As the subject suggests, I have trouble getting along with my relatives.
I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome ~18 months ago. I figured my family being aware of my personality traits would ease our relationship, but sadly that's not the case.
For the first few months after I stopped seeing a psychiatrist, my close relatives were willing to "fix" my autism by trying to talk me into making friends and going out. I was really bothered by it, as I had just started attending classes in college and wanted to focus on studying. I explained I'd make friends at my own pace and go out if I felt like it.
Fast forward 3 months and they've become more receptive of my general behavior. I was now told if they were going to make loud noise(e.g. use the blender, vacuum cleaner, etc.) and given space to leave the room. I was also having the most fun in college, talking to people about what was being taught and helping others study. Life was great.
My sister, however, started trying to piss me off whenever she could. We never got along, but she was really trying to annoy me. My family knows I don't feel comfortable with physical contact. She hugged me out of the blue, from behind, making it seem like playful siblings stuff. At first I told her to stop. When she didn't, I ended up yelling at her. The next step was physical aggression, which I didn't want to get to, so I had my grandmother intervene.
Now, she went for loud noise. On trips to my mom's house in another state, she'd take the hair dryer out of the bathroom, plug it in the same room I was sleeping in and use it there at the loudest possible setting. When asked to go to the bathroom and close the door, she dismissed everything I said, called me an entitled kid, told me I had everything I wanted thrown at me and it was "time to stop". I couldn't bear being in the same apartment. I screwed up my sleep schedule on purpose so I wouldn't have to see her. I would sleep from 8:00 am to ~4:00-5:00 pm.
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>>16458309
She decided to do the same so our schedules were compatible. I now had to share the living room with her from 8:00 pm to ~1:00 am. She'd put Netflix on the TV, use her laptop and phone, all at the same time. Her attention was solely on the phone, and when I complained about electricity being wasted on the TV, she shouted "I'm just checking the time. Shut up or mom will wake up." and then turned up the volume for whatever movie she was rewatching on Netflix. (Everything she played was from "Recently watched by {her name}")
A few months later, she finally stopped her attempts to get on my bad side and now we were apparently getting along. Not the case. She had to drive me to class and pick me up, since we live in a dangerous city in Brazil, and while I can walk to and back from college during the day, at night it means taking big risks of getting robbed.
I made sure to thank everyone who gave me a ride to college or from college home. There, however, she saw an opportunity to mess with me. She pretended she couldn't pick me up on time thrice a week. My aunt asked me why I was getting home late and told me my sister was home 30 minutes before my classes were over, watching TV.
I decided not to confront her, since in the past it only led to her refusing to pick me up at 10:00 pm.
tl;dr about my sister: She acts extremely arrogant when confronted and raises her voice when someone tries to discuss something with her, not letting them speak.
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>>16458327
My aunt, who seemed to be the most worried about my well being after I got my diagnosis, stopped gossiping about me with my grandmother. I could always hear them from my room, but never said anything from fear of retaliation.
She'd try to make me eat beans and shrimp, despite having tried both of them before, more than once, and really disliked them. "If you don't want to eat shrimp, then you can't have lunch.", she said. I could see her point, but since I couldn't take those in, I politely replied with "Sorry, I'll use some pocket money today or deal with it my own way. Thanks."
Her attempts became frequent, but my mom asked her to stop and she did.
Today, she screams like a hyena or a turbine, I don't know how to make an analogy, to play with my uncle's newborn son. She goes "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..." to her iPhone all the time, and it's pretty damn unbearable to be next to her when she does it. She gives me no warnings anymore, and I can just run to my room, shut the door and deal with induced panic. Makes me cry, really.
tl;dr about my aunt: Started caring less and less about whether I'd feel offended about her remarks and now screams really loud, replying to every "Can you at least give me a warning?" with "I'm just playing with my nephew."
My grandmother now turns the TV volume up a lot. I assumed she did it because of aging ears, but I heard her turning it up in the middle of a soap opera episode as soon as I got home, and down when I went to my room.
I think this is becoming a very long rant, so I'll stop here.
I want advice on how to deal with the relatives I live with. I talked to them on multiple occasions and it has gotten me nowhere. Sometimes even worsened our relationship. I have no money to move out yet, and I'm unemployed. I'm locking myself in my room everyday, refusing to leave if not absolutely necessary, because this is getting stressful to the point of triggering psoriasis(skin condition I have) outbursts.
>>16458309
You don't have trouble with your family. You have a nasty sister.
She is totally in the wrong, but it might help if you tried to see it from her point of view. All your life you have been a little "weird" as she saw it, and now that you've got a diagnosis, everyone is trying to support you by helping you function at your best.
But she sees this as just one more example of everyone serving you and ignoring her, and that makes her jealous and mad.
A more mature person might say that out loud, but she chooses to express her anger by tormenting you in small ways.
She is wrong - she is 100% wrong - but if you understand that she is acting out of unhappiness and not nastiness, maybe you can forgive her a little.
You be the grown-up. Tell her you realize that your limitations mean that you have to ask a lot of others in the family, including her, and that you are sorry if this makes her feel bad. Thank her for all the good things she does, like giving you rides, and try to do little favors for her, to pay her back.
She just wants some of the family's attention and appreciation. You can start by giving her some.
>>16458357
I figured doing her favors would get her in a good mood, so I did my best for a month or so. However, as I did more and more, she stopped thanking me and felt entitled to get every computer problem solved for free because she thinks Computer Science is about fixing computers. I tried to explain what my major is about, and she dismissed it as "nerd talk"(her words).
Recently, she told my mom she wanted to rewatch Harry Potter movies, but some weren't on Netflix, when I was in the room. The next day I put ~96 GB of data with the best quality rips I could find on the internet on her external HDD and returned it to her. No thanks given, only "Can you get me WALL-E and The Maze Runner too?". I did. Nothing came of it.
I'm gonna need the ages of you and your sister.
Also how many and who are living at your house?
>>16458401
I turned 18 in February. My sister turns 20 in December.
I live with my grandparents, my aunt, my sister, and we have a dog.
>>16458405
Your sister reminds me of my own.
I've cut her out of my life and it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.
If she was those around two years younger than you I'd say there would be a reason to try and salvage the relationship. But she's two years older than you, and she should know better.
The poster above might be right in that she's just jealous and angry because she feels you get special treatment, but at her age she should know that's not really on you and taking it out on you the way she is is cruel and unfair.
Your aunt also sounds very poisonous. I assume she must be at least a few years older than you.
OP, you have to understand that some people are jerks and socially toxic, and sometimes those kind of people are part of your family, but you can't really change them, especially not when they are above a certain age. There are countless of stories of people trying to change toxic people in their life, but very few success stories.
I say, make your room as comfortable to live in as possible, and live there until you can afford moving out. Maybe you are lucky and your sister will move out before you anyway.
Stop being considerate of your sister and aunt, not in an aggressive manner, but just do you no matter if they're in your way or not. They don't care about you either, you know.
If you need social validation, try and make friends at your school, and maybe hang out with after school at their place. Social life is power to socially toxic people, and when they see that they're not the only social bonds you have, they'll lose some of their perceived power and be less likely to bother you.
>>16458456
My aunt is 40. She hasn't changed much from when she was 28.
Thanks for the advice, to both of you. I can't live without contact with them, though, since there's no one else to give me rides to college. I can get away with getting a ride to college by walking there early and studying until classes start, but at 10:00 pm there's no one else to take me home on Wednesdays or Fridays. A classmate gives me a ride home every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. In exchange, I help him with the subjects he's not good at.
>>16458496
>I can't live without contact with them, though, since there's no one else to give me rides to college.
See it for what it is, and nothing more. You need them to get rides, and that's it. act accordingly.
Don't get emotionally attached, you will only end up disappointed.
>>16458522
Will do. Thanks.
She's probably jelly you're getting attention because of your disorder.
What can you do? People are going to be cunts because they can,
