and had just forgotten to delete it. It was from before I had met him. Is that a normal reaction? I've been nothing but good to him so I don't understand how he could be so cold. I was hurt and crying all night and he was just snoring next to me. It should have been apparent the next morning but he didn't say anything. When he left he said "goodbye A", calling me by my first name instead of baby, my love, etc.
wat do
>>17142921
>Almost a year ago at the festival, when we first started dating
At the risk of sounding like a huge jerk, you married someone you'd only been dating a year?
>he was going through my phone and saw a picture of me with a guy's dick in my mouth. I thought it was a really sexy picture and had just forgotten to delete it.
Uh yeah...nevermind....
sounds like he doesn't love you. i'm really sorry. he doesn't seem to be able to let the past be the past and he might be too wound up in himself to be there for you and your baby. that's a really shitty situation. i believe i have been in threads of yours before, mentioning similar problems. he sounds like he doesn't appreciate you at all and that's really nothow things should be. not ever. i dont know what advice to give you other than trying to get trough to him and have some honest conversations. for me, it seems like the communication between the two of you is pretty much nonexistant.that's a death sentence for EVERY relationship.
What you did was a real dick move, pun intended. He is probably avoiding you, but he loves you and the baby, hence the workload. What you did yesterday for him, do every day for a while, but without the flirting, until he comes to peace with the past, don't force it. You need to show him he truly is number 1 to you. If he isn't texting you, you should. From your post it seems that you haven't initited anything for a while (except last night). He is probably hurt, but doesn't see yo uare hurt as well. He isn't gonna change it soon, so if you love him, step it up with him. texting, massages, positive atidute, and sings of you being sorry. To be honest, had I seen my gf on a picture with a dick in her mouth, and on her phone, I would have broken right on the spot.
He is suffering as well, don't forget that.
>>17142926
In all honesty we got married because I was pregnant and we were under huge family pressure. I made it clear to him though that I didn't mind getting an abortion, that we didn't have to do this, and that I didn't want him to marry me out of duty. It was his choice, he proposed to me. He was a huge player before he met me, never in his life stayed with the same girl for more than a couple weeks. I feel like now that he 'has' me there's no fun in pursuing me, so I'm not interesting or exciting anymore. I was blindsided when we were dating because he was extremely devoted to me and always wanted me, always texted me and we had this amazing relationship and chemistry. now he started smoking again, stopped working out and is gaining weight. What am I supposed to do? I'm starting school again this Monday, which will allow me to get out of the house and focus my energy on places other than him. But I still love him and think about him the same amount as when we were dating. Also, yes, there is zero communication. He responds to any conflict with the silent treatment. If I keep trying to talk he will just say "maybe I should get a hotel tonight". He gets mad at me for things that I didn't even do, and reacts very dramatically to small slights. He has never once apologized or accepted any amount of blame. Yet when things are good they're just...so good. So am I doomed to an eternity of misery? I can't really leave him because I haven't finished school, have no money, plus we have a baby together.
>>17142941
Just to add, there is no instant solution, this may seem like a recent problem (his neglect in marriage), but it isn't. So don't expect to fix your marriage in a couple of days. If you are not willing to work bit by bit for the next few months, you' marriage will fall apart. Sorry to be so blunt, I would give the same advice to your husband, but we here can\t interact with him so we only ca advise you.
>>17142941
I don't understand, it was really early in the relationship, and far back in my phone. I had just not scrolled that far back in a while, I wasn't keeping it on purpose. How can I be positive when I'm so hurt right now? I don't want to downplay how he feels, but it seems like such an overreaction on his part. True I don't initiate sex but I always maintain my appearance for him. Again, if I act like nothing's wrong and dote on him more, will this really make him feel better? And I'm hurt once again but have to accept that he'll do nothing to make me feel better?
>>17142960
Don't act like nothing is wrong, but from you posts it seems that 95% of pleasantries is initated by him. You need to try and talk to him every day and say that you love him (if you really do), it's time for you to take the initiative in the romantic department, and prepare for a rough patch, and a lot of silent treatment. You said it, he wanted to baby, he wanted you. But the past, and the hectic everyday life took a toll on him, and you as well. Maintaining appeatence is not enough. again, try to be in contact with him constantly, show him your love, and communicate that you are hurting, One day he will burst open, first with rage, then with grief, then you will begin healing as a couple together.
>>17142946
that's a tough situation.
how long have you been dating before getting married?
did YOU wanted to have that baby?
this realtionship sounds like there is NO fundament to it. do you think he ever truly loved you? if so, what made him lose it? if not, well you are kind of doomed for an eternity of misery, yes.
you can, however, still try to get him to fall i love with you (again). but it will demand a lot of you and it will also need him to be open to try to improve this marriage.
you see, making him happy is not about looking good and cooking yummy food. that's very nice, sure. but it's more the icing on the cake. it can't substitue for love.
>>17142921
Sounds like your relationship is dead. He doesn't give a damn about you, so you shouldn't either about him.
The only problem there is the baby and the financial responsibility it brings.
But nah, men are like that. You could be crying in front of them and they won't give a shit. They'll think you're just breathing heavy. Or that you have allergies when you're bawing your eyes out. You should talk to him but don't assume he's actually aware of anything that's happening around him bc usually men aren't.
>>17142946
> He was a huge player before he met me, never in his life stayed with the same girl for more than a couple weeks
well there's your problem. But then again, he saw a picture of you sucking another guys cock and you though it was sexy when he did.
You guys are perfect for each other.
>>17142994
>it was sexy when he did.
what OP said was that she thought the PIC was sexy...
>>17143000
Oh, my apologies.
Allright, real talk.
If you can't restore any love into your relationship, what you do is tough it out until you get your own job and can support yourself and baby on your own. So keep the situation at a bearable threshold--be a functional but absent wife --until you make enough money to leave.
It seems like he regrets marrying you or having a child, and since he was a huge man whore before this, you have to take into consideration that he will be again. So if he has sex with you, check yourself for STDs occasionally.
If he cares about his kid (doesn't seem like it), you should let him see her, but when you leave him make sure he's still taking financial responsibility for the seed he put inside you. It's hard for one parents salary to raise a kid, much less one parents soul and nerves to raise a kid at all.
>>17142969
I will try that. Initiating. I'm just so accustomed to how things were when we were dating. I will try and stay positive- someone fun to be around, but I'm not sure how I'm supposed to manage that when I feel so depressed. I don't feel like myself. The self he fell in love with. Catch 22.
He also really respects drive, ambition, and hard work, so doing well in school might renew his attraction for me.
And I don't have the energy to go into detail but I do believe he loves me...he changed his whole life around for me.
I just...wish things could return to how they were. I haven't changed, we just have a baby now. yet he acts like he's sooo stressed out, perhaps by the sudden need to support two more people financially. I really do appreciate all he does for us, we live a luxurious life because of him but (as cliche as this may sound) it's not the material things that count to me. They're nice, but I didn't marry him for his money.
>>17143056
I have thought like this, only it's of huge importance to me that my child is raised by 2 parents. As long as she doesn't grow up in a toxic environment, I would stay, even if I were secretly miserable. And I think on some level he knows that, which is why he never feels the need to apologize, or put in effort for me.
Also to prove I wasn't after his money I gladly agreed to sign a prenup which waives him of all such financial responsibilities. But child support is unaffected by this, as it's decided by a judge.
>>17142921
>and offered him his favorite- bud light
this is bait
>>17142946
>In all honesty we got married because I was pregnant and we were under huge family pressure.
christfags, not even once
>>17143059
Things will never be like they used to. Things can get better in a new way, you can rediscover your love and find new ways to you, and your whole family to be happy. It's gonna be hard, don't listen to those that say he doesn't love you. You can do it op, he can do it. Every day by a little bit. He probably feels like thay you don't see his suffering. The truth is that both of you will suffer for a wile before it gets really better.
Good luck op.
>>17143096
Thank you anon, I do believe that. I suppose I will just have to be extremely understanding and selfless. Which is a good thing to be anyways. I'll try to expect less and focus less on my pain, all the while building up my self through school and investing love and attention into my daughter. Maybe he will come around. It really helps coming here because it's so male-dominated. Sometimes when I'm in pain it's hard to think that the other person might be in pain. So thank you. I just hope this attitude doesn't turn me into a doormat.
>>17143088
Nah he loves coming home from work and unwinding by drinking lots of beer. Not really my thing but I decided that night to join him, and get into party mode because I know he had a hard week, and I ended up just getting drunk alone. Which is weird because normally I have to fight to get two beers because he drinks them all. I guess I just didn't express myself very well.
>>17143094
>this is what booty tickled atheistfags actually believe
Not like it's common practice to marry prior to getting pregnant and married families produce more stable and successful children or anything
If he is this butthurt over things that happened a year ago, he will never get over it trust me. get an annullment or divorce NOW rather than complicating things many years down the line.
>>17143222
It just seems so over the top to me. To be upset for 3+ days about it. He's even acknowledged it was in the past and he knows I've been with guys before it but his attitude is just like "I know but I didn't want to see my wife like that" like what my saintly image is ruined now? Lol he's the biggest manwhore alive and had ex flings hitting him up left and right, recognizing him in public, etc. when we were dating, and he's still super flirtatious and lustful. It's not like I want to see that. (But I don't give him grief for it, I'm super understanding and I know what kind of person I married. And men have wandering eyes. It sucks but at the end of the day I guess I have to realize he still chose me.)
He really has no room to speak. Yet it's all my fault. Always. It seems like everything is going well with us then out of the blue he finds something to blame on me. Last time he decided I was flirting with some random black employee at the mall because I let him look at our baby and made idle small chat.
>>17142921
You likely cucked him from what I've read
Hence you would desserve it...
Then, about the baby, he's working his ass off for a kid that might not even be his and you're still not grateful to your wageslave ? You desserve it even more...
>tldr karma bitch slap
>>17142921
I have not read this one yet.
>>17143264
totally agree with you,plus how should he let the past be the past if didnt delete the picture in the first place since those picture are from the past,it shouldnt have been inside your phone
is that soup WITH strawberries?
yikes
>>17143249
He sounds very Latino. And your families as well.
>>17143212
do you even realize what thread you're in right now?
OP's kid is going to grow up in a broken home because she rushed into marriage with a guy she barely knows because she was knocked up.
>>17143249
He isn't "upset for 3+ days about it" he's is legitimately upset over a thing that happened a year ago (finding a picture on your phone). He has some severe psychological issues, and you should get out now.
A girl who saves pictures of herself with some guys dick in her mouth is a degenerate. He is giving you the respect that you deserve which is none. He feels trapped by the kid and was too much of a pussy to tell you that he didn't want to marry you. More than likely he has a side chick. A relationship with a quality girl who is not a cocksucking whore. He will eventually leave you for her and probably abandon your kid as well. Get real bitch, guys don't want to play house and raise a family with a slut.
>>17143318
lol
but he's a bigger whore than her
>>17143309
Seeing a partner sucking a dick at any point in time is mentally nauseating. He doesn't have "servere psychological issues" for reacting that way, its more than natural.
>>17143249
So are you saying there was no way you would have ended up with the black guys dick in your mouth? We all know that is not true, I bet all a black guy has to do is say hi to you and your panties get soaked.
>>17143318
Wake up out the basement today anon? Don't worry, the sun doesn't bite.
>>17142921
Lmao
ROASTIE BTFO
FUCK YOU WHORE
KILL YOURSELF
>He now works till 10 in his office, as if he doesn't care to see me.
If he didnt care about you he wouldnt be bring home money for you to spend to begin with dumbass
>>17143342
Just telling it like it is. Guys don't want to date a narcissistic slut who takes pictures of herself sucking cock. It's a serious character defect and a deal breaker.
I've never seen such blatant bs through advice before. Stormfags get out.
OP either go to counseling, talk about, or get a divorce. Not much you can do really, and you rushed into marriage, especially since he was a player.
>>17142921
Nice b8
>>17143342
>Don't worry, the sun doesn't bite.
http://www.skincancer.org/skin-cancer-information/melanoma
>>17143329
But I bet he doesn't have pics of himself going down on a random girl. Besides, in this world guys are allowed to be promiscuous, girls are judged for it. That is just the way it is.
>>17143309
If he hadn't let it go for a year that would be one thing. The fact he was reminded of it made him feel crap.
Also things have changed. Then she was another girl. Now she is the wife and mother of his daughter and somebody he slaving away to provide for and so remembering the grotesque image of her sucking another man's dick and then keeping it for later as a memento is going to make him feel disgusted at her.
>>17143335
I just don't understand why people keep pictures of their exes around whIle in a new relationship. It makes it seem like they haven't moved on at all. Especially if it's a picture of them having sex withe their ex. Now it makes it seem like they haven't moved on sexually either.
OP fucked up and she is having trouble admitting it. Not once does she blame herself. Instead of trying to fix her own mess, she is hoping that her husband will fix it for her.
I feel bad for the both of them.
>>17143375
Maybe. But there are some of us who wouldn't touch a guy who has "hooked up" or had casual sex because he doesn't deserve a penis. We're part of this world as well.
>>17142921
if not troll, get marriage counseling
>>17143375
>>>/r9k/
Please go back to your containment board
>>17142946
>we got married because I was pregnant
>He was a huge player before he met me, never in his life stayed with the same girl for more than a couple weeks
>when we were dating because he was extremely devoted to me and always wanted me
ULTRA CLASSIC case
This is a man that has the player disease which means he can be superbly into a woman until she becomes "his". A lot of men are brought up with the fantasy of pursuing that woman of their dreams and having their lives be candy, unicorns, amazing shags and attraction forever.
Natural attraction vanishes and then you need to be emotionally mature enough to build a different sort of attraction, of which sexual attraction plays a part, but an attraction much more based on understanding, talking, being into the same sort of things and having discussions, hobbies, shared experiences. In a regular case I would suggest couple's therapy but this worries me:
>He responds to any conflict with the silent treatment
>reacts very dramatically to small slights
>has never once apologized or accepted any amount of blame
He sounds (1) emotionally unavailable, just not able to be there and communicate how he truly feels, (2) shuts down and shuts you down when you try to work at the relationship and (3) doesn't accept fault
My narcissism, asshat alarm is blaring at this point. Tread very carefully. Those are the sorts of men that destroy you, not because they are bad and spiteful and out to get you, but because you keep slaving away at a relationship that they have mentally checked out from, and you leep trying and wondering, hollowing yourself out to become their perfect partner which makes them desire you even less.
>>17143249
>some random black employee at the mall because I let him look at our baby and made idle small cha
What? You know the baby had nothing to do with this dude hittin you up and you went with it. No black dude just wanders over to chat about a baby or even a dog. The use the baby and dog for something to chat about and obviously you do too. I see your husbands point
>>17143249
Honestly OP he sounds like he has a good old case of the madonna-whore complex.
Meaning that seeing a pic of you as some sort of depraved act back when he wasn't really into a committed relationship was cool, but now you are his "wife" you're held to a very different status.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex
>>17142921
damn OP it just might not be about you, ever consider that. Let's see. Just married with a 3 month old child and he is working long hours every day to provide for you and his child. He has a purpose and focused and wants a good life for you guys and busting his ass. Be appreciative.
If it was me i would be resentful like hell
But id go with the abortion without a second thought
Sorry OP you got married too young
>>17142921
poor guy. every time he closes his eyes he sees you sucking some dudes dick. first thing he thinks of as he wakes and the last thing he thinks of as he drifts off to sleep.
>>17143294
he's Russian, my family is American/white.
Sounds like a real mouthful
So if he can't stand to think about you sucking some other guy's cock now that you're married but he could while he was chasing you, he needs some serious self evaluation. He was ok with you being naughty before but now that you're his wife you have to be virgin Mary.
that's not fair, especially since he's a man whore. A man whore can't expect his wife to not have been sexual mature before him if he's slid himself in a myriad of pussy. that's hypocritical.
>just happened to "forget" you have a picture of you with a dick in your mouth
Who the fuck forgets something like that? I always delete pictures when getting into a new relationship.
You're married and you're a mother. Jesus.
>>17142921
Why did you choose to have a child with this man?
>>17143617
Sounds like it should have been a mouthful, and now it's three months old.
>>17142921
>he was going through my phone and saw a picture of me with a guy's dick in my mouth and had just forgotten to delete it.
>getting married
Fucking disgusting. What are you, a 19 year old slut?
>>17143212
getting married for the sole fact of having a kid does not make for a good kid, as it usually leads to divorce during he/she's adolescence ex. this girls soon to be situation, and me
