>>16439492

its something he should probably know if hes going to have to deal with it like really blatant obvious trauma that you face all the time, or if it happened while you two were in a relationship, but if it was something from before you got together and its just a passing bummer in your brain from time to time, id say its up to you. there is no reason he would need to know and i think its healthy for people to have things they keep just for themself. just try to keep something positive to yourself to for every darker secret you have.

>>16439503
Yeah, that makes sense. I think it's probably better that he doesn't know I just get really upset over it sometimes still but it should be alright for him to not know. Thanks anon

>>16439492
only if you liked it (spoiler: you did)

My gf told me this the first time we took shrooms together.

Most guys don't care about this, the 4chan used goods thing is a joke. Any halfway decent person will realize it's something to be taken seriously.

Do you have nasty triggers?

Another thread on /adv/ right now has feminists calling OP a rapist because he stepped on an invisible landmine. If shit's gonna explode, point that out ahead of time.

>>16439516
No not really, the most triggering thing I've got going for me is when he's just messing around down there but I can get passed it quickly it's not like I break down,, I think I know which thread your talking about and I'm nothing like that so

>>16439516
Op of that thread. No one's calling me a rapist besides the obvious trolls.

>>16439492
Right as he puts it in breakdown crying and tell him you're a rape victim

If you are still suffering from the trauma and you still have triggers which have in any way affected your bf, yeah you kinda owe him an explanation before it's too late.

If you're over it and it's all good, save yourself some sanity and just move on.

There's no particular moral obligation to, but if you aren't comfortable telling this to your significant other, of all people, then you might need a new significant other. Or possibly therapy. Maybe both.

Ha... I actually had a conversation that's tangentially related yesterday night >>16437635

I'm the boyfriend who's gf and close friend were raped.

That thread is an example of how different guys will have different reactions during different parts of their lives.

The truth is you can't predict how people will react and--just like any other part of your personal life--this is something that is up to you to share, when you want to share it.

And I feel like "confess" is the wrong way to think about it. That implies it's something that you should feel guilty and ashamed about. Granted, it's a bad part of your life, but it's not something that was your fault, so there's no reason you should feel guilt.

Personally, I've always striven to attain with a significant other was someone I felt like I could mutually totally trust, rely on, be able to share all of who I am with--the good and bad--and grow up as a person with. But that's just my ideal, maybe yours are different.

Either way, when and if you're ready and want to share, do so, but don't feel pressured to do it a moment before. This is your story to tell and no one else's.

>>16439492
Yes. A significant other is someone you want to have an intimate bond with that surpasses all other relationships. And that is achieved by letting them know you as much as you possibly can, and vice versa.

>>16439534
>obvious trolls
That's like 90% of 4chan, m8.

>>16439642
Okay thanks I'll probably keep that secret safe then.

>>16439673
Yeah I kindve see it this way, it's not that I'm not comfortable with it because I definitely would tell him, I just worry whether or not: 1. His opinion will change 2. He'll feel like he has to "tiptoe" around me 3. That I'm bringing it up for attention

>>16439708
Thank you that's actually really helpful and I appreciate it. Hopefully all goes well with you and your lady friend

Also I'm sorry for not replying sooner, was preoccupied

>>16439492
i think so. i dont know about you personally, but ive dated 2 grills that turned out to be rape victims and they were both batshit insane, so yeah, thats something id like to know about

>>16439864
I try really hard not to be batshit lmao, I mean I've dated a few guys in the past who I haven't told and the relationships ended on alright-ish terms ynoe. Well about as alright-is as it could be. So I think that means that I don't have any inherent batshit insanity

Also as a side note, I haven't told many people in general about this. Only 3 close friends. So, I don't feel like I have much to go based off of in terms of reactions either.

>>16439492
Just curious anons, how many have you dated girls who were raped and they turn out to be absolutely psycho bitches? Mine I was there for 24/7 and the seconds a guy who dealt weed moved into the area she jumped onto his dick then turned around and blamed me for it by "pushing her away lately".

>>16439492
Its always nice to know. But let them tell you when they want to. My ex was molested as a child and the current girl im with was raped when she was a teenager. Both pissed me off. Not at them, but the situation. However im glad they told me

>>16439870
well thats quite decent of you. definitely tell them if youre not a nutcase, i think mental stability after a traumatic experience demonstrates strength of character, which is attractive

>>16439882

This guy, >>16439708

2/2 not crazy.

Well...my first friend was a tad emotionally unstable and very broken in her own way (not only did she get drugged and raped, she got dumped by her BF because of it, then had one of her favorite tutee's, an 8 year old, get hit and killed by a car, right in front of her, all in the span of less than a year, and before that all she was already having troubles adjusting to how different and superficial people here in Los Angeles compared to her small home town) , but she was still one of the strongest people I've ever met, and a fundamentally good person. She understandably had massive hangups, occasionally acted out in ways that weren't exactly healthy to her own well being, and it left her terrified of forming attachments for a little while after because of it. She was actually the first girl I ever fell for, but the truth is, I was too young, emotionally immature, and caught up in my own overwhelming feelings at the time to understand that or know what to do.

>>16439799
If you were talking about that friend truth is, I haven't spoken to her in years. She moved to Alaska to teach and explore life. From what I can tell though, she seems happy and like she's moved forward to a new chapter in her life.

With my girlfriend, we're pretty great. She's slowly started to get past a lot of the hangups she's had when we first started dating, and we're pretty happy and there for each other in a way that neither of us has ever had with anyone else before.

Truth is, I never really remember or even think about her being a survivor of rape except when conversations like this pop up, and I don't think she does either. It's just completely outside of my collective conscience; I just see her as a normal person, with flaws like anyone else, and we just try to live our lives in a way that makes us happy.

I'm glad if I could be of any help, and hope you find your own happiness :).

>>16440075
Yes you were very helpful I appreciate it thank you very much