I haven't posted here in years, but I am in desperate need of advice or I feel like I'll go insane. To anyone who replies, you have my immense gratitude- what may not seem like much to you could help me in ways you'll never know.
I have been with my girlfriend for 2 years now. We talk and see each other all the time, we're well integrated with each other's families and we've had some amazing times together. I love her. But on some things, we disagree- I feel like politically she has some differing views to me, but the biggest one is probably religion.
I have always been a devout Christian, and have regularly gone to church pretty much all my life. I am respectful to the beliefs of others and don't go 'pushing my dogma down anybody's throat'. If you are not religious and are reading this, please do not feel disinclined to help me because of it. My girlfriend, on the other hand, is not religious; she came to church with me once and didn't like it, and is very reluctant to go again. She believes that, in the long run, our religious differences don't matter.
Early this year, I met a girl- one of her acquaintances, who she sees relatively often but isn't really friends with. I chatted to her a little while and found out she's a Christian, too. Pretty soon after that I started going to her church, although she's only there every few weeks at best.
I feel like I've fallen massively for this girl. I've gotten to know her, slowly, and she's a shy girl. But she likes the same TV shows I like, has the same interests as me, and I just feel like we're compatible in such a big way. I have always felt something for this girl in a way I rarely ever do about girls, and it's snowballed to the point where now I think about her a lot, and look forward to seeing her- seeing her smile, or just look at me. (cont)
I'm feeling such strong feelings for her, but I haven't acted on them. I don't condone cheating and it's something I don't think I'd ever do. Also, I do still feel like I love my girlfriend, who has no idea about how I feel.
But I've tried to be friendly to this other girl, to start conversations and chat to her- but SHE acts weird, too. It seems like she goes out of her way to avoid me a lot of the time, but then when I do talk to her we get on great. I catch her looking at me out of the corner of my eye sometimes, which makes me think maybe she likes me, but then she's short and terse when I try text her. If she liked me, I figure she'd want to keep text conversations going, or be up for talking to me. When we see each other outside church we get on really well but I can't invite her for a coffee, or dinner, or ever talk to her in person without many other people around because to ask her that would be crossing a line. She acts so strangely and I'm tearing myself apart wanting her but unable to tell her how I feel.
She often takes a little while to reply to my texts, but the other day I sent her one- a direct question- which she didn't reply to at all, even though she was active on our messaging platform. A day later I sent her another message saying she was a cool girl but I got the message, figuring I'd just stop. But she replied with a long-ish text about how she was sorry but has been busy with uni work the last couple weeks and making an excuse... if she wanted to leave it why would she have replied?
>>16455920
I've rambled on far too long and I doubt anyone will have read this far. If anyone has, though- do I tell this girl how I feel? I feel like if I don't, I'll regret it, even if nothing will ever happen either way. I can't tell if she likes me, or dislikes me, or is indifferent, but things feel too weird between us for indifference to be a likely candidate. I just don't know what to do.
Hi anon. Not religious here but I did go to a Catholic school all my life, and I get the stigma of being with a heathen can be difficult. First of all I don't think faith should affect the relationship as long as you're both respectful.
Did you fall for this otjer girl because she was Christian? Does she have other traits your gf does not? Because if it's only for faith, that's not a good reason to break up with someone.
>>16455951
I fell for her partially because of her faith, but also because of her personality and the interests we share. I also think she's beautiful. It's not so much the stigma of being a heathen like you say, and religion isn't much of an issue now, but I'd like for my children someday to have a religious upbringing, and I'd like my family to attend church together- something my girlfriend has opined strongly against.
>>16455923
You might want to talk to your so about this. Might solve all your problems.
>>16456212
How so?
>>16455915
honestly, I totally understand. I believe having a healthy faith-based relationship is important so that you may like grow with one each other. I'd sit your girlfriend down and talk to her, explain it, and then end it. Give it a month or two and they start moving forward with the other girl
>>16455965
Why don't you let your future children decide themselves if they want to be Christian or whatever themselves ? That's just selfish imo, you say you're not the type of person to push your beliefs on others yet giving a Christian upbringing to kids is the same since they're easily influenced.
As for that girl I'd say drop it. Even if it looks like she enjoys talking with you, if she seems to ignore you sometimes then it's probably because she has a good reason, whatever that is. You don't necessarily need to know the reason either, just know that she has one and that she acts on it. Also when you only know someone "superficially" or course you'd feel compatible with them. But like everyone they have their flaws that you don't know about yet, it always feels new meeting someone. How did you feel when you first met your current GF? If you give in to this feeling it's just bound to happen again.
You gotta talk to her and figure it out, she obviously likes you but you can't build a relationship if you're standing on such different places about this.
There's not much to say, this is confusing af.
