I don't feel manly at all and I think it is contributing to my low self-esteem. The obvious solution would be to do things that I find manly or that make me feel manly but the only things I come to mind that are manly are things that the society around me consider manly (which stands to reason). These things are also things that I feel are bad, for example:
-aggression / fighting / overt confrontation (which would get me in to trouble)
-"slaying pussy" (which even if I were attractive enough to pull off (I'm not) then I would be drastically increasing my risk of getting an STD, I also just find the idea of having sex be so meaningless kind of depressing)
- general risky behaviour and disregard for my own safety such as extreme sports, doing dangerous jobs that can leave me mangled or dead
- unfounded/founded confidence (no confidence; see low self-esteem, I can't fake it, I'm a terrible long-term liar)
Basically I'm having trouble identifying any positive masculine behaviours that are accepted by society that can make me feel more manly. Can you people give me some examples of some of these positive masculine behaviours that might help me?
>>17127399
Part of manliness is building amazing things and helping keep the world stable, imo. It's also partly something you can define yourself.
Can't fit a square peg into a round hole, anon. If you find yourself unable to bring yourself to do those types of behaviors, then constantly thinking about them isn't going to do you any good, just like your OP post says.
You should try to form your own identity out of what you feel like as an individual. Sure, you're a man, but that doesn't necessarily take precedence over every other aspect of your personality. Your sex is just one aspect of a multifaceted personality, and it can be as important or unimportant as you decide it can be.
You build self esteem by seeing yourself as competent. Find things you're competent at and do them. If you're not good at anything, find something you're decent at and work at it until you're good at it.
Congrats on being able to think with your brain and not your dick, sure maybe it makes you less "manly" but I can assure you that it makes you a lot more pleasant to be around.
>>17127399
How old are you? This sounds like an issue of maturity rather than "manliness"
>>17127450
25. What makes you think that the issue lies in maturity and not manliness? Is it because when someone has reached a certain level of maturity they are supposed to stop caring how others around them define them? I think that that can never really be true as we are a social species and live together in communities and therefore the opinion others hold of you will always be part of how you view yourself as well.
>>17127399
Just fill a needle with testosterone and stick it in your butt on a regular schedule. You'd be surprised at how much of a difference it can make in your attitude.
>>17127443
I agree a lot with this post. Standard notions of "masculinity" aren't you if you don't feel them to be such. Coming to terms with your own identity that isn't completely dictated by outside forces is a sign of maturity and stability.
>>17127554
>>>17127450
> Is it because when someone has reached a certain level of maturity they are supposed to stop caring how others around them define them?
Yes.
>>17127554
>Is it because when someone has reached a certain level of maturity they are supposed to stop caring how others around them define them?
Yes, that is one of the hallmarks of maturity - not caring what other people think of them.
>I think that that can never really be true as we are a social species and live together in communities and therefore the opinion others hold of you will always be part of how you view yourself as well.
You might want to consider getting over that idea and getting on with the work of becoming a self actualized individual.
>>17127554
>Is it because when someone has reached a certain level of maturity they are supposed to stop caring how others around them define them?
bingo
>>17127582
>>17127577
>>17127565
While I can appreciate that there is benefit to throwing away the part of you that cares about others opinions of yourself wouldn't you say that that is also a double edged sword? If you truly do not care what anyone else thinks of you then whats to stop you from engaging in deviant behaviour? In small and mild doses that's not a problem, but there is no reason for you to keep things small. Why not steal from others? Who cares if everyone thinks ill of you? As long as you don't get caught by police and thrown in jail it might not matter to a person. If you say it should matter to them, what do they care? And if it does matter to them why does it matter? Because they're a good person? Good according to who?
My point is, what others think of you will always matter a bit, it's important for maintaining working relationships that benefit both you and those around you, such as keeping a job, a significant other, a family, or a community together. I can understand that not all facets of your life are equally important (for example your style of clothing, sense of humour, or taste in music), but sexuality is a core part of our species and if you completely disregard what others think of you then you will be isolated from some aspect of your community. Whether or not you care about the part of your community you are being isolated from is up to you, but personally feeling manly and being seen as such at least a little bit by others around me matters to me.
So with that said, does anyone else have things they think are examples of positive masculinity? So far I've got building things and maintaining stability for those around you.
>>17127676
Strong
Independent
Competitive
Resilient
Hard Working
Direct
Stolid
Determined
Disciplined
All positive masculine traits. Doesn't mean women can't have them, but when you think of a positive male role model, they will possess these many of these traits.
>>17127399
Create. It can be literally anything. I feel like if there's one unifying feature that many would agree that is a core facet of being a man, it's that men work with their hands to build things.
That's not to say that women can't do the same, but for a large part of history a man's entire worth was determined by his trade. In a way that's still true today, but many people see this as meaning only your earning potential/making money, which isn't really the same thing.
There's something inherently satisfying and "manly" about seeing fruits of labor built with your own two hands.
![jersey-shore-guys[1].jpg](https://i.imgur.com/9SK5jN9.jpg "jersey-shore-guys[1].jpg")
lmao that's not "manly". you described these guys. they aren't men, they're clowns.
>>17127756
and if you like the word "manly" then try browsing this website
artofmanliness.com
>>17127676
>If you truly do not care what anyone else thinks of you then whats to stop you from engaging in deviant behaviour?
Enlightened self interest
>>17127554
>Is it because when someone has reached a certain level of maturity they are supposed to stop caring how others around them define them?
Yes. Other people not thinking you're manly has nothing to do with success or personal fulfillment. If you as an individual require the approval of other people for you to feel like your life is validated then you're living life wrong. That's dysfunctional.
>While I can appreciate that there is benefit to throwing away the part of you that cares about others opinions of yourself wouldn't you say that that is also a double edged sword?
No, its not.
> If you truly do not care what anyone else thinks of you then whats to stop you from engaging in deviant behaviour?
That makes no sense. There's a difference between craving the approval of others and having no impulse control. You seem to be fighting tooth and nail against us trying to convince yourself that you'll be cool as soon as other people think you're cool and we're telling you thats not the case.
You can think whatever you want but doubling down on your argument against us and constantly expounding into unrelated topics won't change what we've said.
No matter how you live your life you will alienate a group of people. Some people won't like you no matter what person you decide to be. If others perceiving you as "manly" is important then go do that, but stop trying to convince us its an important part of "fitting in" because its not.
>>17127399
You have a very narrow view of what "society around me considers manly". I guess there's superficial things like playing sports and working out. Sports was never my thing, but I do exercise and shit most days because it's good for me.
There's also other things like not being a bitch and not whining all the time. Which you're failing at kinda hard.
>>17127712
Very good point, I think creating is one of the greatest things you can do with your life. It can even be with music and art.
>>17127802
This
