>>17101140
tl;dr

When my parents came to get me after the end of the semester they could see how bad I was. I did the same for a couple of months at their house. I locked myself up and never went out of my room, the only time I would leave my room was at night when everyone was asleep I would eat. My parents sat my down and my mom told me she thinks I should seek medical help. I was so use to locking myself up that when I did the therapy it did not help because I was still locked up in my mind. Another factor was the therapist was the father of someone I went to school with his daughter bullied me so I felt uncomfortable saying anything to him. Since this therapy was run through the government I could not switch and if I did it would take me another year and a half to get someone else.

Therapy ended nothing happened, my mother told me I should give college another try but this time it would be online. I went to school for graphic design for two years and did really good at it. In this time my mother also hooked me up with this guy and we had been dating for a year and a half. My boyfriend then joined the air force. I finished my college and had no clue what to do. I started applying to jobs locally just retail jobs to get some money in while I worked on my portfolio. I had gotten so confident from my schooling that I forgot how bad my anxiety was when I was around people. First job I had was just part time at a store near me, I was very nervous. On my 2nd day I admitted to having an auditory processing disability because my manager was yelling at me calling me stupid. My manager responded saying that I should of told her during the interview that I had a disability. I quit the next day for fear of being fired. Next job I got was at an organic food store, it was very hard for me because I had to remember all the codes for each product in order to put them into the cash. I am dyslexic but did not want to admit to having a disability, I spent the next month getting yelled at.

>>17101181
I quit that job because my anxiety had gotten so bad that all that was on my mind was work. I could not get my mind to rest. I was in constant fear of being yelled at for making mistakes. After a week I got another job at another place. A big warehouse store, the company benefits were really good when I got offered a job they never told me what job I was doing I was just excited that I was going to be moving forward and that I may find the right fit while I work on my portfolio for graphic design and look for a job in the field that I studied for. Got to work turns out that I was doing cleaning. I did not mind cleaning but how the other staff treated me made me feel embarrassed. I would get comments from staff saying ew do not go near me whenever I was near staff. It did not bother me that much.

One day I had to close the washroom because there was a leak I had 5 mins to clean it up and fix things up so that customers could use the washroom. Customers were waiting in line patiently and were very polite. The staff has their own washroom and one of the rude staff cut in line of all the customers and went into the customer washroom even though it was closed. My anxiety was bad but I told her that was rude and not to do that and that there are staff washrooms and to say sorry to the customers for yelling at them and being rude. She said she was coming back with a manager for harassing her so I said "okay I will explain the situation then". She never came back with manager instead she came back in the washroom she said I was harassing her because she was black. I was put off by this and said come with me to her and brought her to a manager she lied about the situation and I ended up getting in trouble. I tried really hard for it to not bother me. I was in a crowd of customers in the store and I started having a really bad anxiety attack I could not talk properly for a couple of days I was stuttering that bad.

>>17101202
My boss found out that I had a couple of disabilities and sent me home for the day. This was when my health started to decay rapidly I was having to be hospitalized on a weekly basis. I was still trying to go to work to try and prove to myself that my disabilities were not that bad but I end up getting sicker and sicker. I ended up having to quit my job because I was so sick that I was not even able to stand anymore. I always feel like I am such a burden for having the disabilities that I have. After this my boyfriend purposed to me. I was very excited but I knew that my dreams of being a graphic designer were gone because he would put at military bases with no graphic design jobs anywhere near by. I gave up on my dreams for him. The next couple months I spent trying to regain my health. I was very depressed, I tried to kill myself I took a bunch of pills my mom found out and I lied saying that I did not realize how many pills I took because I was sick. I went to the hospital spent the night and got a slap on the wrist by the nurses there.

I had no clue what to do with myself. My mother suggested since that I have most of the same courses from graphic design that I get a diploma in photography too seeing I only needed 5 courses to get it. I use to love photography when I was a kid I was the head of my photography club at my school. I stopped liking photography as I got older though because I disliked the world around me, I saw no point in taking pictures.I took the courses to try and get myself out of the depression. I knew I was unable to work around people because of my disabilities and anxiety. I decided to save for equipment to start my own photography business and dog walking business that way I could have my own hours and chose when I am able to be around people and when I am not able to.

I started the dog walking and I am doing pretty well with it, but my fiance does not think highly of it.

>>17101250
I have tried in the past explaining my disabilities and stuff but he does not really listen. For our wedding I am not able to put that much money down but I planned everything so that the wedding will be on a beach and the hotels and everything in total is only 7,000. My fiance I can tell is thinking little of me because I can not put as much money down as him. It does make me feel bad but I can not get sick again like I was a couple months ago.

I am suppose to be moving in with him in the fall but I am not sure if I should because he does not understand my disabilities and gets upset when I have anxiety attacks, which in return makes me feel worst. I asked him if he was sure if he wanted me to move in with him next year and he said he was not sure but if I moved in then there would be two people to clean the house so it would be easier. But that made me really angry. Ever since I was a kid I wanted to base my life on my career and do something to help improve in the world in some way that I can do. I dreaded the thought of becoming a house wife. It was not me. There is a part in me that is weak and then there is a part that is strong and keeps me from always going through with killing myself. I have tried talking to him about how I do not want to be a house wife and he agrees but his actions are different than what he agrees with. I feel like I am his child and it makes me so frustrated. I do not want to be born like this I wanted to have a place in society. It is so frustrating. I always have to ask him to do stuff because he is like the adult in the relationship because I can not work full time. I hate it, I hate this. I do not want to feel this way it is horrible. I feel so weak. As I get older I feel like I get more medical problems too, I hate having to always go to the hospital and people feeling bad for me. I wish I could be an engineer in the military like my father was but I can not handle being around people.

>>17101279
This is a fate worst than death. I have to watch all the things I like about myself fade away without my consent.

I do not know what to do anymore. I hate being looked down by others. The only thing I found that helps me is being around a dog at all times helps me forget about my anxiety but my fiance told me that I have to spend a couple months first without having a service dog before we get one because he only wants to have to get one if I really need it. I am afraid to move out with him because my therapist and my parents are all here and he does not understand how I feel no matter how much I try to address it to him. I do not want to get like how I was when I locked myself away during my first time at college. I hate this I feel like I got a step closer to finding the route that works best for me and now I am back to where I was all over again. It is a never ending cycle.

Bumping. Sorry for the long posts but I feel it is needed to properly explain the situation. Hopefully someone older or wiser than I am with a lot of medical conditions can help.

>>17101334
What are specifically your medical conditions? You speak vaguely about them in your post.

>>17101482
I have crohn's disease, an serve oral allergy to pollen that affects me greatly when the seasons change I am unable to open my eyes for a couple of days and I fall asleep for a couple of days at a time because my body is fighting against it. I have so many allergies that I become anemic very easily I am always constantly developing new allergies that range from normal to extremely serve, I have a list of all my allergies written down and each year it is more, this year list is around three pages. When I get tested for my allergies I have to book multiple appointments for it. My anxiety is so bad that I randomly have anxiety attacks for the oddest things at this point, the other day I had an anxiety attack from my boyfriend sitting on me, it makes me feel horrible. My father called me bubble girl when I was a kid. It took a really long time for them to diagnose me with crohns, I started getting testings for it when I was 15. I feel like my crohns is affected by anxiety the most though.

For my disabilities I am dyslexic, I have auditory processing disability and a short term memory issue, I have been diagnosed with these since I was six.

>>17101140
Shit i'm sorry anon, your parents should have gotten you proper treatment for this the moment they saw it. Unfortunately, only american parents are really aware of developmental disorders and their treatment. Mine are from eastern europe for example and they approached every problem by ignoring it completely.

To be honest, after reading just the first couple of posts I'm sure you would have been diagnosed with an autism-spectrum disorder if you were growing up today (it would fold the hypersensitivity, social anxiety, auditory processing, dyslexia, memory issues, and even the effect of stress on the crohn's all into 1 diagnosis).
Try to convince your fiance that you really do need a service dog, they help quite a bit. Saw this in classes with autistic kids growing up, the girls especially seemed to benefit from them.

>my crohns had got so bad that I was having pools of blood when I would go to the washroom.
I know a little bit of that feel: I have a mild case but it was bad a few months back, worst bleeding i've had so far. If you aren't already, consider taking a multivitamin daily at double the dose listed on the package (malabsorption is likely), plus an extra iron supplement to prevent anemia.

Are you getting any therapy at the moment?
Taking any medications for the anxiety?

>>17102582
Hi Anon thank you for the response.
My mother did not get me proper treatment because she was afraid I get like my dad. They are still together but my father does not agree with my mom methods but went along with it to make her happy.

I never really thought I could have autism, I have trouble making friends and maintaining relationships. My aunt has autism and she is a lot like me.
I am going to tell my fiance there is no if and or buts and that I need it.

I take a couple different medications for my anemia and also my crohns I am on a medication for my anxiety disorder too. I can list them for you if it will be helpful.

I have a psychiatrist.
I am on medication for depression and anxiety.