I’ve asked friends around me for advice, and now I feel like it’s time for me to get some outside advice, think you can help me out /adv/? So on the 30th I got to celebrate my one year anniversary with my boyfriend, and like anyone in a good relationship I was really happy. Though there was this ache in my heart from a dilemma the two of us have been talking about a few weeks in advance. My boyfriend had begun to develop feelings for a friend of ours. Instead of flipping shit as most other girls would have, to having their boyfriend tell them this; I just wanted him to be open with me even if it hurts me. A few days ago he sent me this, “Whenever I am with you. I want to be with you. No doubt. I am happy and I can see in plain view why I want you. You're funny, warm, and really sweet. But when I am around her, I don't know why I feel so fond of her, but it makes me feel emotionally whole in a way that I don't understand. It's too pure. I feel like being around her and talking to her brings out the best in me, and I cannot explain why. Don't get me wrong, I love you and all that we do. The cuddling, our late night talks, and the sex. But I can't help but feel like something is missing. And that she, even though we're not together, is giving it to me. This is why I am conflicted. I love you so much and we have a great relationship. But there is something she is doing, that I don't feel like I want to go without. It's hurting me trying to please my mind with this, but not hurt you. I want to try and be with her, but I cannot bear to lose you.”
OP
I’ve told him to go to her and tell her how he feels, and that he should try. I truly want him to be happy even if it means that I’m not with him, and even though my heart breaks to tell him that I can’t help but feel that it’s the right thing to do. Lately though I’m not so sure I’ll be able to move on. I’m not ready to say goodbye to him yet. We’ve agreed that we both want to remain good friends if all goes well with her, but I don’t know how much my heart will take seeing him with her.
Well OP, you sound like an incredible girl for putting up with that. I like the sounds that you would prefer him to be honest instead of hide this.
You also truly need to be blunt with yourself. Is that something you can't put up with much longer? Despite him being happy, he needs to make a choice.
>>16447534
>lacking this much self respect
So if i rob you but dress it up with pretty words while im robbing you its ok? OP you are literally plan b to him. If it doesnt work out with this girl or he fucks her and then decides he doesnt like her guess who he will come back to, "wow suddenly i realized that whole feeling...was from you!!"
Quit being a kek and have some self respect your boyfriend is a faggot of the highest order. Also if you love someone and you lost romantic feelings you would end it and recognize a friendship is out of the question short term. Instead he strings you along like a pet on a leash.
Usually women monkey branch but men do it sometimes too. Regardless of gender anyone who does this deserves to get stabbed and robbed
>>16447621
The only thing that I can't put up with is him putting off when he plans to tell her. I can't help, but just want to know what the outcome will be.
>>16447640
We've already discussed that if it didn't work out with her that we would get right back together. He wouldn't get the opportunity to fuck her, she is a very sweet girl and far too innocent. She's been raised in a very Christian house hold, it's almost frightening
>>16447666
Not the one you're replying to but you are an idiot for believing this.
You're plan b, and you're pathetic and brain washed enough that you've let him convince you he's a great caring guy.
>>16447689
Yeah I suppose so... He's told me that I deserve better than him. He's knows very well that he's an asshole; though he is happy that he was able to make me happy again.
>>16447534
OP. Sounds like you really love the guy. So it sucks that you're dealing with heartache. But let me ask, would it still hurt you to see him with her, if he also spent time with you? If he was with you when you needed it, be it 5 hours each day or just 5 minutes (for a kiss), and with her when she needed it? Note the word "needed", not wanted.
Or would just seeing her with him, laughing, talking, having a drink, be too much for you to bare?
Note, what I'm asking is polyamory, and you two sound young. I'm not saying it will work (statistisc is against you), but it's something to consider at least.
>>16447707
Well...I had never heard about it in that sense. I mean at first of course it would hurt me to see them together. But once seeing that he was happy it would ease the ache over time. We do want to remain friends in the long run, if things don't work out between us in general. Both of us had already spoken of a future, and that just caused us both to ache. He wishes that the feelings he got for her never developed. The idea of a polyamory doesn't seem too terrible though, but knowing her family's background that would be a very difficult thing to open up to.
>>16447728
Yeah, don't think it will work. Again, no offense meant, but if she's like that, she probably will be against it. I do urge you to bring it up with him, since he knows her better.
And poly is difficult. You'd best start learning, if you two agree, and learn well. On dealing with timetables, on dealing with jealousy, on dealing with insecurity, with lust, with secrecy (because today, poly is still shunned).
I do agree with the others that it sounds like he wants you as a backup, more than anything, but you know him best. And remaining friends will only be possible once both of you are over each other, and can stomach talking about being with other people...
