>>17004533
But then we talk about deeper stuff sometimes, and she admits to me she cant get over me, that she misses me so much and still loves me, she says no other men compare to me. But then she still says she doesn't want to get back together, her primary reason being that it was such a hard decision to make to split, that she's so stubborn and can't go back on that decision, like its her pride at stake. She has always been an extremely stubborn person.

So I don't know what the hell is happening or going to happen here. If she isn't going to be with me, why is she talking to me constantly, where does she think it will lead, are we just going to talk forever as friends when we're clearly more than friends? Surely it must be torture for her, she more or less wants to be with me, but won't let herself. She says she isn't trying to lead me on, but then what is she doing, surely she knows if she isn't going to be with me that its a terrible idea to keep this up.

she keeps talking to you because: she aint got no other options: she left you becase some BS reason and now regretting what she said hoping you will take her back.

this what you do: you dont take her back, because ex is a ex for reason. once you take her back she will rember why she left and will leave again.

its the old:
>i cant have you but i dont want anybody else to have you either...
best thing for you to do is close the book on that chapter. start with a new page next time she contacts you say you have found somebody else.
its closure for her and for you.

>>17004609
Well no, I don't believe that once you break up you should never get back together, seems like a pointless philosophy to me. The reason we split is fixed, its at least worth another shot. I know plenty of people who had major break ups and then got back together and worked out.

The thing is she does have plenty of other options, she's a good looking girl with a lot going for her, she could have any man and she knows it, but she doesn't. She went on a date with a guy and spent the entire night talking about me apparently.

She also tells me to date other women, she tells me to move on and to see other people, she encourages that, its like she wants me to be unavailable so that she can't have me because she wants me but doesn't. Its fucked up, but thanks for your perspective.

>>17004640
if she talks about you she truely isnt over you.
sure she may have other options why is she still contacting you?
cut all contact. it will be the best thing for both of you
she tells you to date other women so she cant have you but trust me she still wants you. she is toxic to your love life.

>>17004739
I'd rather see if we get back together before cutting contact, I'd kind of annoying to be constantly told to just walk away when theres clearly a pretty good chance of something happening here. This is the woman i want alright.

If she is so not over me, and wants me, why won't she get back, why does she say she doesnt want to get back together, and yet act in the complete opposite manner. Today she sent me a load of photos of a project she has completed, just out of nowhere. That is not dumper behaviour, my sister barely speaks to her ex and they have a child together, they don't not get along, they are civilised, but she sure as hell doesnt start conversations with him and tell him about her life like my ex does. I just cant figure it out. Is it just a stubbornness thing, how do i get past someones stubbornness, do they ever give in.

>>17004533
>She left me after many years together, it was mainly because i was being an asshole, the usual stuff, taking her for granted, zoning out, not giving her enough attention, being a dick sometimes, you know.
That's not something that just changes. If you didn't work on your issues then, why would she come back to you?

>Anyway for the past month things seem to have completely turned around, she is talking to me almost daily, she initiates, she tells me about her life, her problems, she shares her hobbies with me, when she makes a new song etc she'll send it to me, and we often end up talking online for a few hours a couple of times a week. Naturally I'm loving this but also feeling confused, its so different to her previous behavoir. Does she want to get back together?
Not necessarily. You can realize that being with someone isn't a good idea if they don't live up to your expectations and refuse to work on issues, but still miss the good things. It's also likely that she's now getting what she wanted from you originally, now that you're putting effort into getting her back, but things will go back to the way they were once you actually have her.

She misses you, and wants to stay close to you, but for her, it's not worth it to try again. You're over.

I mean, if she wants to be back with you, and you want to be back with her, and the problem that caused you two to break up is fixed... Can't see why you wouldn't go for it. But that advice is coming from someone who desperately wants his ex back.

>>17004786
I did work on my issues, I'm really different to how i used to be, everyone tells me that too. I had a lot of therapy and i was very open to it. I mainly had anger and mood issues. She is the one who seems tortured by this, more than me, she sometimes tells me that she wishes i hated her so that we couldn't talk, but then she's messaging me and tells me how much she loves talking.
>>17004804
I am going for it, the issue is her, if i were to ask if she wanted to get back together i know she would say no. If this ever happens, it will be her decision and her action not mine.

>>17004825
>She is the one who seems tortured by this, more than me, she sometimes tells me that she wishes i hated her so that we couldn't talk, but then she's messaging me and tells me how much she loves talking.
Then she probably likes you better as a friend. If you were together for many years, she may be looking into other options before making a decision.

>>17004876
She says us being friends doesn't work, but I can't imagine she would genuinely want to be friends, thats just some bullshit exes say and never follow up.

If you broke up for any reason other than you were an asshole don't get back together, but I've been in a similar situation and we dated for two years on our second go and I recently ended it because of a lack of common interest, if you work well with her, go after her.

>>17005119
We work really well, even now when we talk its easy and we're very compatible. It's not my choice though, she won't do it. The other day she was calling me the most handsome man she's ever seen, yet she still won't be with me.

If you had changed enough, she would have come back already. Ask her what you need to do to get her back.

>>17005162
She says I've changed enough, she says that I'm now the man she always wanted and deserved, but now she can't be with me. She was really upset about it, claiming the universe just played a huge trick on her, while I'm sat there thinking we'll just fucking get back with me then. The only thing stopping her is herself. She's so stubborn she'll ruin everything we could be just for her pride.

whether or not she wants to get back together with you, she has gotten over her phase of anger at you. She may very well not want to get back with you, but she is probably at least comfortable being your friend.

If she doesn't want to get back together with you, you need to move on to another romantic interest.

>>17005180

No matter what you say, it's hard to get back with someone who has openly displayed a lack of care for someone else for an extended period of time. Broken trust is difficult to mend. Takes time to show that it's stuck with you and not just a temporary show.

She's not being stubborn, she's actually being quite smart about it. Hard to tell if you've really changed or it's all smoke and mirrors to get her back.

If you work well with her keep on keeping on man don't rush it she'll remain suspicious that you've dropped your asshole ways, it took me like 4 months from the time I decided I wanted to get back together until she was willing.

>>17005185
Well she speaks about that, she says sometimes she wants to say mean things to me, but that i don't deserve it, she also says that anger is decreasing. It just seems more than friends already, i have friends, they don't message me every day and send me pictures of shit they're doing and keep me updated. I'm keeping my options open and trying to pursue other women regardless, yes.

>>17005194
>>17005198
Thats a good point, maybe she is trying to see if I'm really different, even if she doesn't quite know thats what she's doing. Sometimes she asks me odd questions. She asked me a few days ago Why i used to get jealous when she hung out with guys. I answered that I wasn't jealous, i was upset that you weren't spending time with me (which is true, i'm not really a jealous person). But why on earth would she ask something like that.

>>17005218
Oh and she does weird stuff like texts me to tell me she had a dream where she was with me and it was really nice. And then she says things like how she keeps thinking that if we'd stayed together we'd be married and living together by now (we were engaged), almost with regret but I'm not sure.

Yeah that sounds like she's still interested in you, I mean she's obviously not just dropping you so I would stick with the time and pressure approach don't tell her you've changed show her.

Also let me offer a valuable piece of advice, some girls will lead you on giving you just enough to keep you interested, don't be a rag doll if this is the case.

>>17005240
Thanks man, i am going to keep at it, she is the love of my life, she claims i am too strangely enough. I really have changed, my demons have gone and I'm a very different person to before, i guess before i was much like a typical angsty 4channer, very cynical and hateful, now i just don't care and I'm happy go lucky, my anger is so much lower too, well its gone, it's interesting because i always felt like my anger was genetic but i don't think anger is genetic, its a learned behaviour. I doubt she's leading me on, she specifically states she isn't trying to lead me on. Honestly, i think as much as she says she doesnt want to get back together, she doesn't quite know what she wants and is just seeing where this goes and how i am.

>>17005281
Best of luck to you my dude it sounds like you have good things coming your way!