I need a little help in this preliminary courting process. I know this girl likes me as a friend and we have been getting closer lately, I don't know if she likes me as more than that, and I'm just playing cautiously because I don't want to drive her away.
>the other day she asked me to go watch a soccer game with her
>we went, hung out, it was a good time, went our separate ways
>later that night exchanged a few texts
>today
>she texts me
>meet at the gym
>hang out for a while
>ask her to come out to eat with me
>she politely declined citing she was pretty tired and just wanted to go hang out at home before work
>make plans to meet again next week
if she liked me she would have gone to lunch with me, right? are we just friends or is it normal for girls to take things slow like that? I don't want to lay anything on too thick with her
>>17087415
If you made plans you're all good, if she avoided making new plans it would be a problem.
Huh? No, she had a pretty valid excuse. A lot of people (myself included) like to have a relaxation mode before work. And you even said you made plans for a later date. Sounds like she's still interested to me.
>>17087421
>>17087423
here is where my own self confidence is probably an issue. There really isn't anything special about me and she's objectively very attractive and gets a lot of male attention.
she could have a great looking boyfriend if she wants, I have trouble believing she could be interested in me as more than a friend.
like I'm going to just go and fuck up her gene pool.
I'm not terrible looking, just ordinary, when the two of us pass by a mirror together I just think there is no way this girl would ever actually date me
You need to make a move soon before you get permanently locked in the friendzone. I don't think she considers your hangout times dates so far, and you need to change that. Have you been flirty or touchy with her at all? Has there been any sexual jokes or comments? Have you shown any interest in dating her?
I'd probably just ask her to come watch movies at your house and make a move on her. Maybe have a drink or two with her first. Just as friends, of course, lol
>>17087578
no, there hasn't been that stuff which is why I have concerns.
She has taken some time to open up, but It doesn't even feel appropriate to throw feelers out there.
the biggest red flag I have is when I try to set up something that would be more "intimate" like having a meal somewhere together she doesn't seem to want to
>>17087872
hmm. either this girl is going really fucking slow, or she isn't into you. at some point you got to just ask her out. better sooner than later. get your answer and either go on the date or move on. very few guys have it in their capacity to be friends with a girl they are attracted to.
>>17087415
>if she liked me she would have gone to lunch with me, right?
If making up excuses not to hang out with you hasn't become a pattern you have nothing to worry about.
Sometimes people aren't in the mood to eat lunch. I know your insecurity makes it difficult to accept that it could be that simple but sometimes it is.
>here is where my own self confidence is probably an issue. There really isn't anything special about me and she's objectively very attractive and gets a lot of male attention.
Getting attention has very little to do with making a choice on who you want to spend time with.
Imagine being in her shoes; you're an attractive girl that gets hit on constantly by every manner of man for the sole purpose is sex. Everyone makes a move, nobody listens, they just stare at her body and ignore her thoughts and dreams.
You, as lowly as you think of yourself, takes it slow with her. You hang out, you LISTEN, you appreciate her as a person. Who wouldn't like that?
The fact is, maybe it won't work out with this girl but if it doesn't, don't blame yourself. Sometimes it just doesn't work. You're being considerate, easy going and obviously fun to talk to.
That's all you can do. Fuck what you think you deserve. I felt the same way you did until I graduated college and discovered that eventually, 90% of "hot girls" will realize that looks are far less important than finding someone who they really connect with.
Long story short, hot girls can always find some guy to fawn over her and treat her like a piece of meat. Finding someone who appreciates her heart and personality is far more difficult and deep down everyone wants that, not just attractive women.
>>17087872
>the biggest red flag I have is when I try to set up something that would be more "intimate" like having a meal somewhere together she doesn't seem to want to
Is that one time after the gym the only time you asked her to eat? I wouldn't really consider that a rejection, it seems like she just wanted to be lazy after the gym or wasn't hungry.
>but It doesn't even feel appropriate to throw feelers out there.
Fuck what's appropriate, you're not going to have a real friendship with this girl if you like her this much anyways, so just go for it.
>>17088105
well its a sort of weird situation because I have known her for a little while, and she has always been polite to me but never seemed to even be interested in me, so I didn't really feel any kind of way about her.
But I'm sort of determined in the way that I really try hard to make connections with people and over time she has opened up. So we have only really started hanging out and talking almost every day in the past couple of weeks.
It seemed like she really wasn't interested in knowing me until she actually got to know me. So her personality has changed too because she isn't as one dimensional anymore with casual bullshit polite "how are you doing? crazy weather, right?" conversations.
basically what I'm getting at is even though we have known each other for a while, only now are we REALLY getting to know each other. I thought she was pretty self absorbed at first, but now I realize she was just guarded and is actually very nice to be around.
and likewise she probably thought I was just a dog after a bone but now realizes I actually care about what she thinks and value her humanity
>>17088156
Where did you originally meet her?
Also, how much of a virgin are you?
>>17088228
work
and actually not a virgin, but I did break up with my girlfriend 4 years ago
