I'm in the same boat you are so I'm probably not someone who should be giving an answer.

But if you don't put in all that work then things will only stay as they are.

I'm a weak person and my odds aren't good, but even if it all ends up horribly I'd rather be able to look back on a life with experiences with other people than a life spent alone.

But to be honest, yeah, I don't know how other people do it.

>>17124973

>is it really worth it

define 'worth it'. it depends. not all relationships are created equal. all relationships end, but if you can go in knowing that then you can enjoy what happens while it happens.

>the massive amounts of wokr is needed just to get into one let alone maintain it

nope. in my opinion if you have to put in any serious 'work' into starting one, then its not worth it. you are manufacturing a relationship. i understand putting effort into going out and meeting people but this should be done in relation to some sort of activity you enjoy regardless of whether or not you meet a 'worthy lady' that night. you cant meet people staying home and reading comic books, but you can meet people going down to the comic book store during their weekly events.

>changing ones physical appearance to completely changing hteir personality.

appearance is worth changing regardless of who sees. call me vain, but i love to look good, and look good to me. but what looks good to me isnt good to other people. i LOVE my messy-esque hair style. but a lot of people give me shit for it saying i should brush my hair. i think it looks best this way, so i maintain it as such. on a slow day at wokr i may go in looking pretty and never once meet a single person that day. and i dont really mind cuz its just nice that when i look at myself in a mirror i can feel proud of that. as long as your looks arent the only thing you care / feel proud about, then its fine.

especially hwen you put in a lot of effort, such as by working out. that goes beyond appearance and goes to just being physically great, which i believe all people shoudl aspire to.

>change personality

depends on what you mean. if you wanted to be a certain way are oyu really changing your personality? my advice is generally to stick to activities you already liked, just reverse engineer them to meet people (comic book events, book clubs, or whatever your hobby is, but in a public setting).

>>17124973
you gotta find a girl who is also a social recluse so you dont have to change your whole personality. Finding them is difficult, look through local facebook groups thats how i found my boyfriend I was happy to find someone as socially inept as me. Dating sites are a bit risky because there are some crazy people on there use them as a last resort.

>>17124973
>>17125210

>also i rarely see any of the benefits being celebrated here

hwy would someone come back to /adv/ and post regularly about their sucess? we get it here and there but people come here becuase they have problems. they dont come back when they're fixed. it is anonymous after all and they'd never really be able to share the story with the people who helepd them. this board is 50% regulars who GIVE advice, and 50% new strangers every day who just come here to get help. those strangers dont return even if successful. if you want to see these thigns celebrated, go out and meet couples and see how they interact. they are the sucess stories.

>they will just leave you anyway

all relationships end, really. 'something isn't beautiful because it lasts'.

romance, passion, etc. is the most fleeting and fragile of human experiences. its a sort of emotional fact really. if you want something permanent, dont date. dont interact with anyone. passion was designed to keep cave people with short life spans interested in each other just long enough to get a baby to its teen years when it could more or less fend for itself. disney lied. get over it.

>unless oyu plan on getting married or having kids whats the point

fun? those bubbly feelings? sex? having someone you like to hang out with? im actually pro-independence and think people rely too much on relationships. but you're too far in the opposite directions. marriage is a concept, a vague one really, and there is no reason to get married unless you ahve someone you really like. no reason to raise kids wiht someone unless you're really into them.

whats the point in getting married or having kids if you dont know you're into them? you cant just 'know' who your supposed OTP is.

>>17125210
>>17125214

>do people really NEED relationships?

notreally. they want them ,crave them, etc. the fact that you post this shows you do to. ultimately oyu can get to your deathbed without them. live your life enjoyable and independently. if someone comes along that oyu like, go ahead and date them. break up when its no longer good for either of you. dont avoid someone you like just cuz break ups are inevitable.

>>17124973
The best advice I can give you anon is to not worry about it too much. I too prefer the peacefulness of my solitude and I tend to be very self-driven and content without someone else around. One can rationalize and justify "Why bother with a partner at all, ack, the headaches they would bring! Things are so peaceful and perfect as they are". But all that thought goes out the window when you are in a store and a bombshell looks over at you beaming and next thing you know youre standing in line behind her and she starts making small talk and dropping hints that you should ask her for her number.

It sounds like you're aiming for a list of benefits, since you've already laid out some of the negatives:

-Sex. Nothing more to say about that one
-Accountability. One of the only things lacking in solitude is outside accountability. If you don't do what you have set out to do, no one will hold you accountable. A woman being in your life will encourage you to finish what you've started.
-Secondary income, and secondary help with upkeep.

Those are the three biggies for me. I'll keep it concise, cuz like I said, no point writing a thesis on it. You are inundated with primal instincts that can be activated in the blink of an eye.