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25yo, m, my girlfriend is 25yo too;
5 years in a relationship, which is the only serious relationship me and her ever had in our lives (we both never had other sexual partners too). We live together.
My girlfriend is a great person and I respect her; she's really into this relationship, very commited and loyal. I'm perfectly aware that her biological clock is ticking and she should have her first child in the next 2-3 years. For me that would mean getting married and, of course, starting a family. Recently I've noticed a lot of pressure on that comming from her parents (can't blame them to be honest), even though my gf tries to keep them away from our relationship. The only issue is - I don't think I'm ready for that.
I work for a big company and I'm good at what I'm doing. My career is going great and I want to keep it that way. But in order to do that, I need to focus on my job and constantly improve my skills. I doubt this is a good time for me to start a family.
On the other hand, having a family is my girlfriend's goal in life. She's this type of woman who likes to keep the house cozy and clean, she's caring and she will definitely be a great mother. A perfect future wife to be honest...
Recently things aren't that great between us, maybe because of the pressure she gets, maybe because I spend less time with her than I used to. I've been thinking - maybe this is a good moment to break up? My feelings towards her are not as strong as they used to be for some time now, and with my current goals in life, maybe I'm just wasting her time? Maybe we will both be more happy if we were with partners who share the same goals in life? On the other hand I know that I will want to start a family in the next couple of years, just not now...
This is an "one way or another" type of situation. Either I propose or break up, there's nothing in between. I don't expect anyone here to tell me what to do, I'd rather appreciate stories of anons who were in a similar situation.
>>17131014
In case you were wondering, yeah I've met someone else, there's a great chemistry between us (maybe even better than ever was between me and my current gf), but I don't get myself involved in any way. I just cannot be a douchebag and cheat on my gf.
I'm in the same boat anon.
Bump
>>17131028
>in case you were wondering
you say this like its not important.
>i cannot just be a douchebag and cheat on my gf
unless your plan was to cheat but never leave your gf, then its just as douchebaggy. you're leaving her for some one else. its douchey no matter when you end up sleeping with that person.
that being siad, i dont think its god awful. i think its a little unhealthy that you are codependent though. planning to jump right out of one relationship to another. as for your situation as a whole:
on the one hand, your "its one thing or another" soudns like bullshit. you are trying to force a certain outcome by saying there is no middle ground. you are saying
>she wants a family NOW
>i want a family in a few years
>ergo, i should break up with her, forcing her to wait at least a few years to start a family
its not like she can walk up to some guy on a street and have his babies just because you break up wtih her. no matter what she has to wait at least 'a few years'. so do you want it to be with you, or someone else?
on the other hand, you pretty much say you want it to be with someone else. you like someone else. this is the real motivation behind everything. you are pretending its an after thought but its really the motivation. and i cant blame oyu. its your first relationship and she wants to settle down. thats scary as fuck. you would never experience... life.
the only reason you are making this thread is cuz you DONT want to feel like a villain. but there is no 'right time' to break up with someone. id argue there isnt really a 'wrong time' either.
if you dont want to date her than dump her. you dont want to date her, so dump her.
>>17131057
Don't be a faget. End it with your gf and hook up with the new girl. there's no way this well end with out being the dick. Just don't be the dick that cheats and keeps leading her on.
>>17131106
thought you were calling me ( >>17131057 ) a faget for a second htere
>>17131057
>you say this like its not important.
because it's not. It's definitely not a person for a relationship. But maybe you're right and I'm just looking for a 'trigger'?
>on the one hand, your "its one thing or another" soudns like bullshit. you are trying to force a certain outcome by saying there is no middle ground
because there isn't. It's pretty much "get engaged or get the fuck off" message I get.
And I'm not sure, maybe it's just a temporary crisis? I know some guys older than me that are still single and the crazy stories they've had with some chicks makes me want to stay in a comfortable relationship.
I didn't start this thread to feel guilty though, I was rather looking for some similar stories to mine, especially from people who went through all this shit.
>>17131106
as I said, never planned on cheating. And if I decide to stay with my girl I will just ignore the other one. This would not be the first time I would do such thing.
>>17131129
>because its not important
>, there's a great chemistry between us (maybe even better than ever was between me and my current gf),
stop lying to yourself. no one else believes it. even if you arent planning to date this girl, you are hoping to at least bang you.
and again, i dont blame oyu. life isnt disney fairytales. you two had the closest you can get to one, but honestly i get excited thinking about all the new stuff you are goign to experience after you leave your first love.
>the crazy stories they've had with some chicks makes me want to stay in a comfortable relationsihp.
its bad to settle in my opinion. if you arent retarded you can cut the crazy people out of your life as soon as it shows.
> i didnt start this thread to feel guilty
this is /adv/ not /cod/dle. by which i mean, if theres a reason to feel guilty, we are not obligate to hide it for you.
relationships never feel guilt free. a woman can leave the man who abuses her and still feel guilty because shes leaving him to pick up the pieces of his life and try to fix himself.
the point is that regardless of the confusing feelings that surface, you are supposed to take care of yourself. it sounds to mel ike you want to break up.
>>17131014
> I work for a big company and I'm good at what I'm doing. My career is going great and I want to keep it that way. But in order to do that, I need to focus on my job and constantly improve my skills.
FTFY below:
> I am a software developer that overestimates my importance and abilities on a mediocre team
> The toxic work culture bravado of who stays at the office the longest is promoted by management that likes the control and free work they are eeking out of ignorant young people who don't know any better
> Promotions and career advancement are held in front as a carrot on a stick where you will be given 3-5% raises for countless hours of wasted life beyond a 40hr work week.
So the real reason is not your career. It's because you have a side piece of ass you are eyeing. Cool. Just say that though.
end it. stop wasting your time. stop wasting her time. you still love her, but you have different priorities. you got essential pieces that don't match in terms of goals.
her family can go fuck itself for inserting themselves into your relationship on that level. you gotta do what makes you happy. same for her, and if that means she needs someone to blow a load in her so she can shit out a baby then I don't see why you have to critically effect your whole life like that. starting a family when you're not ready is not compromise, it's a emotional hostage situation that fucks up a child's life.
be glad you did it this year instead of wasting any more time.
Relationships are work. They're about growing together and putting in the effort to do things together. You put in the effort for work, something you get a paycheck out of and maybe if you're lucky even find emotionally fulfilling. Your partnership with your girlfriend benefits you as well. At the very least it did. Don't neglect it and don't let temporary setbacks spiral into something bigger or end a good thing. Being committed is about not walking away from the bad times, not sticking it out through the good.
>>17131014
Please ignore the immature high schoolers in this thread and listen to this >>17132103 anon. Also:>>17132040 speaks the cold truth.
You sound kind of immature yourself to be honest. Don't take that as an insult, use is as motivation to be more introspective about all of this.
You fucked yourself. You will not be happy, no matter what you do. You would have been better off and happier submitting to biology, marrying her, and then knocking her up, but you've let fear and 4chan cloud your mind. If your wife is committed to being a SAHM then there is no reason you can't stay committed to your career, minus a few weeks for paternity leave.
But if you do that you will think about pointless pussy forever, and get resentful, and eventually cheat because men are weak like that. If you leave her and fuck an ocean of women, you will realize you had what people search their whole lives for and sink into a sea of depression and loose cunt.
So just go ahead and fuck your shit up.
