I can't get over my ex-girlfriend, /v/.
It's been 7 months since we broke up. I was horribly depressed for a very long time, even more so when I found out she was dating someone else. I started drinking and doing a lot of drugs as a way to escape from the pain. That's all over now, been clean for a while. But it still hurts. I moved to another country last month, try and start a new life, get rid of the suffering, meet new people, have new experiences, and it's been really good so far but I still have recurrent nightmares about her. I still dream of her. And she keeps popping up everywhere for no reason, like I keep finding things in the pockets of jackets or pants that I brought to my new place, and I keep getting rid of shit that reminds me of her but there's still always something, an old picture saved in a hidden folder, some old folder saved somewhere I almost never look with her name on it. And the nightmares, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm scared and I hate it so much. I want this to stop. How do I make it stop?
>>16449824
Get rid of anything and everything that reminds you of her, like yesterday.
Pick up some hobbies and start living for you. You may learn things about yourself you never knew before. Furthermore, some hobbies present a chance to socialize and find like-minded people who you may befriend.
You need to learn to love yourself because no one else is going to do it for you. That's really the only secret to life but it's hard to master which is why so many people jump in and out of relationships. They've never learned to be happy with themselves so they seek constant reassurance from others. It's really quite sad if you think about it.
Don't be one of those people. Be you.
that's just it my man
there's not really that much you can do about the dreams, short of finding something that obsesses you so much you dream about it too
you really loved her i guess
>>16449824
What happened? Why did you two break up?
>>16449872
It's hard to explain. We were together for around three years. She's an actress. When the year started she got an offer and started working in a soap opera on some big channel where I'm from. It took a tremendous amount of her time. I'm in college and also work but I still kept all my weekends free so I could spend time with her and I always tried to have lunch with her any day of the week. At some point my job started being incredibly demanding and I ended up being really stressed out most of the time, but I'm not really a conflictive person. The thing is that when this happens I have a tendency of shutting myself in, being alone and all that stuff. That was my mistake, I guess. I sort of drifted apart and started taking distance from everything in my life in general. We talked about it and when I noticed I was pushing her away I started doing my best to try and get us back on the right track, but then she started pushing me away. We started spending less time together and that's when my depression started. I would always want to see her and she would always have some work related excuse. This went on for a few weeks until one day as I was taking a smoke break from work she finally dropped it on me that she didn't feel comfortable with our relationship, that she wasn't happy, and that she stopped feeling loved. I tried my very best to reassure her of the opposite, we had plans to move out of the country together, and I had so many dreams and hopes for us, and she had them too at some point I guess, but she just stopped feeling it alltogether. So we break up. I get incredibly sad because of this. A couple weeks later I find out she's dating this guy, an actor, from the same soap opera she was working on, and everything just clicked. I was so angry I shut her out completely-
>>16449918
She tried to reach out, she called and texted and whatever, and all those times I just ended up yelling at her, telling her that it was unbelievable the way she'd betrayed me and everything we'd been through. She kept insisting that this man was nothing to her, that he meant nothing, but it didn't matter to me. At some point I just cut off any connection I could've had with her, quit my job, and went back to my hometown to start doing the paperwork required so that I could leave the country by myself (this is something that I'd been planning to do for a long time but hadn't done so because I was waiting for her to get her papers right). I stayed in my parent's house for about three months which helped me to overcome the horrible depression that I was going through. I started hanging out with old friends all the time and I stopped being sad. I started dating again but never anything serious and it never really got physical with anyone. Last time we talked I reached out and apologized for the things that I said, told her that I'd be moving out of the country soon and that I didn't want to stay friends but I didn't want to leave on such a sad note. I guess I just wanted to make peace with her, I thought it'd help. We haven't talked since then, that was about two months ago. I feel much better than I did when we broke up, but I still think about her everyday. Every time I watch a movie I keep thinking what her reactions would've been. Every time I listen to an album I keep thinking she would've liked it or hated it. Every time I walk around this new city I keep thinking that she would've loved it here.
It's awful. I try and keep it out of my head and I already found another job and I'm in a band now and I'm meeting new people but she just keeps creeping back in and I feel like I'm becoming insane.
>>16449918
Very similar thing happened to me. 3 years together, over time work and other things caused us to be more distant, until she basically lost feelings for me. It was incredibly tough for me. And it sucked seeing her happy on social media. A couple of months later and shes dating one of the guys she was hanging out with right before our breakup. A guy whos older than her and i knew shit was up with.
Fast forward to now and guess what, im in the same situation again... Except this time i hope i dont even find out if she gets a new boyfriend. This time, i deleted everything. No peeks for me.
I suggest you do this too. Its helping so far. Delete. Trash.
Im trying different things to move on from my recent breakup. Working out and meditating works. Going out works. Connecting to a series works.
Going through this a second time puts some perspective... This doesnt have to be your only love, nor your only loss.
>>16449824
>tfw talking to a hotter version of Taylor Swift that's on my universities swim team
Today was a good day
Find a new girl to talk to man
>>16449955
The thing is that this isn't my first heartache and I know it won't be the last. But this has gone on for so long it's starting to worry me, I've seriously thought about going into therapy or something of the sort.
>>16449963
But I have. Several. Women are attracted to me for some strange reason. But I just don't feel interested enough to get invested into another relationship, I feel completely emotionally drained. I can't even bother to talk to the same girl for over a week, I end up getting bored.
>>16449984
That sucks man
I just imagine fucking them until they drool to prevent being bored
>>16449999
>I just imagine fucking them until they drool
you should probably stop targeting special needs girls.
>>16450037
wow rude i have a saliva fetish
>>16449984
What is it about this break up thats making it harder than the others? Im just curious.
This second girl i loved more than the first. Im only a month out of the breakup and it may be too soon to say, but i feel like im on an okay path to a healthy recovery, where with my first breakup i felt completely lost, shattered, and drained. Again, i loved this recent girl more, but im trying to take from my past experiences and just try and think positive and not latch on to the past. I miss her a ton and i want her to message me still. But ive deleted any way of seeing her photos and ive accepted that i have to move on. Im still holding out hope which hurts, i know im not done with my hurting process yet. But im really trying to manage my expectations in a lot better way than i did previously.
>>16450058
I honestly am trying to figure out the same thing. That's what's driving me crazy. The fact that this isn't my first rodeo, but as much as I've been bruised in the past I've overcome it and moved on, and I still find reasons to believe love is real.
I guess it was the bluntness of it all. The fact that this was the longest relationship I've been in and the fact that we truly loved each other, or at the very least I was truly in love with her. Hell, who am I kidding? I still am. We spent so much time together and our families really got along despite the women in my family being protective of me and me being a family guy. And it all broke down so quickly in the lapse of a few months and it left me broken.
Also, I feel sympathy towards your situation and wish you the best, anon.
>>16449999
That's the thing, man. I really don't think sexual satisfaction would help me. The last person I had sex with was her and that was 7 months ago. Before that, the last person I'd had sex with was another ex-girlfriend. I find myself incapable of having casual relationships simply because they're not motivating/stimulating enough for me to keep an ongoing interest, I guess.
>>16450092
I don't even process those thoughts
I just go from
She looks hot
to
I wonder what she looks like naked
>>16450092
Thank you, anon. I wish you the best too
Im the same way, i cant find myself having casual sex, only with the girls ive been in a relationship with. Its not that i dont want to, im just not really wired that way.
All i know is when i finally moved on from my first girlfriend, i was able to really talk to girls again, and have fun flirting with them. And even tho nothing really ended up anywhere for a while, i really had fun being single! Then when i least expected it, a certain girl showed interest in me and i fell in love with her.
So although im going through that again right now, i just have to remember that. Remember ive been through this before, and that when i healed i felt better than before. I hope you can apply any of that to your situation. Im right there with ya.
