Before I get to my question, some back-story: I'm a 23 year old male virgin living with my parents. I have no friends to speak of, no dreams, no passions, no college degree or qualifications and no chance of finding love because I'm socially retarded and physical human contact makes me feel very uncomfortable. I'm not a NEET but the job I have is a low paying one, only allowing me to get by if I live at home, so moving out is completely out of the question.
So what I want advice on is, what the hell am I to do with my life? It's obvious that I'm not meant to live a normal life with friends or a girlfriend, a career or marriage and children later on. But what else is there? Sure, I can continue to be as I am, but working a dead end job and distracting myself with mindless entertainment can only get me so far.
I've been slipping in and out of depression, anxiety and alcoholism for years now, so it's important that I find something meaningful to do with myself before my mental health suffers even more.
>>16436074
You sound almost like me OP.
I try to get by day by day. Always have a goal in mind. We all get shitty days or phases. Time is essential but dont stress over it too much because even the healthiest people can die from a freak heart attack.
It sounds like you are living in a good condition. Use this time to develop something. Almost every artist had to work and work like dirt to produce something meaningful.
Stand on your own feet anon, and imagine you have the best idea you want to invest and work on but you're broke.
For some financial lessons: I hope you've been saving at least some money in a savings account. It's small income, but its passive depending on your interests and tax.
Good luck OP, you are still young. I hope you do well.
>>16436082
>Use this time to develop something.
That's the thing, I really don't know what to do.
>I hope you've been saving at least some money in a savings account.
I don't have enough disposable income for that.
Guess no one else is gonna reply.
I can relate to a lot of what you're feeling OP.
Think about what's important to you in life. There are many causes worth supporting for the betterment of the world. Is there an injustice which makes you mad? Or perhaps a social issue which makes you sad?
For your social difficulties, have you considered counseling? Talking one-on-one with someone about your thoughts could be therapeutic, and though I haven't gone myself I'm planning to do so after exams because I don't have any friends I'm close enough to talk to about my personal problems.
As for the saving, you should always be saving some amount of your income. A good method is by starting by saving 1% of your income, and then living off the 99%. When you're comfortable with that, try moving to 98%. Even if this doesn't appear to be accomplishing anything in the early stages, developing the habit of saving will help you further down the line.
>>16436801
I have friends and I still see a counselor
>>16436074
I don't have much to offer concretely, but I've been in the depths of despair before, it still comes back intermittently, but as long as you're alive there's the chance something could improve (also the chance it could get worse, let's be realistic). If you can suffer through temporary humbling for a few more years it might turn out okay.
That's really all I can offer.
>>16436801
>Is there an injustice which makes you mad? Or perhaps a social issue which makes you sad?
Not really. I'm not one for activism. Society is what society is and it's a person's duty to either adapt or drop out.
>For your social difficulties, have you considered counseling?
Never been to a shrink before but I doubt one could tell me something I don't already know.
>>16436074
are you just this person respoting:
>>16437068
>>16437068
it sounds like it.
either way, just go and do EVERYTHING and figure out what you like. you have a shitty low paying job but there are plenty of different ones. you dont really know til you try. i never thought id like working in an office, but i manage one for a psychic now, and we get to do a lot of self help work so thats pretty neat.
>>16437154
>are you just this person respoting
No, not really. But given the age we live in, I suspect my problem is quite common.
>you have a shitty low paying job but there are plenty of different ones
Not in my general area there aren't.
>>16437170
>not in my general area there is literally this only one particular job
then move.
Look, you said it all yourself. For my part, unless you're truly ill and not just a Peter Pan who likes to masturbate to cartoons in his childhood bedroom, I'd start off by sitting your parents down and asking them why in the name of Jesus' sainted taint they enable your horribly unhappy lifestyle. If you were hungry and cold, you would not be here having a justifiable existential crisis. You'd be at your second job dreaming of a goddamned nap.
OP, I'm not going to say this is all your parents' fault. I'm pretty sure that they didn't hold a gun to your head and force you to be as useless as tits on a tree, but here we are.
It seems to me that any step can be a positive step if you're miserable and broke. Work more, for starters. Wonderful cure for depression. If you need a restart, join the military or circus or something. You'll get a trade and better skills.
I was always motivated, so I can't sympathize, but everyone's felt bad and stuck at times. You're 20 years younger than I am, and I was a fuckup too, at your age- but a fuckup with marketable skills and a 100-hour work week. Everything straightened out when I got tired of earning shit.
My opinion, you need to start fixing shit at home. Be grateful for the parental support, but goddamn, OP, cut the fucking cord, will you?
>>16436074
Make every moment meaningful. cuz every moment is. you are currently trying things out expecting them to enlighten you.
your question is paradoxical. you want something to change you, so you can change the world. so your first true step, is to change yourself. if you can motivate yourself, you can motivate others. nothing else in the world will ever incentivize you more than your own desires.
take a second to savor this moment. this is the first moment. think of how great it is that you can acknowledge what you wish to do. take a REALLY big deep breath, and think about how great that air is. how much better it is than having a cold and being sick where you can't breath.
you just took something you DIDNT care about, and attached significant meaning to it. you just enjoyed and appreciated breathing. begin to do that for everything. take a second to vocally express how delicious that burger is, even if no ones listening. take a moment to tell someone how comfy it is to just drink a beer in the shower.
savor every normal moment, find the enjoyable element, and it trains your brain to enjoy all those moments on its own. there isn't a day that goes by where i dont leave my office, look up at the sky, and whether its rain or shine think 'wow im happy'. because i appreciate all thats happening.
good luck
>>16437183
From the original post:
>the job I have is a low paying one, only allowing me to get by if I live at home, so moving out is completely out of the question.
>>16437189
>GUISE I CANT EVER LEAVE MY JOB WHAT DO?
leave it. you think ur the first person to be in a rut? you might have to start sharing your room to save half your rent, eating ramen, prostituting yourself, or just getting another job or getting a credit card and using that for a down payment somewhere else.
but you cant just say 'lul evens out every month, better give up on life'.
seriously, think about it.
>>16437186
>If you were hungry and cold, you would not be here having a justifiable existential crisis.
Oh I've been hungry and cold, along with my parents. Their income is even less than my own, my mother is more of a mental trainwreck than me and is on heavy medication for it and there was a time when we were constantly moving from place to place because rent was unaffordable. So right now they depend on me as much as I depend on them.
And even given these circumstances of poverty, I cannot find the motivation to do anything about it.
>>16437188
>savor every normal moment, find the enjoyable element
I am trying my best, believe me. Problem is that it doesn't always work.
Well find someone who has the qualites you want in life and try to mold yourself into him, like a child does their parents. Pretend you are a child, learning all over again.
>>16437210
You know, that actually makes a lot of sense now that I think about it.
I'll try to be as succinct as possible. I'll likely fail and you'll just think "dis nigga high, yall", but that's aiight.
I've been similar to you before, and you say you're looking for motivation to BE something, more or less. Or rather, there isn't a single thing in the world that you'd commit yourself to at this time.
People very often ask "what the point is", etc. For me, it is this: I must (MUST) make a significant positive impact (in relation to my personal eptitude and training) towards social, economic, and technological advance of the human species, with intent to propogate ourselves through our solar system and much farther.
Probably sounds pretentious as fuck. That's aiight.
I continue making progress because of this ideal. I haven't been able to find a word or phrase to properly describe it, but I feel deeply and I KNOW that I MUST work towards this.
>>16437231
Alternatively, I have a more pragmatic solution that others may find harmful.
Believe me, I've been there where you are now, not even having the motivation to get my ass out of my warm cozy bed to play video games, let alone DO something.
I increased this amount of motivation for "getting shit done" by becoming intensely and acutely angry with the parts of myself that endangered my future. The depression, the fugue, all of those mental aberrations. I viewed them as seperate entities; not as parts of myself. I used my intense feelings of disgust and loathing towards these mental abnormalities to drive them out of my brain-box, so to speak.
The tricky key is not to feel self-hatred or self-loathing. The depression, the lack of motivation, the ambiguous negative emotions floating around your head must be treated as INVADERS to your personal space. NOT as parts of you that you are obligated to live with.
You are not meant to experience severe anger at yourself, but at the unwelcome occupants of your own head.
I'm on third shift and I'll be here for a bit. I fear I'm often too abstract with this shit, but I'll reply to anything given me.
>>16437203
>right now they depend on me as much as I depend on them.
OK, that explains a lot. Codependent parent-child relationships are completely fucked up by default. OP, there are parents and there are children, and fiscally and emotionally, it's never a good thing for those roles to be blurred. If your parents don't have the emotional strength of character to kick you out of the nest in order to prevent a repeat of their struggles, it'll have to be up to you.
I say that not to be a dick or goof on your parents, but if you've already got a fucked up baseline, the best thing you can do is to put some appropriate boundaries in position- the ones that normal parents establish for their maturing offspring.
Good luck.
