I'm sorry, this will be long.
So I live with my boyfriend and we've been together over a year. We're in a committed relationship. He's always been very touchy about his phone and computer and tablet, not wanting me to ever touch them. He has said before if I tell him what I want them for he'll let me see it, but last night I went to play a game on his tablet and he snatched it away from me. Literally snatched it, like I was 5.
He can go through my things any time he wants because I have nothing to hide. That's always how it's been, since we got serious. He's done this five different times now, and two of the times he refused giving me some of his family's phone numbers when I was heavily involved with some things going on and could possibly need them.
He also has told me he has a porn addiction he's dealing with. It doesn't make me mad or anything, to be honest I respect that he feels guilty and wants to change that but if it wasn't an issue in our relationship I wouldn't see the harm in watching porn.
>>16452170
But him being this protective seems kind of sketchy, doesn't it? I'm a strong believer that if I need to find something out I will without digging around. He leaves his phone unlocked around me sometimes and I never look through it because I'm not a digger.
My point with this is I told him I think it's wrong of him to give me no right with his things, especially since we live together and he has access to my things without issue. It's a trust and respect thing to me. He absolutely disagrees, which is an issue to me.
I'm trying to gather others' views on this matter. I'm not asking to go through his things whenever I want, but I do expect to be able to use his things if I want to like he can do with mine. Other couples I've talked to about this seem to side with me, in that he's acting like he's single and won't even try to talk with me about it. They also add they have no need to keep electronics or anything else from each other, because no one in the relationship has anything to hide and they know the other doesn't obsessively go through their things.
>>16452175
So what do you guys think? I'm not an oppressive person, I'm actually pretty easy going. But this is worrying to me, and I don't think I'm unreasonable in my opinion. I'm more than willing to work to some middle ground, because 98% of a relationship is compromise and you can't avoid that, but he doesn't want to talk at all. I'm not sure what to do here.
>>16452188
He sounds kind of unbearable. You can maintain your privacy in a relationship but him snatching his tablet from you is just downright childish and extremely sketchy.
The fact that he can't talk about it either is weird too. If you guys are going to be in a serious relationship you're going to have to learn to talk to each other.
If you're doing all the compromise and he's just reaping the benefits, it's a one sided relationship that's pretty much going to lead to nowhere.
Be honest with him OP. If he can't compromise on such a trivial matter then maybe he isn't the person you should be with.
Tell him how you feel about this and give him a chance to come clean a out whatever it is he's hiding or what his hangups are. If that doesn't work, leave him as you can't trust him so your relationship is dead anyway.
>>16452207
>>16452211
You're right I think. I just want to make absolutely sure I'm not being unreasonable here.
>>16452188
You're right, you're not being unreasonable, he's acting weird. I don't think you should jump to conclusions that he's hiding an affair, or anything major like that. He's probably just into some weird porn and he doesn't want you to see it.
But if I were you, after enough time, I couldn't help but be suspicious. I don't think I could stop myself from wondering if there's another girl, or something like that. It would drive me a bit nuts, I don't think I'd handle it nearly as well as you are. Secretive behavior like this just isn't good for a relationship. It makes it clear that he doesn't really trust you, and makes it very difficult for you to trust him
Yeah, I don't date strange people. There are enough normal ones out there. You should try that same outlook.
>>16452262
Yeah, I don't let things like that worry me though. I mean, it'll just hurt me to go crazy over it and I'll find out either way in the end. My issue is the trust like you brought up. I feel like he's always holding me away from his personal things, and this really lends proof to it. I am very open-minded, and I'll work through issues in a relationship as long as I'm getting effort in return. If he's hiding something it'd just be better to tell me, and I don't see how he doesn't know that from how I've always acted. It just feels unfair to be treated like this.
>>16452276
That's a healthy attitude, but it doesn't make his behavior any less inconsiderate. Seriously, just post another thread with the roles reversed - say you're a guy, and your girlfriend is being really secretive and protective with her phone. You'll have 100 replies saying "that bitch is cheating, dump her."
>>16452308
I know. Truth be told, I don't think he's cheating or anything like that. He's told me it's because of things that have happened in the past with his exes. I'm not belittling that, I understand that gives him apprehension. But he knows I'm not like that and I feel like this is too big an issue to let go of. I just don't think he's going to be very receptive to me trying to talk to him about it again. I would be willing to work on those issues with him, so I've agreed to not touch his things without asking permission. I'm just afraid it's going to turn into him not working on this with me and I'm just cut out of anything he wants me to not be involved in.
I just don't see mutual trust or respect with this I don't really know how to go about discussing it with him.
>>16452170
I had a boyfriend like this. Finally when he was sleeping I couldn't stand it anymore. I looked on his computer. Found out he had an account on Vampire Freaks. Found a lot of hardcore porn. Like women with branches shoved up their vaginas in forests and shit. That was too much for me even though I don't have any issues with other kinds of porn.
Well, because I found his account, I looked through his phone. He was texting and sexting girls from vampire freaks. We're in our 20s, he was texting girls as young as 14. These girls were saying things like "Omg, my boyfriend is so going to break up with me, but here." And sent him nudes.
I was disgusted. Beyond disgusted. His posts and conversations with these girls were so attentiony and creepy.
And yea, when I confronted he was angry at first, tried to act all narcissistic and like so what? Then he cried like a little bitch, begging me not to tell anyone. He would have a bros night almost every weekend and he'd share all the photos he got with his friends. He said he used the site as a teenager along with his friends, and bad habits couldn't die. They were all scumbags.
I didn't tell anyone, but I just got out as fast as I could.
I'm not saying that your boyfriend could be doing the same thing. But when dudes are that protective over their shit, I'd just go with my gut and assume something's not right.
>>16452330
What happened in the past with his exes?
And just theoretically, what would you do if you found out he was into, like, child porn or animal porn or something? It's got to be something pretty extreme if he's being THIS secretive.
>>16452333
Hahahaha, oh god. That's gold. I'm sorry that happened to you, though.
>>16452170
You need to sit down and have an adult conversation where you talk about your expectations for a relationship.
If it were me, I would say that I saw moving in together as a huge commitment and a big statement about both of our intentions and level of commitment in the relationship. I would like to continue to move forward building a life together, and part of that includes transparency and honesty and that that is the kind of relationship I would like moving forward. Then ask him what he sees for your near future and what he pictures the relationship to be like.
>>16452340
I know, it's a weird experience. I laugh about it now. But in all seriousness, I am convinced my ex is a sociopath. He was literally living a double life. Because he acted so normal with me, so in love with me. I thought he was perfect, and we were together for three years when I found this out.
There are some reallllllll wolves in sheep's clothing out there.
>>16452330
I think you're being a little too trusting, actually. Whatever he's got on his phone and his tablet, he's pretty damn sure it would destroy your relationship if you saw it. There's no point in speculating about what it might be, but he would not behave like this unless it was something serious.
>>16452333
Wow, that's something else. I'm really sorry about that. What a weird fucking situation.
>>16452339
His exes all cheated on him, so he says. I have no reason not to believe it, since I did know about one girl doing that to him. He would have to be into some awful weird shit, because I'm very open in bed. Like, very open. If it was awful things, like child porn, I would probably report him. Bestiality I could work through probably.
>>16452345
I completely agree with what you've said. Thank you so much for putting it in words for me. Sometimes when I'm close to an issue I can't articulate my thoughts as well as I'd like, if that makes sense. That's why I'm thinking on this so much before I go and talk to him, so I don't fuck it up.
>>16452357
I can't see him doing that though. I hope I'm not just being an idiot about it. Regardless, I do need to talk to him about it again.
>>16452364
Would it be unreasonable to ask to see his internet history at this point? I'd be asking permission like he requires, not sneaking.
>>16452364
He's hiding SOMETHING big. This isn't just an abstract issue where he's not "demonstrating trust." There is something on his phone/computer that he really, really doesn't want you to see. I'm not saying he's cheating, I have no idea what he's hiding, it could be anything. But it's definitely not nothing, it's not just porn, something is up. Guys don't behave like this for no reason. Don't be naive.
If I were you - I'd start the conversation unexpectedly, and tell him that, just once, he needs to hand over his phone and let you see what the fuck is going on. That, or the relationship needs to take a break. If you just ask him to explain, HE WILL LIE. Do not kid yourself.
If you're living with this guy, if you're really serious about moving forward, then you need to know what the fuck you're getting into. And it's clear that there's a whole side to him that he doesn't want you to know about.
>>16452389
That's fair enough, I guess. I don't usually do things like that, but maybe I need to at this point.
>>16452389
>If you're living with this guy, if you're really serious about moving forward, then you need to know what the fuck you're getting into
very this.
>>16452389
I agree that he is hiding something, but it doesn't do her any good to approach the situation with the mindset of "I'm catching him doing something terrible". If he doesn't have a history of cheating or lying, she should give him the benefit of the doubt and approach the situtation in a way that is more conducive to fixing it together, and introducing him to the idea that "we're a team now. If we tackle things head on, together, with honesty, we can get through anything".
You might be surprised the things you find out in long term relationships when you live with someone. My boyfriend actually hid from me that he DOESN'T really look at porn. He was ashamed that he doesn't really like porn, and was worried how I would react because I am more sexual of a person that he is.
>>16452409
I mean, would you rather find out he's a serial killer now, or after you've had a kid together? Ordinarily, it'd be great for you to be trusting in a relationship, it'd be great that you're willing to give your boyfriend some space and privacy. But when he's behaving in a way that is so obviously, almost comically untrustworthy, it's like you're allowing yourself to be treated like a doormat. It's like you're just plugging your ears and shutting your eyes, and PRAYING that you're in a good relationship with a good guy, while he's living out some whole other life behind your back.
I mean, maybe you'll look at his phone, and it'll turn out he's really obsessed with model trains or something, something nerdy and slightly embarrassing but not bad. Or maybe he's fucking three other girls behind your back. Maybe he's secretly gay or bisexual. But you're at a point in the relationship where you deserve to actually KNOW the guy you're dating. And you don't. To me, I can't imagine being in your situation and being OK with it.
>>16452442
He lost benefit of the doubt privledges when he fervently snatched shit away from her. If you give the benefit of the doubt to a liar they WILL take advantage of it (and you)
>>16452453
"Me against you" is a terrible way to have a relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if the situation is as simple as "he's 18 and too immature to be living with a GF and doesn't understand whats expected of him"
>>16452447
I'm not saying just be okay with it. I'm just saying approach the situation in a way that isn't adversarial and accusatory. Sure, you may win this battle, but if you act like a cunt this time he'll be way less likely to talk to you honestly next time.
>>16452442
Fine, but one way or another, she has to see the phone, and she has to see it before he's had a chance to "clean up." If he's working so hard to keep it hidden, he will also lie about it if he can. If I were OP, I couldn't let the relationship get any further until I KNEW what was up.
I get that people have their little secrets, but I really doubt that your boyfriend was ever snatching electronics out of your hands so that you wouldn't find out he WASN'T looking at porn. OP's boyfriend's behavior is a clear indication that something a little more major is going on.
>>16452459
>"Me against you" is a terrible way to have a relationship.
No, being a doormat and refusing to stand up for yourself to avoid confrontation is. Sometimes it IS "me against you" because your partner is lying to you.
>>16452459
I think you're approaching all of this from a "healthy relationship" perspective, but it really doesn't sound like OP is in a healthy relationship. I'm placing the odds at 8 to 1 that the relationship ends as soon as she finds out what he's really been doing.
She sounds like a very trusting person, and if she takes your advice, she probably just won't push the issue, she'll give him a way out, and she'll continue assuming that nothing is wrong.
>>16452470
If you are in an unhealthy relationship, you can't fight fire with fire. All you can do is approach the person in a reasonable manner and try to discuss your problems. If the problems persist, she should leave or they refuse to communicate then you should leave. The result of the conversation should be an open device policy, no one is saying that she should timidly talk to him and then just deal with whatever he wants.
>>16452442
I agree with you. I'm not going to do it in an accusing way. He really hasn't done anything in the past to make me think he's hiding something, other than being very protective over his phone and computer.
>>16452447
I agree with you to some extent, but I'm also not about to be a demanding bitch over it. I think being reasonable is the key to this. I don't want to respond badly and regret my decision later.
>>16452470
I will say even though I'm easy going, I have my limits. If he refuses to let me see his history or something absolutely awful is on it, I'm not staying in a relationship that I will suffer in. I do my damnedest to be good to my partner, and I don't think it's fair to not get that back. That's why this conversation needs to be had. This needs to either be fixed or it needs to be done with, however unfortunate that is.
>>16452480
Yep, this. I do have a spine, and I do use it. But I'm also not going into this assuming I know everything and acting like a bitch. I just can't do that. But acting reasonable and seriously, I can do. Especially once I set my mind to what I think is right.
Let us know how it goes after you confront him!
>>16452480
Is an "open device policy" what is expected in a relationship nowadays? Or just because of the situation OP is in?
Honestly have no clue and would like to know.
>>16452170
> in a committed relationship
>dating over a year
>I can't touch his computer, tablet or phone unless i promise I won't go looking through them
>he randomly looks through my phone, computer and such without asking first to make sure I'm not cheating
>only admits to having porn addiction
>i keep trying to make excuses for why his behavior is ok but even i can't keep lying to myself much longer
>he gets extremely defensive whenever i even lightly try to talk about his questionable
behavior
and i bet
>he always starts fights over the issue to insure whenever it is brought up I drop it and back off so things can stay the same
the ONLY reason he is acting this way is if is hooking up with random people and doesn't want you to find out he's been fucking craigslist people.
like people who are cheating always are suspicious their partner is as well which is why he looks over your stuff. I guarantee 100% if you look over his phone you shall find exchanges between other girls (or guys) hes been meeting up with.
like if he was truly ashamed of his porn addiction he never would admit it to you, it would still be secret on his objects but he has let you know about it which means hes hiding worse things, else why keep you from looking through them?
people who are cheating always are suspicious their partner is as well which is why he looks over your stuff. I guarantee 100% if you look over his phone (without asking) you shall find exchanges between other girls (or guys) hes been meeting up with.
if he finds you with his phone explain how he keeps looking through yours without asking so its only fair.
so op go looking through his things(or his phone at least) and see what you can find. if i'm wrong you'll find nothing on his phone, but if i'm right you're in danger of getting stds and so need to take steps to protect yourself at the least.
>>16452513
I will if you want.
>>16452522
I personally don't see the issue with it in a trusting and committed relationship. I have no problem with him getting into my things. Maybe it differs with people, but I seem to gather that's the general norm for serious couples. That's just what I've seen and noticed though, I'm not saying that's 100% the case.
>>16452524
I don't think cheating is the Only thing it could be, if it is anything. I think there's reason enough to look into it in a reasonable manner, and that's what I'm going to do. He said he wants to become a better person, and that's why he told me about the porn. He doesn't like the kind of person he is that needs to look at it, so he wants to change. That's what he told me anyway. I have no reason not to believe he was sincere about it.
>>16452551
I am just asking because I would never feel comfortable with it. I don't have a problem with trust, but I like my privacy too.
I just don't have a clue about the whole dating and relationship thing anymore, because I kinda opted out of it for quite a while.
>>16452364
>He would have to be into some awful weird shit, because I'm very open in bed. Like, very open.
That's awesome, but you might be overestimating his confidence in his fantasies. It's great that you guys are willing to try stuff, but he might just feel weird about the stuff he's into anyway, you know? Maybe he's nervous about what you'll say when you find out he's a /d/eviant.
>>16452566
Well I don't know, to be honest. I think it's something you'd need to discuss with your partner truthfully. I just know what I think and what's going on in my situation.
>>16452522
It depends. In a live-in relationship where you both have expressed an intent to be committed for a long time/get married I would say yes, it is expected.
>>16452576
Well I'm into bdsm, which he knows about. I'll try pretty much anything that doesn't include animals or children or dead anything.
>>16452576
This. My ex was very open, probably more than you, but I never told her about everything I was into. There is stuff I kept to myself and I want it to stay that way. Some stuff is just fantasy, not even meant to be lived out or for anyone to know about.
>>16452580
I can see how your situation is different.
>>16452581
Okay, thanks. I am really not cut out for that then. A lot of my life revolves around PCs, Smartphones, etc. To me that would be like being denied any form of privacy whatsoever.
>>16452566
I would find it strange and intrusive if my girlfriend was constantly reading my texts or email, and I don't do that to her. But I don't dodge questions, I don't worry about leaving my phone/computer unattended around her, and if for some reason she ASKED to go through my phone, I don't really think I'd have a problem for it. Because I don't have much to hide, I don't think she'd really care about my porn habits if she cared to dig them up, and if for some reason she felt insecure or suspicious, I'd rather just set her mind at ease than let it turn into a big issue.
>>16452603
It's not like I'd dodge questions. I am actually really open and talk about (almost) anything when asked.
Why would I just let her look through my phone though? Why would she want to? If she needs to look through my phone, she obviously doesn't trust me enough.
So we either have to talk about why she does not or end the relationship.
My PC is an entirely different story though and while I wouldn't mind showing her most of it, there is parts I want to keep to myself and would not show anyone, no matter why she wants to see it.
However, I do agree that OP's boyfriend is acting extremely suspicious and I would go about this whole ordeal in an entirely different manner, if in his position.
OP, just another perspective - I am very serious with my partner about not sharing access to that information, and I am up front about it. I do not expect any access to their things, but they are NOT getting access to mine. Why? My mom probably instilled it in me. She is the absolute worst at saying "no one should have anything to hide," and will use every underhanded means available to her to find what people are trying to hide.
Then, she misinterprets it, and gets furious. The context of people's conversations are often ignored in this kind of thing if you have full access to all of their communication and such.
Sure, I also have some porn/whatever that I'm kind of embarrassed about, but that's for me in my private time. My partner does not have to know EVERYTHING about me. I also don't want someone to have unfettered access to my bank accounts. Freedom and maintaining your sense of self is important.
Just be warned, I value my privacy over my relationships. I'd break up with someone in the situation that you're in for pressuring me to break my boundaries.
I'm aware this isn't optimal, but it is who I am, through and through.
>>16452643
My girlfriend has never "looked through" my phone, as far as I know, and she's never asked to. I've never "looked through" hers. We give each other privacy, we don't snoop around on each other, because it's never felt like there was a reason to. But we use each others' phones sometimes, just to look up directions or make a call or play a game or something.
If she started acting sketchy about it, hiding it from me, literally snatching it out of my hand, then I'd get very suspicious and I'd think something was up. If I acted the same, I'd expect the same reaction from her. In a situation like that, I would want to know what was going on. If she REFUSED to show me her phone, I'd assume it was something pretty bad.
Under normal circumstances, in a healthy relationship, I'd say that too much snooping would be a bad thing. Space and privacy are important. But OP is not in "normal circumstances in a healthy relationship"
>>16452652
You should like someone with aspergers.
Personally, a dealbreaker of mine is blaming any character flaws on how your mother treated you in childhood.
>>16452662
I was going to say something along the lines of this. I literally have never wanted or have tried to snoop through his phone. If I needed it to make a call or show him something online I thought he'd enjoy, he'd get protective and not let me. Once I took it being playful, didn't even try to turn it on, and it ended up in an argument between us. He didn't find it amusing. I was playing around since he's always on it. Granted, maybe I shouldn't have played around like that, but his reaction was weird nonetheless.
>>16452664
It has nothing to do with how she treated ME, it has to do with how she treated my dad. Shit constantly blown out of proportion when it shouldn't be.
I see plenty of women do it with my friends. I've been in many healthy relationships - it's not aspergers here. It's solely a matter of people not being able to conquer their own insecurities, or feeling like a relationship should be this symbiotic, hive mind thing.
>>16452662
No problem letting someone else use my phone, but it's always locked anyway, so they need to ask.
I agree that OP's boyfriend is acting suspciously, as I already stated. I can understand her wanting to see things due to it.
I am just saying she needs to present him with good reasons for wanting to look into his things. Otherwise I can totally understand why he wouldn't let her, as I would do the same.
>>16452683
I agree it was weird.
I see your reason for wanting to see what he is hiding.
Just make sure he sees the reason too, otherwise things will just get even worse.
It does sound like it is something bad and this could very well end your relationship.
I have things most people would think is pretty horrible myself. I have been on 4chan and worse sites since 2006, so what do you expect?
>>16452687
Sounds like you can't conquer your insecurities if you unequivocally value hiding your porn over a relationship.
>>16452715
Are you unable to read or just trying to get on his nerves?
I wouldn't want my gf to go through my phone/pc because of my porn. I have plenty of "interests" that she is not aware of and I would not want her to be. I'm completely faithful.
I let her use my computer any time, the stuff on there is well hidden, but not my phone. She has her own phone and we never look at each other's stuff anyway. I trust her and she trusts me.
Not being able to see your bfs phone shouldn't be an issue even if he has nothing at all to hide. You should trust each other if you're in a relationship and you should respect each other's privacy.
>>16452718
That's exactly what he said.
>>16452683
>If I needed it to make a call or show him something online I thought he'd enjoy, he'd get protective and not let me. Once I took it being playful, didn't even try to turn it on, and it ended up in an argument between us. He didn't find it amusing. I was playing around since he's always on it.
>he's always on it
>he refuses to let me see it, ever
Look, I really don't mean to make you paranoid here, but just read the writing on the wall already. You're that girl who says "I never saw this coming," "I just never thought in a million years he'd be capable of something like that," etc etc. Pull your head out of the sand already. You have to look out for yourself out there.
Trust is vital to a relationship, but trust is earned and maintained, not given unconditionally. This guy is NOT earning or maintaining your trust. If you're trusting of untrustworthy people, they WILL take advantage, and I think it's happening to you right now
>>16452718
Thanks.
>>16452715
Like was said, porn's not the thing. It's communication issues.
Fuck, people need their space. Physical space is just as important as information space.
I would rather my boyfriend have porn plastered all over his walls than hide it from me and get upset if I look at his phone. I can't fucking deal with being lied to. I wouldn't ever keep secrets or hide something from my boyfriend. Unfortunately it's clear to me I shouldn't ever expect that to be reciprocated.
>>16452725
No, that's what you read.
He said he broke up with her because of how she treated his dad.
He said he values his privacy over any relationship (and so would I), you made this about nothing but porn.
There is more in life to keep private than just porn. Grow up and stop thinking everything is about porn.
>>16452732
>Physical space is just as important as information space.
Fully agree. But, I dunno, don't snatch back your electronics without expecting your SO to wonder.
>>16452739
He specifically said porn.
>>16452738
Everyone has secrets. If you honestly claim you don't, you are lying to yourself.
>>16452743
If she knows I have a huge problem with it, but does it anyway, I would do the same and be pretty upset with her.
>>16452744
He said "porn/whatever". Porn was one example you got hung up on and now think it's about porn, porn, more porn.
If anything, he specifically stated it's NOT only porn.
>>16452755
I'm not hung up on it, you are. He used it as an example of something he would end a relationship over. I said that spoke of insecurity.
>>16452738
The OP case is obviously bad and he was unfaithful/over protective, but that aside, how is not showing you his porn collection "lying to you"? Why don't you trust your partner enough to respect their privacy? Have you told your partners literally every one of your secrets or intimate thoughts/desires?
he probably has cp on there.
or is cheating on you.
>>16452762
He used it as an example of things he likes to keep private, not things he would end a relationship over.
He would end a relationship if not given enough privacy.
You fail to differentiate between these two distinct levels.
>>16452333
you should have had him reported what the fuck
>>16452755
And you're projecting. I don't have secrets. I never kept secrets from my boyfriend, I never hid anything. There isn't anything I wouldn't have told him. I have no problem with who I am and the things I do, I'm not ashamed of myself and I don't feel like I need to hide anything. I don't want to.
Fuck, your boyfriend sounds like a true loser. Who can respect a porn addict? With this manchild personality, I'm sure he's quite the catch.
>grow up OP and move on
>>16452729
This. Be as polite as you want, but if you're gonna keep living with this guy, you need to find out for sure what he's up to. Right now, you're living in a fantasy relationship
>>16452170
you're a woman. you dont know what it's like being a guy, especially one in todays age. i would never let anyone into my things because i DO have things to hide- things, that if made public would ruin me. he doesn't want you to see because when you dump him you will feel no obligation to keep his secrets.
I've been married for 5 years and my wife is banned form touching my computer shit. good thing too since she left me for another man.
just because you let im into your shit doesnt mean he has to let you into his shit.
why are you so nosy anyway?
>>16452772
There aren't distinct levels. There is an abstract concept and an instantiation i.e. example of it.
>>16452781
Nothing you thought, nothing you did, ever, in your life?
You never thought something bad about him and did not tell him? You never acted like something was wrong when in reality you were upset or so and just didn't want to let it show? Yeah, right...
>>16452790
"Porn" is part of "privacy" in this regard, but "privacy" does not consist of "porn" only, there is more to it, as clearly stated.
He never said he would dump her over porn and porn alone, that was all you. He only said he'd end a relationship over a lack of privacy.
>>16452333
see OP, this is what I am talking about. he wasn't cheating, but this cunt just couldnt stand the fact that her man had some secrets. she snooped, dumped him, then spread his secrets on the internet.
that is exactly what your bf is afraid of. he is scared that you'll look into his phone or laptop or whatever and see that he likes to jerk it to men seducing little girls or animals or whatever.
>>16452389
and then there is shit like this. god fucking forbid anyone has privacy
frankly OP, most of the advice here is shit, and you probably are believing their ridiculous stories about cheating and rape and crime and shit.
fact is, everyone has secrets. deal with it
>>16452789
Just for the sake of argument, what exactly were you hiding from her? Was it really none of her business, or were you doing something behind her back?
I think the point is, if OP's living with this guy, taking the relationship seriously, planning a future together, then she has a right to know exactly who he is.
If he's hiding something that would destroy the relationship, he's basically just putting off the breakup by a few years. The truth will come out eventually. Why should she have to waste all that time, just so he can pretend he's a better guy than he really is? What if they have a child together? Why not just get it all out on the table now, before it's too late, so both of them can make a real decision?
I think the fact that you don't want to admit to yourself, is that most guys aren't like you. Everyone's got their little quirks and kinks and secrets, but most people don't have some deep, dark, life-destroying secret lurking on their hard drives.
I don't want my gf to look through my phone/computer because she'd find out I'm suicidal and severely depressed.
>>16452805
>she has a right to know exactly who he is
No, she does not. Nobody does have a right to know everything about anybody, no matter who.
She can only make this a prerequisite for a serious relationship and he can take it or leave it, but she is not entitled to anything he is not willing to give. She can either be okay with what he is willing to give, try to convince him of giving more or leave, but that's it.
>>16452797
Not saying every thought that crosses your mind is not the same as making a conscious effort to hide things or obfuscate aspects of your life from your partner. If you can't argue without making false equivocations, you can shut the fuck up. And no, I don't hide my feelings either.
There are so many people in your life that you have to hide your true self from. That you have to censor yourself in front of, that you can't be honest with. Why the fuck would anyone ever want to waste their life with someone they ultimately treat as just another stranger. I guess most guys are in it for the easy access to sex and could give a fuck about being open and cultivating a real relationship based on trust.
>>16452818
Well yeah, that was exactly my point. Not that she should literally force him to give up all his secrets, but that she shouldn't be living with a guy or moving forward with the relationship when he's hiding half of his life from her.
I don't really see how you could have a real relationship with someone while keeping secrets like that. I think a certain level of openness and trust are important, otherwise, what's the point? Just be friends or fuck buddies or whatever. The problem is that this guy wants to call it a relationship, call her his girlfriend, but he's not acting like a serious boyfriend.
>>16452805
>people don't have some deep, dark, life-destroying secret lurking on their hard drives.
Doesn't have to be even that bad. It just has to be weird and public.
>what exactly were you hiding from her?
I am a pedophile. I jerk off to erotic stories involving underage women and older men. I especially like the stories where a man seduces a young woman and then enters into a long term loving relationship with her.
I collect nudes of women, for no reason than to just have them. I don't even jerk off to them.
I have 100gb of terrorism data on my hard drives. Guides on making and modifying weapons. Military manuals, survival manuals, etc. I have information on how to synthesize drugs
I have improperly disposed of PII from a secondhand PC I bought that I could use to steal identities.
It's all harmless shit, but if anyone found out I would, best case scenario, be kicked out of school and have to move states.
>>16452819
All my relationships have been based on trust.
But trust is not having to know everything. Trust is trusting someone despite not knowing everything.
You are just narrowing down what a secret is to you. It doesn't change the fact you did not tell him everything. There may be different levels of keeping secrets, but you still have them.
If you honestly think you don't have secrets, you are really just lying to yourself. Everyone has secrets, no exception.
>>16452835
>It's all harmless shit
No it isn't, man. That is a long list of very legitimate dealbreakers. Stop giving advice as if your situation is normal. Yeah, everyone has secrets, but not like yours.
If you tried to carry on a marriage with a woman who knew NONE of that shit about you, you were basically just lying and duping her. It was a sham relationship.
I'm not saying there's nobody out there for you, I'm just saying that a normal, healthy relationship doesn't involve leading a double life like that, and if I found shit like that out about my girlfriend, I'd leave her.
>>16452836
I don't say know everything, I said not hiding things. If I took a shit this morning and didn't tell my boyfriend is that keeping a secret just because no one knows it right now except me? Am I hiding that from him because I don't immediately go report it to him? That's your defintion of a secret? I may have secrets but I am not keeping them from my boyfriend, they're his for the taking. I don't hide shit on my computer so he won't find it. I don't lock my phone so he can't see it. I don't lie to his face when he asks me direct questions. If I have "secrets" it's only because he hasn't asked.
>>16452845
>That is a long list of very legitimate dealbreakers.
no, actually it isn't.
There was no double life. I was a great boyfriend and husband. It's literally data on a hard drive and a fetish forced on me by childhood sexual abuse.
The fact that you're making a big deal over it just proves me right.
That's sketchy as fuck. I understand wanting privacy, but if he rips the device out of your hands when you're simply playing on an app, that's super suspicious.
Best case scenario, he doesn't trust you. Worst case scenario, he's into some REALLY bad shit. I think he's either cheating, or into something illegal, but it's plausible that he's just neurotic as fuck and distrustful. Even the best case scenario is something that needs to be tackled.
>>16452845
He's not leading any double life. He just has interests or sexual desires that are bad but that he has chosen not to act upon.
Paedophilia is not something he chose, but the fact that he does not act upon it and strives to live normally and have a relationship free of that is a really positive thing.
>>16452858
I can see how the first thing would be a potential deal breaker.
I have tons of data on my HDD with a high potential for criminal activity. I just think some of that stuff is interesting and I can learn from some of the other stuff (tech related). Because of the stigma, I won't let anyone see it. But I can't see how it's bad to just have the data either.
It's not like I am some sort of online criminal/terrorist or whatever just because I have the data necessary to do so.
>>16452866
We only have OP's side of the story.
If I had told my girlfriend not to use my stuff before for whatever reason, I kinda expect her to not use my stuff and if she does anyway, I would probably do the same and be pretty pissed at her for invading my privacy like that.
>>16452875
Honestly, you can bury most of this stuff and then live a normal life. I did shit when I was a teenager too, mountains of CP, terrorist files, etc., all that kind of stuff you said.
The fact is I think that buy getting rid of everything you have and never bringing up things you have done related to it, you can bury it, both for yourself and your partner.
It's just my opinion, but I believe you can, to a large extent, bury THAT kind of edgy sort of past, and let it go. But you have to bury it for yourself too. Don't even think that you ever did it, don't ever admit, etc. It needs to be exactly as if it never happened.
>>16452876
>I have tons of data on my HDD with a high potential for criminal activity. I just think some of that stuff is interesting and I can learn from some of the other stuff (tech related). Because of the stigma, I won't let anyone see it. But I can't see how it's bad to just have the data either.
>It's not like I am some sort of online criminal/terrorist or whatever just because I have the data necessary to do so.
exactly
though I am ashamed to say most of it I have not read, mostly just the things about bushcraft medicine, and firearms building.
>>16452853
And I still don't believe you at all. There are no people without secrets and I kinda doubt you are the one exception on this planet. Nobody is that special little snowflake.
>>16452875
That's completely beside the point. I'm not going to call him a terrible person, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a pedophile, and I don't think a healthy relationship can exist if you're trying to pass off a fictional version of yourself that isn't a pedophile. At that point, it's a completely selfish relationship, you don't care that your partner is being duped and misled.
If it's the real deal, tell them everything and let them decide for themselves. I'm sure there are women out there that could empathize and accept this kind of thing. But they have a right to decide for themselves, if you're asking them to spend their lives with you.
>>16452893
Oh ok, so you are full of shit.
I never said I was special. I think the special snowflake here is you since you're evidently omniscient and can so confidently generalize literally everyone in the planet going as far as to say there are NO exceptions to your baseless worldview.
>>16452892
I am more interested in traps, IEDs, explosives, stuff like that. (Second to all the source code for malicious software, spyware, etc.)
I have never in my life build an explosive device though, nor am I planning to. But there are some pretty good ideas in there one can use for normal technical applications, i.e. for triggering alarm systems.
>>16452883
He wouldn't share his family members' phone numbers, and he's dug through her stuff on five occasions while viciously safeguarding his own shit. That's super suspect, no matter how you spin it.
>>16452898
>That's completely beside the point. I'm not going to call him a terrible person, but I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a nigger, and I don't think a healthy relationship can exist if you're trying to pass off a fictional version of yourself that isn't a nigger. At that point, it's a completely selfish relationship, you don't care that your partner is being duped and misled.
>If it's the real deal, tell them everything and let them decide for themselves. I'm sure there are women out there that could empathize and accept this kind of thing. But they have a right to decide for themselves, if you're asking them to spend their lives with you.
>>16452898
that's really fucked up
>>16452898
What does it matter if he never acts on it?
And why would he tell anyone? If you decide to rat him out after breaking up, who would stop you? It's not a good idea to tell someone about this, ever. So why would anyone take that chance?
>>16452904
You claim you have no secret. So you do claim to be special. Simple as that.
>>16452876
>>16452892
>>16452906
If I found stuff like this on my boyfriend's computer, I wouldn't care at all. As long as it's just a hobby and you don't have a weapon stockpile, I don't think it's abnormal for a guy to have interests like this.
The pedophilia thing would be a deal breaker, especially if I was living with the guy and planning a future. It would just raise all kinds of questions - does he actually like me or am I just a "beard" to make him look normal, if we have kids someday, if they grow up and have friends over for sleepovers, could I really trust him, etc etc. It's just too much. It's an incompatibility.
>>16452898
You are L I T E R A L L Y proving his point. You want him to be shunned and discriminated against for something he cannot control.
>>16452919
No, I never said having no secrets was special. That is your assertion, which I reject.
>>16452920
that seems kinda ignorant
my 'span' of attractive ages is just a little wider than most. fucked up to assume that i'm a slavering raping beast who can't control myself. i've been cheated on but i have never cheated. the youngest person i have had sex with was 18. that's older than most 'regular' people i know
i do have about 5 guns though.
>>16452909
I didn't say it doesn't sound suspicious.
But we only have one point of view here.
What if she did some stupid stuff before, like talking shit about him to family members or something? I wouldn't give her the number of anyone after that either.
You don't know what caused him to look through her stuff either. He may suspect she is cheating on her (not a justification, I know, but still a possibility).
We really don't know what's going on.
That's why I advised to try make him see the reason for wanting to see his stuff. He can decide what he wants to do after that.
>>16452898
People aren't fucking on/off switches with 3 attributes that determine them. What makes a person is a lot more complex than that, Jesus. Its not like he is no longer his true self by not acting on a sexual desire.
I would like to try/fantasize about pegging, but just because I don't act on that it doesn't mean I'm living a shell of my life lmao
>>16452910
>>16452915
>>16452916
>>16452923
>>16452929
Why does /pol/ ALWAYS have to be right? I was all for gay rights and gay marriage, just like everyone else I assumed the "slippery slope" argument was bullshit. Yet here we fucking are, normalizing and defending pedophilia because "they can't control it."
Congratulations on proving them all right. The stupidest loudmouth pundits on Fox News, the uneducated religious bigots, they were right all along
That's enough 4chan for today
>>16452920
I can see how the paedophilia thing is unsettling. However, some studies suggest all men are attracted to pubescent girls as young as 14. They are controversial though.
It's cool that you are that accepting of the rest though. There still is a lot of stigma attached to it though and someone talking about this after a bad break up could potentially ruin your life, especially in the US with their no fly lists and things like that.
>>16452953
Are you seriously that dense?
No one is defending paedophilia or child abuse. They are a defending a man who has done nothing wrong and has never acted on those bad thoughts he does have.
I've thought about killing people, pretty much everyone has thought about doing something really bad at some point. What makes us human is being able to THINK about things and act based on that, not urges or base desires.
Thinking about having sex with a cute girl or guy on the subway =/= raping them.
>>16452969
Having child porn on your computer =/= having a harmless thought that you didn't act on
>>16452333
Please report him, otherwise you're just another sham in spreading child pornography.
>>16452953
I was among the ones you quoted and I do not intend to defend paedophilia. There is a reason for age of consent laws (although they are messed up a bit).
I was just trying to make a point for not telling anyone about those kinda preferences. And I specifically said "if he never acts on it".
Seriously, it's not his fault and he doesn't harm anyone, it's just stories. There is a difference between that and abusing children.
But seriously, what does knowing this really change besides someone possibly doubting things for no reason?
>>16452974
It's just stories. Did you not read what he wrote?
It would be a different thing if it were imagery and different still if he were to actually pursue children.
OP it honestly depends. I get like that but I'm not cheating or hiding illegal shit, but I'm also a girl...
i do it out of a combo of 1. habit (always delete internet history due to coming on sites like 4chan or watching porn incase parents get on computer) 2. well i do watch kinky porn 3. i search up extreme or embarrassing diet/ed-related stuff i wouldn't want my partner or others budding it about 4. do you ever go on facebook and have a habit of searching up people here and there? i do that and that can be awkward
stuff like that
plus i've been in instances in the past where people found things that i felt goofy or stupid or embarrassed about that weren't my fault or weren't what they thought it was and i was like wtf awkward...
>>16452986
I'm not even judging the guy, I'm not saying he should be locked up. I'm just saying a relationship is supposed to be a choice, and if you're being dishonest about yourself or hiding big things like that, you're not giving your partner a fair choice. You're selling them a lie, so that YOU can have the "normal" life you want.
The moral issue of pedophilia is a completely separate discussion. I guess I don't see much harm in a person that just reads stories and never touches any kids. But most people ARE NOT PEDOPHILES AT ALL, and I would personally rather be in a relationship with one of them.
>>16452969
HE WAS GETTING NUDES FROM 14 YEAR OLDS GIRLS AND EXCHANGING THEM ONLINE AND WITH HIS FRIENDS
YOU PIECE OF SHIT
>>16452969
You are so stupid. He (a grown man) was manipulating these underage girls to send nude photos. He was also sharing them. There's a reason people get in trouble for having loads of cp on their comp, and if you had tons of pictures of murdered or raped people on ur comp anyway or were obsessed with people talking about it and looking at it then you miiiight be a little... off... and should be "looked into"
but you're going to find a way to look into the semantics of all this.
>>16452953
ironic how they're all typically white males like the sjw's speak of too, eh?
I'm beginning to think the sjw's are onto something.
Seriously, if you are convincing 14 year old girls to take explicit photos and send to you, and sharing them online, you are committing a crime.
>>16453005
If you actually read my other posts you'd see that I was arguing about the principal of it and the issue of enacted/not desires and secrets generally, not the OP. LITERALLY the first thing I said was the OP had done wrong.
>>16453011
See above
Learn to read before you call me an idiot.
>>16453005
>>16453011
You know we are talking about two different guys here, right?
We were always just talking about someone reading stories, not the guy getting pics from girls.
>>16453001
>I'm not even judging the guy
>and I would personally rather be in a relationship with one of them
You are judging him right there in that same post.
And can you answer my question as to why it even matters if he never ever acts on it?
>>16452969
he wasn't just thinking about it, you're the dense one.
>>16452170
In my relationship I don't like my gf (of 5 years) going through my phone etc, but that's because she upsets herself by trying to find issues.
She will sometimes go through my phone and ask who Sophie/Laura/Tracey/Jenny are (4 non family female contacts who are work colleagues) and accuse me of cheating, or get pissy because one of them sends a kiss on the end of her texts.
Do you get upset or suspicious over things and argue over them? Just trying to get more information, at the moment he does sound a bit sketchy though.
>>16453001
>just reads stories
HE WASN'T JUST READING STORIES LOL
he was looking at photos (which is dangerous) of nude underage girls (which is illegal) and then spreading them (also dangerous and illegal)
>>16453037
Two different people, you dense fucker.
The one we talk about was reading stories, nothing else.
>>16453037
>>16453032
Not replying to these anymore because you're obviously too stupid to read properly or follow 2 different comment threads.
>>16453020
Then why are you claiming they are defending a man who has "done no wrong"?
>>16453023
>if he never acts on it
Not the person you're responding to, but one can argue that if you find enjoyment out of those stories, you are only being encouraged and it's a reflection of culture.
>>16453036
why would they send a kiss at the end of their text though lol
>>16453046
>hurr you didn't read everything
well shit my bad, there was a post at the top about a girl who found her bf looking at vampire-loving 14 year old nudes and sharing them, then did nothing about it. Did OP actually end up finding out her bf was reading cp stories?
>>16453056
Still, he never acts on it. So what difference does it make?
Also: A reflection of what culture? And how would you blame him for that? The only culture being reflected I can see is our media sexualising children and passing it off as "innocent", which I find disgusting, to be frank.
>>16453050
Because the other guy ONLY read stories.
>>16453060
>hurr durr because I was right
Why are you all so immature and aggressive?
>>16453060
No. OP did not say anything about finding out something. This is unrelated.
OP come back
>>16452976
Not to like, go there, but the underage girls seemed just as thirsty to share their nudes as much as he wanted them. From the conversations, he didn't even have to convince them much. Some of them even instigated sharing pictures with him. I'm not victim blaming, but those wannabe scene girls probably had a fucked up mentality from the start. If I reported my ex, those underage girls would probably just skip to the next adult male on that website that would give them attention. It's like a whole different world there. And just saying, those teens still knew what they were doing (albeit not the consequences). And I didn't want to be anymore a part of it.
>>16453060
>why would they send a kiss at the end of their text though lol
I'm yet to meet a woman who doesn't under the ago of 30, its a letter in a text, it doesn't mean anything.
>>16452789
>you're a woman. you dont know what it's like being a guy, especially one in todays age. i would never let anyone into my things because i DO have things to hide- things, that if made public would ruin me.
This is very concerning, and a real tell-tale sign of men and the male ego/patriarchy.
Seriously.
>>16453098
She can't know what it's like to be a guy. How would she?
So he was just stating the obvious, but "muh patriarchy", right?
>>16452789
I'm a guy and I can't relate to your post at all.
>>16452803
>wasn't cheating
he was doing an illegal act of manipulating underage young girl into sending explicit photos, and then sharing them.
He was fucking cheating, just because his penis didn't touch another vag doesn't mean shit. Even flirting with another girl through text on end would be considered a shitty thing to do if you're already in a relationship.
>>16453107
How would anyone in their right mind say this is cheating?
Huge breach of trust, yes. Shitty thing to do, yes. But he didn't cheat. That's pretty much claiming looking at porn is cheating.
And yes, texting isn't cheating either. Might be a reason to break up, but definitely not cheating.
>>16452835
It's not always a surprise how men with your chauvinistic attitude happen to be pedophiles. I understand everyone has the right to privacy, yeah, but you're so mad and outraged at the other girl finding out that the guy did something ILLEGAL and flirting with other girls and then saying shit like "men in this day and age" oh the poor wittle baby feeling oppressed? lmfao
I'm going to report this thread in anyway I can so that hopefully shit can be done. Child abuse is not a joke, and I doubt you only have "stories".
Also post this to reddit. This shit is glorious. You're an embarassment to men.
>>16452858
>it's not a big deal, just some shit that was forced onto me cuz of sexual abuse as a child :PP stop being so sensitive
Oh the kek's. Jesus christ if I came into this thread thinking op should chill and her bf probably just wants privacy like I do, I'm leaving fully convinced that most other men are pedo's with insecurity and ego issues and op is most definitely at least getting cheated on or something weird
>>16452875
>doesn't act upon it
how do you know?
I doubt he only reads stories and doesn't have photos.
>>16453123
>>16453129
Idiots.
Like reporting this would do anything.
Like he is "most other men"...
>>16453136
Why would he lie on a Mongolian puppet forum? There's no point arguing on speculation anyway, the argument was whether or not its acceptable IF they don't act on it. There's nothing else to argue. Everyone would obviously agree its wrong if he was actually involved with child porn.
>>16452170
I can see why you think it's sketchy, but I used to be exactly the same and still am a bit about my gf using my phone. It's weird, but I'm not having an affair or anything, its just that there's so much on phones these days that is still private, discussions I have with other people, emails, stuff like that. And like a couple of people said, weird porn.
There's no harm in it, but living with someone means a lot of your privacy goes out the window and for me I like to have something to myself, even if it isn't exactly deep dark secrets. It did admittedly lead to a couple of big arguments at the start, but my gf learned that I like that bit of privacy and I learned to stop being so autistic about it when she did borrow my phone. These things work both ways (not that I'm blaming you).
>>16453121
Hahahaha
>no physical contact? Pfft nothing to be upset about!
So if I had a coworker I fancied, and I started messaging him day and night and we exchanged nudes back and fourth and constantly talked and messaged etc, that's alright? As long as we don't fuck right?
That's just one aspect of it; he was also manipulating 14 year olds to send porn and distributing it. 2x illegal shit. She had 3 reasons to be upset.
>>16453136
1. It was a hypothetical.
2. You can't know that. I have a hard time getting off to pictures of any kind.
>>16453142
>most other men
lol you are him, stop pretending kiddo.
Feminists are right, the patriarchy is sickening. Don't scream your head off like a banshee the next time you read a story of a school teacher doing something similar to a 14 year old boy (which doesn't happen nearly as much)
>>16453155
How dense can you be? Or are you just reading whatever you feel like on purpose?
You can clearly read things like "huge breach of trust", "shitty thing to do" and "reason to break up". But sure, twist it in a way to suit your view, distorting the original meaning.
>>16453158
Not him, no.
>>16453176
For the record anita sarkeesian is great.
It's funny how the rage induced man babies send her death threats daily for her literary analysis.
>>16453023
>And can you answer my question as to why it even matters if he never ever acts on it?
He hasn't acted on it YET. He MIGHT never. Or he might get busted with child porn a few years down the line, or there might be an "incident" at a rare moment when his self-control slips, and the relationship/marriage/family/potential victim's life would be pretty much destroyed in the fallout. These are risks you don't take with a guy that just doesn't have any pedophilic impulses.
Human nature dictates that most people end up acting on their sexual impulses, in one way or another. I'm not saying all pedophiles are going to rape children, but there might be illegal porn, or just an inappropriate interest/friendship with a neighborhood child, or niece, or daughter's friend, or something.
And honestly, just the idea of it grosses me out. The idea that a guy would look at a little girl and have little fantasies playing out in his head, I wouldn't be able to be sexually or romantically interested in him anymore. I couldn't carry on a relationship. In the same way that pedophiles can't control their preferences, I can't control mine, and that's how it is.
>>16453179
I wonder if those are the same people throwing shitfits because there's not enough white people in a fucking Google doodle.
>>16453170
The backtracking and projection in your post is incredible. And throwing words like "dense" won't make your argument better.
I didn't twist anything. We agreed on the first part, but you said it's not cheating in anyway to do what he did and you completely dodged the question. WOULD it be considered cheating if I fancied a coworker and messaged him all the time and exchanged nudes with him and lied about it? Should everyone on here be okay with their gf's doing that? Especially with underage people? And then exploiting their images?
Everything he was doing was wrong.
>>16453170
answer the question, pedo
>>16453185
So the only thing that changes is you being disgusted by it.
There are studies, albeit controversial ones, suggesting all men are interested in pubescent girls at least.
>>16453179
Right...
>>16453179
>for her literary analysis.
People hate you more for the forced influence over business and how she rigged competitions, but whatever floats your boat Anita...
>>16453193
You did twist and obscure what I said completely.
I said it wasn't cheating. You said I claim it's nothing to be upset about.
So you are either dense or had ill intent right there.
>>16453187
You have to realize you're using an extreme example. It's like those characters you see in movies that go "oh is it cuz i'm black!" or extreme examples on tumblr that tend to be troll accounts or misinterpreted or the fake pictures saying "feminists are now free bleeding!" no, it's not happening, and the anti-politically correct group is heaps and bounds more offended and defensive over people demanding justice and grounds of understanding than belligerent douchebags (i can't even say they are conservatives because on the liberal side there's plenty of anti-pc people as well)
>>16453193
Not cheating does not equal it being okay.
Just like not everything that is not okay equals cheating.
So no, it's not cheating. But I never claimed it was okay in any way. You simply claimed I said it's nothing to be upset about, which is complete and utter bullshit.
>>16453197
And? Is it safe? There are attractive 15 year old boys, but encouraging and sexually exploiting them is dangerous. Like the way that one girls bf was doing. Men also tend to be more likely to rape and murder, so... ?
You also have to realize correlation =/= causation. In a patriarchal culture, women as young as 5 can be considered "attractive" and used for explicit acts and people find a way to say "oh guys like to sex them up soo :))"
You seem to not understand the way social construction and social conditioning work, where skinny white young women are plastered all around that will tend to be considered "most attractive". When society is more lenient on men and let old ugly fart bags and not as much pressure, guess what happens?
>>16453254
Bullshit, pretty much all of it.
I am disgusted by the sexualisation of children in media, but that's about all I agree with you on.
The rest sounds like third wave feminist "muh patriarchy" bullshit.
>>16453212
It's pretty interesting being aware of exactly what you're doing right now.
Very funny to watch.
You're now aware that I'm aware you're wrong and that doing illegal and dangerous activities such as manipulating underage kids to send nude photos and distributing them is wrong.
>>16452248
You're not being unreasonable at all. Does he go through your things? Or your things are available where his are not?
>>16453212
look at this pedo loser trying to twist the argument hahaha
You proved how much of a fucking creep you are
>Not cheating does not equal it being okay.
Just like not everything that is not okay equals cheating.
So no, it's not cheating.
You're arguing semantics and trying to confuse people.
>>16453266
Not what is happening.
I never claimed that was okay after all.
Child pornography is illegal for a reason and I stated that explicitly before.
Or point me to the post where I said it was okay to do so.
Pro tip: You can't.
>>16453262
>3rd wave feminst patriarchy
but patriarchy is a real world, and a real thing. Whether you agree it's a BAD thing or not doesn't mean it's not a thing.
And you're dissent toward feminism (despite people like emma watson and malala youszafai claiming it's a necessary things even today) goes to show your stance .... I doubt you've really looked into it.
>i disagree that our culture dictates what we find attractive
so cultures around the world where things like white-faced geishas, sharp-toothed villagers, those african tribes where they have nose and lip rings inches wide, those women who use rings to elongate their necks, etc are all just... not real?
Social conditioning exists. White-washing exists. All these things exist, anon.
>>16453274
God, this is exactly why I hate people like you...
Someone before basically twisted me saying it's not cheating by claiming I said it's nothing to be upset about. That's not what I said though, all I said was it's not cheating.
You are also trying to discredit me by labelling me as a pedo, which I am not. That tactic is even worse than arguing semantics (which I am not, but even if I were...)
I am not trying to confuse anyone, I just refuse to have my words twisted, especially like that.
>>16453262
So you don't think people are influenced by their surroundings? Then why are there some countries where the ideal woman looks ridiculous compared to others, and over time fashion changes?
>>16453275
you ARE back tracking and you ARE arguing semantics. You were angry at the gf more than bf lmfao, but you'll probably rage-cry and try to argue about that and continue on about the semantics to save your ass from being tracked by officials or fbi.
You don't think it's cheating to flirt with/message/exchange nudes constantly with others/keep it a secret from your gf/bf/spouse?
>>16453285
Why is it of any importance what Emma Watson thinks?
And Malala Youszafai? Could hardly care less about her. She doesn't deserve that nobel price.
I did look into feminism a whole lot, still am, and every time I do, I start hating it more and more.
>>16453285
>>16453292
Not saying we are not influenced by our surroundings, but this whole "muh patriarchy" thing is simply bullshit.
>>16453288
You're more mad at the girl than the guy.
His actions were ultimately much worse and were a form of cheating. The difference between watching pornography is that what he was doing was engaging with these girls behind her back.
You are getting into semantics because I by saying "omg it's not even cheating!!1" what were you implying?
Would it be *out there* to think you were implying it wasn't that bad and she should have chilled out? Otherwise what's the point? Should the future bf's and fiance's on 4chan not consider it cheating if their gf's do similar activity?
Yes, you are arguing semantics and backtracking.
It's cheating.
>>16453298
I am still not arguing semantics. I am simply saying what someone claimed I said is not what I said at all.
And no, I wasn't angry at her at all. I am just saying we don't have both sides of that story and I stated explicitly plenty of times that he was acting suspiciously and she should talk to him about this.
Why would I worry about the FBI at all? I don't have illegal data and I am not the US, so the FBI can't do shit anyway. If you care: I am in Germany.
And as I said before, explicitly: No, I don't think it's cheating. But that does not mean I think it is okay.
>>16453288
You called her a cunt and and told others to get over the fact that people have secrets lol
>see OP, this is what I am talking about. he wasn't cheating, but this cunt just couldnt stand the fact that her man had some secrets. she snooped, dumped him, then spread his secrets on the internet.
that is exactly what your bf is afraid of. he is scared that you'll look into his phone or laptop or whatever and see that he likes to jerk it to men seducing little girls or animals or whatever.
>>16453304
>Because they are both highly educated feminists with educated rhetoric and experience to establish why it is necessary to further progress our society into one where equality flourishes. You obviously proved with your post and your mindset as full of bullshit and being an uneducated idiot who hasn't genuinely educated himself on anything on the matter other than what the anti's want you to see.
"not saying we are not influenced by our surroundings but this who--"
By claiming the rest of the post was "patriarchy bullshit" you did just that.
Carry on providing me kek
>>16453316
I am not mad at her at all, or any girl in this thread. And it sounds to me like you are mixing up different strands of conversation as well.
>You are getting into semantics because I by saying "omg it's not even cheating!!1" what were you implying?
Is there a version of this consisting of a coherent sentence?
And yes, it is out there. Far, far out there. Why? Because I explicitly said it's "a shitty thing to do" and "a reason to break up". I can't help you simply ignoring three statements in the same post pointing in that direction.
And no, it's not cheating. This doesn't make it any better though.
can everyone go feed the trolls on reddit instead so this can be an /adv/ thread again jeeeeeez
>>16453323
>i'm not arguing semantics
>continues to do so
So then why did you call her the cunt and stand up for his actions here, and say "it's not cheating"? What is it? What were you going for exactly in that post?
What is your definition of cheating exactly? lol
>>16453343
So you just call people cunts because... ?
>>16453330
That's not me you are quoting, sorry. I never called anyone a cunt ITT.
>>16453342
You are making an "argument" ad verecundiam, nothing more.
They are not after equality, which is really obvious.
I've read plenty about it and heard speeches feminists gave, watched them online, etc. Their ideas are warped.
>>16453349
>>16453356
see
>>16453357
Not me you quoted.
>>16453343
you made those statements only posts after i called you out, to stick to your guns and say "ok its wrong but it's still not cheating :PP"
>>16453357
>it's so obvious you're not after equality
says the guy that doesn't think mulala is worthy of the nobel prize
kek
Can you provide me with just 2 prominent examples you have read about that would bring you to this conclusion?
Even at extremes, I've never heard of a legitimate crazy/dangerous ideal.. just trolls making jokes such as "free bleeding".
>>16453357
>>16453363
buddy, it's apparent you lost. We get it, you "don't think a man getting nudes from a g14 year old and chatting with her is cheating but then you think it's wrong" lmfao
>>16453349
If you want to complain arguing about semantics, complain to whoever it was that completely misrepresented me saying it's not cheating.
>>16453364
What are you saying? I'd really like a coherent sentence here. I'll try to work with what I understand though:
The very first post saying it's not cheating said it's "a shitty thing to do" and "a reason to break up" (direct quotes), so no, I did not make those statements after you "called me out".
I gladly stand up for what I say, but only for what I actually say.
>>16453372
Malala not worthy of a nobel price? Yes, because there is other people way more worthy of it. And because she was mostly just pushed by the BBC. I just don't think too highly of her. But the nobel peace price is pretty much a joke anyway.
>>16453372
I could find quotes from professors of gender studies, but most of those are German. It may be a surprise to you, but since I am German, I mostly read what is said about it in Germany.
I have read enough from American professors to see it's mostly the same, but that's about it.
>>16453382
Yes, I don't think it's cheating and I think it's wrong nonetheless. How is that me loosing though?
>>16453394
>I don't think it's cheating
What is or is not cheating depends on the boundaries set in each relationship. I think a lot of people would see it as cheating, and honestly it really only matters if one thinks it is since it only takes one to end a relationship.
OP here, I'm back. There's quite a lot to this thread now.
Well, I confronted him. I noticed he had put a thumb print lock on his phone now, which hasn't had a lock since we got together. I asked him what that was about and he said it was because of better security and that his antivirus kept nagging him that he didn't have a password set. So I asked him what he thought about our discussion and gave him time to say what he thought about all of this and asked if he saw what he was doing could be considered suspicious.
He said yes, he did see that. So I asked if I could look through his history. And he let me, and be didn't have time to do any editing. To be honest with you guys I felt too weird to go through more than half the first page. It was clear he wasn't hiding anything. He also gave me the emergency password to his phone, not that I'll probably need it.
So...he seems genuine. He didn't have an issue with me looking through his things. What do you guys think?
>>16453683
It still all sounds a bit odd to me, but there's all kinds of people, so I guess just let it be. Now he knows that it freaks you out if he acts really secretive, so if he stops acting sketchy, then I guess nothing was wrong.
And if you haven't actually said it out loud yet, just let him know that he doesn't NEED to be paranoid around you, you're not going to judge him over normal shit like porn or dumb Google searches or whatever. Some people are just very self-conscious and afraid of judgment, especially about things like porn or sexual interests, and that might have been all this was.
>>16453683
Thanks for reporting back! Well, I'm glad he was open to talking about it. I think it's a good sign that he gave you the emergency password to his phone. He's probably just got general paranoia about other people touching his electronics. Now that he knows his behavior around that bothers you, hopefully he can just fucking chill out a little about it! :)
>>16453683
It's good he was honest about it and opened up to you. It's important that you trust him, but it's also important that he trusts you enough to not going looking through his personal stuff when on his electronics.
As long as he's more relaxed and eases up with the possessiveness over his tablet, phone, etc, then I think you can relax
this thread has convinced me that indeed OP is 100% wrong and no man should ever tell a woman anything sensitive about himself.
frankly you're all disgusting hypocrites
