Alright folks, I asked about this before in an advice thread but I'm still getting my head straight about this issue and it feels good to hear people's opinions.
TL;DR - Girl doesn't know what she wants, acting really immature, not sure what to do if she approaches me again
Alright, so a friend of mine approached me and confessed her feelings for me, but there's an age gap between us - I'm 21, she just turned 18. I was really surprised because I'm a shy, awkward guy and I've got a big crush on her myself. I asked her out months ago and she turned me down.
We kind of "went out" for about a week, but she refused to actually spend time with me or do anything. She was incredibly immature and kept running away from me in public, complaining to her friend that I was awkward and she regretted approaching me, but I barely even had the chance to talk to her - she was only comfortable texting me, and even then she kept showing her friend all of our text messages, which felt horrible. I'm confused about whether it was our relationship or her friend's, or some weird teenage girl drama thing. It felt like she was only comfortable with some fantasy version of me and couldn't be around me in public. In any case, she told me we should just stay friends, and when I asked if it was because she realised she didn't like me/I was awkward, she told me it was because she couldn't do a distance relationship, but when I offered to talk to her about that (it's actually not that big a deal) she shut me down.
>>17120270
She seems very confused and I don't know if I want to be a part of this kind of teenage girl bullshit, I'm way too old. All I wanted was to chill with someone I had stuff in common with and have fun. Thing is, she's changed her mind radically once before, and she has trouble making decisions, and this all happened during a fairly intense time at college re: workload.
My friends have told me to be prepared in case she approaches me again at the end of the course on Thursday, or at the end of year party when emotions run high. We've been friends for months and months. I know I need to tell her it isn't a good idea, but I know I'm going to think with my heart/dick and say yes and get hurt again.
I keep finding myself thinking about giving her the benefit of the doubt, it's a stressful time, she's younger than me, maybe she's just making bad decisions and acting stupid because she's stressed too. I keep thinking that it's the college, it's in a remote area, maybe that kind of thing has an effect, I could tell her we will talk the following week and then I can offer her an adult relationship rather than this soap opera shit, but then I could just walk away.
As angry as I am with her for how she behaved, I still have some kind of residual feelings that won't go away. I'm really hoping none of this comes to pass and she just stays away from me, it would be better for everyone, but despite her weird behaviour in the end, she clearly wanted a relationship with me.
>>17120273
You guys probably think it's unlikely she's going to do anything, that I'm flattering myself, that she clearly isn't interested, but I told her she was special after she rejected me the first time and she admitted it rattled around in her brain for months ever since - "you kinda planted that idea in my head", she said.
Now, I was sad after she friendzoned me and I asked her friend if the girl was feeling alright because she looked terrible when I saw her. I get a text back from the girl instead, apologising but telling me "nothing happened" and there's "nothing to get over", then the bullshit about distance relationships (I never spoke to her about the future distance relationship, only to her friend) - and I'm really sad at this point and tell her about the adventures I wanted to go on with her, and asked if we could still go on them even if we aren't in a relationship (I'm going to be travelling near where she lives over the summer anyway) and I get a text back from her friend at that point saying "She's absolutely fine but wishes you would stop bothering her"
I take the hint, but then an hour later I get a text back saying
>"I don't know we'll see how things go"
After she rejected me the first time, and I told her she was special, she told me "hey ho you never know where the future will take you anyway"
This feels like the same kind of shit.
I'm just bumping one last time, I'm probably going to see her today and if she approaches me to say sorry I'm just going to tell her "Listen R***, shit happens, feelings change, I'll be your friend no mater what" - if she expresses regret, I'll tell her to contact me after college is over and we can talk it through, if she doesn't as I hope she doesn't, I'm off the hook.
BPD bro
run while you can
>>17121474
BDP? What does that stand for?
Yeah, I'm trying to avoid her at the moment.
>>17121516
borderline personality disorder
unless you're both like 15 years old (which is still too old to be acting like that lol) she's too immature to have a relationship with
just re-evaluate your life, where you are at the moment and what your best interests are in the long-run, get over stupid insecurities and realise your life is a ticking timebomb and you might as well die or now or just do whatever the fuck you can to progress well through and enjoy it to the fullest.
what will she offer you? emotionally clearly she has no truly shown personal respect for you, and believe me, in terms of sex and status, that can be achieved a lot easier if you just start building up on more important areas on your life. Anxiety and social awkwardness isn't fixed by "socialising for the sake of it", its fixed by having a set goal and realising that socialising is a key to achieving your goal
>>17121530
Your confidence doesn't have to be reliant on your environment, most people who have "confidence" have it because of superficial, environmental reasons. Do you really want to look up to these type of people? Use this emotional weakness to avoid the gutter and aim for something greater
Sweet Christ, have some self respect. She's fucking you around. If she wanted a relationship with you, she would be having a relationship with you.
You've given her the impression that you'll take her no matter what, so she's free to come and go as she pleases, the ball is entirely in her court. She's going to use you for her teen drama, and then discard you when she wants an actual boyfriend.
Stop feeding her, and grow a pair of balls.
Sit her down and ask what the fuck is going on. None of this texting bullshit, i swear to god people have become completely incapable of talking about anything if they can't edit it.
>>17121654
I just wanted to sit and talk to her. I wanted to for 5 days. She kept running away. It was so frustrating.
I'm still haunted by the day she told me she wanted to stay friends. It happened after I spoke to her in our dorm kitchen for a minute or two while she was making soup in the microwave. She said "You don't have to talk to me, I don't do awkward conversations..." quietly. That hurt, because I beat myself up about it afterwards but in retrospect I barely even had any conversations with her - how could I when she kept running away?
Her friend had just told me she didn't understand what I wanted - I'd told her that we should get to know each-other better first, take things one step at a time (i.e. date), but she didn't understand I meant dating/going out. I had come to tell her that, and I did, but she just kind of looked at me, gave me this really weird, kind of smiling look at me from under her hair/fringe and said "Oh" and literally ran away from me like a little girl.
I texted her to explain that I just hadn't wanted to scare her off and that I could take things as fast or as slow as she wanted, but then I got the whole "this is a bad idea let's just stay friends" thing.
>>17121530
I'm not looking for sex or status, I actually just found her really funny, interesting and we had loads of stuff in common.
