I don't get it I'm not actually depressed but as soon as I drink, I start getting the feely weelys. I wouldn't even fully care if I didn't become some little bitch who constantly cries out for help I don't need. I also don't get actually suicidal, just that "look at me shit", last night it got really bad and I spammed my snapstory with suicide talk. I tried to pass it off as meta-humor, it failed and now people won't stop blowing up my phone to see if I'm ok.
I've tried limiting my drinking, but in social situations if I stay completely sober I end up just leaving due to boredom and hating being the only sober one. I've also talked to a counselor at one point (on my own free will) and the most I got out of it was that alcohol may bring out feelings of inadequacy I have, but even then that doesn't excuse my retarded as fuck actions.
Are there any reasons /adv/ can think of why I act this way, also any tips to help me stop pulling this garbage.
Thanks :3
Try getting at the core of it. Find out what is causing it and fixing it. Maybe you actually hate yourself and don't realize it. Maybe a million other things. No one knows. Find out and fix it. It might just be an insecurity issue.
That's pretty fucked though. I feel bad for you. That snap story shit is a fucking dumb mistake but I feel bad for it. You kinda fucked yourself.
>>17098024
I kind of blame a family member for the fuck up on that end, usually I just get sad and a friend or other drunk will start talking to me and I'll immediately turn around. It's almost like once I'm alone for even a moment, my brain says "time to hate yourself".
Anyways the family member kept blowing up my phone looking for information on DNP (that shit that can literally kill you) and I just kind of went, "you know what will show them, suicide talk".
I probably do hate myself desu, I fucked up so god damn much at the beginning of my college career and once every fucking year or so it'll come back to bite me in the ass. Even then though, I'm pretty at peace with it I think in general, but I guess not.
>>17098030
Try to realize stupid little things shouldn't cause you to hate yourself to an exaggerated degree. Find the problems and fix them. Do some introspection. If it's not liking yourself, start finding how to fix that. Do things you think are good or worth your time. Prove to yourself you're valuable amd worth liking etc. You should NEVER depend on other people for liking or validating yourself. That should come from inside. You should always know and feel about yourself that you're valuable and good etc. Whether you're sober drunk or high.
>>17098017
A guy I know who used to be a bartender told me that there were four types of costumers
The ones who wanted to fuck
The ones who wanted to fight
The ones who wanted to sleep
And the ones who wanted to cry
That is basically what happens to people when they drink, you are in the last quadrant, that's just how it is.
>>17098076
Yeah, self-improvement is usually what I try to go for constantly, maybe its a feeling of thinking no matter how much I move forward, I still have my fuck ups in the past? I don't know, it fucking blows.
>>17098111
Kind of, its been in waves lately desu, like, most of this year I wasn't getting sad after I drank and often times had a hell of a lot fun. The sad vibes just started up again and I don't really know why, at the same time though, I was constantly sad drinking last year.
>>17098017
Funny, I'm the exact opposite. I occasionally have feelings of wanting to die/not caring if I died when sober, but as soon as I get drunk I start loving life and feeling awesome about everything. I think the alcohol brings out your true feelings, since it reduces inhibitions. Try to dig deep into yourself to figure out why you might actually feel this way, and truly ask yourself if your current life path is making you happy/content.
>>17098172
Yeah that seems to be the general consensus, I'm just trying to think of methodologies I can incorporate at this point, also ways to prevent myself from being retarded and sperging out on a public forum again
>>17098017
Try this out, anon, smoke weed instead. for your case it's better for you than it already is when compared to alcohol, have fun!
>>17098827
cant, i get drug tested for my job
>>17098017
Here's the thing: 99% of people don't really know themselves as well as they think they do. We have all these thoughts that we repress on a constant basis because we determine they are not useful or necessary to our daily lives. A vast amount of these thoughts stem from things we want to do based on our perception of others' opinions/expectations of us, but we do not do because we determine that it would result in physical or social harm.
And then drugs come in. They all have different effects, but one thing they all tend to do is find our inhibitions and sneak up behind them, choking them out Navy Seal-style. Suddenly, we are bombarded with all these thoughts and feelings we've been repressing, and for a lot of us, it's like overload, and we don't know how to process or sort them, so we sort of go HAM and just take the strongest one and run with it, or maybe conflate like 2 or 3 or 300 of them and mash them up into pituitary gumbo.
So, the answer is to get more in touch with yourself. Seriously. Evaluate your thoughts and emotions with more regularity by remembering what you think instead of discarding it, and coming back to it later. Write down your dreams. Keep a journal about what happened that day and how you feel about it. This could save your life. I'm serious.
You're probably in your early 20s, which is the age when our society starts expecting to to be "fully adult," and one of the things we tend to do at that point is assume that our emotions matter less because adults are cold-hearted motherfuckers. That is a lie, and it leads to horrible complications later on. Don't fall for that trap.
Also, when you're drinking, make a deal with someone you trust completely (or as much as you can) and let them give you a signal when you're starting to get too inebriated. Alcohol literally makes you lie to yourself, so you need an objective observer. It'll suck to give up control, but you'll avoid a lot of problems you know you'll regret later.
>>17098935
I'm assuming some new problem has arisen then, because as I stated before I was pretty happy for most of my drinking this year. But yeah, massive introspection is definitely gonna need to happen.
>>17098017
100 year old vaudeville joke:
PATIENT (moving arm or something): Doctor, it hurts when I do this.
DOCTOR: So don't do that!
YOU: I get depressed, suicidal and bitchy when I drink
US: . . . . . .
There ARE other ways to have fun. And there are people whose social life doesn't depend on drunkenness. Maybe you need some new friends.
