My brother recently got a divorce and decided to move on he should start a new life in a new city and got a 2 bedroom apartment. I think he was hoping Id move in with him, which seemed like a good idea since my lease was up soon and my job allowed me to travel around. So I took him up on it and moved in.
So far its okay, but my biggest complaint is he does nothing. On his days off, he wants to hang out and do stuff together, which isnt bad, but sometimes im in the middle of work or my own activities and he will get in the way or interrupt me anyways despite talking to him about this. On his days off, he just watches netflix, and when hes working, he just complains about how he doesnt like his job. It just seems like he doesnt have friends, or events, or hobbies or anything. Its like he depends on me to keep him company and he goes crazy being alone. He gets too bored and starts hating himself.
I dont know what to do with him. Its frustrating talking to him because he talks too damn much and never really acts. Plus hes shit at it so i have to hear him explain in great length something simple, which frustrates me a lot if im in a rush to get back to work.
What can I do with them? I'm really concerned that he just does nothing all day.
>>17091144
Yikes, I'm sorry OP. Is he depressed or has he always been this way? Just asking since my bro is probably somewhere on the autism spectrum and acts similarly. I actually went to therapy to cope because I hated getting so frustrated with him and having to bottle everything up.
If he's happy doing nothing all day, leave him be. If he's depressed and using you as a crutch, you have to tell him that you love him, but he can't rely on you being his security blanket.
It's tough. Honestly, I hate myself for getting so frustrated with my bro. depending on how close you are with him, try to keep reminding him that you have to get your stuff done and that you can't just always be available for him.
>>17091144
Also, try working out of a library or coffee shop or something so he can't interrupt when you have to get stuff done. Otherwise, he'll just keep forgetting and interrupting you. (My family is like that...)
>>17091302
He wasn't always this way. He became more like this after his marriage. His wife and the kids apparently made him feel like he was a fat loser and an immature child. I always thought he was super cool and wise, but he somehow lost all of his confidence and just talks about how hes a fat loser and no one will ever be with him. I think hes over thinking it. I think his main problem was his wife was so controling, he lost all his friends, and now theyre all gone, hes not use to being alone.
I think he does try to do things on his own occasionally, but he seeks approval from me and if im not giving him constant reassurance, he get frustrated and gives up. I think his marriage really fucked him up and I dont know how to deal with it. Honeslty im really shit with talking about feelings.
>>17091324
Same anon as above. His ex sounds horrible. Feel bad for the kids.
But your bro has to take some responsibility. He will be a loser if he lets the divorce dictate who he is for the rest of his life. Honestly, I wouldn't plan on living together for too long. he's not incented to move on with life if he has family that he knows he can rely on for companionship (you).
Enjoy the time you have now, but remind him that you have a separate life too- and will eventually move out when you get a bf or when he gets another gf. And remind him that yes, he's a great guy and getting another gf is possible some day, but not if he doesn't get his shit together.
>>17091363
Actually, depending on recent his divorce is, maybe just give it some time. He's probably still reeling. And if you have to travel and stuff, it prob won't be that bad. But just like family does - you should tell him when he's driving you bonkers. I'm sure he'd do the same to you! :)
>>17091363
actually im a little afraid that we wont live together for too long. In truth, I havent seen him since I was 14 (28 now) and I believed I would never see him again. It feels like a dream to not only hear him, but actually be with him again. And Im a little scared that I know its going to have to end if hes ever going to move on with his own life.
But maybe youre right. maybe one of the main problems is im afraid to leave again and have him rely on me too much
