Picture this: your gf/bf has started Facebook messaging a person of the opposite sex. It's nothing new as s/he has a bunch of friends, but this one is new. You look at their phone when they fall asleep and see that they just met ("what kind of music do you like?" "Cool, where do you live?"), and that he/she is just their type. You go to the gallery just to see if any photos were exchanged and lo, you partner has saved a Facebook photo of them with their cleavage/muscles on display. Would you think something sinister is going on here? Am I just jumping to conclusions? I don't want to confront my partner until I know for sure so my original plan was to wait it out and see how their conversations go... is that acceptable? I just don't want to lose them, anons. I don't know what to do.
>>17136468
>Why this is happening
Your partner is bored. The spark in your relationship is gone and they want something exciting and fresh.
>Is it acceptable to snoop?
Nope. It shows a high lack of trust in your partner, which points to problems that already exist in your relationship. But you already did it, so if you come out to them with any info, you've outed yourself as a snooper. This is a no win situation.
>I don't want to lose them
Not up to you. If they're looking for someone else, there's nothing you can do to stop them from leaving.
>What can you do?
Talk to your partner. Your relationship is not healthy. Don't bring up the snooping, but tell them that you feel like the relationship needs some more excitement. Don't bring sex into the conversation. Excitement means more of the stuff you did when you first dated. Consistent dates out, fun things to do together, etc. That's what the partner is missing in your relationship--the "what happens next" factor, which they are seeking by talking to other people.
If your partner is not receptive to this plan, or continues to bury themselves in phone/online conversations rather than work on your relationship, let them go. Don't be some beta bitch who waits for them to end it. You end it, and walk away with some dignity.
yeeaah he/she wants this other guy/girl
not u
>>17136468
>see that they just met ("what kind of music do you like?" "Cool, where do you live?")
Well ok..
>he/she is just their type
Yeah but he/she's with you so you're better than someone "new"
>you partner has saved a Facebook photo of them with their cleavage/muscles on display
WTF ?! Huge redflag, like ok you can talk to anyone you want to but, saving a photo of him/her ? Yeah, na, there is a problem
Wait it out. Being needy or insecure is chasing her into his arms. You have to realize she is with you of her own free will and you can not and should not stop her if she decides to leave.
If she does, it will hurt like a bitch. No man wants to be replaced. However, you deserve better then to put up with someone who does not appreciate you like you appreciate her.
Break all contact. She will either start to miss you and will try to come back (which puts you in a position of power) or she will not, in shich case you should be glad you dodged the bullet of a unequally balanced relationship. You win in both cases, even though it hurts as fuck.
>>17136479
Someone copypaste this whenever one of these threads comes up. Literally everything you need to know right there.
>>17136468
>falling for the dating meme
I cringed.
Just have sex with sluts and live the rest of your life in harmonic bliss.
>>17136479
>Nope. It shows a high lack of trust in your partner
No, duh, why do you think that is, anon? lmao
>>17136489
>being needy and insecure
Kek, I always laugh at this advice because it's always such shit advice that ultimately adds nothing to the table. Anyways, from what you described they are definitely seeking this person at a romantic level, whether seriously or not. If you 'wait it out' and don't address it, as that beta suggested in my quote, things will just get much worse.
>>17136468
>I just don't want to lose them, anons. I don't know what to do.
If you don't want to lose them, waiting is the wrong thing to do.
Besides this new friend has there anything else been different in your relationship?
The thing you've discovered is definitely nothing harmless. Something's going on. Try to see what it was, that made your partner want to stride off. Try to fix the issues in your relationship. Don't tell him/her you know about this. Just ask them of they feel not happy anymore in your relationship and if there's anything they want to talk about. Ask them to please be honest with you.
Haha, that's how I met my boyfriend
>>17136468
i would leave her immediately with no explanation. then again, i wouldnt be "dating" someone to begin with.
>>17136479
But if he did trust his partner, he'd be getting cucked. Pretty sure it's a good thing he didn't.
>>17136468
>I just don't want to lose them, anons.
And this right here is why you are weak enough to have this done to you. You need to always be okay with being on your own if things go south in a relationship. Clearly, some "emotional" cheating has taken place here, which is still grounds for divorce in court. If they are so sure nothing bad is going on, ask them while awake to see their phone. Watch how fast they panic and make excuses.
You are not crazy, and if you two are in a committed relationship, you should be able to expect the other not to do these things with other people. This is not a lot to ask for. People are going to chime in thinking nothing is wrong, but just imagine your mother did this to your father with some coworker or something. Saving shirtless pictures of some "friend" to her phone. This isn't okay.
>>17136792
You could worry a lot and put some effort into going through these steps, op. You could.
Or could remember that while you're going through all this hassle to "fix" the relationship, your partner is picking the alternative route of just doing whatever the fuck s/he pleases and flirting with randoms on facebook.
Break up, you can give a truthful explanation but keep it vague and don't argue (i.e. don't say you snooped and found out the partner is cucking you around; do say you don't feel like your partner is connected anymore or some other feely crap).
OP here. I decided to wait one more day and check to see how the conversation has gone since then, once she falls asleep that is. We had a romantic full day together and it reminded me of when we started dating.
>>17136468
1) ur a backup if she/he doesnt find someone else
2) considering of dumping you soon and is distracted by convos
3) looking to cheat on u (srsly doubt cause she seems interested in peoples hobbies)
4) wants some sort of revenge
>>17138496
Did you even ask her now if she feels something is wrong with your relationship?
My GF and I both did worse to each other (sexted other people) we talked through it and set boundaries and we have been fine since then.
Talk to her about it, tell her you are not okay with it. She will stop or she will leave you.
>>17138970
>believing this
Kek. You have no idea. Ignorance is bliss my friend
>>17138974
>>>17138970 (You)
>>believing this
>Kek. You have no idea. Ignorance is bliss my friend
Not ignorance.
We have no reason to keep doing it. We had the option of just opening up the relation ship, but we decided not to.
