CONFESSION ADVICE
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You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
You are currently reading a thread in /adv/ - Advice
Hi /adv/,
I'm in a bit of a weird situation. I like this girl and I think she likes (liked?) me back, but I don't want to date her. There's obviously more to the story so I'll try to make it short and sweet in the form of a greentext.
> Be me. 25, M, not have life together for the most part. Still live with parents because live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. Don't gym but try to jog regularly - fail. Earn very little for my age but love my job and want to pursue career in it. At least I'm fairly smart idk.
> Have tight knit group of friends. Only about 3-4 strong but value each other a LOT. Don't really have other friends. Only acquaintances and friends I don't really talk to.
>ANYWAY - Meet girl (22, attends uni in another city) through one of my close fem-homies. Girl is cool. We hit it off. Talk a lot. Catch feels.
>She "doesn't date" and has commitment issues but gives off shit tonne of mixed signals. Stays on phone with me for hours on end. We get into fights like couples would over insignificant things that friends wouldn't argue over. Make up every time. She tells me about other guys she "catches up" with that are clearly interested in her. She's asked a mutual friend if I like her. Mutual friend wants to stay out of it but says if I like her, I should go for it.
>Feel crazy insecure about myself at my age not having my shit together. Pessimistic about relationship at this point in my life - need to get shit together first + she's got commitment issues and currently lives in another city. Both of us have nfi where the fuck we'll be next year (family is fairly well off so I could be studying overseas next year. her family is straight up loaded).
>Tired of going in circles with my feelings. decide to just straight up tell her I like her but I think we shouldn't date
>Dinner with her tomorrow after work
So apart from how fucked up that all sounds, how should I go about this?
>>17007205
OP Clarifying some shit: She's told me about two guys she's been interested in before. Gone on dates with before. I take this is a strong fucking friendzone sign. She's also never really had a boyfriend, but any girl should fucking know not to tell a guy she's interested in that she's into another guy... right? That's where I'm getting the mixed signals.
Also, there are a lot of differences between us like we have very starkly different views on things. She's vegetarian. I love to eat and hence, am not vegetarian (I don't like to call myself a foodie but I'm a bit of a fanatic). She wants to save the world through grassroots movements and power to the people and all that jazz. I don't even know if I believe in democracy. We're pretty much opposite ends of the spectrum on a lot of things but we're both very passionate people I guess. We get along very well somehow, but will have ridiculously big fights sometimes too - over seemingly insignificant things that basically boil down to clashes in ideology.
I'm 33 and 'getting your life together' is fucking all over the place at this age range for friends and relationships.
I've friends with two children who are married. I've friends with children who are divorced and remarried. I've friends who moved countries. Who moved back again. Friends trying to buy a house. Friends with houses. Friends with multiple houses. Friends living at home. Friends living in large house shares. Friends still trying to get a job. Friends with cars. Friends without.
You make it sound like the decision to date is a fixed deal. What happened to spending time with someone and seeing if mutual attraction develops then making a move? You don't have to declare it and be like "whelp, I knew you'd reject me anyway so at least that is out of the way".
Sounds like you are insecure because you still live at home, but you admit that plenty of others are in a similar situation at your age in that city?
I was homeless from 17 until 22. I went to university at 23. I got married at 24. I dropped out of university and eventually got divorced at 26. I got a steady job at 28. I lived in a house share with single guys until I was about 29. I bought a house at 30. I bought a car at 30. I finished my degree at 31. I got my first 'real' job at 31.
My girlfriend is 25 and has just finished her MA, she is just learning to drive.
Seriously it is a cluster fuck. I'm only highlighting this because it seems to be the root of an insecurity which is encouraging you to try and shoot this down with a declaration right at the start instead of letting things develop.
I know a girl who is stunning. She is so far out of the league of everyone I could think of. She is on a fast track career program to becoming a senior academy manager. For the last 10 years she has basically been sleeping on her average boyfriends sofa who works part time in music/arts production and she loves him more than anything. He is completely average, poor and bald.
>>17007217
Thanks dude. That's how I feel too - and honestly I feel like I'm not sure if there's mutual attraction there. For once I'm not looking for whether she's staring at me - I just have a really good time when I'm with her. We went out a few days ago after work for drinks/bar food and we just really enjoyed each other's company. I don't like to put a label on things. And you're right - getting your life together isn't a one-and-done thing. It's an ongoing thing that really never fucking ends. The real reason I feel insecure is because I'm a fucking cynical pessimistic and depressed fuckwit.
>know girl
>don't want to date her
>what do?
tell her you're gay.
