adv/ I came to a realization today and I don't know how to handle it. See, I am a compassionate person. When I see a friend, I tell them it's nice to see them. If someone is hurting, I do whatever I can to help. If someone calls me with a request or a favor, I'm there and always deliver in spades. Folks who need to vent, on occasion even complete strangers, feel I am a good listener and tell me about their problems. I love when I can do something to bring a smile to someone's face.
But even though I give 100% of myself every day, literally nobody pays me the same courtesy. When I'm hurt nobody consoles me. I can make anybody laugh, yet when I feel depressed nobody asks me what's on my mind. When I try and get people together to hang out its like pulling teeth to get them to come along with me. I could go an entire day without friends or family interacting if I'm not the one initiating.
Is this just an unfair fact of life? Am I just spreading myself too thin? Am I somehow too confident and have made everyone believe I havke my life together when I don't? I need opinions on this because I suddenly feel as though I'm on a downward spiral.
>>16990835
Sounds like you want to do good things and succeed at pulling through, so keep on doing 'em. The problem you cite is that no one wants to get together to hang when you want to. Is this a frequent problem? How frequent? Are you asking the right people who would normally want to get out and get social? In regards to seeking people to console you, are you looking to the right people? Some folks are downright stinkers at listening to other people's problems, which is typically the foundation of consolation.
i am not as generous as you seem to be, but i know what you are going through. The hard part is that you are naturally generous, compassionate and thoughtful. No matter what the answers to your questions, you are still going to naturally want to help people. You may be able to find balance (which is what i think you need if you want to stop feeling hurt or disappointed), but that takes so much work because you have to fight your natural tendencies.
>>16990857
I suppose that's the crux of my issue, that people I associate with are generally not the compassionate sort. A side effect of everything I posted in the OP is that I feel I don't have any deep bonds with people because more often than not I'm just a shoulder to cry on, or just that funny eccentric guy. I've also been used in the past by manipulative people, and I always walk right into them because I tend to believe the best in them at the outset. It's never gotten to me in the past but a series of recent events have left me questioning myself.
>>16990885
try to reserve your compassion for people you deeply care about and don't hand it out to just anyone - you'll be drained in no time since you aren't getting anything back
>>16990902
Thank you for your honest advice. I'll keep this in mind.
I know this same feeling OP, it sucks.
Honestly after so long, I've just gotten used to it.
>>16990906
I used to be like you, always trying to help and be there for others, but my self-esteem and sense of self worth have improved alot and now I'm only affectionate and compassionate with the few people I consider good friends and I'm close with, it's much better since everything is reciprocated
>>16990954
Could you elaborate? How is the issue self esteem related?
