Do you have close friends, /adv/? How did you meet? Is that even a thing after 20/college?
It's been bothering me for a while. I have a bunch of acquaintances - from school and at work - but nobody I'd call a "close-friend", as in "let's crash at my place and watch X" close.
Still on the subject, what do you do on a "normal" weekend?
A few. My best friend is an old college buddy but I've also made close friends afterward. It was through the same formula I always give people when this question pops up:
- find 2+ new activities with low barrier to entry (cost, appeal, etc.)
- do those activities regularly (at least once a week) with the same group of people each time
- when you're comfortably familiar with people there, talk to them
- invite the pleasant ones to do other stuff with you (hence 2+ activities; use the other(s) as your invitation)
- keep doing stuff and talking
On a normal weekend I hang out with people. I also try to squeeze in at least one new thing that I've never tried before. If neither of those are available I'll go hang out in public and catch up on some media I missed or deferred throughout the week.
No friends, no.
>>16455378
Thanks for the reply. Yeah, when I read that, it really resonates with what I see at college: Most of the people who hang out outside school also do stuff together on a regular basis. My hobbies, now that I think about it, are as indivudualistic as they come - music, VG, books.
I figure I'll start looking for some new stuff to do, even if I don't have that much freetime anymore. Also, excuse the spaghetti - never really bothered with this kind of stuff until recently.
>>16455372
I'm 29, have a ton of friends, and have a couple of circles of "close" friends. So many that it's hard to balance my time between all of them.
A typical weekend is like this for me: get out of work Friday, head to a happy hour, where 5 or so of us will be around, maybe more, then determine the night's activities. It might be more drinking at a bar, it might be a movie, a concert, it might be just playing some Madden at someone's house... It changes dynamically.
Saturday I wake up, jerk off, turn on college football, jerk off again, maybe doze in and out of consciousness for a bit, and inevitably someone will have texted me. Recently I've been doing brunch up the street with people, but in the past we've done mini golf or I've gone to see my friends and their kids play in the park, whatever. Saturday night I prefer to stay in and rest, but sometimes I'll go to a party or hit up some bars in pursuit of girls. My recently divorced friend and I have been getting together with some of our mutual friends for game night, too.
Sunday is football, all day. Generally at a bar with my fantasy league, but I also travel for some games so sometimes it's a quick trip to Phoenix and back. Or I'll watch with my parents at their place and just relax on the couch. By 5:30, I'm generally home for the weekend, posting on /adv/ from the comfort of my bed and writhing around in the verge of tears with anxiety over how much I hate my fucking job.
Not sure why I wrote that all out.
I've got two best friends.
My oldest, I've known and been friends with since literally the first day for 6th grade. I also have a crew of half a dozen guys from middle/high school that we still keep in contact and hang out when we can (not too often since we all live and worth in different paces).
My other friend, I met her when I was like 24. She was a friend of a friend, we started hanging out after work, and then eventually it was just me and her that would hang out.
We play pool every Thursday and Friday, and have been there for a lot of shit together.
Drinking buddies, emergency rides. a place to crash, confidants, moral support. That's what my friends are to me and more.
>>16455435
Thanks for the detalied reply, anon. Reading that really hammers the point that I mostly need to keep in touch with people. I don't mind staying in but now I kinda realize that I would actually have more options if I bothered to meet with a group instead of lazying around.
Just a question, though: As for parties and bars, do you often go alone? I tried just hanging around town, but mostly felt like a fish out of water.
>>16455442
Thanks for the post, man. I also have a group from highschool but we mostly meet once a YEAR, since everybody kinda went their own way, and not that many people even come anymore.
It's nice to know you still friends with people from that back then. I was (still am, I guess) pretty moody and awkward in my teenage years and that kinda drove away the few childhood guys I used to hang out with.
>>16455476
I go to bars alone frequently enough - I guess I learned from my dad, who is a pilot (and therefore doesn't have anyone to hang out with on layovers) that it's not that big of a deal to go to bars alone.
I kinda pick a regular bar and stick to it for a while, that way I get to know the bartenders and the other regulars, and it's not like "going alone" as much. It's like going to see who's around.
I don't often go to parties solo unless I know I'm going to know people there. But I've been invited to some and have just made friends while I'm there.
I too have a lot of friends from elementary and middle/high school that I still see. I'm doing a reunion with my college buddies next month but besides that, I almost never see them because we all live in different states.
I have one close friend. He lives in Glasgow (I live in Colorado).
As for the rest of my socialization, I get it with a family I've known since high school that used to be my neighbors. They're practically my family.
And I guess I'm friends with my boss, but not close friends.
Any friends I had in high school I've gotten rid of. They never changed after high school and were stuck writing yaoi fanfiction and crying over anime boys and running around screaming at conventions and posting about their new mental illnesses on tumblr and shit.
I'm fine with having the one close friend, my boyfriend, and my family. But I'm very introverted, so that's what works for me and I don't find myself wanting anything more.
>>16455500
as for a normal weekend, it usually consists of getting errands done, a few good walks with my dog, a nice bath, going on a date with my boyfriend, and some vidya.
I'm 23 now and have 2 close friends, both of which I know from high school. There are a few other people I see regularly when I hang out with them, but I'm not really close to them.
I also met a guy off 4chan and we've hung out a few times, I don't see him too often though.
Usually on weekends I hang out at one of my friends places and drink/watch movies or go to a bar. Also spend some time alone playing video games and stuff. Nothing too exciting.
>>16455378
>I also try to squeeze in at least one new thing that I've never tried before
Like what kind of stuff do you do? I'm starting to realize that if I want to meet people I actually have to make an effort to get out of the house and do some kind of group activity. I'm not sure what to do though...
>>16455500
>>16455504
Thanks for the reply. At times, I also think that, hey, it's not like I'm a people person or anything, and I've had my share of really annoying\opportunistic people but - at the same time - it feels weird to know that'll have an incredibly small social circle once college is over. Scary, even.
If you don't mind, could I ask how you and your boyfriend met?
>>16455506
Something that never really got into was online\offline meetings. How did that happen?
>>16455552
It was completely random. I saw a guy post on /adv/ about how he wished he had more friends. He happened to post about where he lived (same area as me) and we exchanged emails. Talked for a little bit on there and we met IRL at a bar.
>>16455514
Anything I feel like doing. Could be as small as trying a new type of food or as big as a weekend trip hundreds of miles away. Random stuff always inspires curiosity in me. I'll hear a random topic mentioned on the radio and think "Hey, that reminds me, I've never (whatever) before." Well I make a note of it on my phone and get around to doing it when I can. I want to be the old man who has been there, done that and gotten all the t-shirts.
>>16455702
Sounds like a good philosophy. I wish all my friends weren't poor so I could get them to do new stuff with me. I definitely want to start trying new things more so I don't waste my life playing vidya.
>>16455716
This. Trying to become more than shitbag human by any means possible and my close friends do not share this view (mostly a money thing but they will find excuses even if it is free). Eventually some respect is lost and it sucks. I havent found a new close friend since 6th grade (21 now) and dont know how to do it. I am kind of just accepting hermit life though, so long as I have my books and a bottle of whiskey and a job/hobbies to keep me busy I should be good. Always making new "friends" but no good friends. Just got tired of smoking weed and "chilling". Maybe that is what growing up feels like. In this meshwork of hierarchical institutions it is hard to see right from wrong and truth from propaganda but I know what I feel.
Just read this and I think I might have a mental disability.
Good luck OP
>>16455716
A lot of the things I do are fairly cheap; last weekend's project was like $10 in supplies. And how much is a meal from an ethnic restaurant or something, especially if it's doing some kind of grand opening special offer? Hell I recently spent a weekend learning some simple computer programming. That only cost the price of electricity to run my computer. I may have even saved money that weekend by staying in.
Of course money is a real consideration, but a lot of people also hide behind it as an excuse for their own stagnancy. Don't be like that.
>>16455372
for me, i havent done the 'lets crash at my place' sorta thing. my best friend is coupled up, living together, and their sewn at the hip.
im 23, but most of my friends are 29-31 years old. so there is a certain level of comfort they abide to.
but we still meet at least once a week for board game nights, they can go on REALLY late til 2pm, but its generally at their place. if i ever needed to crash in their guest room they'd probably let me, but it hasn't happened yet.
as for you, try asking those friends over for more and more 'intimate' situations. but the more adult people get, the more they like to sleep in their own bed.
>>16455372
>i'm 24, living in germany
>try to get over the breakup with my gf, we broke up on the last day of august
>i have 1 close friend, but he lives 300km away now
> i have no idea how to engage new people, because im socially awkward and introverted
the only activity i can imagine of is going to the gym, but its almost not possible to do as i work 10h/day 5day/week with a 1 1/2 hours drive to get there in the morning and a 1 1/2 hours drive back home
>bc of that, i'm still living at my moms house and have no money to get an own flat
>cant change jobs bc i work in a very small branch with almost 0 vacant jobs
wtf can i do?
>>16455884
>the only activity i can imagine of is going to the gym
You're lying to yourself, which makes it impossible for other people to help you.
You could look outside your window for 30 seconds and think of SOMETHING to do. The problem is that you're just not in the mood to do it and you don't feel like forcing yourself. You are disappointing your own future. That's not the world's fault. That's your choice. We could give you 100 perfect ideas and you would do none of them because you can't be bothered.
Stop fucking yourself.
>>16455372
Spend time with wife, catch up on sleep, have friends over to game/go to friends to game.
>>16455884
maybe half the issue is how unwilling you are to try. sure you tried before and it didn't work, but yo uare choosing to settle or the rest of your life because of it.
>jobs
i mean if you are going to force yourself to work at one job that doesn't even pay you enough to move out, just because getting a new job is hard (and not nearly impossible, get over that idea) then you arent going to be any good at making friends, let alone convincing people you are a good one.
even if there are no jobs where you are at, you can simply save money up to move somewhere else where there are more jobs
>>16455372
I'd say I discovered who my close friends were by about age 21.
I have 4 close friends now that I met through school and college, I'd also say I have about 6 friends I can not see for years at a time then meet up with and its like nothing ever changed.
An average weekend for me consists of going to the gym or working on my house, I'm too old to be going out and drinking and chasing 18yo girls.
ty in advance for replies
>>16455896
so what you mean is, that i am too picky in general?
i have to think of something and just fucking do it, therefore start forcing me to do stuff and dont give a shit about me not liking it in the first place?
>>16455909
the workplace im at has shitty payment and shitty bosses, i thought about going to berlin, but im fucking terrified to be even more alone as i am right now
>>16455953
Picky isn't quite the right word. This is self-sabotage. You're not even letting yourself decide whether something is good or not. You're just saying "THERE'S NOTHING. NICHT. SIEG HEIL."
Yes, you need to just fucking do stuff.
Ironically, the person I would call my closest friend lives across the Atlantic. We met on a video game fan forum over five years ago and remained in contact ever since.
>>16455953
What the fuck dude. Do you eat? Do you drink? It starts with hey man wanna grab lunch/dinner? Wanna grab a drink. It doesn't have to be interesting shit, in fact most of my time with friends is catching up over a meal and having a conversation.
>>16455978
i think you're right when you say, that im sabotaging myself. i'm doing that since i can remember, lost my first gf bc of that( well we were kids at this time, but still self-sabotaging if you see the essence) and lost my last gf bc of that.
it was a 4 years relationship, that ended bc my feelings for her vanished.. i tried to force myself to be with her, to re-develop feelings for her, but it didn't work out so we broke up.. we're still in contact, so i know that she met someone and they're dating. it drives me mad although i'm happy for her that she moves on with live.
i have to say, i absolutely HATE myself for being that whiny bitch that i am, i could run head first into a wall...
somewhere in the course of that 4y relationship i changed myself, becoming that whiny bastard...
a year before i met my last gf i went to the gym and worked my ass off to get in shape, i lost about 50 kg...
today i just fucking cant motivate myself to just fucking do stuff..
just now writing that, i'm trembling bc i'm so angry about myself
tl;dr i think you are spot on right, thanks all of you for your help, i try to get better
>>16455997
thats the problem, i'm socially awkward, every conversation with me leads absolutely nowhere
for example, i someone messages me, which doesn't happen often, i try to keep the conversation going, until it gets weird so theres no coming back from it,... i dont know how to speak with people and i dont know how or where to learn it
>>16455372
Met one of my best friend just the month ago.
>Was walking into a bar with 2 barely known people.
>They knew these two guys.
>Start talking.
>Thatguyisexactylikeme.jpg
>Hang out with him
>Best buddy, same interests, same humou.
>Next month, i will move out and probably never see him again.
No probs leaving the past behind, every sec was worth it.
Also on Weekends, i generally drink on friday night, at home / bar, then sleep a lot, and try to go out to enjoy nature.
>>16455552
>If you don't mind, could I ask how you and your boyfriend met?
we met in high school but hated each other.
then I moved away, a lot of things happened, I came back and we had both changed a lot. we started dating in college and have been together for almost 5 years and have known each other for nearly 10.
