Hey /adv/, I have a bit of a problem on my hands.
I have been with my current gf for aout 6 months. She is a chubby treasure of a girl, she loves me very much and so do I, we are basically perfect for each other... but there is a but.
In these six months I have started going to the gym. Like, seriously investing a lot of time in my physical fitness, and I have come to notice that there are a lot of ridiculously hot girls around, a lot of which notice me as well. My gf is very self-conscious about her body, and while she is trying to improve her fitness, she isn't putting all the effort she could into it because of it. She refuses to work out in front of others and stuff like that, severely limiting her potential in succeeding in her own objective to lose weight.
Now, I am sure as hell going to stick with her and I refuse to cheat on her, because I love her for who she is rather than for what she looks like, but I am finding it increasingly hard to be sexually attracted by her, especially with all these other gym girls I keep seeing around me. The worst part is that I think I am starting to resent her for letting me be the only one in the relationship putting any real effort into fitness. I know, I suck for this, but I can't help it.
Should I tell her about it? We always have been very open about every issue that has risen during our time together, but I am afraid to confront her about this because I could really hurt her self-esteem. On the other hand, I am kinda becoming sexually frustrated.
tl;dr: I am really into fitness; gf not really; finding it increasingly hard to be sexually attracted by her because chubby/fat; kinda resenting her for not trying hard enough; really love her tho; what do?
It really doesn't matter what you do, because your relationship is fucked either way
It is a hard situation when you're a larger girl. Going to the gym, scarier than jumping out of a plane.
Maybe try cooking for the both of you. Become a great cook for the healthy foods. That can help. And ask her to do things with you, like going for nice walks, jogs. Tell her you want her to be part of YOUR fitness. But the gym, that's a scary place. For a big reason of all of those hot girls.
Try that first.
And try doing other things, like movies and those walks.
If she is reminded all of the time that you love her, maybe she will feel more motivated.
But try doing things together. That's my advice.
Through that, start choosing things that will be more fit: swimming, walking, cooking great healthy foods.
Maybe you could encourage her by working out with her in less public places, then segueing to the gym when she builds her confidence. It's worth talking about
>>17006895
you need to drop subtle hints, that that she lose some weight. things like lets go for a walk etc
if you come out with things like: hurr durr your a fat ass lose some weight.
she will hate you. make her think losing weight WITH you is a good idea and was HER idea.
then you can both be hot together...
>>17006906
>>17006907
I have been trying to do exactly that, with no real success so far. She says she's afraid of looking dumb or weak working out with me. I guess I'll have to help her build up the confidence do do this first and then see from there.
Goddamn, though, I kinda feel like an asshole.
Honestly, if u really freakin feel like you like her stay with her and go through all the confidence building business.
If not try to go after one of the fitness girls but don't be surprised if you get shit on by them and rejected.
Btw you are kinda an asshole buy it you can't help feelin how ya feel.
I was fit,skinny and dated a chubster that was formerly skinny. Took her 3 years to get back to her old body, during which time nobody noticed her, some even made fun of her. By then I'm starting to get less fit and more fat partially to make her feel less self-conscious. I didn't care too much since not trying to impress anyone else. eventually she gets skinny again starts getting attention again and being less insecure and leaves my ass.
Chubbiness is best healed with running and a healthy diet.
You should run with her, say begin with 4 times a week. Running is nice, because you are never restricted to a closed place, which lowers the bar. Some things you should consider:
-You should run 4-5 times a week, alternating with a an easy, medium and a hard week. Run stairs at least once a week.
-If you are aiming for gainz at the gym, running might not be good for you.
-Running will be difficult for her to begin. Always do short stretches before you begin, as it will prepare muscles for the effort. Otherwise the ache will make her stop after a few mins.
-Begin with distances she is comfortable with, and follow the progress to give the feeling of success. Download sportstracker.
-Make her eat food in a more liquid form, such as smoothies.
I don't know how fat she is. If she's like 80-90 kg, she'll be able to run good 10kms by the middle of summer if she starts now (Begin upgrading weekly from 3km to 5km to 8km etc.)
When she has a good routine (3-4 months), advice her to run primarly long distances (two over 10km runs per week).That'll keep her tight.
I can make a short training plan if you give me her age, weight and height.
>>17006983
that is a really nice proposal, anon, hope you don't mind if I accept. I was thinking about going HIIT with her, but if you say long distance may be better, I'll trust you.
she's 20y/o, 65kg. I'm not sure about her height, but she is pretty short. I would wager just below or just above 160cm.
[spoiler]long distance running is good for me as well, since I need a good amount of endurance. My objectives aren't related to mass and gains as much as they are to strength and endurance, since I am courting the idea of a military carreer.[/spoiler]
>>17006895
try sexual intercourse
i'm told it's great exercise
>>17006990
Hi OP unfortunately I don't have advice for your problem. Anon's running proposal sounds g00d. I was curious if you're willing to share your start on fitness? Did you just start going to gym, lifting and eating right? Care to go into detail? If not, understandable.
You kinda should feel like an ass - to be fantasizing about all those girls at the gym while yours is at home feeling shitty about herself.
But it does happen.
But if you love her, really love her, just keep trying. Try to be empathetic. Always remind yourself, try to put yourself in her shoes (and remember, female shoes are different than male shoes). Don't push, just try to do things together. Maybe get a dog? So it needs walks several times a day. It serves many purposes: it gets her out walking, thinking about food/food portions, health, and commitment.
That's a great idea
>>17006990
Not that anon, but 65kg at 160cm doesn't sound too bad if she has a nice shape.
I used to be pretty gym myself back in the day. I went through a 4 year obsession, putting in at least 10 hours a week and within the first two years it was complete body transformation territory.
I did some stupid things which eventually put paid to the lifestyle (repeated injury, over specialisation in muh big four), but not really related to OP.
What is related is I went from about a 260lb 6'2" fat scruffy fucker with about 30% body fat to ranging from 195-200lb at around 10% or 205-215lb at a slightly higher body fat. I was squatting 451lb and pulling 675lb.
Thing is, I was so fixated on working out, I don't know what sort of girlfriend I'd have been able to attract. I had a girlfriend who initially was concerned she'd lose me, but because I was quite possibly insane at that period of my life I was more concerned I'd lose her. "hey stud want to go for a drink?" ... "no, drinks are empty calories for the weak, I must sleep immediately for optimum protein synthesis and hormone regulation". I didn't want a 'hot' or 'high pressure' girlfriend. While I acknowledge hot girls exist who aren't high pressure, sometimes equally they don't want a 'hot' or 'high pressure' boyfriend. Sometimes they don't want boyfriends at all because they are too busy being fitness fanatics and applying their insane optimising brain to other areas of their life.
Holy shit did I get 'mired though. Holy shit did peoples reactions change around me. Holy shit was it a mixed bag.
>>17006999
well, next to no muscle mass in that weight means she has a muffin top.
>>17006997
I don't feel good about this, but to my defense I can say that I am definitely not fantasizing about anyone and I do whatever is in my power to try and help her build confidence already.
>>17006996
I started with bodyweight exercises a couple of years ago, built up some basic strength and then added in weights (very roughly based on the Starting Strength program with added bodyweight stuff) and running (I still suck at it tho). Dieting came with the natural bdy dismorphia stemming from going to the gym, the "not enough, gotta do more" mentality.
>>17007005
Muffin tops mean she needs to wear the correct size in pants
>>17006990
Great! That makes her chubby but not fat.
For an easy week, begin with this. I'll leave you room for adjustment:
Tue: Vo2 max, such as stairs, or run intervals (500m-1000m, x2-3).
Wed: Jog 4-6km in 30-45min
Thu: rest
Fri: Speed endurace, run 1000m x3, speed 6min/km.
Sat: Run 4-6km in 30-45min
Harder week:
Tue: Stairs or intervals, but choose a hastier pace than last week.
Wed: Run 6-8 km, under 1 hour.
Thu: Speed endurance, 1500m x3, same pace.
When you've done that for a while, say three weeks, upgrade to what I'll put in next post. I've left you some room to make it work it you individually. Do pumping stretches BEFORE the exercise in order to open up your feet and middle body, and 15-20 sec stretches afterwards.
>>17006895
>I love her for who she is rather than for what she looks like
This board is fucking hilarious.
Normalfags are unbelievably delusional.
>>17007000
Why the fuck did you post this?
Holy shit go and blog-post somewhere else.
OP actually wants help. fitfags are such narcissists.
>>17006990
After the initiation pace, I hope you'll focus more on running. Keep the the first program for 3-6 weeks.
Then:
Mon: Vo2 max: stairs or sprints of 1000m x3, 4m30s-5min per kilometre.
Tue: easy jog, 4-6km, 30-45min
Wed: Longer jog, 6-10km, over 45 min
Thu: rest
Fri: Speed endurance:2km, x3, hasty pace, but easier than in Vo2mx
Sat: Jog 6-10 km, over 45min.
It's important to make pumping stretchs and small warm-ups before each training, and longer stretches afterwards. When you are on the level, start running over 10km runs (or runs that last at least 1h15m) twice a week,
>>17007021
The longer the jogs your be able to pull, the better. I don't really know your fitness level, but if 4-6 is too little, don't be afraid to lift it to 6-8km, or lift those 6-10km to 8-12km.
>>17007015
I'd say I love my girlfriend for who she is, not what she looks like. It is easy to shoot it down like some cartesian dualistic delusional shit rehashed by body positive mouth breathers who never emerge from the internet.
But I by no means ignore the fact that your appearance is determined by what you choose to do with your time, if anything I'm in full acceptance of it.
She looks like an overweight human with lower than average muscle tone due to a lifetime spent in with an average diet, below average activity levels and above average alcohol consumption. She feels like she deserves to 'treat herself' almost every day.
Shit, she looks like everybody else who doesn't make fitness a priority. Most human beings outside of their teenage years or window of peak reproductive potential just start to resemble lumpy bags of potatoes in bad positions, lighting, clothing.
She is totally going to turn into a chunky middle aged person and eventually a barrel shaped old person and I'm down with that because I like to feel superior on a base level and she is cosy as fuck. She is also terrifyingly smart, about as practical as a chocolate teapot, but terrifyingly smart, like closing in on a phd and a whole bunch of professional post and pre graduate qualifications and ongoing training. She'll be an 'expert voice' in her field.
>>17007015
it's fine, anon, I used to be sad and lonely myself. Then I got off /r9k/, started taking care of myself and avoided toxic moralities from the internet, and poof! Here came a semblance of happiness.
Read, cultivate your mind; work, cultivate your body; stop caring about what is "normal" and what is not and you will exit beta-mode.
>>17007007
>>17007021
thank you very much, anon! I'll speak to her about this and we'll hopefully work at it together
>>17007017
Seriously you single me out when OP should really be getting blown the fuck out.
>Been with girl for 6 whole months.
>Suddenly decides to go to the gym.
>Endorphins, endorphins and testosterones everywhere.
>"I can do better than this! Life is basically an RPG".
>Girl, I know we've only known each other for 6 months, but this new fitness routine is for lyfe bro. I feel incredible, my power is rising, I am finally becoming something, like the phoenix from the flames, if you do not commit to joining me on this lifelong quest to reach negative body fat YOU MUST GO NOW, IT WILL ONLY HURT MORE LATER.
Like /fit/ isn't the best containment board for this shit because /fit/ has seen this a million times before. I'm trying to save you from another follow up thread when this guy is suicidal because he lost his girlfriend and is pounding down stevia sweetened sorbet in an attempt to kill the pain and then gets picked up by the bitches and hoe's misogynistic brigade.
Blah blah.
OP life is like an RPG. This is all transactional analysis. Chubby girl has no redeeming features except her body and if she is unwilling to accept her flaws and change for you then she is dead time. Time which could be spent getting in those extra reps and checking out those sweet gym bunnies. Yeah shit they'll soon be 'miring your sweet gains, and they'll DEFINITELY understand they are just bodies without personalities who must obey your insecurities.
Like yeah, unhappy with body? Change body. Feel control? Great. Don't try and control your girlfriend. Break up with her if you are too stupid to do relationshit.
>>17006895
The issue here is yourself. She was chubby before you got with her. She's still chubby. The only variable here is you. You got fit.
Starting to demand other people change because you changed is shit.
That's all there is to it. Break up with her, it's more simple. Change comes from wanting it for oneself. Not because of pier pressure because you suddenly decided to become fit.
She'll find another man that is happy enough with her being chubby, and you're free to play the field with your newfound fitness.
