GF told me she cant tell me she doesnt love me.
But still has sex with me, gives me blowjob when i want, comes home on time, cleans, cooks, watches stuff with me etc.
>Been together for 4 years and some change
>Lived together for 4 years
>Neither of us has a "real" family, we have both been more or less on our own since 15 years of age
>Neither of us has good friends (i stopped talking with mine completely when or before we got together, she still occasionally talks with hers)
She told me that thing about not being able to tell me that she doesnt love me after i made a huge fucking scene and basically kept yelling at her to FINALLY TELL ME that she doesnt love me.
Before the scene we were kissing and then i asked her why she doesnt seem to want to tongue kiss anymore. She said its because i told her sometimes her breath smells.
So i asked if saying something like that couple of years/months back and in the morning means we like wont tongue kiss ever again?
She kept silent and then started talking about how she didnt cook the potatoes correctly.
I told her sorry, but i dont give a fuck about some motherfucking potatoes right now.
Then i just kept pushing and pushing, anger rising and rising, asked her why she doesnt want to go anywhere with me EXCEPT the motherfucking pub (we got together and went on lots of "dates" in the woods, just strolling about)
She said she is tired and doesnt feel like going anywhere. (But kept trying for like 20 minutes before that to calmly get me to bed and watch tv with her, instead of answering my questions )Except we didnt go anywhere for at least couple of months as it seems we are both very depressed.
Before that, i hung out with my female friends and she hung out with her friends until we both got jealous and made each other stop.
What is going on, what the fuck is this mindfuck.
I mean, im not having any illusions i consider our relationship dead. Still, the things she says and DOES dont seem loveless to me
Youre a child playing pretend at being an adult. You really only care about your own selfish emotions. And it sounds like she's significantly depressed.
Overall this feels like a really unhealthy relationship /cycle you guys are stuck in.
That's just my 2 cents as a 30 year old with a lot of bad relationships in my past.
>>17100293
My girlfriend of 4 years doesnt want to tongue kiss, go anywhere or talk about issues and i am caring only about my own selfish emotions?
She kept saying lets relax and watch something etc. as i kept repeating it seems like the only option for us is to split up.
I get a lot of attention from other women, and i have been asked numerously why am i even with her (generally she is not considered attractive at all). Its because i fell in love with her for who she is and how she acts.
Why am i selfish for not wanting to keep ignoring our problems and never talk about them, instead pretending how everything is ok?
Why does she want to keep ignoring them?
She kept saying i should calm down and just go watch tv in the bed with her, but i just couldnt take this status quo anymore, what is so bad about that.
Literally one simple thing i can do is to kiss her and apologize and i know 100% that everything will be exactly as it was until now.
Problem is its not making either of us happy, yet we dont seem to want to leave each other.
>>17100320
Dude look at your reply. I can tell how salty and anxious and needy you are just from how you communicate.
I'm surprised she's stuck with you for so long. Maybe that's the key word - she feels stuck.
You need to do some honest self reflection
>>17100327
I am aware of my many, many faults.
Thanks for the reply to my questions instead of judging the overall tone- oh wait
>>17100346
The 30 year old rekt you m8.
>>17100353
Indeed, i am completely rekt
>>17100320
You want answers you greedy cunt? Fine.
Yes, you are caring about how it affects you, not asking what is arong that is making her actions change.
You're selfish because you see the issue in your eyes only, ie how it affects you. Your version of talking is pestering her with questions and escalating the situation to the point where you are fucking yelling at her. That behavior doesn't make someone want to open up to you, asshat.
She keeps ignoring them because of how you behave, or as others have said has depressions and doesn't know where to turn (because obviously you're not someone she can talk to for reason above).
Stop being a sarcastic dick.
>>17100270
If she's not answering your questions it means she's a) afraid or b) ashamed. Or both. There's a fair amount in your post that makes them both seem likely.
I highly recommend seeing a couples therapist, if you can. She does sound like she's depressed, and you sound like you have problems with anger management. You might want the help of a professional to get your relationship back on track.
>>17100367
As i said, i am aware of my faults man.
I know i have a horrible temper, i am selfish as fuck (not always and not with everything though, i can be quite the opposite sometimes), no motivation, jealous at everything and absolutely hateful. Also clingy yet despite all this, shy.
Thing is though, i had no parents or guardians i was literally growing up on my own. Nobody taught me how to act, what is ok and what isnt. She knew all this when we got together.
And as i said, i was escalating the situation knowingly because the routine status quo is literally eating me inside out. I wanted or even NEEDED her to tell me she doesnt love me, so that i could finally, mentally "close the book" and know that whatever i do is futile as we have hurt each other too, too god damn much over our relationship.
There was a point where we broke up and she wanted to commit suicide by sleeping on a train track......we are both deeply troubled people with horrible pasts and basically zero support from family or friends.
In a sense, we are to each other what we never had with other people. That is the reason why we keep being together despite it hurting both of us.
>>17100320
What this anon said >>17100367. OP- the way that this argument escalated sounds borderline emotionally/verbally abusive, don't let yourself fall into that cycle.
This may not be the best relationship for either of you- sounds like you need someone who has their shit together to help teach you how to have a discussion rather than an interrogation.
An adult would have ended the conversation before they came close to raising their voice. I'm not saying this isn't a big deal, but you have to learn how to control your anger, would you want to be with someone who "has a problem", won't drop the subject and then starts screaming at you?
I wouldn't.
Ever heard of the saying never go to bed angry? That doesn't refer to letting something brew overnight without resolution, rather to not getting into a blowup argument right before you sleep in the same bed as that person. Leave it to the next day when you've calmed down.
Just because you're learning how to handle your own issues doesn't mean you don't know how to not be a jerk- I'll bet anything that everytime something downright mean left your mouth during this ordeal you wish you wouldn't have said it or would stop talking.
Sometimes peace is better than being right, draw your line that you won't cross and don't let yourself lose it again on her.
>>17100444
"Emotional abuse involves a regularpattern of verbal offense, threatening, bullying, and constant criticism, as well as more subtle tactics like intimidation, shaming and manipulation. Emotional abuse is used to control and subjugate the other person, and quite often it occurs because the abuser has childhood wounds and insecurities they haven’t dealt with — perhaps as a result of being abused themselves.They didn’t learn healthy coping mechanisms or how to have positive, healthyrelationships. Instead, they feel angry, hurt, fearful and powerless."
Like I said, you let this become a pattern and it'll become regular emotional abuse and make both of you even more depressed.
You guys are codependent.
>>17100444
>you don't know how to not be a jerk
Well to be honest that was the only way for me to survive. I was always the "odd kid", excluded ridiculed and assaulted.
I learned very early on in my life that i have to be aggressive, hateful and kind of a jerk to be left alone. (beats being ridiculed or interrogated about my family situation)
As a someone with no support i had to fend for myself, meaning i didnt wait long to roll out the punches.
Also i got a LOT better with the aggression. Used to be that i would break stuff down with machete once i spiraled into rage...
>An adult would have ended the conversation before they came close to raising their voice
That is not how closest adults talked to me for the first 17 years of my life man. More like the exact opposite.
>refer to letting something brew overnight without resolution, rather to not getting into a blowup argument right before you sleep
Logically i know this to be the way to handle things. However, once i get obsessed about something its very, very, very hard to let it go.
>I'll bet anything that everytime something downright mean left your mouth during this ordeal you wish you wouldn't have said it or would stop talking
Not at the time to be honest, but later. At the time i just wanted to escalate thing further and further. It is better to feel SOMETHING even if it is rage than to feel absolutely nothing.
But yeah, i am pretty sure the only reason i do shit like that is because of self hate.
>Sometimes peace is better than being right
Again, adults around me acted quite the opposite.
Thanks for all this man, i might even save your post to think about the way i do stuff next time.
>>17100471
This whole thing sounds exactly like how my mother treated me before she left. Makes sense that i act same way with the woman in my life.
>>17100487
That is what i thought too....seems like neither of us really wants to end it though.
