I have a thirsty ex who really wants to get in my pants again apparently, which really sucks for him because it's not happening. I'm pretty sure I'm going to reel in this guy to be my fuck buddy, if he's up for it. I'm not trying to fall in love, and I'm certainly not trying to listen to fuck boy tell me how great I am and how I deserve so much. Because he can't give it to me, and I can get it for myself.

Not gonna be a dick just yet, but I'm eventually going to have to. And even if the other dude ends up being a one night stand, at least he was a gentleman with his own car and a job. Good Lord I don't know how I attract fuck boys.

I cheated on my ex with her sister and she caught us. It was worth it. That's what she gets for calling me a pussy

My life seems fucking pointless, I want to give it a fucking meaning, even by killing people or punching them in the face for no reason. Gosh seems I'll end up fucking miserable and alone.

My brother and sister have both stole things or ruined relationships for me, so I stole things from them because I didn't want to ask them when I needed them. I rationalized it as revenge but really I was doing what was convenient for me.

I'm 20 dropped out from high school due to health issues and want to continue studying but got no money to keep paying rent if I do. Don't have a job now just get basic state support, but that stops if I start studying full time. At the rate I'm allowed to study finishing school will take 3 years. Just want to shoot up this idiotic social security system

I'm sad that I don't have many friends.

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>>17121349
As a dude just starting on the road to /fit/ness, reading this gets me thinking.

I've probably never looked in the mirror and thought "i look ok", it's more like "wow, i look like the most pathetic, girly, skinny nerd on the planet". Pretty sure that's normal, even bodybuilders say they look in the mirror and only see flaws.
If we used female terms, we definitely all "hate our bodies", "starve ourselves", etc. But we call it a "drive for self-improvement" and "eating below maintenance" or "cutting" instead.
Never been complimented on my body in my life, also probably normal. Looks pitiful and weak, not attractive at all, so I don't expect people to compliment me. I wouldn't.

>I daydream about posting pics to rate me threads and getting either brutally insulted
Did that last week, posted on /fit/ and got shit like
>feminine as fuck, dem wide hips
>you'd make a good butt slut if you shaved your ass
>do you have klinefelter's syndrome? [XXY]
Just friendly banter and good motivation. If we were chicks, it'd probably be called "body-shaming" or something.

I guess I always accepted the idea that society/media/etc are harsher on girls' bodies as a given. But now that i feel the male version, it seems much stronger. The ideal we're pushed to reach is far less realistic: starving ourselves is the easy part.
Really underlines the different paradigm guys operate under: added value rather than intrinsic value. Nobody tells us to "accept our bodies" or that we're "perfect the way we are" because that's bullshit. We're not inherently valuable, we're worthless by default.

This does have its benefits of course, mainly agency. Since my body is worthless to society, I'm free to do whatever the hell I want with it. For example, i'm 5'7" and cutting down to 90lbs atm to improve hormone levels. As a girl, such decisions would be harder (would that make me less attractive?).

Screencap related. Too bad only feminists ever want to talk about this shit, it's interesting.

>>17123315
Me too. I live in Houston.

Also I'm too lazy. Too much shit I should be doing and I'd rather be lazying around watching animu and stuff.

D
Thank you for being you. Those days mean the world to me. I get a rush of excitement when we get to be together. All the fun we had, and could again. I mean every word about us being two of a kind, like you say. I don't regret a single moment with you, if only for us to be together. It hurts that you say you love me, and how we would celebrate our love. You know how I feel. I agree. Why do you look at me that way? Make me feel like this. Hold me beside your chest if we are not? Please. It's difficult for me to accept when you know I'm yours. Do you feel this? Do you want me? It's tearing me up
R

I want to have and archivable point in life.

I need to take a step back and reevaluate myself. I have strong feelings for her, But I only see her once a week now. As a result I find myself checking up on her Snapchat and obsessively wonder where she's at and who's she with.
I feel like a creeper or one of those obsessive guys who keeps their girl on a leash. And I'm not like that at all. Nor do I want to be.
I just need to focus my mind on other things and remind myself that at the end of the day, she's a grown ass woman who can do what she wants with whomever.

I've become infatuated with the idea of getting you back. It's become like a competition to me now, although I won't deny that I really do want you back. Fuck, this has been unhealthy for me.

This fucking weather makes me feel so damn tired when I already have sleep problems in the first place. Taking off my glasses worked for while but then there's my feet who feel like they are still soaked from the cleaning yestreday and they feel like they are bruning with each step. Not to mention my arms and hands. Can't even grab things properly without feeling pain,which makes me want to let said thing go the moment the pain hits.Eyes still feel like I can gouge them out no problem. The headache is still there though.

I can't wait for this whole ordeal to be over after these upcoming days.

I miss her. A lot. But I know I shouldn't.

>>17123483
Those /fit/ comments sound hot af desu senpai

Today is Mother's Day. I visited my fiance's family and gave her mother a few roses. I visited my mom and her mother for lunch and gave them a few roses each. On my way home, I stopped at the village cemetery and left some roses for my great grandma, who passed several years ago.

I went to visit my grandfather, a widower, as I do almost every day. When I mentioned I had visited the cemetery, he nearly cried. I've never seen that before. He told me he's never been more proud. And dammit, I almost cried too. He always says I've grown into a good man and I always answer, "I try." But today was the first time I felt maybe I've lived up to that.

I'm moving across the country in a few months. When I told him, man to man, that I gotta know I can do it, he clapped me on the back and exclaimed, "Good man!" But I don't want to leave him behind. It kills me. He's my first and greatest friend.

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I'm about to finish my bachelor in software. it took me 5 years to realise that I hate it. when I'm done in a few months everyone will expect me to get a job but I don't want to work in front of a computer my entire life

I forgot where to steam goT

>>17123963
Primewire.ag

>>17123869
Well it's not the same. But you can still call him right?

Sometimes you need to move forward, andeave those behind, even if precious.

>>17123969
I mean for right now.

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I can't stop thinking about this girl

Started a new job back in January and I met this femal who is around my age. She's pretty quiet, but really fucking smart and likes the same shit I do, like Pokemon. I get the feeling that she's never had a lot of friends, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't have a boyfriend.

I'm just not sure if I should make a move. she laughs at the things I say, and there are several times where I've caught her staring and smiling at me to the point that I have to ask "what?" she also buys me drinks from our work cafeteria once in a while and has sat next to me in the cafeteria sometimes when I've gotten to work early.

I play/collect Pokemon cards (pls no bully) and two Fridays ago she asked if she could join me at a prerelease for cards, where people open new packs and play against each other. She said she just wanted to watch me play and cheer me on. It ended up being really fun. she sat really close to me and helped me with some shit. didn't do anything afterwards tho. This past Monday she asked me the next time there is an event and said she'd actually want to play with me this upcoming weekend?

Should I make a move? Does it seem like she likes me?

I fucking hate people and the problems they want to shove on me and make them my problems.

>>17123995
Bitch you should have made a move a minute ago. Send me her digits tho, I'll help you out

All night I've been hearing this weird alarm every time I go out for a smoke.

It's like someones phone is ringing, then it cuts to some audio. It starts with "attention attention", and that's pretty much all I can make out...

I think the last word is "immediately".

I can't make out any of the words in between that, though.

It seems to be moving too. One minute the noise is fairly distant, so in order to hear it I have to be absolutely silent, holding my breath kinda quiet.
The next minute, it's almost as if it is just over the fence in next doors garden.


Not sure how I should be reacting.
First thought was police - but figured if it was bad, someone else probably phoned.
Second thought was cat with a phone + an annoying alarm. But that's just silly.
Third thought was nukes... perhaps somehow radiotowers are transmitting a signal people can hear as a warning or "alarm" drones or some shit.

That's why I'm on 4chan now. Figured if shit was about to hit the fan... 4chan would be screaming about the "happening".

The sad part of this is, works been real shit lately... wouldn't be so bad for me if the world did end.

This alarm has been on for at least 4 hours.

I have gotten to far into trouble. No one knows, and I can easily walk away from it. The thing is, I know it's not me, guess I just have too much time on my hands. Maybe I'll learn once I get caught or into real shit. Oh well, I always knew I didn't belong

>>17123315
Stop taking your fucking stress out on me.
I'm trying to be patient, but there's only so much a dude can take.
I love you and I want to be with you, but I'm a week from packing my shit and leaving.

Please, come back online so something can happen.

>>17124047
the world ending would be a best case scenario for me and my life.

Finally, things would be more in tuned with how I live. People would finally understand the sort of life I live.

Everyday at work I get erections that I try to hid out of the random, thinking I will take care of "business" when I get home. But once I get there, the urge is completely gone. Most of the time I force myself to have dirty thoughts and really feels forced than enjoyable. What's up?

I don't believe this deserves it's own thread, I just wish to talk about it and maybe someone here listen to me.

I whined here 3 or 4 weeks ago... My girlfriend, a few years younger, got into college and almost right away broke up with me to have a lesbian relationship with her room mate and... To say I'm "hurt" is to put it lightly.

Meanwhile, I went through some hard times with my best friend but we made up after we talked. I encouraged him to ask out the girl he likes, and it worked out for him.

I am really happy about him, but I'm also "sad", since obviously we'll hang out less as he goes out with his gf, and I'm still ass-blasted about my ex... I feel lonely...

I began going to gym, to get /fit/, although I haven't actually gone to the actual /fit/ board here in 4chan. I am getting more and more muscular after 2 to 3 hours of gym a day, it's keeping me distracted but... I don't know, I feel sad and lonely nonetheless...

Gym isn't good enough of a distraction, and I don't want to bother my friend, what would you recommend, /adv/, for a distraction, a hobby, anything. I don't really feel like playing videogames anymore lately, and yuri subtext/plots on anime are too close to home right now to actually watch without cringing or getting mad.

>>17123586
Same. I live in Houston. Same. Too lazy to do anything. Same. Too busy watching anime and playing games.

I'm a loser

I never had a gf. Never had sex neither. I'm almost 21 now. I am a good student, maybe the best in my class. But I could be much better than that if I tried. Also, my life is pretty much reduced to studying, eventhough I have a lot of free time that I waste. I don't do any physical activity outside of playing soccer with my friends. I'm a very very bad player, and that's because sometimes I'm not even trying to be good, other times I'm not confident enough. I don't practice neither. It doesn't matter since I'm just playing to have fun, but I wish I was better, eventhough I don't do nothing to be better.

I'm not the ugliest person ever, but I'm not goodlooking neither. I don't do anything to improve my looks. I wouldn't consider myself insecure, but my problem is rather lack of inspiration. I feel like life was pointless. I sometimes feel like if I died right now, I wouldn't lose anything. I haven't built or created anything, there is nothing of value in my life. I wish I knew what I really want to do with my life, so I could finally stop being so miserable and start working towards it. But it doesn't seem to happen-

ROTFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I refuse to re-heat food in the microwave. I would rather eat yesterday's cheesesteak cold than ruin the taste by putting it in the microwave.

>>17124276
Thank goodness I have a convection oven.

>>17124276
you realize that cold foods have less taste than warm foods right?

Microwaves don't change the flavor at all. It might make the bread soggy and if you cook it too long it will make shit tough but that same thing happens in any other type of oven.

>>17124293
>microwaves don't change the flavor at all.

He did say microwave, NOT all methods of reheating food.

Then why does my chickens taste crispy better in a heated oven than fucked up in a microwave and taste like stale blood?

Cook bacon in a microwave and tell me what you think?

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I miss you, J. I hope you're feeling better by now. If you are then I wish you would let me know because I'd love to chat with you again.

Wish my cat would stop trying to nip at my food but that's what I get for feeding him human food, even if it's just a tiny bit every month or so.

Just noticed while typing this that one of the 4chan banners has a cat that looks just like mine. Weird how I only just noticed that.

Tomorrow I'm going to do something productive. Promise.

Well, I can get a job under contract for a school district as the network admin for a year, or keep washing dishes and applying everywhere in the US like I've been doing.
Pros of taking up school job offer:
>Get to rebuild entire network
>Working under my instructor from college
>Great experience and resume builder
Cons of taking up school job offer:
>Stuck here for a year
>Still within 50 mile driving distance of people I'm trying to get away from
>Have to deal with high school staff members and be professional and civilized
Come on, man, I'm only 20. This is what I get for being in such a rush to grow up.

Also unrelated topic:
REFILL MY PRESCRIPTION DOCTOR, I'VE BEEN OUT SINCE YESTERDAY AND STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN APPROVED YET

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>head over heels with guy I dated 4 years ago
I was super chubby
>broke up because of long distance
And probably because I was chubby and a college student
>always keep in touch
>he goes on dates with a few chicks. It never works out.
>went to friend's graduation close to where he lives
>he buys me a hotel room
Oh ok, t-thanks
>when I show up, he's there
Oh, hi
>drink and fuck
That was last night and I'm terrified
I want to learn about his bad sides, good sides. I want to love him at his worst. I want to marry him.
Since we've broken up, I've lifted, lost weight, got a decent job, working towards my next better paying job, traveled Italy and St marten, became a certified scuba diver
I did all this to better myself for him

I feel like such a loser
He still lives far away
He's not even that attractive or charming but I'm so head over heels for him
I think if I tell him about my feelings, he'll run away
I can't believe we had sex but I've wanted him for so long

I hate weekends! Too many couples and girls with revealing clothes!
It hurts to look at them!

I'm alone, I'm not lonely. there's a distinct difference and when you go "OMGROFL you're alone!" it does two things. 1. solidifies in my mind that you have a severe mental illness that forces you to be a cunt, and shows everyone with a brain how much of an ass you are. 2. solidifies in my mind the fact that I have made the right choice in not having you anywhere near me or as a part of my life.

I don't feel sad, or hurt, or bad in any way. I'm fine and will continue to be fine and get better and better. I sincerely hope that you get better and recover from your mental affliction. it's not my problem though so keep it the fuck away from me.

My dad is a child emotionally and interpersonally. Plus he has absolutely SHIT, nonexistent communication skills and extreme anger and preoccupation issues.

He projects his anger and endless personal issues onto me because he's been single for the past 20 years and lives alone, no real friends.

I don't have it within me to help him as I'm only 19, very depressed, and trying to figure my own shit out.

I don't respect him anymore. And all I can do, for my own sanity, is to (mostly) cut him out of my life, knowing that he will probably retain these serious issues that he's had for the past 10 years for the rest of his life.

Yippee.

Someone talk to me.

I feel depression creeping in as strong as it was before. I have a strong desire to quit my job and am not particularly drawn to anything. I have no motivation.

I'm sick of going to the same place at the same time only to see the same people and do the same things every day, day in and day out, sacrificing my whole day just for enough money to be just above the poverty line. I'm sick of bending over for a boss who sees me as a number on a spreadsheet and giving up my life just so I can work for a company that doesn't care about my well-being so long as I can still earn the parasites in suits their money they spend of diddling kids and snorting coke. I'm sick of coming home close to midnight five to six days a week sweaty, tired and bored out of my skull just to realize that the things that once made me happy just wind up being a hollow means of passing time between shifts now, since I can't get more than 4 hours' sleep a night without chemical assistance anymore. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, and I don't want to hate myself anymore.

Everyone wants change but no one's willing to change.

>>17124434
This is me

I am
>>17124398

I am aware of this yet am still not motivated to change it. Oh the irony

I want to make friends but I suck at talking to people. I freeze up and end up giving one word answers... When I ordered takeout chinese food I spent 30 minutes looking up how to order food and working up the confidence to call. I made 0 friends in HS and none my freshman year of college.

I play semi pro football. I used to say my one regret in life was that I was born a woman so I could never play in the NFL. I would have never had the resources anyway. Then I find the women's league. And this team. But our head coach decided to play, and she got the media at our game yesterday, to tape a story about her.

It suddenly falls apart for me. I don't feel like I'm on a team at all after watching that, and all the things I wrote feel like lies, even if I felt them, for real. I'm so upset and I don't want to quit but I don't want to play if it's going to be like this.

The publicity will do us good. But the story has me so angry. Maybe I'm being selfish. I don't care.

>Be 24
>Just recovered from heart failure
>Finally moved out of moms
>Work part time at a shitty tool store
>Co workers are annoying as fuck but I don't mind working there
>Realize I could go back to work on my dream job
>Can't decide whether to be a carpenter or a community service worker for disabled people

AFUCK.

I hate the blacks. The color of their skin, those big ugly fucking lips. Not to mention nigger slang that poisons the minds of our children today.

If I could choose to kill MLK or the first nigger to ever live, I would kill the first nigger

A PEACEBONE GOT FOUND IN THE DINOSAUR WING

>>17124570
uuuhhhh, I googled this... interesting?

>>17124047
I've been a paranoid mess all night and you're not helping

>>17124609
No. It's /mu/'s favorite shitty hipster meme
the group that is

I know this could be a cliche but whatever.

I've always have a crush on one of my college mates. Like for 4 years by now. She is like a solid 10; beautiful, smart and with a nice personality. She ever saved my life once when she drag me out from a rip-tide while celebrating her birthday. And probably I will keep this to myself because she never will look at me as a boyfriend.

I know, I know. I should try because I will never know until I try but I'm certain that she would say no or even worse 'she would rather have me as a friend' how do I know it? Well, has been like three years listening and watching the type of man she's looking for. I'm not her type.
I am a pretty decent guy, though. She told me like one month ago that from all the people she knows, I'm the one who deserve be more than happy. So this is not a low self steem problem. Other girls like me and some of them are cute but that girl is just another level.

>>17124706
>>17124609
/mu/'s all about neutral milk hotel last i checked, but i haven't gone on there in years
Animal Collective does have some good songs. Some are just annoying. But they do have some good songs

Faggot. Idk why you called when you already talked to A about your needs.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want and who I am. Of course, those questions can be answered by a lot of things and in a lot of ways, but I mostly think about the things I want the most, and what describes who I am best -- the whole picture that is me, I guess.

What I want the most is to be important, and I want to become important by helping people in ways that are significant. Like making some kind of big impact on the field of medicine, or something. I want to make the world a better place, and I want to be... well, awesome.

I read about Alexander Hamilton and wonder if anyone's ever going to remember me like that. I mean, they're probably not, but I want to be thought of like that so bad -- people looking at the things I've done and thinking "oh my god, how is that even possible? He's so [smart/talented]!" (Hamilton graduated Princeton in two years and had to learn Latin and Greek in a few months, IIRC.).

My (abusive) parents taught me all this stuff that turned out to be wrong. That I only matter as much as my accomplishments; that I have to make straight A's in school, or I'm a complete failure as a person. One time I took a test and failed it, and my mom spent an hour literally screaming at me at how I was stupid and a failure; I was 12. That was the first tim I cut myself.

>continued

>cont from >>17124923


Lately, I've been thinking about how I am enough. I'm not a prodigy, but I'm pretty sure I'm either a genius or close to it. I'm a talented -- if imperfect -- writer. I'm kind, and good, and thoughtful. I'm extremely passionate when I'm not depressed (and am apparently too optimistic and impassioned to be depressed, according to multiple people who are all too clearly wrong.). I care about people, and I have a strong sense of morality (I stole a ¢30 pen from a hospital and became very distressed as soon as I realized I'd broken the ten commandments over a cheap-ass pen.).

I'm a good person. And I am enough. And I'm not going to be depressed forever.

To quote the Hamilton musical: "I'm not standing still; I am lying in wait."

>>17123346
>fucboi
>fwb

lol ugly bitch wait till you realize it when fucboiz tell you 'btfo', your pussies loose they can and will fuck other bitches over you. Here's what they actually think that you're some dumb cunt trying to tie them down with marriage

If I wasn't working for the agency, I'd get to know you better but then I wouldn't be able to Fuck you. It's better this way, but I doubt I'll ever see you again and now I can only think about you when I hump. You have a great thing going on. Good luck beautiful, maybe next time

I wish I could bond with someone over how horrible everything is. Like just hang out and talk about how much we hate being alive and how everything sucks and how people are the absolute worst fucking things.

I'm completely aware of how that makes me sound - completely unlikable. But if I could just hang out with a person and we could do that, it would just make me so fucking happy. Someone who doesn't try to cheer you up or some shit, just someone who can laugh at being miserable with you.

I've been abused, shamed, manipulated and humiliated by women so much I developed a tendency to enjoy verbally brutalizing them. I lost my ex in part because of that. I fantasize about making a girl cry and beg for mercy. I did verbally abuse women in the past and made them cry and beg to stop and I liked it.

>>17125263
I kinda like you.

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I get plenty of matches on Tinder but the service is full of bots now and it's demotivating as hell.

Finally got a match from a supposed girl in my area that is cute as hell. After I sent a goofy opening message she sent her number instantly with no real comment on the awful pickup line but chooses instead to ask me to text her.

I do a reverse lookup and the line is across the country and also a land line aka its some sort of scheme to collect numbers.

Reverse search fhs

>Kind of feel like a third wheel when I go out with friends
>Some of my friendships have also sadly turned toxic over the years
>Objectively in a better place from 5 years ago, but it sure doesn't feel that way.

I'm thinking of just going on a long road trip after I finish my transfer degree before I start on my bachelors. I feel like I'm mentally falling apart or something.

Life isn't fair.

I love my job but I cannot deal with the majority of the customers being older men whom try to flirt with me and tell their friends that I'm crushing on them and shit? I'm a 19 year old lesbian with no current interest in dating anyone at all. where do they even get that fucking idea? why don't they just let me do my job peacefully? should I just stop being nice to people as its so uncommon these days it seems to be mistaken for flirting? why can't cute young girls overwhelm me with their cuteness and flirtiness rather than old men and their probably wrinkled-up penises and over-enthusiastic attitudes?

I feel like all my teachers are uptight assholes with me, but I have the feeling that, mostly, I'm projecting my own douchbaggery on them. Thing is, there is some real bullshit going on but I don't know which is mine and which theirs. Simply put, I don't know what's real and what is a projection of my shit.

Any advice on this, please?

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>>17124240
>I'm a loser
>I am a good student, maybe the best in my class
>But I could be much better than that if I tried

And here I am, in the same situation, but I also can't into simple algebra and there is no way I could attend university.

>I haven't built or created anything, there is nothing of value in my life
There is no sense in creating and building something for the sake of feeling worthy. Do you really enjoy creating or building? You'd enjoy the process, and maybe the result later, but the only thing you receive by forcing yourself is pain and torture. Change the perspective and look at this kind of activity as a mean, a method, not as something you have to achieve. Who told you so? You owe nothing. I don't know if my reasonings are somehow helpful and I'm not sure either if it's understable, English is my second language.

You can also try to read "Meditations" by Aurelius, if you haven't read it yet.

>>17124971
Wow you're edgy.

None of those things are true. Sorry you're a permavirgin.

I think I met my soulmate yesterday. He was old. Older than me but very attractive. Cool dresser and a great singer. He told me he loved my singing. Sang "Freedom 90" and he said nobody else could sing that song. Then he had to leave and I had to leave.

I'll probably never see him again. I was this close to asking him out, which is something I've never done.

I wish I could just give up. I wish I could just know, really know that I won't find love ever again.

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>>17123315
I have not been outside for about 3 months now. Like, for anything. I have not opened a window or gone out the front door the entire time. I have not actually said a word to another human being in 3 months.

I could hang myself and no one would know for a long fucking time. I have enough money to pay my bills for a year or more and they are all set to autopay. Family don't exist and neither do friends. I deleted all my social websites and stopped talking to everyone except anon here.

I think I'm going to do that. literally no one would care.

I'm fat when I used to be cute skinny thing with no boobs. Obsessed over having no tits. Body dysmorphia always followed me. I started to try and starve myself, but didn't do it right and gained weight instead, had a miscarriage that sent hormones to shit and got me fatter and fatter until finally I am this pile of lard.Find out I was sexually abused as a child. Hate body even more. I want to cut my belly open and pull the fat out myself. I want to cut into my chin and pull any fat out. I have chronic pain and everything always hurts. Now I can't exercise without my back reminding me why I had to quit gymnastics. Was gonna go to world championships, but no, back and knees got fucked up. Now, I can't show myself to anyone who knew me when I was fighting pain to be athletic. Now I see girls with my ideal body and cry. I see myself in pictures and cry. I can't even throw up right and be bulimic. It comes out of my nose. I want to fucking slice this body up because I can never have my ideal body.

Thank you universe. Worth the wait.

>>17124388
Good for you. Have you achieved anything other than being a fuckboi?>>17124388

>>17124388
It's funny how incredibly often men say that women are "crazy" "insane" "mentally ill" whenever they do something that they don't like. This is called "gaslighting" and it's abuse.

You're the cunt.

>>17125513
Could you explain this in detail please?

>>17125327

Old men come from an age where NOT sexually harassing a woman in the workplace is basically calling her an ugly cow. But it's okay, they'll all be dead soon.

>>17123995
Goddammit don't waste opportunities, think about all the guys like me who would kill to meet a girl like that.

>>17124240
Same here. We're not losers, though. Eventually you'll understand that, but only theoretically.
We'll always feel like losers, deep inside. No matter how rich, successful, and buff we get, we'll still be that lonely, nerdy kid with glasses daydreaming about being a hero and saving the world and proving everyone wrong.
And that's alright in the end. Part of what makes us who we are.

>>17124377
He's obviously been feeling the same. Don't worry, that's called love.
And yours doesn't seem that fragile. It survived 4 years apart, it'll survive much more if you take care of it.

I'll make you happy and proud, mom and dad. I promise.

>>17125540
Just an angry feminist.

>>17123995
She's into you. Make your move.

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>>17123315
>Part 1 of 3

I've been single for almost 4 years. Very single, haven't been so much as kissed. I'm 26, and after a string of traumatizing relationships, I'd pretty much given up on ever meeting another girl because I'm too introverted to go out and meet one, and didn't think any of the ones I already knew were into me.
Then Friday night happened. I was at my best mates place where I hang out every weekend, but this time there was a girl there. This girl has been part of my circle of friends for years, but I have never really connected with her on a personal level.. I guess due to some bad blood between her ex (who introduced her to our circle) and myself, which always made me feel kind of awkward around them, and for whatever reason that awkwardness stayed after they broke up.
But then Friday night happened. We were outside having a cigarette together, under the influence of a pretty serious amount of wine. We talked to each other, without our mutual friends around, for what I think might have been the first time in all the years we've been acquainted. It was nice. Then out of the blue, as we were heading back inside.. she kissed me.
Normally that would make me run and hide at the thought, but with a little help from a pretty serious amount of wine I managed to keep my nerves and this happened at least twice more, from what I remember.
That's where it starts getting hazy. Really hazy.

>tbc

>>17124767
You'll never know unless you try.

If you leave it, you'll just grow apart and never see her again.

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>>17125779
>Part 2 of 3

At some point, I must have gone to bed, because that's where I was when the next memory unblurs. She came into my room, got into bed and attempted to.. uh.. seduce me.. I guess. But with the amount of wine in me, it wasn't happening and after a while we gave up, cuddled up and drifted off to sleep.
The next memory partially unblurs long before sunrise. Somehow we were both awake, and eager to try again now my.. erm.. soldier could stand at attention. And try we did. It was incredible, and she was so beautiful. I would not be exaggerating at all to say that this was the most that I've actually enjoyed sex since I was 15 years old going at it like rabbits with the girl I 'lost it' to. I can't speak for her but she didn't seem particularly unsatisfied either, heh. Despite how much we were enjoying ourselves, time ticked away and the wine still in me wouldn't let me finish, eventually we stopped again, cuddled up again, and went back to sleep.
Eventually day broke, and we slept. Then noon broke, and we slowly dragged ourselves out of bed. She went out with my sister (happens to be my best mates partner but that's a different story) and I sat there in a hungover mess trying to figure out what the heck just happened, what it all might mean for the future.. They got back and we cuddled up on the couch for the rest of the day and into the night, just watched TV, barely said a word and not a mention of the night before.
When she got tired, she went to bed.. back into my room.
In hindsight, I probably should have followed her then but I was still kind of in shock from the whole situation (4 years is a bloody long time and this was the most unexpected thing that's ever happened to me, got me completely off guard).

>tbc

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>>17125784
>Part 3 of 3

Still trying to compose myself, and not wanting to come off as completely desperate neither to her nor my sister and my best mate who we were watching TV with, I waited until the episode we were in the middle of finished, and then followed to find her half asleep and fully clothed so I kinda took that as a sign and just cuddled up again and went to sleep.
It was a restless sleep, apparently my snoring was waking her up, so she kept waking me up so we were both awake a lot of the night. I tried kissing her a few times, she didn't object in any way and half-assedly kissed back but she didn't really seem into it, I assumed she must have just been really tired, and we both continued drifting in and out of sleep until the morning.
She left the next day (yesterday) around noon and the rest of the day I couldn't take my mind off her. Same thing at work today, I couldn't get anything done because my mind is running a million miles a second thinking about her. First contact after she'd left my friends house was this afternoon. I got home from work and sent her a text along the lines of 'I think I really like you. I know we've barely ever spoken even though I've known you for so long, but I would like to hang out some time and get to know you better'.
A few very nervous hours later, I finally got a reply. She's still in love with her ex (same one mentioned before) and doesn't know how long she'll need to get over him.
My last relationship was kind of forced on me in a very similar situation where I was the one still in love with my ex, and even though it lasted 2 years the entire thing was a disaster.
I sucked it up and thanked her for being honest with me. And told her that I am still open to trying if she feels like it could happen, but it needs to be her choice.

So here I sit.

Have you got anything for me, /adv/?

Typical woman, going back to lying and cheating to ruin a good thing right in front of their face. I'm not stupid when you try to hide your phone from eyes view.

>>17123995
You found someone who's into the same crap as you and is, presumably, on the same social level and you're not going to do anything about?

Hell, I've never met another geek throughout school and past that.

>>17125787
All I can offer you is sympathy. It sounds like both of you are handling this the right way, at least insofar as she was honest with you and you (at least on some level) appreciate her honesty.

She definitely shouldn't have slept with you like that. Maybe this is a sign that you should start looking for other women? You can't be that introverted if you've got a good group of friends and were able to drunkenly seduce an acquaintance that you've been kind of uncomfortable around for years.

Good luck anon.

Sigh* I don't want to walk 2 hours to get to work. I really want to quit but I can't cause it took forever to get a job. Finding another won't be as easy and staying here is just hell. I hate myself for being so weak. Nothings changing cause I'm not changing. Nothing going right cause I don't know what's right. Man I suck. My thoughts are murky, my stomach is queezy. I really have no energy left to fight anymore. I just wanna give up and sleep. I thought growing up meant having more offered, not having to offer more. I don't know, I never was smart, or with which is why I'm left behind to deal with bullshit. BE ASSERTIVE MAN, get it together. But I just can't find the will to care. I'm just slowly withering away...hoping something magical will happen and save me from this despair. But there won't be, and I'm stuck..... living in a shell. Time to grow up and accept reality.

I hope that she reaches out to me to hang out (Even just as friends) when she is free after all the finals and shit.

She has said that she would, but I doubt it.

>>17125877
Of course I appreciate her honesty and don't doubt it at all. It just really sucks for me, I guess. Thanks for the sympathy..

I wouldn't even know where to start looking for other women, I'm really uncomfortable talking to strangers (unless anon obviously) and the only women that get introduced into my circle tend to be friends partners.
Yeah I've got a good group of friends but mostly they're people I've known for over a decade and I'm even pretty quiet around them, they're just used to it I think..
I would hardly call it seduction, but it was drunken something... I spent almost 4 years building up an impenetrable wall, then a bottle of wine and a kiss came and crumbled the whole thing. It doesn't help that currently it looks like it was all for nothing.
But that could change. Apparently, she has mentioned her interest in me before (sis came and talked to me a bit before I left yesterday.. said she had told the girl not to hurt me haha), and it had skipped my mind until my sis reminded me but the girl did ask me to come hang out with her at some point in the last month or two, but I think I laughed and just brushed it off thinking she wasn't being serious.
So there's that too.
But I still don't doubt that what she told me is the truth. I'll just have to wait it out and see what happens.
This has been a good vent thread. Now it's 2.15 am and I hope having gotten this off my chest will help me sleep.

Now i know why i had a crush on her, because she was completely my type, a little chubby, the weight was in her hips and chest instead of her belly and long dark hair, seems i really learned my type from the painful experience.

>woke up feeling like shit AGAIN after like 3 hours of sleep and cant fall asleep again because too hot/cold/hungry/uncomfortable/anxiety
>months looking for a job with a fucking degree and over a year of experience, a job i realized too late that i fucking HATE and cannot find anything to do with my life that doesnt end with me wishing for death after a week
>i work out every other day with a few friends only out of a desperate need to escape the bad thoughts and its not working anymore
>one of them is a woman that ive known for years and ive been alone for so many years that now im thinking too much about her even though i KNOW that she is damaged goods and it would NOT work out and we would get annoyed or bored of each other in a month
>it doesn't matter anyway cause i cant bring myself to feel any real feelings for anyone anyway im too busy just wallowing in self loathing like a retarded edgelord
>nothing is fun anymore i cant enjoy video games or drawing or going out and when i do these things its out of a desperate attempt to feel like i used to or to just distract myself from the bad thoughts
>im a little fucking pussy who cant handle failure and if anyone wanted to bully me they would just get their way cause the mere thought of someone dominating me in any sort of confrontation shakes me to my core like the BITCH i am
>i cant even fucking kill myself because the fact that there is NOTHING after death terrifies me to the point where i have panic attacks EVERY FUCKING DAY EVERY FUCKING DAY. EVERY. FUCKING. DAY.
>everything goes wrong every fucking day some STUPID FUCKING BULLSHIT happens that turns even the most mundane task into a fucking chore i couldn't even fucking post this and had to type it all up again because OF FUCKING COURSE THE POSTING THING JUST SHITS ITSELF IF I TURN MY PHONE SIDEWAYS

FUCK I DREAMED ABOUT YOU FUCK FUCK FUCK

I WOKE UP AND I WAS HAPPY

FUCK

dreams can't reflect what we really desire right? Because I don't desire you. You need work. You're a horrible person.

I'm nervous about going back to college,
I know I have a habit of being extremely negative about things, I've tried lots of jobs, and made all these attempts at bettering myself... Yet it seems like nothing really paid off.
A month ago I was attempting suicide,
Voice in my head told me that if I chicken out from this now I'll only regret it more excruciatingly later.

I have no idea what to fucking do.

I hate that I asked you out when I was too young to know how to do it properly and that I wish I made a move instead because you had already said you felt the same. I hate that I didn't notice you'd already asked me out and we were already getting to know each other, but There was fear. I love the moves you made on me. I love how I feel about you and hope we'll marry one day

Why did I become attracted to her?

I did not even see her face, I only saw her from behind, but for some reason I was still attracted to her.

I could see that she was a good hearted person, though, quite insecure. That was purely based off her hair length and how she conducted her self.

When I saw her face, and she was the most beautiful person I've seen. She does have 5 visible piercings (2 per ear, and a nose) along with a memorial tattoo on her upper chest, visible with low cut clothes.

Fuck, her body shape was a bit odd, though nice. Nice legs and ass, with decent tits.

Over the course of the semester with her, I became friendly with her, and ended up asking her out. Said yes at first, then her friend popped out of nowhere. Asked again for coffee and got a run around, semi generic answer. But for some reason when I invited her to hang out with some friends like a month and a bit later, she gave a full explanation (Brothers College Graduation 150 miles away, not something you can flake out on) , and we both agreed to hangout sometime soon, and either of us would reach out to arrange it.

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You've been ignoring me for 4 days and it makes me want to die

This is why I have trust issues

>>17126067
Well, son, actually, they kinda do.

>>17125926
Can't you get a transfer?

That's my plan, I can't stand the hipsters and yuppies that shop here. I'd rather be back at my old shitheap store where looking at people would get you stabbed but at least they're on the same level as you.

Our age difference is the only thing that kept me from asking you out. We've been hot and cold for at least 2 years, maybe even 3 it's been so long I'm losing count. My feelings for you have just gotten stronger and stronger and being away from you so long with this back surgery is showing me that all I want is to be with you. I'm sorry for hurting you all these years with my indecisiveness but I'm not worried about what other people think anymore.

This is the third time I've left my job at that store and every time the fear of never seeing you again pulls me back, even if it's a 45 minutes drive each way. I'm still probably 6 weeks away from coming back but once I'm able to drive again I'm going to stop by in the hopes of seeing you. All I want to do is let you know how I feel about you. God, I miss you so much K.

>>17126138
Actually, you have self-esteem issues. Look mate, if you make ypur own happiness depend on someone else, you're going to have a bad time. Think about it.

I want to give up on dating.
I'm so sick of being rejected, or not feeling a connection and having to reject someone. I wish I could just skip the whole courting phase and go straight into a relationship.

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>>17124388
Anon, keep in mind that you're the weird one here, don't blame people for not understanding you at first.
Most ordinary people don't understand what the words "autist", "narcissist", or "antisocial" even mean, and most have never even heard the words "schizoid" or "avoidant".
They have no idea what types of people they describe, or how to distinguish between them.
If they mock you for being a solitary person, then yes, they're assholes.
But if they try to reach out and offer a hand, don't slap it down. Out of all loners, anxious avoidants and emotionally-active (ie not dead inside) cluster-As are among the most common, and they do need that help.
Just explain the situation and go on your way.

>>17124923
>>17124926
I share a similar sad story. I remember one time when my mother was driving me home from school one day. 3rd grade, was about 7. She was screaming and crying and belting out the worst insults she knew in her native language, most i didn't understand. One of them means "you're a shit with eyes, that's what you are", as in an actual piece of shit with eyeballs. I had to laugh at the imagery, but she didn't appreciate my sense of humor.

Also remember one time she was beating me with a wire hanger, i was running around the apartment screaming, trying to find something to hide behind. She cornered me eventually. Since it was christmas day i had "gotten religion" and was screaming for God's help the whole time.
I still don't know if any of my prayers were answered. Maybe all of them were. Could never tell if they stopped hitting or yelling because they just got tired or if maybe some angel helped.

My mother is simply in denial now about my struggles with mental illness. Says "i don't understand, you were such a happy little boy, how could we have known?" "I wish we'd have taken you to the doctor, but we didn't see the signs!" etc.
I try to pretend it's true. That she was a good mother to me and tried her best.
But sometimes, I remember.

>>17125703
>i don't have a proper argument so i'm just going to throw buzzwords

remember kids, if she's not always happy or sucking your dick she's a psychotic feminist

>>17126262
Stop feeding the troll.

every summer i start off tired and irritable then i go into manic episode

i get slow at the start of winter though and stay slow, want to kill myself until spring when i'm well-balanced until it starts getting hot again

i'm super duper tired of this!

I give up. I've tried and tried to understand men and women but I can't , so fuck it. No relationships no nothing, I'll just say hello as I pass people by and that's it . All I wanted was for people to be honest with me, but they never are, I give up.

Coffee sucks and tastes bitter as shit. I just ordered a cappuccino from DD w/ sugar and it tastes like ass, I don't get how anyone can drink it

>>17126262
Lol. Keep crying bitch.

>>17126425
...Actually it's not too bad after it cools down a little bit

Just venting about someone I think is a dispicable and just shit tier person.

So story goes like this. This girl was dating someone all the while having flings and shit behind his back. It go to the point that she got pregnant and didn't even know who the real daddy was. Yet through all of her misdeeds and bullshit, instead of taking responsibility of her actions she blamed her actions on her at the time boyfriend, who was definitely not the father. She was so manipulative that she actually made herself out to be the victim of all this bull shit.

She's still the same person she ever was, and yet she is viewed as a good person. Now granted this was a long time ago now I know she hasn't changed much. Specifically that she likes to start shit, put herself where she is not wanted and play the victim in situations that she is clearly not a victim of any short.

What I don't get is how do people not see through her bullshit after a couple times of dealing with it.

Love is the most destructive emotion I've ever experienced. I wish I could turn it off. I don't forsee any relationships happening for me. It is just so sad and disappointing. What a letdown life has been. I just wish the person I loved loved me back. But it's never going to happen. I feel they are leading me on. It's just cruel.

>>17125452
>Now I see girls with my ideal body and cry. I see myself in pictures and cry. I can't even throw up right and be bulimic. It comes out of my nose. I want to fucking slice this body up because I can never have my ideal body.

Robot here.
The universe fucked you up more than any beta uprising could.

But seriously, everyone is different, every body is different.
Shit, I used to be ripped, sick pack and everythin'.

It didn't make me happy.

Now, I'm chubby and happy. Shit, why work out when it means I'll live longer (not sure if that's a good or a bad thing...) and doesn't guarantee that somebody will find me attractive.

God forbid I put all that effort into gettin' a nice body just to fall for a girl that's a chubby chaser?

And to be honest, I get more attention now I'm chubby than I ever did when I was in shape.

The point I'm tryin' to make is... who gives a rats arse about appearance? It's your god-damn body, so learn to love it.

However it looks is a representation of your lifestyle... if you aint happy with that, you probably aint happy with how your living. Make changes in your life, not just for a better body but a better mind too.

Maybe you can't do gymnastics now, but would you find a daily walk out in the sun so bad? Or what about a night-walk with a cigarette?

Maybe just walk into town for a coffee and a snack somewhere, and walk back. Every day.

You won't magically get better, but you can learn to accept who you are and make changes to accommodate that.

>>17125103

Cute girl that asked for my lighter?

>>17124923
>That was the first tim I cut myself.
Curious about this, how does it help?
I've tried and it doesn't seem to do anything for me.
I usually put it down to "it's a girl thing" but you're a dude.

>>17125222
>'m completely aware of how that makes me sound - completely unlikable.
Bullshit, i'd hang out with you. Better to be miserable together than miserable and alone.

>>17125452
I understand a bit of this, anon. Used to be a runner till i fucked up my legs.
It was the only sport i was ever good at.
Now I can't walk straight without orthotics and my legs ache like hell sometimes, advil doesn't even touch it.
Sometimes i get the urge to cut them off at the knees, or get hit by a car.
Pistorius didn't have any legs and he ran in the fucking olympics.

I used to think of it as a way of killing myself, slowly. I always hoped something would go wrong that would completely fuck me over. Now I've met you though and I'm scared. I don't want to keep doing it but I'm sure I've already damaged myself.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa everything is rubbish

I got the thing frmaed and it's incredinbel but it's all rubisdh dnmlnsfmkl
anad I'm really unweell and iumnhappy
ands and

they strrl everything so I die

Fucked up running my business today. like technically could be sued level fucked up. like could go bankrupt at the start level lawsuit. that's not the level of work I strive to put out, that's not how anything should have gone down. fact of the matter is that for the first time since this started I put out 120% for days... and still ended up with a failure in my eyes. 90% finished isn't good enough for my contracts. it wasn't enough and I need to work harder... I don't know that I can push any more without putting myself in hospital though.

feeling a bit worthless today. I guess it's a good thing I can say that this feeling is weird for me now. used to be normal. I'm impressed with the sheer amount of just... stuff it took to even get to this fleeting feeling.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJfp7BFBQME

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMBMgxUw6YQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uF5QE3-ox4o

alright that's enough of that. gonna go drive the sports car and I think I'll go either indoor skydiving or shoot some guns at the range. ain't nobody got time for feeling like shit or worrying about what ifs. whats my next step, that's where I've gotta be.

>>17126381
That makes two of us. I guess when you fall behind, it's close to impossible to catch up this late in the game.

when people in my friend circle accomplish things i wanted to do a long time ago i die a little and i cant think of any reason why but thats probably it

I absolutely cannot stand that he has video taped himself having sex with one of his ex fuck friends before. It drives me up the wall that I cannot seem to find it online. I want to give up. I really really do, but something keeps urging me to keep looking. That I will find it if I just modify the search parameters a little this way or that way.

It burns me like a flare to think that he was okay with it at the time. Especially because now he considers his past a living hell that he doesn't ever wish to relive. If it really was, why did you do those things? Surround yourself with those people? Drink? Smoke? Do drugs? You always had the choice to do the correct thing to make your life better. But you just didn't care, "embraced death" and it lead you to all these depraved corners of the world. So that, at the end of it all you are here, sober and horrified by your past to the effect that you actively block your memories.

At the very least you show remorse for the past, or else I would have left a long time ago.

I've a had a crush on this girl for a couple of years (haven't been able to shake it off), she has absolutely no interest in me but we talk to each other all the time and get on really well, until recently I'd consider her a good friend (I don't know how much that's being influenced by my feelings for her). Problem is, I don't think she's my friend, she isn't supportive, doesn't seem to care about how I feel and consequently sometimes acts like a complete bitch. I think she's also into my best friend, and I can't stand having that in my life. What should I do /adv/? And how do I stop worrying and obsessing over her?

>>17127047
By blocking all contact with her, it will hurt but it's for the best.

>>17127072
I've tried doing that, but we're pretty close and every time I try to stop talking to her I realise how much I miss her and how much she values our friendship even though she doesn't always show it.

not sure if i should go further with this chick i know, ie. actually ask her if she wants to have a relationship, for now just screwing. She hasnt asked about it, advice?

Please respond. I want this with every fiber of my being and I feel like I'm so close. I just can't stand it any more.

I want sex with him
Relationship
The whole thing
Just Letting it progress
Yes
Intense to seem him
Need him
Please

>>17127094
You say she values your friendship but from what i get from your previous post she is just using you man, it will get worse and worse and then what? Will you kill yourself or something? Or will you Block contact with the bitch, feel like shit for a while, go out and meet new people, and meet a new girl that actually cares about you?

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Why can't she be real

>>17127099
>>17127106
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBYnT8JY7sE

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So... When I met you, we spoke for hours. I just met you and it was as if we knew each other for months. We spoke enough to the point we realized we both just came out of a series of unfortunate events, we had JUST gotten out of shitty relationships and being hassled by horrible people... We immediately knew we were going to be friends. I admired you, I couldn't ever wait to see you pass through my best friend's house. The night I came to your house, all of which made me happy slowly came back. I felt like I genuinely smiles for the first time in months. I walked through your door and you introduced me to Mr. Pirate, your dog that I had met almost a year beforehand. I was so happy. (cont.)

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>>17127237
Quite frequently, I'd come by and listen to you and your friends play music on the bus. I remember when you introduced me to Don't Hug Me I'm Scared. I watched that so much, I kept singing all the songs. Hahaha... Ah, shit. I hung out with you a whole lot. All of those parties were so much fucking fun. I don't usually have fun at parties, I have an animosity for parties, and quite frankly, I still do, but all of those parties at your place when you invited me were so fun! I replay those nights over and over in my head. I remember that night when (insert unusual girl name here) threw up on the big green bus. I cleaned it up, mostly because i got bored, but I eventually got stoned and fell asleep sitting up. (I do that all the time, for fuck's sake, ugh.) You woke me up and it was already NINE O'CLOCK IN THE FRIGGIN MORNING, but who cares? You and I still had a long as fuck conversation about serial killers. You told me you were so happy that you knew someone who had just the longest conversation ever about serial killers and phenomenons. I got butterflies and said something dumb like, "So... how about that Heaven's Gate? People's Temple?" (con't)

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>>17127259
We stayed up until the sun came up. A friend of ours was awake bright and early for work. He came in to get his jacket and cigarettes or whatever. I was finally nodding off, but I was still cold. I was covered, but there was that annoying trench that caused a breeze. When you asked me if I was cold, you held onto me so I could stay warm. That was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. I couldn't help but to hold you back. I wish I wasn't speechless. I wanted to tell you I was interested in you. Alas, I fell asleep. We finally woke up at 1400-ish. I hadn't slept in that late since my graveyard park job. All of us were quite hungover. I wanted to go back to my friend's house so I could put on more baggy pants. I remember that because you wanted to go out in public looking like you obviously got shitfaced the night before. That was the first time I ever told you that you were brave. After I got new clothes and picked up some cigarettes, we went to the gas station to pick up (I can't fucking remember) and I bought like, three mini pizzas. You thanked me for preventing you from dying. You nerd. (cont)

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>>17127285
If I wasn't running around with you, I was watching movies or TV with you. I remember one night you were going somewhere. you said you might have been going out on a date. That lump in my throat called feelings fell to my stomach. All I could say was, "Oh."
I'm not going to lie... I confided in your best friend. I spilled my guts, told him I was admittedly jealous. He listened to all my jargon and simply said, "Just ask him. Don't care about whether or not he's on a date, ask him." Fucking, bleh. I still hung out with you of course.
I'll never forget that night we did molly together. That night was one of the best nights I ever had. You showed me the cartoon CatSoup... God, that short made me so sad. After the short, you put on Moomin, because it was happy. And dorky.
I got (admittedly) jealous after you told me your were talking to someone... So I sucked it up. I asked you out. After a minute or two of contemplation... you said yes. We'll go out on a date. Get to know each other... court.
The downside was, you were leaving out of state for work... next week. (cont)

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>>17127312
I was jumping, frolicking through meadows, so happy you said yes. I never up-front asked anyone out, first try, you fucking said yes, like was I dreaming? Was that even real life?
The next morning, we were watching Daredevil. I had butterflies all around my entire personal bubble. I honestly couldn't believe it.
I acted intentionally dumb and asked you if you could repeat what you said last night. And you, again, said yes, you would like to go out on a date. With me. Like, you even said, "date," and my blood turned into more butterflies. I couldn't believe it. I was so happy. Everything in the world was perfect.

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>>17127324
We went to a concert. I was the first one there, at this shantyish bar... I walked around downtown for a while, then I just drank a sweet Manhattan until you arrived. I bought you a drink and we chatted until our friends arrived. And I will say this until the day I die, that concert was so goddamn amazing. I had a blast until everyone disappeared. I was scared of this shanty ass bar and I tried calling you asking what I should do... You came by quickly and this nice girl gave us a ride to my van. We drove back to your house when I realized... I somehow lost my Children of the Damned DVD. Oh well, I still had you sweater. That would have sucked so bad, I'm glad you asked me to put it in my backpack! (cont)

>>17123315
I have no self control and I don't know how to fix it.

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>>17127339
Because of family things, our next time together fell through. THE NEXT DAY THOUGH!!! I came to your house, and I helped you get your things to your mom's place so they can be safely stored. That house was so beautiful. We could see all of downtown from the dining room window. You were so excited for me to see it. YOUR MOM'S BASEMENT STAIRS ARE A DEATH TRAP THO.
Uh, anyway, I wanted to buy you lunch. We tried to get taco truck burritos, but the line was to long... You looked at me and asked me, in the kindest voice if I wanted to go somewhere else. The way you looked at me, how your eyes looked, still, every time I think about it, makes me melt completely, stammery like a nervous high school nerd. I still freeze a little when I think about it. Your smile just makes me smile. You took me to this burger joint and we ordered out so we could take it back to your house and watch Trailer Park Boys together. (cont)

I was about to give up but even if I don't know you I'm still here thanks to you. I like to believe you're reading this and that if things get better I'll be able to thank you.

I have a better sleep. I run in the park. I don'the talk with the negative persons.

I have to try, I now know I actually have peoples who count on me, and I just can't give up now.
I want to believe that if I give the best of myself, if I try really hard, things will get better. I don't know how long I'll keep this state of mind but it has to last. "Things will get better", I want to believe it now.

Eventually, I'll have something to be proud of, right?

>>17123315
AOT is a great anime, but the hype for it is just... no.
People need to stop being so obsessed with it, god damn.

I'm trying to wire out old anxieties. The problem is, the mere act of wiring something out brings me close to another anxiety, something else I have locked away.

This is a window of time when I am in a state where maybe I can do it, without resorting to old low level mental systems.

I have trigeminal neuralgia and a scoliosis of my spine. My neck is a all fucked up. My jaw is all fucked up. I went to a chiropractor once and only once, minor adjustment of my back did something to me. To this day I don't know if it was a panic attack or a kinked vertebral artery. It is very unlikely a kinked artery, it resembles a certain form of panic attack I've had a few other times.

I'm terrified of dissecting an artery and having a stroke. There's no evidence this is likely. And it wouldn't matter even if there was. It's been years of worrying since that visit and a few other events, and suppressing it. I need to get this awareness gone and gone for good. Chronic pain has fucked up my head. I have episodes of my old Alice in Wonderland syndrome shit every once in a while. It's been years, but it has begun again. I go through cycles of amnesia.

When I was a child I fractured and developed a split sense of high level personality and skills. This was hard to cobble back together and caused a lot of misery. I walled it off. All the mental tricks I learned are walled off with it, I don't directly change things in the black box that is the mind anymore. I'm scared of fucking things up and returning to hell.

Now is the time. I'm real drunk on kava. I need to find the means to do this. I can't live with this needless worry anymore. I don't care if I die, but I'm terrified of ending up crippled.

I just want a cute girlfriend but all the girls never respond or they reject me

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>>17127353
Later one, we took Mr. Pirate to the beach with your best friend. That happy, lucky pirate dog. We had to hike through the woods to get to the beach. It's all worth it through. It was the same beach where I had lost my glasses a year back! That was a lot of fun, I love to see that dog smile.
When headed back and I hung out with you for a while... It broke my heart when you had to leave. I told you I'd spend as much time as possible with Mr. P.
I spend every day with him. He is fantastic and beautiful as always... I hope you got your comics and your care package. I hope your job isn't killing you... I miss you so fucking much. I think about you a lot... Even through the hard times I'm going through, I can't fucking wait until you come home. I really fucking miss you.

I'm extremely happy I met you.

Everyone keeps asking me if I want or need anything. The only thing I want/need is my husband, but I know he's never coming back.

I want to talk to you again. I want to try again. I need to try to get you back in my life. I need to try to bring back your feelings that were thrown away so ignorantly. The more I talk to other girls, the more I get to know other girls, the more I fucking want you back. You weren't even that great but all I can think of are your good parts. It takes a lot of brain power for me to think of the bad things and convince myself to care less again.

>>17127367
Oh right

It bothers me because I don't find myself ugly, I've got charm, I'm not fat, I honestly don't get it.

It sucks where I work too because all I see is cute couples, it really gets to me that I've never had that. Every time I go out with girls I fuck up and drop spaghetti because they never think it's a date and they ignore me after.

Only one girl ever liked me and she was across the country before I was 18, and I loved her but we had a falling out.

Pls kill me

My crush keeps posting screencaps of girls talking about fucking him. It makes me want to find whoever they are and make their life miserable and then kill myself. I dont care if he has hoes, but I don't want to be constantly reminded of it.

Radiohead is amazing some of the time, I never gave myself a chance to like them when I was younger but oh my goodness this is good music.

>>17127417
Kid A and There, There are great songs. Fake Plastic Trees as well. No Surprises and Black Star also come to mind.

Actually, all of Kid A inspired a good deal of stuff I created in a very strange part of my life. I slept on the floor with Treefingers set to repeat.

>>17127412
Stop looking at his feed. Don't kill yourself. Find other things to do, he kind of sounds like a dick.

I have a crush on a girl with a bf.

Normal shit around here.

>>17127412
>My crush keeps posting screencaps of girls talking about fucking him.
sounds like you need better taste in men

>>17127412
Can I ask why he's doing that'? Is he sending them to you?

I'm mad as fuck right now
I fucking spent the last 4 fucking years learning programming because I always liked it, but I cannot even use a computer.
I had an Arch install on my shitty netbook and IT FUCKING WORKED. Then I had to fall for the not-systemd meme and I wiped arch and tried to install something else just to have the fucking wireless connection drop every 2 minutes, then I tried every other distro I've succesfully installed before and none of them did, I don't know what the fuck I did wrong but not one of them fucking shit distros would get installed, every last one of them would either not boot or break in stupid ways. Xubuntu (which I'd installed before) was the absolutely objectively shittiest of them all.
Anyway, I cannot fucking use computers, I am shit in that. 4 fucking years learning linux and programming and I can't even install it properly and have it connect to the internet.
Fuck me. And fuck this computer shit, I vow never in my life to do this shit again.
This time I fucking mean it. I am really a piece of shit, 100% computer retarded.

>>17127391
I also have this fantasy of finding a girl like me on this website, that's where I met that girl.

There's gotta be a cute girl out there like me feeling alone wanting a bf :(

>>17127454
Hes not sending them to me. He posts it publicly on social media. He probably thinks it makes him look cool and shit but hes just exposing himself.

>>17125398
nobody wants to stick their dick in a cumdumpster? cry some more faggot.

>>17127467
find someone who's worth it and not a douche bag.

>>17127467
Take it from a male, scum like that is not worth your time.

>>17126129
If you are the same guy who posted the screens of the convo in other threads, I would say hold off for a week or so, maybe at most ask how the graduation went, but thats about it. She'll reach out if she is genuinely interested

I've been fighting a lot of battles recently and I don't seem to be winning. I keep asking myself which side I should be choosing. It feels like I'm walking on broken glass and nails, each step bleeding more than the last and if I stop it'll all fall out. Like a cheap piece of metal bent in the middle only made to look pretty on the outside but with this hope that you've instilled within me I keep dredging on hoping to find the sunken treasure. I tried running away, Keep to myself every day, finding another way just hiding in my apathy. I kept rolling new directions while searching for new protection. Truth be damned it was a minefield and I was a sheep just grazing in the meadow of certain death hiding in my shell that I kept thick and warm. All I ever wanted was to be know where I was headed but that's too much to ask because if we all knew were we were going we wouldn't reach as far as we can. I certainly wouldn't move an inch.

>>17127492
You should listen to "The World at Large" and "The Ocean Breathes Salty" by Modest Mouse.

You might find something, or enjoy them at the very least.

>>17127467
I can't tell you to stop caring for him. That comes on your own, but it's best to avoid contact as much as possible...if you don't want to remove him, at least unfollow his posts or something.

>>17127501
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhKvDW1_0RA I like what I like. ignore the spanish subs.

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>>17127458
linux is fun isn't it

>>17127466
stop dreaming anon, false hopes bring nothing but pain
our princess will always be in another castle

>>17127544
I'm just trying to figure it out man

I'm around people constantly at my job, 5 days a week, and it's so draining I don't wanna do shit before or after

But where do I go to meet cute girls that have somewhat similar interests? I'm trying my best

i hope you're okay, but also fuck you

>>17123379

Your life has no meaning, inherently. You must make your own meaning however you see that.

A new skill to conquer or a new interest to learn about are good ideas. Also, if you are not already fit to some degree, consider becoming so. Its ridiculous how changed i felt after i started doing even token exercise.

A twenty minute jog a day doesn't sound like it'd do anything. But it gives your life structure, it makes you feel like youve accomplished something, and honestly human beings were meant to fucking move. Its just a biology thing that if you sit still too long you are going to go insane.

My life changed around when i arbitrarily decided to get fit enough to join the army. I didnt want to join - i just considered it a good goal point to use because its got a lot of help material for it.

Couple months later and i just felt so much better. And once id achieved my actual goal I realised how easy it was. I just had to decide to do it.

Consider it Anon.

>>17127517
I like songs about drifters, books about the same. They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.

Walked on off to another spot, I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want. Did I want love? Did I need to know? Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow.

Moths beat themselves to death against the lights, adding their breeze to the summer nights. Outside water like air was great, I didn't know what I had that day. Walk a little farther to another plan. You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know there's no restarts, that's what life's about. But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.

>>17127563
not* what life's about.
Woops, dun goofed and ruined the lyric.

Your link is a style of music I haven't heard in a while.

>>17127569
I love that stuff. Can't get enough of it honestly. Pretty much shaped how i write stuff now. Not a drifter or anything though, just a guy who runs away and hides.

I have a Shrek complex. I am a big and tall guy and people want nothing to deal with me. The more I socialize the more people want to burn me with pitchforks and torches i hand. I feel like an outcast and even though I am artistic, they laugh and say I am better off as a security guard.

Sucks man.

I finally worked up the nerve to talk to a girl and failed miserably.

I was at the Barnes&Nobles walking around working up the nerve to talk to the first girl I saw. I finally work up the nerve, walk up to some pale girl that looked my age and said with a shaking voice, "Hey what's up" "do you want to talk about coffee some time"
I hate living

I actually just starting to date and last year was sour getting into the process. I dated a girl for the past three months, really shy. Kinda had a raspy voice like Rainbow Dash. Finally took my v-card. Three minutes later found out she was a trap. Fucked me up in the head. Only told my sister, but mom don't know yet. Got tested today feeling scared as fuck. Might make a thread about it or post on Reddit about it I dunno. Wanna fuck shit up now, I already gnawing my t-shirt to shreds at the moment.

>>17127635
Two things are omnipresent: Yourself, and your environment. Only one of these things do you have a degree of inherent control over, but it's dualistic. You will affect (control and shape) other things, other things will control you. Existence is built on a foundation of immutable slavery for all things.

If I could try to convey only one thing to you, I'd say very bluntly that humans are machines. You don't need to accept this. You don't need to internalize it. But if you realize it's all just grand soup of action and reaction it strips you of the ability to become myopic and self fixated. Other people are not thinking about you as much as you think. They don't realize what you do as quickly as you think they do. You're very likely projecting a massive amount of your own assumptions on other people despite that much of it doesn't actually apply. Most of it is you, and solely of you.

A cryptic way of saying you don't know what's in their head and your heuristics can be wrong. You think they define the situation, the context, and the outcome. You're wrong. You do. You only need to choose for this to be the truth, and it'll be so. You can choose for them to control and define everything, and that will be true. You can choose for it to be both of you. And that will be true. Within reason, you're not trying to brute force your way into self delusion after all.

Stop worrying so much. "Fuck it". Just be genuine and make things as you want them to be. You're looking far too heavily to other people to generate and color your reality. You can make the canvas and the rules too. Whether just for you, or for other people too, it doesn't even matter.

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>>17127412
pic related. literally disgusting

>>17127731
What makes this person attractive?
Are you less attracted to him, and more enthused with the idea of having someone to be into?

>>17127412
>>17127731
First of all, stop looking at his feed. It'll only cause you more heartbreak.

Secondly, try Your best to move on. Do you really want to be with a guy who's fucking around with so many girls? You won't be his gf; you'll just be another name on his list of lays

>>17123315
Fuck it.

This website controls me, my feelings and how I live my life. For 9 years, this is the first place that I go whenever I open any web browser. I have nowhere else to go but this place. Basically, if 4chan was shut down, I would basically never use web browser.
I want to fucking leave this huge ass box. Maybe not leave, but at least control how often I visit 4chan.

>>17127769
Man I wish I didn't browse 4chan at such a young age. It had too big a part in raising me. It's stupid, but you can't let it be a big parrt of your life. You need to learn to use it just at leisure. We have to stop relying on this place so much for a community.

>>17127750
no
im starting to hate him. how am i supposed to get back at him??

>>17127790
Don't. Just cut him off.

>>17127769
>control how often
You can't. You already know you can't, and you already know you won't develop the means.

4chan is like a gambling addiction. At this point you're not even receiving meaningful stimulation or even entertainment, there is no difference between signal and noise. It's all a haze built out of habit. But it's so easy to invest. It costs almost nothing. You just post. Wait for something interesting. Refresh. Wait for a new post. A new thread. A "(You)". Maybe two, maybe this is the big one. Maybe this is the spark that makes it all pay off.

Then it doesn't. It never does. It's all clutter. It's all garbage. It's all boring underneath even if it seems novel. The gamble never pays off, but the possibility keeps you hooked, keeps you coming back, keeps you seeding new futures. Then the day is over and you can't even remember what you did.

Man ya gotta just leave. If you aren't gone yet, there are no half measures that will work for you. Find something else to do, learn a new skill, something, anything. 4chan eventually fades and then this toxic place and the person you eventually become when you're here, is like another world. Just need to make the first step and stick with it. I haven't visited for some number of months, came back to start a thread on /sci/, will be gone soon.

>>17127790
You don't. He's not your bf, so technically he can do whatever he wants. But for YOUR sake, you're better off dropping him and finding yourself another guy.

>>17127800
I'm 22, i've been here 12 years right before /k/ was made into a board. Honestly I don't really care for the internet outside of this place. Its the only place in the world for me. Its my news, its my opinions, its my literature its everything to me. Its an addiction for sure and I don't think I could ever leave it. If it was gone one day I wouldn't be able to function correctly. This place has opened my eyes to the world. I am a much kinder, more patient person after being exposed to it all. I've gone through SO many people and every story you could imagine. I've seen/heard it all. Its my escape from reality that I always write about leaving. Its home to me. I've moved a few times in my life and I've never cared where I was as long as I had 4chan and the rest of you by my side I was safe, happy and felt I was found. The only times I have ever been lost were the ones without you guys. I never want to leave, I want it forever.

I've loved you Lauren since the day I saw you with your brother. I have no idea how to deal with this love since it is only one-sided but I hope that someday I can find another like you. No one but Rachel can compare and still she doesn't shine like you do. I made a promise that if I don't get married by 25 I'm ending my life. I hope and pray that I'll find someone good enough to fill the hole in my heart. From your good "friend" or whatever you refer to me as, Caleb.

>>17127790
It doesn't work like that. The only time you want to get back at him is when you have underlying feels of getting back together. Don't dare fool yourself. You sure as fuck won't fool me.

>>17127369
Anon , you are a good person.

>>17127827
Whats your initials?

Why do I know so many people who want or have thought of suicide or have depression?

The fact that there are so many people who hide their suicidal thoughts makes this even more frustrating. When everyone wants to kill themselves, who am I supposed to talk to when I want to express frustration about someone wanting to commit suicide? I just want you to live dang it

I get so excited whenever I see you call or text me.
The sad thing is, I know you're just calling and texting me about work. I love being with you and I love talking with you.

Even though you loathe talking to me because you know I love talking to you, and will be up your ass for hours whenever I get a chance to talk.
The sad thing is, I'm called into work all the time because I'm the best employee you have. I am always the first one you call. And I always pick up whenever I see your name calling me.
Every time, I think you want to actually talk to me, but I know it's just about work and seeing if I can come in on my days off or come in earlier.

You know how much I love you. You know I'd do anything for you. Why am I hurting so badly every day?
I want to ignore your calls, but I can't.

>>17127853
if they hide it its because they dont want to be "that guy"
no one wants to be known as the depressing person who complains a lot. if you want them to talk about it ask them

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My best friend who I've known for 14 years died. He was literally a brother to me and his death hit me pretty hard. I can feel myself slipping into a depression day by day.
I've always believed in having only 1 best friend and no more, all the rest were good friends. After his death, I now subconsciously hold all my friends to a higher standard, one on par with my "brother". I realize this is unfair, as we've been best friends since children, but it seems impossible to find anybody on this planet worthy of holding the same title as he did. As a result I'm afraid of never having a best friend again. I get upset and jealous when I see people with their best friends on social media, having a blast and loving life.
It makes me sad knowing I cannot experience those same feelings of complete synchronization with another human, and feel like the potential of my youth is escaping me.

Just hearing the words "best friend" strikes a chord in my heart.
Maybe I should follow him, he could be waiting for me.

I feel hollow.

>>17127870
I think I've given off the wrong idea. It's the fact that so many people do have depression, whether or not they hide it, that makes it hard for me to be able to talk about my frustration that someone wants to commit suicide or is heavily depressed.

If a friend of yours expressed exhaustion from dealing with depressed people constantly, and you yourself are depressed, you as a depressed person would most likely feel even worse about yourself and think of yourself as a burden or "that guy". Making it more likely to not speak up when you do need help

It's a very frustrating experience to try and point people towards the tools to help them out of their depression, but they're not willing to take that step, no matter what the reasons may be. You can't express these feelings to a depressed person, because it'll just end up worse for their self worth/esteem and they'll be less likely to talk about their problems and get help during an emergency situation

>>17127818
i have all kinds of feelings. i will never ever drop him as a friend, i really like him as a person and a friend. but the extra feelings are whats really hurting. it makes me feel like a shitty 2 faced person and thats not what i ever meant to be.

Why can't I get over my first gf dear
god please let me out of this prison


I want to shoot my roommate in the head and watch his autistic facial structure jaw shatter into a million pieces

>>17127852
It doesn't matter. There's no way you know me.

I was dating a girl who cheated on me and lied about it even though that I had proof she made me think I was crazy but she had gotten pregnant and I stayed not knowing that it wasn't mine and then two years later we had a kid together broke up for four months last year and she dated him and a few others but now she calls him to let him speak to him he's niza scum tattoos on face and all but am I wrong for telling her not to what should I do what can I do please help

>>17127943
First of all, go to fucking school and learn English properly. Then, make better decisions with your life. Thirdly, stop trying to troll post on 4chan and fuck off.

the only thing im missing... is your love, i beg you A.... please give me a sign :(

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>>17127943
Please comma and punctuation all day every day.

>>17127950
Initials?

>>17127960
mine? would be R(first name) and Z(second name), her´s A and Y, i wish it was her asking this, im craving for her attention

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>>17127906
Eh, as a guy with pretty bad depression and anxiety (not to mention other problems), it frustrates me too.

I've worked with 6 psychiatrists and taken over a dozen medications, seen 4 therapists and done classical psychotherapy, CBT, EMDR, hypnosis, etc, and even I haven't exhausted the range of treatments: that tripfag flyceratops is currently getting ECT, which i've hesitated on due to already-concerning memory damage (it tends to make it worse).
I don't show it since it isn't helpful, but it majorly pisses me off to see people whining about how they'll never get better and thinking about killing themselves when they haven't even mentioned it to their doctor yet.

Also frustrating to see them giving up on everything and sitting around masturbating or feeling sorry for themselves. I'm a goddamn med student despite this, I have classes today starting at 8:00 fuckin AM that i still have to go to despite not having slept last night, or the night before that (anxiety's been bad, pulse won't go below 110).
Have to get up and do what I gotta do each day, can't afford to lie in bed moaning about my shitty life like all the lazy NEETs around here.

I think talking about it in any way helps, at least from my perspective. I'm an honest guy and i don't like keeping any secrets, i just refrain from talking about this shit for the same reason i don't talk about politics, religion, philosophy, etc, even though i'd like to: "normal" people are "uncomfortable" with such topics. If someone actually said something about depression, i'd be happy to talk their ears off, share stories, chat about experimental treatments and new research, etc.

Even though i carry the burden of living with mental illness, i also get the pleasure of taking care of my older sister, who has it far worse than I. She is a paranoid schizophrenic. While i was spared from that family gene, i was gifted the curse of being just sane enough to pass as socically acceptable. And sometimes i feel that is far worse than having schizophrenia. She gets to live in her own little world, getting everything provided for her (by me of course). And i struggle just to make it through the god damn day. I can barley hold down a fucking job, and then i get to go home to her and take care of her. I normally end up staying up till 5 am calming her down from false realities. Im so so tired.

Why the fuck doesn't anyone give a shit about me. Why are my problems always pushed to the back burner because "i don't have it as bad as her".

"I'm the lucky one". Fuck right off.

>>17128048
I understand what you mean. It sucks,I know. But you need to realize that you have so much more opportunity and potential than she does. You have to go through more shit and work harder, but you have the ability to be so much happier.

>>17128063
Id rather live in wonderland.

I'm glad I ended it but I still love you for some fucking reason.

Also the depression the breakup brought on has made it impossible for me to court new women so I will die alone.

...that did actually feel good to type for some reason

I wish every second that you come back to me.

>>17128104
This is me. Word for fucking word. It hurts.

I just want to be wanted

Unblock me on Skype please. You don't have to talk to me, just read the shit I've sent you. God damn you. I hate that i still love you.

>>17128190
Initials please?

Thank you for telling me you're my friend.
I'm sorry I left.

>>17128200
Why do you do this anon.

Im in love with a guy i havent seen in over 8 months

>>17128190
are you talking to a chick with first initials E?

>>17128190
Haha. Fuck.

>>17128200
>>17128230
My Initials start with H

>>17128021
I'm glad to hear that people are making the effort towards trying to find a treatment that works for them. I especially hope that you'll be able to find something that works for you. The fact that you're actively working towards a future is more than I ever get to see in all the depressive people I've met by far.

Every time I try suggesting that they should talk to a doctor, go get evaluated, go to do anything to do anything to help themselves, I'm met with resistance from people who are supposedly sick of being depressed. Lots of excuses, lots of idling around. It always comes down to you can't help anyone who won't help themselves, but it's never less frustrating to deal with.

I'm glad that you're open to talking about your illness though, and I wish there wasn't as much as a stigma when people need/want to talk about it and getting treatment especially. But unfortunately, that's what we're stuck with right now. Regardless, I appreciate you taking the time to write that all out, it makes me very glad that there's someone out there that's giving it their efforts to keep on going and I wish you all the best.

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>>17128190
>>17128230
Hahaha. Fuck.

>>17128108
Initials?

>>17128280
... your initials ?

I work so fucking hard everyday at work. I work nearly 12 hour days for no overtime just to get my responsibilities done. If anyone has a problem they come running to me, especially the owner, he dumps so many extra things onto me everyday on top of my huge workload.

We've recently hired two new employees and I've had to train them really slowly. I've been expected to train them in a role that is usually given to people who've worked there 6+ months, on top of my other duties as well as holding the business together.

I take half a day off work and I get aggressive messages from the boss about that I'm not performing well enough and we need to have a serious talk tomorrow. He thinks that I'm not training well enough.

I'm fucking gutted. I've spent so many hours at that place holding everything together and it's just exhausted me. My fiancé thinks I should quit and says I'm not myself anymore, but now I have a mortgage I don't know what to do.

I have strong feelings for a married man and it's driving me nuts. I just want to fucking get over it. Why can't my brain just understand that it won't ever work out? It doesn't fucking matter how well we fit, how much we make each other laugh and smile, how we can just spend time sitting together and the hours pass like seconds, or how he makes my heart race whenever I see him. Nothing will happen. Just fucking stop it.

I fucking hate how my friends have birthdays so close to eachother and right before final exams god fucking dammit just let me live.

>>17128289
You wouldn't know.

>>17128342
Try me.

>>17128346
A

I've constantly lied about my age to people online. My "closest" friends all think I'm 25 when I'm actually 19. I've done this for years. My life is a mess, I have almost no motivation and all my dreams seem to be crashing down around me. I constantly lie to people, I'm needy and insecure and I've become more warm to the idea of suicide. The only thing that's keeping me from doing it is the fact I've recently met this girl. She has so many problems but I love her so much. She lives so far away and I don't know if I'll ever be with her. The worst part is she loves me too. I wish she didn't because I'm so fucking worthless. I have almost no money, few aspirations and exactly no opportunities. I want to marry her and give her a happy life but every day I constantly have to remind myself that it's next to impossible. I wish I never fucking existed holy shit. Fuck me.

>>17128376
Hey you, nothing is impossible. If you both love each other go for it. Love conquers all. The only thing standing in your way is your own insecurities. Have a little faith in yourself.

>>17123315
ME TOOO

>>17123315
the mexican pricness is out of my life.

Hey you !

Yes you ! right there on the other side !

You're not special, you're very existence is meaningless, you are very likely to die just like anyone of use and not parnormal entity is going to save your ass in the afterlife.

Also you are likely to die Lonely and sad.

But hey, why should you even care ?

It's not like crying over it is going to make anything better so how about actually try to be happy at least one fucking time in your god damned life ?

It hurts so much to think of the reality that we can't happen again, but I constantly have this undying hope and positivity that we could. That I could win you back. That I could change the way you feel again and make this work again...It all seems to make so much sense. I just don't know why but it keeps me going.

>>17128545
>so how about actually try to be happy at least one fucking time in your god damned life ?
Because when we don't get something we live for, we have no ability to be happy.

>>17128545
>you are very likely to die
can't argue with that.

>>17126671
I didn't start doing it because it made me feel better; I started because I hated myself and felt that I deserved to be punished. I had this compulsion to hurt myself, and I was like 12, so I did; I stabbed myself with the sharp edge of a wall scraper a few times. It wasn't very deep.

It can make you feel better for a while (if it's deep and large enough) because of the endorphin rush it causes, but it's really not worth it. It's not painful, it's not healthy, and it can leave literal scars that people can recognize and will make them think you're a fucking lunatic. And for me, it's kind of a symbol of my self-hatred (which I received as part of the mentality I got from abuse), a part of me which is stupid and wrong and not worth listening to in the first place. I'm worth more than that; so I don't cut myself. (I'm 5 years clean; I add another year every May 9, actually.).

CBT and DBT were much more helpful for me than self-harm ever was. My family has, for some reason, become much more healthier and supportive, including my two brothers, who are good — if somewhat troubled — people. So I have help and support now, and that's worth more than anything to me, honestly. (Meds have helped quite a lot too, and do more than anything else does for my emotional state; if you can, see a psychiatrist and talk about medication options.).

I got asked out, then dicked around and ghosted by a girl I had the biggest crush on the week before my final exams, now I can't stop thinking about all the stupid shit I said/did (I thought I fucked it all up) and the horrible shit she did/said and I'm confused because I want to hate her, but she was such a good friend. I feel betrayed and inadequate and I have ruined my first two exams, i have one tomorrow i never studied for and it's big, and i have a portfolio i have barely even started and i have another exam on thursday.

I am fucked and lying in bed, curtains drawn, feel like crying

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I have fallen in love with a onenight stand. But will never see her again. It's quite sad I'm not a guy that falls in love fast. But this girl wauw.... It's hard for me to accept that she used me like I did with so many others women b4

>>17127145
lol if she were real
she still wouldn't want anything to do with you

Guys I can't live normally anymore. I can't do anything normally. My whole life is out of whack and I can't do anything about it. The way I live, the way I think, eveything I do. It's all different. I'm able to go about my day to day life now but it's changed. I'm not how I was before. Will I ever go back to normal? If so, when? I've been going through nothing but shit these past few months and I'm stuck thinking about only but my ex. I can't get her to leave my fucking head.

Who the fuck am I kidding? I'm doing this on purpose. I'm choosing to cling on because I'm too scared of moving on. I don't want to let go. I don't want to change back, become normal again or move forward. I'm stubbornly insisting on ONE fucking route, and that's to fix this so I can do it all over again. I don't know what to do anymore. Every time I try something and fail, my mind comes up with another fucking reason to keep trying and hoping. Another plan to execute that I think will work. WHY CAN'T I STOP? What will make me finally give up? What's going make me finally realize it can't happen and stop? The question I'm really concerned about is what is it going to take for me to bring her back into my arms?

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Today was the first time I talked to random girl on street.
>be me
>be 18
>be 5/10
>walk down the street
>about 20yrs 9/10 walking 2 dogs
>one of them starts to jump towards me
>it wants to play
>pet it for a while,
>start conversation with her about her dogs
>she tells me i must be a good man because her dogs let nobody touch them
> chat for about a minute
> walk away
> realise i forgot ther name
> realise i still remember her dogs name
> and it's name is "Hookah"

On one hand I'm proud I didn't fuck this up like a total cringe, on the other I'm pissed of because I don't remember her name

>fucking "hookah"

>>17128705
Don't know mutch about your ex but there was probably a reason you broke up so as hard this may sound stop feeling sorry for what you lost but be happy for what you gaind, now you have the time to work to be that man you want to be good luck anon

>>17128725
If first time talking to a random girl it was ok. Don't push it if you not used to talk smooth it takes time to get there you didn't fucked up so thats good. Maybe you see her again with her dog and you say hi to hooka and the next convo has started

Went back to school a few years ago. I was an introverted guy and I thought it would be really hard to adapt to an environment with 30 people I didn't know and had to interact with.

I was pretty much the most successful guy on that place, not too much to brag about but it felt like home. I had teachers befriend and treat me with undeserved respect. I had friends and classmates who would always rely on me. I was seen as a hard worker compared to others which to be fair I would see more as some people in my class being real lazy. I had success with most age groups as well.

Overall except for the principal which didn't know me much I was a pretty popular guy and I liked the place, the environment, the people around me, and how I was getting into subjects I thought I was terrible at. I also taught some math and basic physics in a more easily digested way.

So after 2 years of that, I was given a choice to continue studying or do something else. Most people wanted the former. I wanted a change of pace and I had my share insecurities so I went against everyone. Which didn't affect much my social status, they still acted like I was right on having my own choice.

Lost my success, my life went much worse. Some of the people I met are long gone. By random chance I meet one of my teachers, he tells me to try again next year and to really consider it.

Half a year later, he dies of cancer. I am left thinking of what he said. Another teacher at his funeral further pushes me in that direction. She tells me that I'm worth too much not to get back on track.

Now I'm reading through stuff, through my notes, through my books and so on. There's so much I can't remember 20% of what I learned and I can't process these things quickly.

>>17128545
>We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars

Unfortunately, some of us are stuck face down staring into the gutter.


Prick.

Our lives will only offer us short moments of content and well being while we are helpless to the atrophying around us. Loved ones will die, sickness will come to some, wars will be fought, accidents will happen, species will fade away, leaders will lie, children will be abused, people will hate each other instead of working together, humanity will time and time again choose fear and selfishness.

I'm horrified. I feel absolute cold terror at how we have all gotten here, what we continue to be.

The people of the world are deaf and squirming. How can I be expected to be part of this world?

Do you feel the dread? How do you cope?

>>17128807
I bet everyone have these kind of thoughts but most people have a buffer to these thoughts cos they're too busy with life.

Me, having zilch going on, have those kind of thoughts going round and round and round...