My gf and I have been together for seven years and have two kids together. I've always been faithful and a good provider as I have a great job which involves working from home at least part of the time (this will come into play later). That said, she works as well in the field of mental health because she likes it and works 3-4 days a week doing that.
A few weeks ago she suggested that instead of outside day care that she brings a female co-worker into the home to be a nanny. I told her I'm fine with it if that's what she wants. She says she does as it saves her time not having to drop the girls off. I agree and it's settled.
Fast-forward a few weeks later, I meet the nanny and she's actually pretty hot. Girlfriend leaves for work. Now I find myself basically alone in my house with a hot nanny for at least a few hours at a time several days a week (kids napping, etc.). This is not good.
I need some advice. Is my gf trying to set me up for failure? Is she just that dense or way too trusting of people? Over the years she has mentioned in passing wanting to watch me fuck other women which I've never pressed her on so is this her way of trying to move forward with the conversation?
Females - would you ever put your man in this situation and if you did, why & what would you be thinking? How should I handle this?
Males - How would you handle this if your gf put you in this situation?
I'd think I could trust the father of my children to be able to control his damn self a few hours a week.
Do you not know her well enough to know if she's generally dense or is just trusts you much more than she should?
You seem to have a pretty big communication problem in your relationship. You're unsure how she perceives you, and rather than talking to her you're trying to be a mindreader. You've already established two possibilities: she could be into it, she could be trying to set you up for failure. Third option though, she was honest and wanted to get a nanny because it's easier.
You're setting yourself up for failure if you do anything without talking about it first.
>>17090036
I get that, but I wouldn't put her in the same situation if the roles were reversed. This thought process is what drives me nuts about people. Sure, you should be able to do a lot of things like walk alone in a dark alley at night or go run with the bulls for an adrenaline rush, but shouldn't you kind of expect things to go wrong if you do these things?
Are you afraid that your penis will jump into the nanny on its own? Do you really have so little will power that you're incapable of being in close proximity to another woman without actively trying to bang her?
And why are you and the nanny home together for several hours at a time? Do you guys need the nanny to be around when you're home? Can't you take care of your own kids?
>>17090055
>Sure, you should be able to do a lot of things like walk alone in a dark alley at night or go run with the bulls for an adrenaline rush, but shouldn't you kind of expect things to go wrong if you do these things?
Unless you're worried the nanny might rape you, that's not really much of a comparison.
>>17090061
I work from home a few days a week and can't have the distraction of the kids when trying to work. They are young and needy. This was in the original post.
While I am not afraid my penis will jump into the nanny on it's own, nor am I worried that I will act inappropriately, I question her judgment by doing this and wonder what she could be thinking. Again, I wouldn't leave her at home with a hot, male nanny to watch our children.
>>17090002
The poor nanny probably has no idea what the creepy fat bald man she's working for is thinking.
Unless you drug rape her, I doubt anything will happen.
>>17090067
Yeah it is. She is opening herself up to unnecessary risk. There are other people she knows and trusts that could do it instead. See the above
>>17090073
>>17090080
>She is opening herself up to unnecessary risk.
What? No. She just trusts you, man. Don't fuck it up.
Don't stick your dick in the babysitter. The end.
>>17090080
No, it is not an apt comparison because there is zero risk of anything happening unless you yourself choose to make it happen.
>>17090002
It's her co-worker, in your home with your kids and everything you've built together. No way shed invite anything that could jeopardize that. Get a grip man, literally go jerk off.
>worried about being unfaithful
>immediately jump to to the possibility of your wife trying to set you up
maybe you should ask your gf, and get your mental health checked out while you're at it.
>>17090078
No need to be insulting. I am the same age as the nanny, above average in looks, successful and I am good enough with women to know that she finds me attractive. Believe me or not, the original questions stand.
>>17090093
Sorry, I only trust anyone so far and her actions suggest either poor judgment or more trust than anyone should deserve. I get that cheaters are like rapists on 4chan, but I will clarify that I have never cheated and wouldn't. I am just trying to understand what the hell she is thinking. If I recall, Ben Affleck got himself into trouble recently due to a similar situation so it's not like it's not known to happen.
>>17090094
>I am good enough with women to know that she finds me attractive
Maybe this should be the topic of this thread where advice is needed.
>>17090091
You're missing the point. Its her judgment I question. She is putting herself into a possible dangerous situation SHE can't control by placing far too much trust in a co-worker and me. I appreciate the trust, but actually don't respect the naivete it suggests.
If you didn't have kids, I'd say break up immediately. You're upset that she trusts you.You see her trusting you as a bad thing, comparable to walking alone at night and getting raped. You weren't equating the nanny with a rapist as the other anon said. You see yourself as the rapist, who your girlfriend should not trust.
That's pretty depressing.
>The mother of my children trusts me.
>Why? Doesn't she realize how hot I am?
derp
>>17090110
Maybe. I've always been a responsible, upstanding and faithful guy, but I am a cynic and don't believe there's a single person in life that you can 100% trust other than perhaps a parent. Maybe that's where this all stems from.
>>17090106
So go fuck the nanny. That'll teach your stupid girlfriend about overtrusting you.
>>17090126
Nah, I am not trying to teach anyone a lesson. We have kids and I wouldn't want to do anything to hurt their childhood. I am just trying to figure out why she would put herself (or me) in this situation to begin with.
>>17090103
I never said I'm Don Juan or a genius with women, just that I recognize the signs when someone finds me attractive.
>>17090132
There is no situation, unless you are stating that you're not to be trusted.
>>17090132
You said the reasons here.
>I've always been faithful and a good provider
>I am not afraid my penis will jump into the nanny on it's own, nor am I worried that I will act inappropriately
>I will clarify that I have never cheated and wouldn't
But... she shouldn't trust you because there are other people in the world cheat? Other people kill their girlfriends too. Less common, but if you're stronger than her isn't in naive and putting herself in danger to even be around you? Sure, you wouldn't kill her and bury her in a ditch but you COULD, right? That's essentially what you're arguing. You wouldn't do something. You know you wouldn't. She thinks you wouldn't, but she's stupid for trusting you even when you're not actually going to break her trust.
Also
>I only trust anyone so far and her actions suggest either poor judgment or more trust than anyone should deserve
So you don't think you've done anything to deserve her trust? You think now, after two kids, she should be constantly looking over your shoulder, checking your phone, because you might cheat. And she'll never really know unless she's constantly paranoid of everything you do and everyone you talk to. That's no way to live, would you really be happier with that? Or you'd just respect her more for not trusting you?
>>17090145
Stop twisting things. It's all about risk, playing the odds, and not exposing oneself unnecessarily. I think she is naive for doing this and it is irritating.
>>17090167
Then tell her that. Tell her everything you've said in this thread instead of telling us.
>>17090055
Oh jesus christ OP, stop lying to yourself. You wouldn't put her in the same position because you wouldn't trust her not to cheat. And now you're blaming your desires on her for 'putting you in this situation', a situation, might I remind you, that YOU AGREED to.
Control your fucking self, goddamn.
Me and my fiance are in an open relationship, and our best friend of years who is hot as fuck and slutty just moved into the small studio apartment above the garage. My fiance had every chance to sleep with (she brought it up too), and he decided to decline because she's living here and that would put too much pressure on all our relationships.
It ain't that fucking hard to control yourself faggot, man up. Right now you're acting like a goddamn teenager.
If you want some nooki then ask your fucking wife about that earlier conversation. Who knows, if you're a fucking adult about it, she might even agree.
>>17090163
50% of marriages end in divorce. At least a quarter of men self-report that they cheat and having been around enough men, I think it's probably much higher (with women being as guilty). The odds of relationships falling apart due to infidelity are infinitely higher than me killing or assaulting her which is why I think she's naive.
>>17090182
Read my responses. There's no question about my ability to control myself so stop being such a dick.
You're right about one thing, though. I wouldn't put her in the same situation because I wouldn't trust her or any other human being not to cheat and negatively affect our family.
Eh, just play it by ear.
If you think it's too good to be true, don't hit it.
Maybe tease your wife a bit about how hot the nanny is. You might end up in the doghouse for the night and need to get a new nanny, or you might end up in doggy style for the night and need to take breaks between that tight strange pussy and your wife sucking her juices off your dick.
>>17090183
>he believes in the 50% divorce rate meme
Why is this myth so prevalent? I guess because it's easy to remember and sensational sounding.
>>17090190
She actually has never cared when I tell her if I think another woman is attractive. We once had a neighbor who was gorgeous - she was a cocktail waitress at a casino in Vegas. She knew I thought so, but she thought it was funny and always invited her over and would tease me after she left.
>>17090199
You didn't pull the trigger then, and you're not pulling the trigger now. Why is this a topic for discussion? You want advice, stop being a pussy and start cucking your wife.
>>17090194
In any event, I assume the rate of cheating and divorce is much, much higher than the rate of spousal murder.
>>17090101
>my wife trusts me, what a fucking retard
Your posts suggest complete and overwhelming insecurity and projection.
>>17090186
What a pathetic cowardly subhuman.
Maybe your girlfriend that you never married will never know you and how little you think of her, but your children will know just what kind of shriveled failure you are.
>>17090214
Enjoy being fucked over you whole life by people who are smarter and savvier than you are. I choose not to.
>>17090219
>>17090266
Thanks for the bump ;)
>>17090183
Did you have an answer for this part?
>So you don't think you've done anything to deserve her trust? You think now, after two kids, she should be constantly looking over your shoulder, checking your phone, because you might cheat. And she'll never really know unless she's constantly paranoid of everything you do and everyone you talk to. That's no way to live, would you really be happier with that? Or you'd just respect her more for not trusting you?
>>17090106
Maybe she has reached that level of trust with you on her side. Maybe you should be more truthworthy, OP.
>>17090275
Of course she shouldn't be going through my phone or the like as I haven't cheated and have not done anything to suggest I would.
That said, why tempt fate? I am largely successful because I have good judgment and understand risk/benefit. This is what bothers me about the situation. The risk outweighs the benefit. She could have hired someone much less attractive, who isn't my age and there's no issue. She didn't. If her judgment is this poor can I can trust her?
>>17090310
>woman trusts the father of her children, who " haven't cheated and have not done anything to suggest I would. "
>her judgement is poor
her judgement is poor because she had 2 hopeless children with a pathetic dickless bitch, not because she got a nanny. maybe if you slit your throat now your bastards will think better of you later.
>>17090310
But if you say there's zero chance of anything happening, what is the risk?
>>17090327
She can't know that unless she's omniscient.
>>17090325
You could have at least bumped the thread this time.
holy shit this thread. Just talk to your wife OP. Tell her that nanny is attractive and that she should try to find a less attractive nanny for your sake. She may get a little upset, but what the hell, you are being honest and nothing has happened yet. If your wife is still interested in that other shit about watching you, I think that would be when she brings it up.
>>17090336
Yeah, I guess I could do that but I'd feel bad for the girl who didn't really do anything wrong and would be out a job. She's also a co-worker of hers and I don't want to hurt their working relationship. I guess I'll also just have to ask her motivations for doing this to begin with.
>>17090349
dont worry about attractive nanny girl. She will have it easy for the rest of her early adult life while she is still attractive.
>>17090336
>Tell her that nanny is attractive and she should try to find a less attractive nanny for your sake
I also worry that if I tell her this that she will go overboard in the other direction and not trust me around other women at all. After all, I have never done anything and it's her damn fault I have to do this to begin with.
>>17090361
But you don't want her to trust you. So making her trust you less will be fulfilling what YOU want.
>>17090365
No, I don't want her to be naive. There's a difference and you're just pretending not to understand the distinction.
>>17090361
ehh dont put any blame on your wife, just maybe casually mention or joke that she needs to find a new nanny by insinuating that the current one is hot. IDK you know your wife better than anyone here, so your level of tact is on you. But I would still let her know somehow. You mentioned she normally doesnt care if you say other women are attractive, so you may be okay.
>>17090366
Naive for trusting you. And she will never be omniscient so she will always be naive for trusting you. You don't want her to trust you.
>>17090371
You're arguing semantics. I want trust, I just want it within reason. I don't want her to trust me so much that she'd basically flaunt it like this. Maybe I am strange and that's okay as I've seen weirder here.
>>17090381
Trusting you not to fuck another woman while she's watching your kids is not an unreasonable level of trust.
>>17090391
I think it is. I would never leave her with an attractive man alone in our home for hours on end, indefinitely. It doesn't mean I don't trust her, I am just not an idiot.
>>17090381
So a control issue? You want to be able to decide what specifically people trust you with, and how much, and what reasoning they use to trust you.
And how much of the trust is based on YOU specifically vs. how much of the trust is based on statistics.
You're projecting that she's flaunting it. Because if she trusts you, she's not thinking about flaunting how much she trusts you in front of you (???). That makes no sense.
>You're such a great person who I love and trust, HAHAHA SEE THAT FUCKER I TRUST YOU SO MUCH I CAN DO WHATEVER
Unless you don't think she trusts you, and instead are worried she perceives you as too weak to cheat? Then flaunting it makes sense.
It's not so much that're you're strange, you're just either trolling or shooting yourself in the foot.
>>17090399
>It doesn't mean I don't trust her
No, that's EXACTLY what it means. You clearly have trust issues of your own. But you're so conceited, that you've decided there must be something wrong with your partner; that's the only explanation your ego can handle.
>>17090409
>>17090413
If I had created a thread where I was a female whose husband left a hot guy at home alone with her asking the same thing, I'd imagine the advice and comments would be very different. There's a line between trust and stupidity.
What you call trust issues, I call using my head and accepting that people are trustworthy to a point. I also understand not poking a bear no matter the fact that it is well-trained and has never mauled anyone It sounds to me like you're projecting on the other stuff.
>>17090444
>accepting that people are trustworthy to a point
And in a normal, healthy, loving relationship, that point goes pretty far. Far enough to include trusting you to keep your pants on around the nanny.
>>17090444
Nope. If a woman said her husband left her alone with a male nanny and asked 4chan why he trusted her not to cheat. While saying she's trustworthy, had no intention of cheating, would never cheat, but talking down about her boyfriend trusting/testing her... She'd get even more torn apart and told to kill herself. She would be accused of planning to cheat. I'm not sure what difference you think there would be.
>>17090469
I think they'd call the male a cuck and a moron while suggesting he's asking for it. I could be wrong though, since I've never seen anyone use the term cuck here before.
>>17090471
That would happen too. But you underestimate how much 4chan likes calling women stupid for acting stupid. And wanting your SO to trust you while saying they shouldn't be naive enough to trust you alone with someone hot... Well, that's stupid.
>>17090399
>>17090444
What the hell dude? You really wouldn't trust the mother of your children to be around a male nanny while she is working for a few hours a day? I'd get it if maybe one of you had a history of cheating, but you haven't said that anywhere if it's the case.
You have some weird fucking beliefs about trust.
Most people do not think the same way as you. It absolutely would hurt me if my girlfriend was afraid of having a nanny out of fear that I might cheat on her. I have utmost confidence in myself and in her that neither of us would cheat. This trust is part of what gives us a stable relationship.
Worrying about what your girlfriend of seven years is doing when you aren't there and actively expecting her to do that same is baffling to me.
You two need to talk.
>>17090485
I happen to think most people are too trusting so you are right about that. I don't feel that this way of thinking is bad, though.
>>17090497
You have narcissism. Look it upn
You are unable to deal with your own feelings so you are projecting them onto someone else and taking it as a attack.
Don't bother replying with your idiot excuses. Go to a fucking psychiatrist and get some help.
>>17090539
I am familiar with narcissism. I may have traits (don't we all), but don't have a personality disorder. She's a therapist and I have a mental health background, as well. You're a moron for thinking you can diagnose this through the interwebs.
>>17090002
Based on the information given.
Either you're in something insanely crazy like a "healthy trusting relationship" and she trusts you to the point she didn't even consider leaving you alone with an attractive woman, or, based on additional info provided, yes she's trying to tempt you.
As a mental healthy psychologist I'm also sure she is extremely aware of the temptations men endure, and how much situation can totally break through a man's defenses no matter how faithful he might be.
Pick one.
>>17090564
You could be right. She's dealing with a client right now who is very wealthy and cheating on his spouse. Not sure why she shared this one with me when she knows I don't really like hearing about her clients. As much as I don't want to, I think I just need to ask her like anon above said.
>>17090552
Psychology person here
This isn't narcissism, to reassure. It's not any disorder. It's an expected reaction from most people and pretty normal.
It's also unhealthy, it's best you rise above it.
>>17090564
>>17090573
I also know she doesn't trust me as much as you may think/or be giving her credit for. She actually accused me of cheating on her a few years ago with a work friend. I didn't and almost left her due to the accusation.
>>17090497
Maybe I'm just nuts. It's been 8 years for us, no kids.
It still feels like there's no one else we're together.
I'm even the jealous type, but we've discussed it very openly, just as we've discussed her own insecurities. She knows what would make me uncomfortable and I know what would make her uncomfortable.
People aren't fucking around when they say communication is key.
>>17090182
Yo cereal guy, what's up?
>>17090002
Nice bait. No one in their right mind would think their girlfriend of seven years, the mother of their children, would sabotage their relationship by switching day care options.
Fuck off.
>>17090002
You could always, like, you know, talk to your wife, man.
>>17090600
How does that sound, anon? "Hey babe, are you trying to tempt me by hiring a hot nanny or are you just naive?". I am not sure how she'd take it
>>17090608
Well geez. Maybe that puts it into perspective for you.
>>17090608
It does sound kinda retarded. Probably a good reason for that.
>>17090002
Why are men such simple creatures with such little self control. How about just don't fuck the nanny.
But they always do. They always do. Woman cook. Woman clean. Woman care for children. Dick hard. Must fuck.
>>17090686
Ooga Booga
>>17090686
You obviously haven't been paying attention. I haven't and don't intend on fucking the nanny. Take your black & white worldview elsewhere.
>>17090699
hey OP sorry again that peeps are still being retarded. Clearly dont understand what it is to be a guy. You trust your wife, and your wife trusts you, but the thing that most people in this thread seem to forget is that people are not perfect and will make mistakes. In cases like this, its usually no big deal if a dude and his wife pass by a hot chick at the mall. But this is different. this is every day. this is a constant source of stress on OP to fight off his dick desires. Surely any guy can understand this shit? I'll say what I said earlier. Just tell your wife dude. use some tact, but say she needs to find another baby sitter, because its hard not to stare. Being honest is the best thing to do in this situation IMO.
>>17090329
but she can THINK that based on your past performance. (not cheating her and the like). maybe she thought of the risk and saw it was little as you admit yourself
>>17090760
>But this is different. this is every day. this is a constant source of stress on OP to fight off his dick desires. Surely any guy can understand this shit?
Literally admitting to thinking with balls instead of brain. You're weak, son.
>>17090769
Nah, he's right. I wouldn't make her life harder or more complicated than it needs to be if I could help it. She's being inconsiderate.
>>17090769
not weak. Realistic. Having that constant ass in your house is a temptation. A temptation that can easily be avoided by getting another baby sitter. What the fuck is the issue?
>>17090778
>>17090780
Temptation to bang her while your kids are right there in the house with you? Seriously?
>>17090792
The kids wouldn't always be present, but again that's not the point as I wouldn't cheat. Why put someone in this position to begin with? You either get it or, in your case, clearly don't. That's fine, just go shit up someone else's thread.
>>17090760
Thanks, I'll take your advice, anon.
>>17090090
girl here. this
also, her mentioning watching you fuck a girl would probably not go over well irl. do not suggest it, or you will be looking at the collapse of your relationship
>>17090798
>overwhelming majority of responders call you out for how retarded your "problem" is
>"Fuck you guys! I'm right and everyone else is wrong!"
Okay then.
>>17090848
There are people who have perspective and those who don't. Just because a lot of people say something is true doesn't mean it is.
Come on man, don't risk your family just to get your dick wet.
>my gf trusts me
>what is she thinking?!
Dude, you say you've never cheated and that you still aren't going to. Why the hell wouldn't she trust you?
I trust my boyfriend completely and he trusts me completely. Isn't that kinda just part of being in a healthy relationship and loving someone?
>>17090861
Dude, you are fighting against the opinion of everyone saying that it's a really flawed line of thinking you have going on if you feel your wife is naive for trusting you won't fuck a nanny, especially when you yourself made it clear you're not going to.
I'm no psychologist, but if you are this afraid of losing control or thinking your wife is playing mindgames with you then fucking talk to her instead of getting your own thoughts reaffirmed by the sole poster who uses the same flawed logic.
She thinks you can't get pussy. Sees you as a provider. Doesn't see hot women as a threat.
My best guess desu.
>>17090002
>>17091750
Sorry I forgot to respond to OP.
>>17090002
Communicate with her
