>>16993997
Real quick snippets of what I think might be things that got me to feeling the way I am today. Any help on "getting through this" would be appreciated.

>I had a crush on my best friend in high school and she ended up ditching me at prom for another guy who I couldn't compete with
>When we finally had a shot at real dating it didn't work out and we both got embarrassed
>She wanted sex anyway and I turned her down even though I really wanted it too out of fear it would mess us up
>That same friend came back years later to tell me I was a loser for not fighting for her and refuses to speak to me still 10 years later

>Most of my college crushes never bore fruit as I kept getting friendzoned
>My first college gf tried to commit suicide and was kicked out of the school a weekend I wasn't around, and this was pre-cell phones so it took me a few days to figure out if she was okay
>She told me that I was part of the reason she attempted it
>I scummed around dating and sleeping with random women, treating them like absolute shit
>My longest relationship in college was with a total bombshell who started to regret dating me, but kept up appearances -- we fought constantly but neither of us would just end it
>She began to refuse sex to a point that she became violent toward me over anything sexual, including punching me in the dick and locking me out of dorm room in the snow more than once -- I never laid a hand on her the entire time
>I was too scared to leave her because I didn't know what the "other side" would be like
>She would go on to accuse me of rape toward the end of my senior year and threatened to go to her family to press charges after we had a pregnancy scare
>Finally ended it cold turkey but she continued to harass me over the phone, through the internet, and using her friends for a good year
>Called a job I applied for and had them reject my application through her connections
>She's now happily married and has everything she ever wanted

>>16993997
Post pic?

>>16994031
>after our breakup I developed some form of ED that lasted two years, both after college
>I dated anything and everything that moved, fell into online dating hardcore
>Began clubbing and going to bars to meet women and realized I was going bald and had zero skill compared to my more attractive, virulent friends
>Fell into a deep depression and tried to kill myself two separate times

>Moved out of state and continued random dating, but met a girl a few hours away
>She never visited me and I was always driving out to see her
>Cured my ED
>She really had no emotional connection to me and made it clear as crystal from day one
>Felt abandoned in a strange state as she randomly called me one day and said she was "done"
>We met up some time later and she told me about how much better her life was without me around, said that I was the kick in the ass she needed to fix her life
>After that she never spoke to me ever again
>She's married now and happy as a clam

>Random dating again, fall even harder into online dating
>Move to a new state, new job, and meet the "perfect girl"
>We have a Hollywood relationship and it's perfect, she even postpones a dream job across country so she can get more time with me and let me figure my shit out so we can both move together
>She starts to become depressed and angry a lot out of the blue, sort of related to that decision, and it creates a rift in the relationship
>Breakup is long and drawn out, she advertises her "healing process" of fucking random guys (and girls) to me and becomes a real bitch
>I end up rebounding with a coworker and knock her up by mistake
>We get the abortion and wonder if we should "stick it out" because we genuinely liked each other
>It ends as horribly as you'd expect and along comes a new suicide attempt as she ending of that relationship goes nuclear and I start to wonder wtf I'm doing with my life, begin realized I was almost a father...

>>16994079
>Rebound with several different women, only one starts to go somewhere
>Woman is fantastic and just my pace for what I need
>We date for several months and start to look serious
>She asks the dreaded question if I'm going to move in with her and I tell her I won't because I have no "5 year plan" at this point
>She leaves in the middle of the night without warning and I find a long, written letter that basically says "I would've helped you figure out your life. I just wanted you to be a part of mine."

>Start getting my shit together, meet a new woman
>Things are fantastic and great and then, 6 months later, she just dumps me at random to "get her life together"
>Immediately meet new girl who is more the same, but we date for nearly 2 years
>Get very serious and start talking marriage
>I'm certain she might be the one because we gel so well, and even though we have some disagreements it's all fun in the end
>She gets hired to do a job working abroad and I tell her I'm shaky about it and even then can't afford to fly out to visit
>She's upset, but okay with it
>3 weeks into her trip she stops talking to me
>on her return flight she dumps me over the phone and says that she never considered me more than a fling, all while she's bawling her eyes out
>We had literally talked about picking out a ring two weeks into her trip

>Go into even further depression, end up treating more women like shit
>Meet this one girl who's fun and we just have a no strings sexual relationship, but she starts getting attached and I freak out and leave her
>On again like this ever since, which is 6 months later

I also recently met up with an old friend who more or less begged me to date her, but she refuses to put in any effort even though she is exactly what I'd be looking for in a partner. Girl won't even take a day to just get a coffee, just tells me all the time how great I am and that I'm "husband material for her."

Ugh

>>16994056
Me or the girl? The girl wasn't even a 5/10 for me, I really don't know why I pursued it

>>16994031
That first block can be summed up as "bitches are cray" and "kids are stupid". A lot of people have similar stories. I know that doesn't make you feel better, but realize that those same people are also able to have good stories too. You can be one of those.

Second one is kinda rough. Fuck that last bitch too. But you know what they say, "Rain falls on the good and the wicked". Good and bad stuff happens to everybody, and there's no point hating her for getting lucky. Besides, holding a grudge takes too much effort.

>>16994093
I don't lose sleep over any of the specific stories, and I have absolutely put them behind me, thought them over, gone to therapy... whatever

I just want to know the common thread here, if there is one. Have I just not met the right girl yet? Do I put it too much effort?

My friend today told me I "overpromise and underdeliver," when it should be the other way around. Not that I'm a terrible date, lay, or bf... I usually get pretty good reviews and I have total confidence in my ability to meet and woo woman. I just am not having any success building a relationship that actually means something to me and works.

>>16994031
Whoa. That's a lot. Not all of this can happen to a person without some serious character flaws though. What's wrong with you in actuality

>>16994126
I've done therapy and nothing has ever come up. I'm also not on medication nor have I been diagnosed as needing any before. Beyond just swings of depression, I haven't really had anybody work with me or tell I'm fucked up. Only recently has it really started to strike me that I have "character flaws," but I have no idea how much damage has been done and what I can do to get out of it.

>>16994103
Honestly... you sound a lot like me. It hurts reading this, in a dull numb kind of way, because my stories are very similar. It sounds like you have the same problem as me, or at least close to it. I've dated a lot of women that seemed out of my league. I'm not ugly, most people say I'm kinda cute, but they've all been really good-looking, smart, etc and others comment on how I "caught a good one" or something each time. It's like you said, "I usually get pretty good reviews and I have total confidence in my ability to meet and woo women". I think that I have a habit of picking up women with unrealistic expectations for me because I convince them I'm their Prince Charming so easily. Then, when we're a steady couple I relax and drop the charms (most of the time) and they begin to realize I'm not going to deliver the adventure and passion they though I would. It's led to a lot of relationships that just fizzle out with me acting like you described, apathetic and having seen it coming a mile away.

I'm still dealing with this myself, but I think part of the solution is for me to be more honest in the beginning of a relationship and to go after girls that want the same thing as me instead of pulling in ones that want something I can easily pretend to be.

>>16994138
Wow. That is succinctly how I was describing it in my head the other day.

This recent girl was not the most physically attractive, but she was very bright, driven, and we had similar careers and goals. But you hit the nail on the head: as I got more comfortable around her and became my real self, I didn't like what I was seeing from either of us. I really dazzled her because it was fun and it was easy. But at the end of the day, it meant nothing to me. I even spent the night at her place and was like, "wtf am I doing here?" She threw herself at me and there wasn't even a struggle to get her to have sex. She even made me breakfast the next morning!

God, the last girl I was having sex with let me do anal because she thought "I was going to be a nice guy about it." I am a nice guy, but it was insane how easy it was to (not even really) convince her to go for it.

I attract these women who want to have this domineering or ideal man in their head, and I'm such a charming social chameleon (read: sociopath) that I can fit that for them. I will take them on the fancy date, wine and dine them, do the right things in bed... all of that.. just to get that thrill (for me) and see how far I can push it. But at the end of the day, I'm not actually stimulated. Not at all.

I'm a giant nerd, I'm very political and outdoorsy and love intellectual conversations. I've met very few women who can share that with me, and those are the ones I go crazy over. None of these recent girls (and desu, most of my relationships) don't fit that bill. I guess, simply put, I was never happy in these relationships? I really just want a woman that would be just as content chatting philosophy as she would kayaking, or who would play video games with me and then cozy up with a drink and a horror movie.

I know they exist, I've met them, but my experiences are so jarring and I've got all this baggage that I keep going back to "what makes sense" and find these easy girls who hold no value.

>>16994191
Because really I guess my experiences have just painted this awful image in my head of women being undeserving of my time and respect.

I have such a history of colorful relationships that I just don't see the point, even though I still really badly want something meaningful. I keep trying...

>>16994191
>>16994199
Yeah, I feel kind of the same way. I look down on the women I've been with because they fell for my act. I don't want to be like this, though. The thing about the girl that would be happy with conversation, kayaking, or vidya. She'd be happy because she'd be doing those things with me. I think that's the missing part from the other relationships. I don't advertise an image of myself to women, I advertise a mysterious man that can deliver unique or exciting experiences while claiming I'm also trustworthy. I deliver on plenty of that, taking them to do lots of cool stuff, but I give up on that stuff eventually and all that's left is me. The relationship ends because I'm not what they wanted in the first place.

Maybe the best thing to do is be more honest with women. Saying that leaves a bad taste in my mouth, because my gut is screaming that it won't work, based on the few times I've been shot down for being open or how easily being a charmer works. But, surely there are women out there that DO think the same way. Hopefully I can direct my new strategy at one of them, and we'll stick together this time.

>>16994241
>>16994138

I've met the exact women we're both describing, and it has been the most incredible, passionate time of my life with them. It just never worked out for a wide variety of reasons. Just off top of my head, three of them were on the block of text I wrote earlier:

>blonde, petite, curvy, worldly, well-mannered, intelligent as hell, and a big hippie
>we bonded over grabbing ramen, hiking, and talking about how much we loved dogs, politics, and art museums
>she would play vidya or watch movies with me even though she didn't like them that much, and she helped me learned a language and improve my art skills
>when I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life and kept stonewalling her over moving in, that's when she left and gave me the letter about how she would have just accepted me -- tore me apart when it happened because now she refuses to speak with me and has me blocked on most social media

>blonde, tall, a little curvy, glasses, and a giant dork from the midwest
>our first date was just us having a heated conversation over beer about how much we both loved Star Wars, ended with us going back to her place to play Mario Kart, drink tea, and cuddle
>everything was absolutely 100% how I wanted it to be, as we'd spend Saturdays in bed reading comic books or Sunday afternoons playing softball with friends in the park
>we had so many late nights just talking, sharing a cigarette or a glass of wine
>she helped me get more fit as she was doing the same, I lost nearly 45lbs with her help
>she decided to stay on this side of the country for me because I still had another year contracted at my job
>her new job consumed her life and she became another person
>we began fighting constantly, even in public, and I just upped and left her one night
>it was a long and drawn out breakup and she became a totally different person
>we still talk and reminisce, but she's settled down with somebody new

>>16995243
>brunette, tall, busty, had a very unique style and look, played field hockey so you can imagine her build
>funny, polite, intelligent, and very driven, but also a cuddler and loved to sleep in, laze about, and just do things as they came
>we had a lot of fun together even though she didn't like the same movies or play vidya
>went to museums, parks, concerts, brewfests, we took care of her lovable dog and cooked together constantly
>we bonded over little things, like having the same kind of laugh or sleeping in the same positions
>we also bonded over the big things, like having the same career or both loving folk music
>all her friends were great people and we created a little family that I became a part of
>we had our ups and downs at times (like when we fought over the time I broke her favorite glass, or when she told me she hated my apartment and wouldn't visit me anymore), but we managed and pulled through together
>two years and we started talking marriage
>she went to Europe for a summer job, got cold feet, and just cut me off, dumping me on her way back
>has not once tried to contact me since, but it's mutual

I know I can manage a healthy, normal relationship and have a normal, adult experience from one. My past (suicide gf, the abortion, etc.) is all behind me and I can full function.

I just wish I would meet more caring, compatible women in my life.

I absolutely have a cup full of love or whatever people say. I can share it and I am a very caring, doting partner. I am just getting tired of meeting women that never go anywhere or just let me take advantage of them. I tend to attract women with low self-confidence. It's awful.

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>>16995256
My friend is a good example of what tends to happen.

She's absolutely gorgeous and stimulating to talk to. We spent an entire day in the city together, holding hands, throwing back cocktails, and checking out museums. We ended up cuddling in the back of a cab and just holding on for dear life. I hadn't seen her in three years and we both liked each other then, just never acted on it. It was like a religious experience in a way as I remember us just walking down Central Park and both of us getting so excited that somebody else agreed about our stance on both working in inner-city schools. Or how we felt about Donald Trump. Or just how we felt about turning 30 years old. It was like electricity and I hadn't felt this excited to talk to a woman in a long time. We even reminisced about our time together years back and I just felt this emanating warmth from her as she told me back one of the "first times she noticed me" and I could notice she was tearing up a little. There was a genuine connection and it was the most real I had felt around a woman in an extremely long time.

Of course, the day ended with us admitting that it was "three years too long" and we agreed we would see each other again (she's two hours away), but after I started pursuing her she shut me out. No responses to any of my messages, and I'm not even a crazy person about it (I only reach out every couple of days). It was devastating, but she's choosing her own unhappiness and as much as I want to up and leave to go see her I know that it's a little foolish if she can't even respond to my phone calls after our "magical day."

...I just don't get it. Dating at my age, where people actually want to settle but many still lack the maturity to do it? It's absolutely torturous