How do you use OKCupid to get more interaction and dates? I'm on there and I'm not getting as many messages as I would like- what should I do?
People who have successfully gotten lots of dates from the website, what did you do? I am a guy btw.
Anyone have some good OkCupid tips?
literrally no idea
I got like maybe 10 convo going in several months, which is SHIT
but at least one of them lead to hooking up
honestly it seems random as fuck
>>17115743
bumping
can you guys just talk a little about your experiences on the site?
My experience with dating sites is that unless you're a 10/10 model you wont be getting any messages back, or you won't be getting as many as you think you want.
For every message you send to a girl on there, there's 50+ guys who have messaged her, and there's 20 more guys there who have much more going on with their lives, not that they're much better than you, but they have things working in favor of them than you do.
Not the answer you wanted, but it's the one you're going to get. Online dating sites/apps have done so much to destroy the confidence of men that it's actually depressing if you stop and think about it for a second.
>>17115876
Ill pitch in here and drop this gem to prove that you do speak the truth but not even if youre a 10/10 model will you get replies because there are so many guys trying to get her attention
This is prolly why it seems so random because you might be her type and if youre lucky you can get through to her and then everything goes smooth
Other times your message is in the middle of 200 new ones getting deleted because honestly, would you read em all?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY8rzo4Ik4M
Im not saying dont use dating sites, just dont get your hopes up because if youre a guy youre gonna have a tough time.
>>17115876
that's the thing though- I actually do have pretty much everything else in my life going great for me and I'm still struggling. I'm not bad-looking, not balding, I'm educated and I have a good job with lots of growth potential, I can carry on a conversation that's interesting and fun. To put it bluntly, out of those 50+ guys, I'm probably one of the better ones. Yet I still can't get anyone remotely attractive to send me more than 1 message back.
>>17115899
>. I'm not bad-looking, not balding, I'm educated and I have a good job with lots of growth potential
> I'm probably one of the better ones. Yet I still can't get anyone remotely attractive to send me more than 1 message back.
You dont get it do you? So do most of the male population. You are not a special snowflake. This guy just posted an interesting video >>17115892...The odds are hugely stacked up against you and if you right swipe 1000 girls, the best your first reply rate is at 3%.
If you're as interesting and as awesome as you say you are you wouldn't be using online dating as a crutch.
>>17115892
Cool video. Alright so now that we know online dating is really rigged against guys what do we do about it?
>>17115899
At the end of the day it's just a crap shoot. You get a wider selection than you would get in real life, but so do they. Just dont get your hopes up I guess
>>17115930
So are you saying the best approach would be to walk up to strangers in real life?
>>17115899
>Yet I still can't get anyone remotely attractive to send me more than 1 message back.
This is because she is litterally drowning in messages, you might be ones of the better ones i dont know since i dont know you or the competition but your message is one of maybe 100 counting low
Would you read 100 messages or would you take the easy way and skim through them?
Its not just about looks, its about luck and grabbing attention.
Ever seen a stock market floor in a movie like Wall street? Where everyone is sticking their hands up and shouting to the one guy handling the orders?
Thats dating in a nutshell right now
>>17115941
Yes, cause that's how you actually build social skills and get everything about you that you cant do on a picture of you in the beach holding a dog cause apparently that's the kind of picture bound to get you more replies according to e-dating gurus.
Imo online dating, is just way too much effort and most of the time it's just false advertising.
>>17115941
Probably not just random people, but go to social gatherings and things, then meet new people. It's not hard
>>17115941
Id say yes
This guy >>17115930 said something smart, dont use online dating at a crutch
IRL its just you and her, it might be more scary to approach someone but you know you have her attention
Sometimes going backwards is actually going forwards
>>17115957
And just to what this guy said, when you approach someone irl and they respond back, that's much better progress you've made than online where they can just choose not to respond. Most people in real life aren't as awful where if you say hello to them they'll just ignore you and walk away which is what happens often in online dating, girls just simply refuse to respond, even if you do match up with them.
>>17115957
I'm getting a bit disillusioned with this approach because I've never made it work. I don't know what a good success rate it, but the response is almost always "I have a boyfriend" or when I get a number, I get ghosted.
I love that people are being constuctive and helpful, it really makes me happy
Ill just drop this food for thought on my way out since it seems you guys are doing good
Match group (owns match, OKC and Tinder) posted record sales two days ago and its insane how much money they make.
At the end of the day, this is a product they want to sell to you because it makes them money.
Does this prove that it doesnt work? ofc not but you should think carefully about what you are using, who wants you to use it and why
Think for yourselves friends
http://www.cnbc.com/2016/05/04/match-shares-surge-after-revenues-beat.html?__source=yahoo|finance|headline|headline|story&par=yahoo&doc=103606425
>>17115931
Get off the computer and actually talk to real women in public. I'm a 6/10 and get numbers and hookups just going out to local bars and talking to women.
>>17115983
do you go alone?
>>17115979
>, but the response is almost always "I have a
boyfriend"
Most often than not this is a defense mechanism or a test to see if you're just some guy interested in her for her body. You've probably failed it lots of times. The girl doesn't actually have a boyfriend and doesn't want to waste any more of her time talking to a player.
>or when I get a number, I get ghosted.
Has happened and will continue to happen to everyone. Doesn't mean it's the end of the world. If you establish proper chemistry with someone even in 5 minutes, there's no reason for them to flake out on you, they could but it's just a skill you have to work on. It's why they're called social skills, you aren't born with them.
>>17115992
most of the time yes. I've made friends with several bartenders, and regular patrons since I started doing this, so now I don't feel so awkward going alone since I know people there now. But that took time. I've even hooked up with a few bartenders
>>17115997
>Most often than not this is a defense mechanism or a test to see if you're just some guy interested in her for her body.
I thought it either meant "not interested" or "I have a boyfriend". If it's a test how do you get around it?
>>17116005
I don't drink much as is and drinking alone comes across as alcoholic. Anything besides bars you'd recommend to meet people?
>>17116028
>drinking alone comes across as alcoholic
No it doesn't. Drinking alone at home by yourself comes of as an alcoholic. Going to a bar to chat with people and have a couple drinks does not.
>>17116014
The girl could be telling the truth and actually have a boyfriend, but so what? Doesn't mean you still can't get to hang out, Does her boyfriend stop her from talking to every male out there? Always be playful and joking about it, "Oh you have a boyfriend? me too!" "He can come hang out too if he wants" Cause if she says that and you turn around and walk away, what does that say about you? You only care about this girl if she agrees to sleep with you and nothing else? It actually makes you look more of a douchebag than her. There's nothing written in the rules saying you can't be friends with girls who are taken, and if those rules do exist in her relationship, I'm sure she's not too happy with him. This isn't a ploy to steal people's girlfriends, but to be sociable and get along with as many people as possible, which unfortunately can't and won't happen on online dating sites cause you're just restricted on what you look like and that's it.
>>17116031
>>17116036
god damn pic didn't load
>>17116031
Well, I guess my city has a lot of breweries around, maybe I can go to some of those. I just don't want to be the sad guy in the poorly lit corner by himself.
>tfw the guy you really liked stopped messaging you
I just want to die. Thought women had it easy on there.
>>17116076
dont you have like a billion more visitors and messages to check out?
>>17116076
Its problematic for you girls too
Most guys get this idea imprinted that "its a numbers game dude"
Meaning if they dont get results quickly you should count your losses and move on
If youre a girl on a dating site actually looking to find a potential bf youre prolly gonna have a rough time too, sure you get alot of messages but many of them might just be "Hey bby, u wan sum dick?"
Keep your chin up, plus side is there are alot of guys out there and if he is gonna show a lack of commitment better deal with it now than later correct?
>>17116114
>if he is gonna show a lack of commitment
Why would you be committed a set of pictures and some chat messages that can just stop at any time?
>>17116114
this is true- it can be tough for women too. Sure they might get more messages than guys but what's the point if 99% of them say something stupid like "hey bb wanna hook up"
>>17116131
R9k is that you?
maybe commitment is a bad word, follow through then?
>>17116107
Messages I get tend to get say things like "damn you're sexy", long copy-paste messages, or just hey with them saying something I mentioned in my profile. I always reply back to the latter.
For visitors, I get a large number of views from people out of state or nearly 40 year olds (I'm 24). The rest I check out their profile, and if I like it I message them. Those tend to lead nowhere for one reason or another.
>>17116114
>but many of them might just be "Hey bby, u wan sum dick?"
Some of them might be like this, but most of them are just betas trying to start up a conversation. I sifted through a girl's bumble and asked her why she isn't responding to most of the messages and it's cause most of them just say, "Hey" what do you even say back to that?
Okay but how do you go on meeting people, getting to know each other and all that stuff?
Im not interested in hookups nor playing games with people so what do? Doesnt even have to be a relationship hell meeting a girl to be friends with is equally as good
>>17116208
The first step would be going outside
>>17116067
>I just don't want to be the sad guy in the poorly lit corner by himself.
Not him, but I do the same thing. Sit at the bar, and chat with the bartender they will start introducing you to people. Works for me
>>17116213
>>17115736
>I'm not getting as many messages as I would like
For clarification: you're not getting as many replies, or you're not getting as many initial messages? If it's the latter, you're a fucking idiot.
>>17116213
Yeah well where do i find introverted girls or shut-ins?
I have friends but finding more than friends is difficult to say the least
>>17116238
>where do i find introverted girls or shut-ins?
>>17115736
i knew a girl who was attractive, and had one good picture of herself, and a massive, cringey bio.
she had like 1000 messages in a couple of months.
>>17116213
thats not particularly helpful. you can spend all day walking around the city it wont do anything. approaching randoms in the street is just not what anybody does.
work is a waste of time.
bars are a waste of time, it just feels like some staged competition.
>>17116319
this
thats why i asked the question
where can a person meet people, most of my friends still go to bars or clubbing but nobody i would like would go there and just walking and sitting around randoms isnt better
it may seems strange to people but im lost and have no idea what to do
>>17116207
What's up, how's it going, how are you...Christ m8
>>17116135
>>17116114
>>17116313
Reminder they just mean they haven't found their dream Chad on here. They get plenty of attention.
>>17116114
every time ive had a decent/funny conversation with girls on dating websites they've just decided to not reply at all afterwards. one girl gave me her number unsolicited and we texted and arranged a date and even she just stopped talking for no reason.
>>17116343
im the same, fuck knows mate. ive thought about volunteering. i did it once and there were some cute females only i was an autistic faggot at the time so said nothing to any of them.
so i suppose... volunteer. all i got. unless you have friends who have female friends, just ask if you can see them cos its been a while blah blah and get talking.
>>17116319
>approaching randoms in the street is just not what anybody does.
Says who? And meeting randoms just cause you both swiped right on some dumb app is much more socially acceptable?
>>17116368
>What's up
>How's it going
>How are you
Most people don't want to have lazy conversations like these.
>>17115736
>Anyone have some good OkCupid tips?
Yeah, be conventionally attractive, despite what the blog says.
I've been on the site since it launched. I haven't had a single date from it. In the past 5 years, the few profile views I get have been from increasingly less attractive and downright ugly women.
Stick to real life.
>>17116391
did you go on the d8, m8?
>>17116391
There is a reason, she found another guy and lost her interest in you
Mate, she gets thousands of messages so there is a very good chance she gets distracted by someone else
This is a basic concept of all humans really, ask someone to pay attention to hundreds or thousands of things and they cant give each thing as much attention
Guys just dont have this problem since most girls(if any) activly hunt for a guy so they are rarely/never the first to message
>>17115736
>get more interaction and dates
Be a woman.
>>17115736
Message management is shit on OK Cupid. Women are bombarded by every male on the site and your message has probably been lost among all the other loser messages.
Cast your net wide and then take a fire and forget approach to messaging. I used to message anyone I liked the look of and move on. Some got back to me, most didn't. Any decent girls get bombarded by messages so it's not worth getting your hung up on anyone you see because most will skim read your message or it'll be lost in the pile.
This doesn't mean you can be lazy with your messages, you still have to work to make yours stand out from the rest. Against all advice, many guys still send messages that just say 'hi' or are just plain offensive.
>>17116034
but op is trying to find a date. isnt that "wrong" you are basically saying maybe ill get her later, isnt that the same as an orbiter?
>have picless profile
>a few girls still reply
>send pic
>stop replying or profile deleted/disabled
;_;
One girl might become my friend.
>>17118603
Anon, show me a pic of you. It can't be that bad.
>>17118611
Yes, it can. :(
But, seriously, I'm scared of posting my pic on 4chan.
I'm Japanese, have long hair (that I'm going to sell, unless someone likes me like this), acne scars and cleft lip scar.
>tfw anon also stops replying
