Hey /adv/, first time poster in here and pretty much in all of 4chan, so please excuse me if I have no idea what I’m doing.
Here's the situation I'm in: I'm 19 and I’ve been in what I think is a happy, healthy and loving relationship for a year and a half now. Prior to that, I was in a different relationship for roughly 6 months. Prior to that, I didn’t have very much confidence when it came to pursuing girls and was also in that awkward stage in terms of my looks. Today, I feel as though I’ve reached my peak attractiveness and I have also grown to be quite a confident young fellow.
I am very happy with my girlfriend and I see a future with her, I really do. We have an awesome relationship, even with the last 7 months of it having been long distance (I’ve just moved away for my first year of University). I love her, she loves me, we’ve both shown a great deal of commitment to each other with the whole long distance thing, we’re well past the infatuation stage and we both still think we’re awesome. Great! She supports my ridiculous hobbies and her goals in life seem to align well with mine. Also great! She also just got accepted into the same University that I’m at and will be here in the Fall, putting an end to our long distance relationship. I am already moving back for the Summer, but this ensures that for at least the next 4 years, we’ll be living in the same place. You get the idea, we have a solid thing going on here that I think has great potential to last.
(Part 1)
(Part 2)
So, what’s the issue? Well, to put it as succinctly as I can (which is not one of my strong points), I just find myself attracted to and interested in pursuing other girls. Some of you may be saying that’s normal, but I think it’s starting to go beyond where it should. That, and the feeling is relatively new. When at the bar or club with friends I find myself interested in approaching girls. When on Facebook I find myself interested in sparking conversations with girls I used to have my eyes on, but never gave a shot with. I picture myself having first dates with other people I meet. I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to have a Tinder account and meet new girls.
I’m not sure exactly what’s causing this, but I have a couple theories. One theory I have is that since I’ve gained the level of confidence that I now have, I’ve only ended up pursuing a small handful of girls, one of which being the girl I dated for a while and the other being the one I am currently dating. As bad as it sounds, pursuing girls is very fun and I feel as though I haven’t really gotten to do very much of it, making me thirst for it. Another theory is that it may have something to do with the long distance. I didn’t feel this way when I got to see her often, so maybe this comes from the void that that has created by that changing?
(Part 3)
Let me make one thing clear. I have never and have no plan on acting on any of these feelings. I would never do that. However, these feelings are very strong, stronger than I feel they should be… and it feels rather wrong to have them, especially when they used to be pretty completely nonexistent. I would barely even bat my eye at an attractive girl walking by before. My mindset used to be more along the lines “meh, I’m happy with my girlfriend, no need to even look” and while I am still just as happy with her, I now find myself curious and interested in pursuing others even though (from what I can tell) there is nothing that I would like to seek from these other girls that my current girlfriend does not provide, other than perhaps the “thrill” of talking to someone new.
What are your honest thoughts on this? I’m obviously young and relatively new to the world of serious relationships, so I don’t have much to base my thoughts on. Do other people feel this way while in long-term relationships? While married, even? Am I worried for no reason?
tl;dr Been dating same girl for 1.5 years, have solid relationship with bright future, but somehow I’m interested in other girls? What gives? Am I shitty person? Am I being greedy by wanting to “have fun”? Is it because of the distance?
Thank you in advance for your thoughts.
It appears that this is an issue you may need to sort out yourself, I can only provide well thought out plans. I understand the need for adventure, which if you wish to explore do so, but understand the chances of destroying the good thing present is there. If you feel that the present is not worth risking do not explore. I am also young and I have decided logically that it is actually best to not date at all because I understand that someone compatible with me is one in a million. Just think through options, would you risk losing your mate
>>17014476
>I am very happy with my girlfriend and I see a future with her, I really do. We have an awesome relationship
>I love her, she loves me, we’ve both shown a great deal of commitment to each other
>Great! She supports my ridiculous hobbies and her goals in life seem to align well with mine. Also great! She also just got accepted into the same University that I’m at and will be here in the Fall
Sounds great man, i'm happy for you.
>>17014479
>I just find myself attracted to and interested in pursuing other girls.
>When at the bar or club with friends I find myself interested in approaching girls.
>When on Facebook I find myself interested in sparking conversations with girls
>I’ve been thinking about what it would be like to have a Tinder account and meet new girls.
Just means you have a dick. Control it, don't let it control you.
All of us have to learn how to master our emotions in the long run.
>>17014481
>nothing that I would like to seek from these other girls that my current girlfriend does not provide, other than perhaps the “thrill” of talking to someone new.
>What gives? Am I shitty person? Am I being greedy by wanting to “have fun”?
Google the "Coolidge effect".
>Do other people feel this way while in long-term relationships? While married, even?
Yes.
>Am I worried for no reason?
No, you're worried because you know you have a good relationship and you don't want to fuck it up by cheating. That's good.
>Is it because of the distance?
That's probably a big part of it, maybe all of it. You had close personal companionship and now you don't, and you miss it. Hold out till she joins you. Good luck dude.
>>17014504
This definitely makes sense though perhaps it's worth noting that I don't think I'm here for help in assessing if the risk is worth it, as that is obviously something only I could assess (though I don't mind people chiming in with insight about this anyway). I could go back and forth all day about the potential risk of regret in the case of either choosing to explore or staying with her, but at the end of the day my mind is already quite set on being with her. I'm more just wondering why I may be feeling what I'm feeling, if it's normal and looking for any insight into that part of it.
Additionally, it's interesting that you mention that you being compatible with someone is one in a million. Though I could of course be wrong, I think I could carry out a successful relationship with a number of different people. I can even think of examples of people I know now that I'm quite certain I could have a successful relationship with (and to be honest sometimes think about), and perhaps that adds to my feelings of desire for exploration. Again, I could be very well be wrong, but I think I am quite compatible with a number of people.
What's for sure stopping me right now is that I know I have something good right now and if I decided to explore, I'd have to be 100% set on it. It wouldn't be just risking losing her, I know for sure it would be losing her. It'd have to be a choice that I no longer wish to be with her and think I can find a more fulfilling relationship elsewhere. I suppose I don't think that, but on the other hand I didn't think things could get any better when I was with my last girlfriend and yet I'm MUCH happier now. Perhaps I'm just too naïve to know?
>>17014529
I appreciate the input!
I've been reading up on the "Coolidge effect" and it's very interesting and very relatable! I appreciate you bringing this to my attention as it's opened up a way for me to research this on my own.
I will thankfully be reunited with her within about 3 weeks from now, which I am greatly looking forward to, especially if it makes this awful feeling go away.
Thanks!
