I'm pretty sure I have a rape fetish.
Like, I've never done it and I never will - I'm all about gender equality in real life, I love my girlfriend more than anything, the idea of scarring someone that way makes me physically ill. But I always look for nonconsent scenes in porn - sleep-sex, drunk sex, blackmail/dare/game punishment sex, and so on. I didn't think it was a big deal until I realized that I literally can't get hard for my girlfriend because she's too supportive. I thought it was the meds I was on. Now I'm not so sure.
We'd been intimate for a while, but it was mostly oral/mutual masturbation stuff because I was always too limp to actually put it in. The thing is, today I was messing around with her a bit to tease her. She was playing a game. I was putting my hand down her pants to try to distract her. She kept telling me no, saying it was messing her up... and I got hard as a fucking diamond. I went further and further, and eventually she got too turned on to play. We had sex briefly, but then she started saying "oh you're so good baby, I love you," and bam, I'm limp. I tried again later, waking her up from a nap by fondling her, touching her, then pulling down her pants and sticking it in, which was awesome again until she started trying to help me out.
Mentally I'm thrilled when she's so into me, but I physically have a really hard time getting it up when she consents. It creeps me out. I don't know what to do.
...And I don't think I can talk to her about it because she had some abuse in her past too. If she knew I was into it, even just as roleplay/fantasy/whatever, I don't know what she would think of me.
What kind of abuse?
I am a female and I have had abuse in my life and I am into being forced into sex, and I've talked to my boyfriend and we both share an interest in non-consensual sex. This is actually a pretty ironic post, considering we both really talked about it tonight. Maybe she is just trying to make you feel loved. My boyfriend and I actually keep a good balance between "lovey dovey" sex and "non consent" sex. I would say just open up first about fantasies about having sex with her in her sleep... That's actually how me and my boyfriend got started and how we ended up finding out that we both shared a 'rape' fetish.
Or tell her you want to experiment. She might be so supportive because she thinks that might get you hard. She probably wants to make you feel loved during sex.
My story is no joke. I'm open to any questions you have and I'm interested in helping you figure this out.
>>17121121
Abuse like... well, I don't want to get into too much detail. No sexual abuse, but until she met me (she tells me) she had rock-bottom self-esteem, thought she was worthless, she still has scars and she's still afraid to show them in public.
I've been working really hard to make her love herself as much as I love her but I still feel like that's a bit tenuous - maybe she doesn't quite believe it but is willing to pretend when I'm around - and I don't want to risk that by making her question whether I'm trustworthy or not.
We haven't been together all that long. I don't want to rock the boat, but I don't want her to think I find her sexually unattractive either, and our relationship so far has been all about support and consent and boundaries so me asking her to stop telling me "yes" and let me fuck her like it's a kidnapping is just... bluh.
How long have you two been together? Establishing trust is important, but so is honesty. I wouldn't necessarily tell her that you don't get hard while having sex with her because she may get the wrong idea. I know you love this girl dearly, I can tell.
Do you find her sexually attractive, or attractive in general? Like would you say you find her sexy?
In a sexual relationship, communication is always really important. You really need to talk to your girlfriend about your turn ons and offs if you want your relationship to get stronger. If she doesn't want to participate in something, she can just say no and express her own feelings. If she does, then it's a win-win.
I had a little trouble confessing some of my kinks to my boyfriend. But when I did, he revealed his own kinks to me and I got to discover new fetishes with him that I turned out liking.
I always suggest people have a safeword because sometimes "no" doesn't really mean no, even in "normal" or vanilla relationships. In the scene you described, a safeword might have been useful in case she got a little uncomfortable and you didn't happen to catch her cue. So whether you talk to her about your feelings or not, I still recommend you work out a special code word for either of you to say in case you get uncomfortable and want to stop playing around.
>>17121142
Personally, if I had a boyfriend that couldn't seem to get hard no matter what I did, and then I found out he had a rape fetish and all I had to do was say "ah, no, stop" to get him going: I would be delighted and relieved to learn it wasn't just me sucking at sex.
You can have and practice a rape fetish and still have your relationship still be all about support and consent and boundaries. In fact, the bdsm community is way more focused on all that than a lot of vanilla people typically are.
>>17121154
Almost two months. The relationship has been moving quickly but we're crazy about each other. You know that hypothetical "if you met a gender-swapped version of yourself, would you have sex with them?" She's basically that, but mixed in with my physical ideal of a dream girl. It blows my mind that she exists, let alone that I get to date her. Yet she thinks she's lucky to have *me* apparently? Yeah, I'm afraid to rock that boat.
>>17121158
The thing is I've tried to raise the issue of kinks too, and either she's really shy about it or she's genuinely vanilla. If she's shy, I don't want to make her uncomfortable about things by confessing something so huge (maybe start with something smaller to show her I'm okay with discussing things?), and if she's vanilla then she probably thinks someone with a rape fetish is likely to also be a rapist.
A safe word is a good idea. I'll talk to her about that - we've each had moments where we stopped and said "are you sure you want to keep going, you sound uncertain," so just knowing there is an emergency stop means we also know it hasn't been used yet.
>>17121180
You guys haven't been dating that long, but that doesn't mean you can't be honest. I would say just build your trust more and try to be transparent about your sexuality and kinks. Don't right away say what you're into, just the test the waters with her and ask what turns her on, etc... Try to get to know her in a sexual manner. Usually the first few months of relationships and sex are generally awkward. You're learning about each other, and you're going to grow with your girlfriend and you're both going to learn how to make each other feel good. It's all about honesty and trust. The longer you're dating, the more you grow together and find out about each other.
>>17121180
Some people even have a traffic light system for their safewording. Red to mean "stop right now," yellow to mean "I'm okay we don't have stop, but you're kinda pushing it so ease up a bit" and green to mean "yes keep going this is great even if i don't seem like it."
>she probably thinks someone with a rape fetish is likely to also be a rapist
That would be a pretty silly thing to think, imo. It's like assuming girls that get off to 50 shades of grey actually want to get abused and raped and that they're not just enjoying a fantasy. Considering the popularity of that kind of erotica, society would be in serious trouble if that were the case.
I suggest you buy yourself some books on bdsm and read up on how other people make it work in their relationships, then see if maybe you find something you might pass on to your girlfriend to read to help her understand. I just finished a book by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy that was recommended to me by a friend that's into bdsm, and those authors seemed to know what they were talking about. There may even be material out there specifically about how to come out.
>>17121103
First of all, what you are experiencing is NOT a ape fetish. If anything, it is a "having the sexual power to be able to arouse her even if she's not in the mood" fetish. You're not getting off on attacking her, but on seducing her, and that's perfectly healthy.
>>17121103
You have nothing but porn addiction you shithead. Stop watching porn and pick up other hobbies. Watch how your girlfriend will give you instant boners again.
Every porn addict will eventually desensitise and seek out more extreme levels to rock the boat again.
>>17121692
probably this lol
you've been watching too much anime and porn. Your mind is associating sex with unrealistic expectation so your libido is fucked with what is 'normal' stop masturbating.
