First of all, i must say my english isn't so good, but i'll do my best to explain whats going on with my life.
I'm a computer science student, my parents pay for it, and i also study in another city, so they have to spent even more money. This semester i've picked up about 9 classes, a number slightly above the average here. The problem is i have no self-control at all...
I'm already disapproved in 6 out of 9 just because my absence. On these 3 i'm still doing i'm on the limit of attendance, and my grades aren't doing that good (i can't sit and study). I spent the whole day drinking and playing video-games, and when it comes to the morning of another day i do the same thing over and over. I'm feeling extremely sad and the only people i could talk or ask advices are here, on internet. I don't think about suicide because that would be a big betrayal to my parents, but all the time i feel like i have no future, i feel i'll become a homeless man. I also feel like everything around me will collapse and the world end, but it never gets real.
I think i know what i should do, which is stop drinking, studying more, but i can't swallow this pill.
You need to stop drinking, it's fucking you up. Drinking worsens depression, making you miss classes, which in turn makes you more depressed. It's a viscous cycle. You have to save what you can of this semester or you'll truly be fucked
I feel for you, I have finals monday and I'm really not prepared. I think the more important thing is to ask yourself why you're avoiding things? Clearly drinking and gaming is an escapism tactic. If it's too much pressure, then think of it in another way (this is what i did, it's hard to explain). Instead of thinking of the people you may or may not let down, think of yourself- what kind of person you want to be etc. but if it helps, at the end of the day they're paying because they want you to do something you enjoy- so i'm sure they wouldn't want you to be unhappy- you should look after yourself, and drinking all the time isn't good. It's daunting because you're seeing the mountain of things and getting overwhelmed- break it down! What can you do today that will be positive? Doesn't have to be loads of stuff, just something- even eating a healthy meal or whatever. And as for the work, you can't do it all, you're human, so just do what you can- and do it for you! Because you can, once you're done you can do what you want. Bit of a random ramble but i hope you get what i mean :')
>>17112193
>Drinking worsens depression, making you miss classes, which in turn makes you more depressed
its exactly whats happening
>You have to save what you can of this semester or you'll truly be fucked
I'll try really hard to do it, anon.
>>17112224
> I think the more important thing is to ask yourself why you're avoiding things?
Every class had a unique reason.
in general, most of the classes i skipped had nothing to do directly with computer science, or they had a shitty teacher, or i overslept, or they were so hard i couldn't bother trying...
One of them i skipped because i couldn't finish a homework... (yeah, i'm that stupid)
Btw, thanks for your answer, anon. I really liked your post. Today i didn't bought any beer, so i'll take that as a starting point
Look anon I know it's going to be hard but you need to call your parents and have a very candid discussion about this. Lay out everything you revealed to us, don't hold back at all. The reality may be that college isn't right for you right now, and that's OK. But you need to figure this out nos before it gets worse and you need your parents help. It will not solve itself on its own.
I was in a position similar to you and I kept it a secret until I dropped out because I failed a major project and was a semester away from getting kicked out. When I explained this to my parents they were really hurt, not just about all the money I had wasted (which was a lot) but that I had lied to them and had felt I couldn't approach them for help.
Don't make the same mistakes I did.
That's a great start! And I get what you mean about having to do things which aren't really relevant, or just complete rubbish.. But unfortunately that's part of it, you've got to bite the bullet to get that piece of paper that lets you do what you want to do. If you don't want to talk to your parents, then I would really say talk to a tutor/ head of year or something- I had a total breakdown this year because on the work load and content (a lot of bull!) and didn't see the point, then avoided it because it was overwhelming.. Eventually I went into uni in a right state and wanted to quit (I got talked out of it) but they helped me get back on track (I get to do the work I missed over summer instead).. Generally they want you to do well, and if you've been having a hard time then they'll understand!
