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Anonymous
2016-05-07 19:24:01 Post No. 17119425
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Anonymous
2016-05-07 19:24:01
Post No. 17119425
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I don't want to sound like an annoying, whining ball of self-pity, but I hate myself. I really hate everything about myself. I'm 21. I feel like everyone is fucking better than me. I'm so dumb and I know near nothing about the world because I've never had any real friends, I've always been a shut-in, and I'm too ashamed to ask stupid damn questions. I'm also black and I think I also have slight self racial hatred as well. I'm a manchild and only care about immediate interests with no regard to plan for the future. I am apathetic about everything and it gets worse each day. What makes it worse is that I used to be a pretty good person when I was younger, but thinking about that just reminds me of how far I've fallen. I don't talk to those who want to help me because I'm too ashamed/scared/lazy.
I engage in this self-destructive behavior and don't care; my life is going to the shitter and I don't care because I guess I want myself to fail because I know I deserve it. And also because there's no chance of bettering myself because I'm too much of a piece of shit to do that, so what's the point.
How do I get past that initial hump, to convince myself that I can change myself? I just want high self-esteem, please help. The only time I feel good about myself is when I compose music, but other than that I don't feel like I deserve to be alive.
